10 Wise Quotes
The last time I wrote a post about quotes I only included one proper example. That was because it was somewhat lengthy. So I filled the remainder of the article with film quotes, which I found amusing because I do like a good pop culture reference. However, it can be argued that they weren’t really in the spirit of the original writing prompt. So this time round I have collated ten proper quotations from various intellectuals, celebrities and bon viveurs. I also made sure that they’re not all from people who are dead. Many of them do come across as somewhat smug and self satisfied. Such is the nature of quotes. I think the main reason we sometimes feel this way is because a really good one hits home with its sage wisdom. So here are a few that I find interesting. I’ve added a brief annotation as to why I particularly like each one.
Gore Vidal
The last time I wrote a post about quotes I only included one proper example. That was because it was somewhat lengthy. So I filled the remainder of the article with film quotes, which I found amusing because I do like a good pop culture reference. However, it can be argued that they weren’t really in the spirit of the original writing prompt. So this time round I have collated ten proper quotations from various intellectuals, celebrities and bon viveurs. I also made sure that they’re not all from people who are dead. Many of them do come across as somewhat smug and self satisfied. Such is the nature of quotes. I think the main reason we sometimes feel this way is because a really good one hits home with its sage wisdom. So here are a few that I find interesting. I’ve added a brief annotation as to why I particularly like each one.
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” Bill Watterson
Ah, the enigma of American cartoonist Bill Watterson. He has an innate gift for wholesome sentimentality.
“The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes.” Gore Vidal
A few names spring to mind.
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” Mae West
Mae West is a treasure trove of witty quotations. I wouldn’t dream of questioning the wisdom of the above quote.
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?” Will Rogers
It never ceases to amaze me how stupidity thrives by standing on the shoulders of the wise and humane, who do all of society’s heavy lifting.
Carl Sagan
“We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.” Carl Sagan
My father lamented how when he was a child, you had a fighting chance of understanding how the things around you worked. A radio, a fridge, a car. Nowadays he said it was virtually impossible with regard to computers, networks and software.
“I don't think any of us grew up into the world we were hoping for or expecting.” Alan Moore
The media, the state and society have always misrepresented the world we live in. We now actively collude in this lie ourselves, via social media.
“Power is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher
I’m not a fan of the UK’s first woman Prime Minister but I appreciate the sentiment in this quote.
Henry Rollins
“It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.” Henry Rollins
This quote is interestingly ambiguous. Does he mean death or when a friendship withers on the vine?
“A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.” Albert Einstein
I bet Rodgers and Hammerstein feel stupid now.
“Love, friendship and respect do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something.” Anton Chekhov
A sad but accurate observation. If you want a specific example I refer you to the UK tabloid press.
Bonus quote:
“Excuse me, sir! Can you direct us to the naval base in Alameda? It's where they keep the nuclear wessels.” Pavel Chekov
I did say I love a pop culture reference.
Judging by the posts I’ve read, it would appear that Blaugust 2026: Festival of Blogging has been well received by those who participated in it. That is most satisfying to know, especially in light of the fact that this is the first year the event has been run without our founder who sadly past away in July. It has also become clear that Blaugust is reaching a far wider and diverse audience and most definitely is no longer the exclusive province of bloggers from one particular community. There has been healthy discussions on our Discord server about whether this year event needs to adapt to accommodate the modern blogosphere. Questions such as whether or not there needs to be a dedicated Blaugust website have been raised and explored. Should every site participating have an RSS feed? How, if required, should comments be handled. Inevitably, the subject of the use of AI in blogging still remains a controversial issue.
After a very productive month of writing, we come to the final Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt. It is titled lessons learned and is usually a chance to reflect on the festival and whether or not it has been to one’s satisfaction. Have you achieved your goals? What have you gained from the experience? Those sorts of things. It also poses two further questions; “What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?” and “what’s the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?” for your consideration. I’ll address the questions shortly. Firstly let’s mull over this years event and assess how it’s gone.
It was my blogging anniversary on the 16th August. I’ve been writing and sharing my post online for 19 years, via various different websites and blogs. This current iteration of Contains Moderate Peril has been around since August 2015. To date it has 2,171 posts including this one. Quantity does not necessarily equate to quality but there are some articles I am proud of and feel that they make their point effectively.
This week’s Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt is an important topic. Namely, staying motivated. I prepared a fairly lengthy post with some advice and ideas to keep people focused and writing. Then I checked it against the post I wrote last year and the year before that, going back to blogging events from 2012. All of these posts broadly said the same thing, so I decided to scrap what I had composed for today and to go with a simpler approach. I shall answer the questions Krikket posed for this writing prompt. Fellow blogger Bhagpuss has also done so and as ever, his thoughts are interesting and well expressed. Here are my answers.
Once again, I have stumbled across an interesting debate that has provided me with an opportunity to write a blog post. Over on the Blaugust Discord Server, I read a comment from AgingGamer regarding RSS feeds and their significance with regard to blogging. This in turn referred me to a post by fyr (don’t you love all these nom de plumes) who wrote at depth about the ongoing community debate about the use of RSS/Atom feeds. The article explored the importance of such feeds with regard to reaching readers and providing accessibility to the disabled. All of which provided me with a great deal of food for thought. Mainly because I use a mainstream website service provider for my online endeavours, so RSS is by default built. I’ve never really considered not having such a facility at my disposal. But the rise in the IndieWeb scene challenges this assumption.
I have written two blog posts today that I have subsequently abandoned. The first was gaming related but when I was about halfway through writing it, I felt like I was covering old ground and just repeating myself. It was also regarding an issue that can’t really be fixed. Namely, how do you ensure that matchmaking in PVP games is done equitably. As there is no solution to this issue at present, or at least not one that all parties can agree on, I decided to ditch it. Similarly a post I was working on about what becomes of my blog if anything happens to me was curtailed. In light of recent events in our community it seemed inappropriate. However, as a result of binning two blog posts, I new idea occurred to me. Do my fellow bloggers self-edit and curtail what they write about? Is your blog totally unfiltered or do you apply a set of rules that determine what content is deemed acceptable?
It is time for the next Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt. This one comes with two lines of enquiry. The first is an opportunity to “introduce yourself”. Over the years, I have written several introductory posts for previous Blaugust events. Rather than repeat myself I’ll just link to the last one, which was posted in August 2023. I haven’t radically charged since then apart from my hair going whiter. The next part of the prompt poses a far more intriguing question. “If you could have one magical power or super power, what would you choose and what would you use it for?”, which offers much for consideration. Having given this proposition much thought here is my response.
A decade ago I wrote a post about blogrolls and the practical and social issues surrounding them. At the time, the version of Squarespace I was using didn’t easily support such things or at least wasn’t able to do so in a manner I liked, so I didn’t have one. Ten years later Squarespace as a hosting platform has far greater functionality, hence I recently decided to add a blogroll. That was in March this year. However it just wasn’t really fit for purpose. So I decided to revise it a few days ago and rather than just have a traditional list of blogs in a side column, I ended up producing a more comprehensive blog directory, which list two hundred plus sites alpha-numerically. I’ve been tinkering with it on and off and I am now finally happy with it. The latest update reflects the international nature of the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging and the fact that we have many blogs written in their native language. Translating text is now an integral function of web browsers, so I see no reason why these blogs should be excluded.
Today’s post is part of the Blaugust 2026 Group project, which features a series of writing prompts set for specific dates throughout the month. The idea being that everyone who wishes to participate can write about the same subject, riff off each other’s posts and enjoy a shared experience. In many respect having a common writing prompt levels the playing field and provides a sense of common purpose among those who take part. Today’s group project prompt asks the question “tell us all about your very first blog”. An unambiguous and interesting question that will hopefully prove enjoyable to write about and informative to others.
I have been writing online for nearly two decades. I don’t claim to be good or accomplished but what I can say with certainty is that the more often you write, the easier it becomes. For those who are new to writing a blog and the Blaugust Festival of Blogging, possibly the biggest hurdle that you now have to get over, is writing your first post of the month. You spent the lead up to this event sorting out your blog templates, fine tuning the backend and possibly banking some ideas. Or you may have decided to just wing it and make it all up as you go along. Both are perfectly valid approaches. However, there is one thing left to do that cannot be put off, avoided or danced around. Writing. At some point you’ve got to do it. Or bail on the event. The proverbial “shit or get off the pot”.
If you take a cursory look at a calendar you will see that the month of July is fast coming to an end. That means that Blaugust 2026 Festival of Blogging starts in a few days time! If you’re participating, or thinking of doing so, the next few days present a golden opportunity to do some practical organising and basic preparation. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Feel free to just do things as they come, so to speak, if that’s your approach. However, for most of us, it helps if we have some kind of plan in place and make some arrangements in advance. I personally prefer this approach and like to have some ideas for blog posts in the bank. It is also useful to have “options” if something doesn’t go to plan. For those who are new to Blaugust, here are a few ideas regarding preparation that may be of use to you. As ever, your personal mileage may vary and ultimately you are best off adopting a strategy that suits your writing style and personal schedule.
Prior to last year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging, I upgraded Contains Moderate Peril to the latest version of Squarespace. There are still some aspects of the site that need fine tuning but overall, I am happy with the appearance of my blog and its respective functionality. With this year’s writing event fast approach, I decided to tackle over the last few days, some of those finer points that need tweaking. I have wanted a post counter on the site for a long time but unfortunately there is no native Squarespace widget for this basic function. I also felt the need to upgrade the blogroll, as the current one didn’t support RSS feeds from certain sites (e.g. Google Blogger) and was dependent upon a third party service, Elfsight, which wasn’t ideal. Both of these issues have now been addressed and I am pleased with the results. There is now a post counter on the Blog Archive page, which seems a logical place to have it and the Blogroll is now far more comprehensive.
Next month the annual Blaugust: Festival of Blogging begins. Roundabout this time each year, I try to write a promotional post to raise awareness of the event and encourage potential participants. However, as I’ve done this quite a few times before, each year it is becomes increasingly difficult to present the essential facts about Blaugust: Festival of Blogging in an interesting fashion. There’s nothing worse than writing a post and feeling that you’re just covering old ground. So, this year, I thought I’d try something different and present the most important information about this annual event, as if it were a conversation between myself and an interested passer by. Feel free to attribute novelty voices for each party in your own head, while you read this. If it helps, try imagining that this discussion is happening between two celebrities or such like. Both may be wearing exotic hats but I digress. On with the scenario.
I read a blog post by Void recently, about finding a new internet home. He wrote about how he and many others have had to pick up their “digital roots” and migrate multiple times over the years, from one platform to another. It is a position I can sympathise with as I have done likewise. Hence I like the idea of having a place online where I hangout by default. My own blog is an anchor for me but it is not quite the same thing as a platform or online portal where I can find all my friends and colleagues, share content and shoot the breeze. It’s a curious thing, because as I typed that last sentence it struck how such a sentiment may seem alien to others. There may well be people who like to have a finger in multiple pies and who are happy to frequent and flit between various social media apps, Discord servers and subreddits. I prefer to focus my efforts on a single instance. A place that suits my requirements, allows me to put down roots and become part of the furniture. Like a virtual Diogenes Club.
Everyday, once I’m up, I sit at my desk in my office, fire up my PC and log into Feedly. I have various RSS feeds grouped by category, which I slowly trawl through and read anything that catches my eye. I have one curated feed named “Blaugust” named after the yearly festival of blogging event. It has over 250 blogs listed, many of which are former participants. Most of these regularly post. Hence there’s a lot to get through and so I don’t read all of them. However there are a few that I always checkout. Mainly because they’re the personal musings of some of our writing community’s oldest and most prodigious members. The sorts of guys and gals who are part of the furniture. They’ve always been there and it feels like they always will. Posting their thoughts, sharing their enthusiasm and spreading the love, so to speak. One of these blogs, is Tales of the Aggronaut. written by Belghast.
On Friday 26th June, I had another random spike in internet traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. The statistical package that comes with my Squarespace account recorded over 13k visits in less than 24 hours, which is not typical (although I wish it was). However, all of these visits to my blog arrived via the default homepage and spent between 1 and 2 minutes there. Hence, it was obvious that this was not human traffic, as there was no evidence of any searches being made of content that is available on my site, nor of the “visitors” clicking on any of the links on the top menu and viewing other posts. This was undoubtedly AI traffic arriving at the designated homepage and simply parsing the site. I had a similar spate of this sort of web traffic last November. The only difference on that occasion is that the traffic all came from China. This time round it hailed from the US. I suspect that this is something that will happen more often as companies set their AI loose on the net for what is effectively training.
I recently watched a video on Patreon by someone who I actively support as a “content creator” and whose work I enjoy. I shall provide no more detail regarding their identity because they may not want their work referenced with regard to what I am going to say. During the course of their video they briefly referenced the work put into promoting a podcast they are currently producing and the relatively low audience that it has garnered so far. The comments were an aside and most certainly not said with any sense of self-pity. They were simply a statement of fact. Furthermore, I suspect they are far from unique and similar sentiments have been expressed in one way or another by anyone who has created something the published it online, only for it to be lost among the greater white noise” of the wider internet.
When I first started blogging way back in 2007, I maintained a blogroll of all my colleagues and peers’ websites. At the time this was a common practice and a way to support an expanding community. I considered this such an important aspect of the blogging scene at the time, I created a website to aggregate posts from video game blogs, called The Gaming Blog Nexus. It ran for two years and proved quite useful. However, it was tricky to administer and would frequently break as a lot of the back end widgets and plugins were created and maintained by “gifted amateurs”. I eventually shut it down due to the operating costs. When I moved my own website, Contains Moderate Peril, to Squarespace in 2015 I intended to start maintaining a blogroll once again. However, at that time there was no native support for such a thing on the platform. Hence for the last ten years, I have not had a blogroll on my website, which hasn’t sat well with me.
I was speaking to someone recently about hobbies (fortunately it wasn’t Simon Quinlank) and I mentioned that I have maintained a blog for over a 19 years. When I talked about the ongoing cost they were most surprised, as they had assumed that blogging was something that could be done for free. I guess we’ve become so accustomed to the provision of free online services such as email, that this a reasonable assumption. I pointed out that although it is indeed possible to blog for free using Blogger, it was not the optimal approach, especially if you want to maintain some degree of control over your writing. Naturally, the next question they asked was how much do I spend and I gave them a ballpark figure. All of which reminded me that I wrote a post on this very subject a few years ago. So I’ve decided to revisit the subject and see how much it currently costs to maintain Contains Moderate Peril.
Today I started the slow process of auditing every post that has been published on Contains Moderate Peril since 1st August 2016. The goal is to correct any obvious typos and replace all existing images with larger ones. The Squarespace software upgrade I applied to the website at the end of last year has finally allowed me to establish a standard format that I am happy with. Hence the ongoing audit is the perfect opportunity to apply these style rules to all posts. There are also some technical issues and matters regarding functionality that need to be addressed. I need to determine how to embed YouTube videos in such a way that they automatically scale to fit whatever device is viewing them. Another area which needs improving is the website search facility. This needs refinement so that enquiries can be more specific. Older posts also need to be more accessible, although I am still researching how best to achieve this.
It’s nearly two and half months since the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event ended. During that time I’ve maintained a fairly regular writing schedule and I post every two days or so. Furthermore, I finally dragged my blog template, kicking and screaming, into the modern era. I tweaked a few pages and updated the content of the “about” page. The next task is to start going through all previous posts and replacing older, low resolution images with larger, more appropriate ones. This process also presents an opportunity to ensure that all posts follow a uniform style. IE Are appropriately categorised, have links to related posts at the bottom and are SEO optimised. This will be a lengthy task so I think the best approach will be to tackle two or three posts a day. Hopefully this will raise the profile of older content, which generates the lion’s hare of traffic to this site.
I use a browser extension called Control Panel for YouTube, which allows me to determine who many videos are displayed on my YouTube homepage and to filter the content that is shown. At present it is configured to display rows of six. Something that I have noticed of late, is the amount of videos with hyperbolic titles and thumbnail images created by AI. Both of which are design choices made to increase engagement. Clickbait titles are contrived to meet current SEO optimisation criteria and as such feature more and more in search results. The fact that they frequently have no relation to the subject I am researching, seems to be neither here nor there. The same issues arise with regard to AI generated images, which again frequently have no bearing on the matter. The fact that more and more content creators do this, infers that it works and is now an essential part of the process you must follow to be seen and featured in search results.
In the last post in this series, I specified the need for a plan with regard to upgrading my blog. Well a plan has emerged, been refined and has now been formally adopted. Rather than migrate Contains Moderate Peril to a new platform and effectively have to rebuild all the content, I am going to upgrade my existing presence on Squarespace. This decision was made for two reasons. Time and money. Migrating to a new platform will take a lot of time and incur additional costs. Upgrading the existing website will take less time and has no cost implications. That is not to say that it will be easy. It has become abundantly clear that the upgrade process will break stuff and that all published posts will have to be manually repaired. Hence my choice boils down to the lesser of two evils.
This year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging has reached an end and it would appear that this event has been well received by those who have participated in it. I believe that there were 168 bloggers taking part this year, many of whom have not participated before. Some were new to blogging, where others simply wished to see if they could increase their writing output. As ever there was a wide variety of blog styles and subject matters and it has been most interesting to read new posts every day. I have attempted to leave comments and positive feedback where I can and I hope that some of these new blogs that I’ve discovered continue to write. Well done to everyone who took part. I hope it has been an enjoyable and informative process and that you have learned from it. I know that at least one blogger has determined that writing online is not for them, which is a valuable lesson.
There is currently a group writing prompt available as part of this year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging which has piqued my interest. It asks the question “what is the oldest draft post you have” and suggests that it is revived in some manner. I have dozens of draft posts in a folder in my Google Drive. Many are film reviews or film related. The oldest of which dates back to summer 2010. Rather than write a straight forward review of Blake Edwards 1968 comedy The Party, I rather foolishly thought at the time that I’d tackle the issue of whether the film is sufficiently racist to make it beyond the pale. Let it suffice to say that I quickly found myself bogged down in the complexities of the subject and thus never completed the blog post.
I’ve participated in every previous Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event. Prior to that I was involved in the Newbie Blogger Initiative or NBI as it was affectionately known. I have therefore written quite a lot of blogging advice and suggestions over the years. If anyone feels disposed to do so, you can access them all by clicking on the “blogging” option on the top menu of this blog. However, it is important to remember that a lot of the ideas I have advocated and written about over the years are purely subjective. Not all advice or guidance works for everyone. People have different ideas about blogging, different approaches to it and different aspirations. This year has highlighted some quite distinct differences among bloggers which has been most illuminating.
Today is my blogging anniversary. I have been writing online consistently for 18 years. My earliest blogs no longer exist, although they can be found via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine. My first blog was a Lord of the Rings Online fansite called Misadventures in LOTRO. After a while this morphed into a wider gaming website; Misadventures in Gaming. However, I soon discovered that I wanted to write about more than just video games, so I decided to start from scratch and created Contains Moderate Peril in February 2010. This blog endured and has been my main online presence ever since. It has moved several times for various reasons. For a while I had a sponsor, as well as a reasonably sized audience and had dreams of making money from my writing and podcast. But it wasn’t to be and now I just write primarily for my own peace of mind and amusement.
This year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging has already raised a very interesting debate. An old one that habitually comes up when discussing blogs. Namely, whether a blog should or should not have “comments” enabled. However this time round there is a different slant on things. Rather than the usual binary choice of having comments enabled or disabled on your site, this time round there is a third option available. Leaving comments via email or a third party service such as Mastodon. Both of these additional options keep comments conspicuously at arms length from your website. Furthermore, the email option makes the comments private, instead of in the public domain. All of which puts a subtly different spin on conventional notions of blog comments and makes this ongoing discussion all the more interesting.
There is currently an interesting discussion on the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging Discord Server about writing every day. It can be quite a polarising subject but the one thing that everyone agrees on is the fact that it is hard to do. A daily schedule requires multiple factors to come together to be sustainable. It is also fair to say that if you go about it unprepared, it will be a very hard learning curve. Ultimately it may not work out and then there is the risk of a bad experience negatively impacting upon your wider writing plans. Hence it is not something I would recommend to new bloggers or those who aren’t keen on a baptism of fire. Some writers like to test their metal and jumping feet first, into daily blogging may be the sort of challenge they seek. For everyone else I would urge them to plan a strategy and consider the following point if you wish to try it.
Last year, prior to Blaugust 2024, I looked at the viability of upgrading or replacing my current blog template. The mobile version of Contains Moderate Peril holds up quite well but the site looks somewhat tired on a desktop PC. I spoke to several design companies that dealt with Squarespace based websites and they all said the same thing. The existing template is a decade old and cannot support a lot of the current functionality available. Hence it needs to be replaced. However, such a change could potentially break the existing formatting of nearly 2,000 posts. This would create a great deal of work. Hence, I decided at the time to postpone such a decision and I simply tinkered with the branding of my website and left the matter be. A year later and the issue has resurfaced. The same problems exist and the hosting costs for Squarespace have increased. I now pay £16 a month.
ChatGenie Questionnaire
I spent some time today, looking for a new internet questionnaire as they make for fun and quirky blog posts (by which I mean lazy and easy ones). Sadly, most of the search results that Google found were ones I’ve done already. So I thought why not ask the online AI, ChatGenie, to provide the questions? Surely it can’t be that difficult to come up with some interesting talking points? Well it turns out it is, because the 10 questions that the AI has provided are not especially inspired. However, I did find it amusing how ChatGenie justified itself, explaining where the mirth and hilarity lie in each of its questions. Therefore, here are my answers to what I am officially calling the ChatGenie Questionnaire. Feel free to complete it yourself.
I spent some time today, looking for a new internet questionnaire as they make for fun and quirky blog posts (by which I mean lazy and easy ones). Sadly, most of the search results that Google found were ones I’ve done already. So I thought why not ask the online AI, ChatGenie, to provide the questions? Surely it can’t be that difficult to come up with some interesting talking points? Well it turns out it is, because the 10 questions that the AI has provided are not especially inspired. However, I did find it amusing how ChatGenie justified itself, explaining where the mirth and hilarity lie in each of its questions. Therefore, here are my answers to what I am officially calling the ChatGenie Questionnaire. Feel free to complete it yourself.
Q: Do you cry easily? (This question encourages introspection as to how emotional you may be)
A: No. I was raised during the seventies in the UK and the prevailing culture was to not cry unnecessarily. The cliche of maintaining a stiff, upper lip was still commonplace. Age has brought a degree of wisdom and I have now tempered this emotional foible. When both my parents died, at the time I kept a stoical demeanour, mainly because I was the one dealing with everything and I needed to be “functional”. When everything was done, I allowed myself to grieve and cry accordingly. Oddly enough, I find that films have the power to stir my emotions the most. I remember when I saw Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for the first time. When Spock died I wept openly like I’d lost a brother.
Q: What's the most embarrassing song you secretly love to sing along to? (A lighthearted question that can spark hilarious answers.)
A: All Kinds of Everything by Dana, although I prefer the cover version by Slim Whitman from 1978. I can never remember the specific things named in the song, so I improvise. Fruit Bats, Orangutans, the Sudanese etc.
Q: If your life was a movie, who would play you and what genre would it be? (Get them thinking about their personality and how they see themselves.)
A: Peter Cushing and it would definitely be a horror film.
Q: What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten and would you recommend it? (A fun and unexpected question that's sure to generate unique answers.)
A: Snails and squid. Snails are just like any other shellfish and their culinary merit depends upon the sauce they’re cooked and served in. As for squid, I don’t mind calamari (battered and fried squid rings) but find that the whole baby squids are too rubbery for my tastes. Overall, I’m not someone who will eat something just because it is considered weird. However, if a weird dish can be proven to be potentially tasty, I will theoretically consider eating it.
Q: You're stranded on a deserted island with only three items. What are they and why? (A classic question with a twist, encouraging them to think about their priorities.)
A: A supply of antibiotics for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t want to die as a result of a simple cut or insect bite. A firearm to take care of any potential dangers and a wind up radio. I could listen to the shipping forecast.
Q: If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and what would you ask them? (This question invites them to think about their interests and curiosity.)
A: I think a meal with Sir Archibald McIndoe would be rather interesting. He was a pioneering plastic surgeon from New Zealand who moved to the UK in 1930. During World War II he developed numerous pioneering techniques while treating badly burned Royal Air Force aircrew. His patients at the Queen Victoria Hospital in East Grinstead, Sussex, formed the Guinea Pig Club. This was a social club and mutual support network.
Q: What’s the best way to waste time? (A funny question that allows people to embrace their quirks.)
A: The best way to waste time is to do so in a guilt free fashion. I know too many people who are uncomfortable with their own personal leisure time and often feel guilty if they’re not doing something “productive”. Fortunately, I’m not one of them and I learned from my father that if you ever get a chance to take it easy in between all the hustle and bustle, then grab it with both hands.
Q: If you could invent a new holiday, what would it be and how would it be celebrated? (This encourages creativity and allows them to express their ideal world.)
A: I’d like to establish an international “If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all” day. It could alternatively be known as “Shut the fuck up” day. Its philosophy and merits are self-evident. Those who break the credo have “twat” written on their forehead for the rest of the week as penance.
Q: What's the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you believe in? (A playful question that can lead to some entertaining answers.)
A: I don’t believe in conspiracy theories or care for the associated culture. Occam’s razor is often a sufficient tool to invalidate most of them. Plus, most major conspiracies are predicated on secret plots. If there is one defining characteristic of humans, it is that most cannot keep their mouth shut. It’s an obvious contradiction.
Q: What's your favourite word and why? (A simple yet insightful question that reveals their personal preferences and vocabulary.)
A: According to an analysis of my blog posts, I use the word “nebulous” a lot. I do like it as it beautifully encapsulates anything vague, indistinct or ill defined. The thing is, I like lots of words. Why settle for just one?
Usually, during the Blaugust Festival of Blogging event, I like to tackle an internet questionnaire. I do these because they’re fun and they’re a break from standard blog posts. The only problem is that I’ve completed a lot of the more popular ones over the years. You’ll find my previous answers for these below, in the “Related Posts” section. I was certain there still had to be some questionnaires available that I haven’t completed and after searching online, I discovered the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire. It is a set of ten quick questions which French TV host Bernard Pivot would asked his guests at the end of his cultural show Bouillon de culture. He based his list of questions on the older Proust Questionnaire, which itself is derived from Victorian parlour games. Later, TV host James Lipton made a version of the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire famous, on Inside the Actors Studio. So with out further ado, here are my answers to the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire.
The Guardian news website have a recurring feature in their “culture” section called Honest Playlist where they ask various celebrities about their music listening habits. There are a dozen or so stock questions that they use to grill their guest, although they don’t always use the same ones. I think it makes for interesting reading so its a column that I often visit. As I haven’t published a post based upon an internet questionnaire for a while, I thought I poach this particular line of questioning and have a crack at it myself. I have chosen the ten questions that I think are the best and by that I mean, they have the most scope for interesting answers. I didn’t include the one about karaoke because it’s not something I especially like. Each to their own. Feel free to similarly purloin this set of questions and write your own responses. I’m always fascinated by these sort of things.
This post is inspired by Axxuy, who recently replied to an open post by Forking Mad. It’s a simple set of questions and a convenient writing prompt for those occasional slow days. Now some folk can get quite “sniffy” about these sorts of posts. Perhaps they think they’re too insubstantial or too easy or something. Irrespective of whether such assertions are true or not, I would like to point out that one of the most popular posts on Contains Moderate Peril is a similar sort of internet questionnaire, titled “Would You Rather - The Gaming Edition”. Originally posted in late August 2021, it has been read over 18,000 times. Now I’m not advocating shameless “ambulances chasing” and “jumping on bandwagons” but I am reminded of the old adage, “if the shit fits, wear it”. Hence, you’ll find no prejudice against internet questionnaires on this blog. Here are ten pointless facts about me.
If you’re familiar with this blog then you know that I like an internet questionnaire. A little bit of introspection can be quite a useful thing. This particular questionnaire, the “Blog Questions Challenge”, was originally created for users of Bear Blog. However, the questions have subsequently been adapted to make them applicable to other blogging platforms and therefore accessible to a wider audience. I recently discovered this particular questionnaire over at Alvan’s Digital Garden and thought the selection of questions to be interesting. Hence I have decided to tackle them. If you’re a blogger yourself, feel free to follow suit and use this set of questions, as I think that it’s always interesting to know what inspires people to write and what path brought them online.
I spent some time today, looking for a new internet questionnaire as they make for fun and quirky blog posts (by which I mean lazy and easy ones). Sadly, most of the search results that Google found were ones I’ve done already. So I thought why not ask the online AI, ChatGenie, to provide the questions? Surely it can’t be that difficult to come up with some interesting talking points? Well it turns out it is, because the 10 questions that the AI has provided are not especially inspired. However, I did find it amusing how ChatGenie justified itself, explaining where the mirth and hilarity lie in each of its questions. Therefore, here are my answers to what I am officially calling the ChatGenie Questionnaire. Feel free to complete it yourself.
Using his prodigious experience as a chat show host, Stephen Colbert (of the eponymous The Late Show with Stephen Colbert fame) has crafted 15 hard-hitting, probing and perceptive questions, as a means to dissect and analyse his celebrity guests. These include such insightful inquiries as “What is the scariest animal?”, “What do you think happens when we die?” and “Apples or oranges?”. So far these questions have been successfully used by Mr Colbert to interrogate the likes of Keanu Reeves, Jeff Goldblum and Sandra Bullock. Hilarity naturally ensued, or at least by the standard of US network television. I’m not really a fan of the “celebrity talk show” because it doesn’t really exist as such anymore. What we now have instead is the “celebrity with something to sell show” but that gripe is best addressed in a separate blog post.
Great, it’s internet question time once again. Regular readers will already know that I really like these sorts of things. Unlike Sparks, I do have the time to answer questionnaires. Despite the fact that such articles are often considered lightweight writing, I do believe that even the most vacuous line of enquiry can yield an interesting post. This time round I have a diverse set of questions from two very different sources. The first five are courtesy of ChatGPT, which seems just as capable of asking sublimely asinine questions as real people. The next five come from Cosmopolitan. A publication and website that you wouldn’t immediately associate with me. However, out of the various questions available on both sites, I have chosen ten that I think have scope for reasoned debate and interesting answers. Thanks very much to UltrViolet and Hamatti for providing the aforementioned lines of enquiry.
I’m not sure where it came from but I have a page of allegedly philosophical questions bookmarked in Google Chrome. As it’s filed under “blogging” I suspect that these may have been saved as an emergency source of inspiration if I were in need of a writing prompt. Well I’m not exactly brimming with ideas today, so I’ve decided to avail myself of this list. I selected 10 questions randomly and shall now proceed to answer them. I am not claiming that my answers are as philosophical as the questions. I shall no doubt be flippant, sarcastic and possibly a little scathing, but I’ll endeavour to answer the questions properly (if they merit it). As I’ve said before about previous internet questionnaires that I’ve completed, sometimes what at first glance looks like lightweight material can inadvertently lead to some interesting discussions.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m a sucker for an internet questionnaire. Yes, I know such things are considered in some quarters as somewhat lightweight content. But not every blog post needs to be an insightful analysis of crop rotation in the 14th century or a searing indictment of the latest internet outrage. Sometimes answering a few simple questions in a light hearted fashion can be quite illuminating. Plus readers like to get to know something about the bloggers that they follow and internet questionnaires are a means to that. So without further ado, here is a set of questions known as “The Blogger Tag”. I first encountered this over at A Geek Girl's Guide care of Michelle. Do go and check out her take on these. Also feel free to use them yourself, as that is the idea behind answering them.
Ah, there’s nothing like an internet questionnaire to help you out when you’re scratching your head, desperately trying to think of something to write about. I don’t consider Blaugust to be complete unless there’s at least one of these “question and answer” style blog posts doing the rounds. This one is courtesy of Krikket over at Nerd Girl Thoughts. Do go and have a look at their unique take on the various questions. Naithin has also tackled this line of enquiry and you can find his answers at Time to Loot. As ever I tend to deviate from the somewhat binary nature of the questions but that’s the whole point, isn’t it? To open up the scope of the discussion and potentially encourage others to join in. This is why I like these sorts of internet questionnaires and think they contribute much to Blaugust.
Oh look, another internet questionnaire blog post. By now you must be aware of my weakness for these sorts of things (if not then take a look at the links to related posts at the bottom of this article). It would appear that the “never have I ever” format has been adapted and we now have a “have you ever” set of questions specifically aimed at gamers. As usual some of the questions are trivial but others offer scope for quite interesting responses. Etiquette dictates that I credit those who have already participated and answered these questions. They are as follows. Michelle over at A Geek Girl’s Guide. Pix1001 from Shoot The Rookie. Joseph Skyrim’s post can be found at JVT Workshop and pkudude99 share their thoughts at Nomadic Gamers. Do check out their take on the questions as there are some interesting replies. On to the questions and answers.
“The Mystery Blogger Award is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion”. Okoto Enigma
The Rules:
Ensure the award logo is used in your post.
List the rules.
Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Mention the original creator of the award and provide a link to their site.
Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
You have to nominate 10 – 20 people.
Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice.
Share a link to your best post(s).
“The Mystery Blogger Award is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion”. Okoto Enigma
The Rules:
Ensure the award logo is used in your post.
List the rules.
Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Mention the original creator of the award and provide a link to their site.
Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
You have to nominate 10 – 20 people.
Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice.
Share a link to your best post(s).
As some of you may know, I have a weakness for internet questionnaires. Yes, they can be looked upon as self indulgent filler that you post on a day when you’re strapped for inspiration, if you want to be snippy about them. But I find them quite insightful as I like to know about the people whose blogs I read. Sometimes it’s just as much about the person as it is about the blog post. “You are your own brand” and all that. But I digress. I saw this particular questionnaire over at Ace Asunder. Solarayo borrowed it from Quietschisto of RNG, who in turn purloined it from Chrisse of Vamp It Up Manchester who created the questions. There’s a broad spectrum of enquiries and scope for some informative and entertaining answers. So let us begin.
I got tagged by fellow blogger, Magimos, as part of the Real Neat Blogger Awards. Now I’m not entirely sure what that is. It’s one of those things where you get asked a bunch of questions, then get to set some yourself and then tag other people to answer them. I certainly don’t mind answering questions. I’ve already written in previous posts how I’m a sucker for internet surveys. But I’m not keen on tagging people. It’s a little invasive for my liking and I’m a stickler for etiquette. By all means ask people if they’d like to participate but never inflict things on people without consent. To me it’s the same as random people cold calling and trying to sell you stuff. Or religious types, knocking on your front door and asking if you’d like to join a Cthulhu cult. So I’ll just write my responses to Magimos questions and then write a few questions of my own, which I’ll leave for other to reflect upon and answer if they see fit.
Naithin over at Time to Loot has compiled a Blaugust related internet questionnaire. As I’ve made clear in the past, I have a weakness for these sorts of things and will happily indulge the most peculiar enquiries. I’m not really sure why I like to do questionnaires. Perhaps I feel at some level that even the crassest or vacuous of questions can yield a good or at least entertaining answer. Not that I’m saying that Naithin’s questions are any of those things. In fact I think they are quite engaging. The other thing about questionnaires is that I can make a really obscure and impenetrable pop culture reference about the band Sparks. So here are my responses to the all of them in full. An unedited stream of consciousness or load of bollocks, depending upon your perspective. I hope some of the other Blaugust participants also take part. It will be interesting to compare notes, so to speak.
At the beginning of November, I started to answer the various questions set out in The Proust Questionnaire, mainly because at some level I do like the occasional insight that “internet questions” can provide. Although most of my answers are frequently tinged with a degree of levity and at times even scorn, every now and then the right question can provoke a sincere response. So here are my measured replies to the remaining interrogative enquiries, for your consideration and edification. If you do not agree with them or find yourself at odds with my mindset, please address any complaints care of the late Marcel Proust (10th July 1871 - 18th November 1922).
The Proust Questionnaire was popularized by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering the questions, an individual provides an insight into his or her true nature. Whether that is true is debatable, but I do find the internets fondness for Q&A sessions, curiously fascinating. And as this very questionnaire has been recently resurrected by Vanity Fair magazine and has also been utilised on the Ricky Gervais is Deadly Sirius podcast, I though I’d jump on the same bandwagon, as I’m behind in my writing and this is an easy post. As there are thirty-five questions, I thought I’d tackle them over two days. So, without further ado, here are my considered and measured thought on the first seventeen.
Despite having written a blog posts claiming that there’s always something to write about, even I have days when I’m lacking inspiration. Or more to the point lacking in motivation to write. And today is a prime example. I’d much rather be doing something else, but I made a promise to myself to keep the blog content flowing. However, I discovered a selection of questions that have been doing the rounds, via Marathal over at Deez Words and decided to answer them. I’m sure you know the form. They’re a selection of “touchy-feely”, non-threatening questions designed to give the reader a simple thumbnail sketch of your “personality”. So, I thought to myself, “there’s today’s blog post”. I will try my best to answer sensibly and give as relevant answers as I can, but you know me.
Many of my fellow bloggers regularly posts details of what they’ve been reading of late. I must admit that although I received several books and graphic novels as Christmas presents, I’ve yet to start any of them. The bulk of my reading is done via my PC or Tablet and usually tends to be news articles, blog posts and research for my writing. The last book that I physically read was Titus Crow, Volume 3: In the Moons of Borea & Elysia by Brian Lumley and that was last November. So, I’ve decided to get back into reading in the traditional sense and as ever have allotted time in my schedule and set myself goals. As a carer I have numerous appointments to attend throughout the week with my parents. Rather than waste time on my phone perusing twitter and gawping at the internet, I shall use these periods to read.
Thinking Out Loud
If you want to buy a grapefruit spoon with an inlaid mother of pearl handle or 25Kg of exotic aquarium gravel, then a simple Google search (other search engines are available) will yield a multitude of results. However, the search engine does not fare so well with finding online communities. Many years ago I joined The LAMB (Large Association of Movie Blogs), which at the time claimed to be the world's largest movie blog directory/community. It was a useful website. From what I can see, this site is now partially dormant. New reviews are being posted but the directory service of other movie related websites seems unavailable. Hence I am looking for a comparable online community where I can share my film reviews and read other peoples. Trying to find one is proving quite difficult.
Once again, I have collated a series of random thoughts on “stuff and things”, as the expression goes. All of which is published under the title “Thinking Out Loud”, which is a recurring blog post.
Finding Online Communities
If you want to buy a grapefruit spoon with an inlaid mother of pearl handle or 25Kg of exotic aquarium gravel, then a simple Google search (other search engines are available) will yield a multitude of results. However, the search engine does not fare so well with finding online communities. Many years ago I joined The LAMB (Large Association of Movie Blogs), which at the time claimed to be the world's largest movie blog directory/community. It was a useful website. From what I can see, this site is now partially dormant. New reviews are being posted but the directory service of other movie related websites seems unavailable. Hence I am looking for a comparable online community where I can share my film reviews and read other peoples. Trying to find one is proving quite difficult.
I find that a lot of online communities have migrated to Discord for obvious reasons. Subreddits are also still an important focal point for shared interests. However, Discords by their nature do not lend themselves to creating easily navigable and searchable archives. They are more about informal discussions. Subreddits have their respective gatekeepers who often prefer to keep user debate confined within their own managed environment. Third party links and external sources are not always welcome. Hence I prefer conventional websites that collate and aggregate content. The only problem with this is that it’s becoming increasingly rare due to the associated work and cost. In the meantime, I shall continue searching as I’m sure a suitable community is out there.
Gaming Homework and Fear of Getting Things Wrong
Something that came up while I was struggling to familiarise myself with Dragon’s Dogma 2. A matter that is now a major aspect of gaming culture. Specifically, the requirement to have to research gameplay mechanics, classes and builds prior to actually playing a game. YouTube is the dominant medium for this requirement. I found myself watching various videos with titles such as “10 mistakes you don’t want to make” and “the best classes and vocations” before I even created a character in Dragon’s Dogma 2. Do you remember a time when games had tutorials that explained their own mechanics. You may be old enough to recall when media shipped with a physical manual. Such days have long gone.
However, not only is it expected these days that you have to do research via third parties to be able to work out how to play a game, there is now a considerable “risk” if you don’t. If you just pick a class and gear based purely upon “that looks cool”, then you will damn yourself to the seventh circle of gaming hell and have a chronic case of buyer’s remorse. How the hell did we get to this place? A place where there isn’t scope to just have fun partially on your own terms. If certain builds and combinations of in-game gear lead to poor experience, why put them in the game? Everything seems so formalised these days with regard to gaming. Hence we get prevailing metas and if you choose to ignore them you’re effectively gimping yourself. This “process driven” ideology seems to be bleeding through into everything nowadays. It ruined TED Talks and is ruining YouTube. Where will it end?
Continuously Outraged Fans are Wearisome
The second season of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power begins on 29th August on Prime Video. Captain America: Brave New World is released theatrically on 14th February 2025. What do these both have in common? The criticism and anger of outraged fans. Yes the vocal minority are at it again, shouting at clouds because a film or TV show has dared to do something that they don’t care for. Be it a question of representation or a matter of “creative adaptation”. It is an especially tedious foible of fandom and is often not just about likes and dislikes, but driven by other cultural and political movements. The matter came up recently in the documentary A Disturbance in the Force about the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special. Writer, actor and director Kevin Smith had wise words to say on this matter. “When you have a bunch of people that love something and take it into their hearts, they claim it. And when these things don't behave the way we want them to, well, it seems like we've become a culture that doesn't know how to handle that”.
Thinking Out Loud is a blog post series where I share random ideas and thoughts that have come to mind. Some of these could could lead to a full article in themselves but that’s not really the aim. Instead I see these thoughts as just starting points for broader discussions. Some of the ideas espoused can be quite serious, while others are light-hearted and trivial. Such is the nature of random thought. As ever there is no rhyme or reason to the various ideas that I’ve chosen or any significant point or concept linking them all. They are as they claim to be, random thoughts, born from thinking out loud. I do edit myself to ensure what I post here is suitable. It can get a but dark and grim inside my head, so I try to apply some degree of quality control to Thinking Out Loud but not too much. As ever, feel free to comment below if you have anything to add. The idea with this post is to start a conversation of at least provide something to think about.
Kingdom Come: Deliverance and its subsequent sequel have been very well received, both commercially and critically. Hence the recent announcement that developer, Warhorse Studios, are currently working on an open world RPG, set in Middle-earth has caused a great deal of excitement in the gaming community. At present, details are scarce and speculation is rife with regard as to what period in the history of Middle-earth will the game be set in. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t really mind when and where it is set as there are so many potential good choices. But I would like clarification as to whether the game is being made in in first person or third person perspective. By default, I prefer the latter when it comes to this RPG genre. Naturally the best outcome would be if the game supports both. However, it should be noted that the developer’s previous games were in first person. If that is the case with this project, I will revise my expectations.
I was listening to a podcast recently in which comedian Stewart Lee talked about the comedy, music and local arts scene in London during the eighties. He highlighted how you could make a living out of music journalism at the times, albeit not an especially good one. He also talked about bands and comedians that lived from “hand to mouth” in shared properties and squats. Essentially it was still possible to pursue a career in the arts due to its standing within British culture which meant there was still some local funding as well as the revenue generated by those working in it and adjacent to it. The UK economy was such that is could “accommodate” working in the arts. Sadly, the internet and commodification culture has effectively killed such career avenues. You now need a regular job to fund your artistic ventures, which puts pay to such dreams for many people. You also have use social media to promote your work, which comes with its own set of full-time problems. The world changes but not all changes are for the better.
Our household has a newspaper delivered once a week on a Saturday. It is specifically for Mrs P who still likes to sit down at the weekend and catch up with the recent events via print media rather than the 24/7 rolling coverage on TV. There was a time, back in the seventies and eighties, when this delivery service was the province of children trying to earn some money. Nowadays it tends to be adults that undertake this work. Our local newsagents were bought out by a bigger chain a few years back. They in turn were acquired by Morrisons supermarket. A month ago they sacked 1700 “paper boys” nationwide and contracted the newspaper delivery service out to a specialist company, Newsteam. Today at 04:00 a large vehicle pulled up on our drive and noisily rammed a newspaper through the letterbox. This is apparently “progress”.
To quote Sam Gamgee “It's the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish, as my old gaffer used to say”. I recently had a timely reminder that this aphorism is 100% true. I finally got round to updating my blog, something that I had been putting off because I knew it would result in breaking the site and incurring a great deal of work. Well I did it. The process was relatively straight forward and didn’t result in anywhere near the amount of formatting issues that I had feared. Within 72 hours I had figured out how to fix most of the problems that arose and after a week I had added new pages and revised those that required a makeover. I still have to correct image sizes in many previous posts but the site has finally been dragged into the current blog era. Furthermore, addressing this issue has lifted a weight of my mind and I feel far more disposed towards writing and posting regularly. I wish I had done this sooner.
I was quite surprised by an unusually high number of participants in this year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging. The current count is 165. I am pleased by this because I worry about the decline in written skills that appears to be happening in western society. Yet here we have 165 individuals all writing in their own unique way. It is quite reassuring. My RSS feed currently has over 200 blogs that are still regularly updated, many of which are prior Blaugust participants. I try my best to keep up to date with posts and to leave comments, if they’re supported. A bit of blogging solidarity can go a long way and it’s important to encourage all forms of writing and keep the community strong.
Art is a big subject, so I shall keep this brief. Art has a massive impact on shaping our personalities, whether we think it does or not. Consider for a moment, any online service that requires you to write a profile about yourself. Something that is designed to provide a summary of your personality, abilities and your likes and dislikes. IE Facebook, a dating app or even your online resume. Frequently, these profiles will require us to define ourselves by what we read, watch and listen to. Yes, other information is included in such profiles but directly or indirectly, we are asked about our artistic preferences. Possibly we do not consider such a line of questioning to be about art but essentially it is. So we dutifully state which art we cleave to and then look for reciprocal taste in others. Does this not prove that art is important?
When people think about large sums of money, especially in relation to their own salary and any future expectations of wealth, the phrase “a million pounds” (feel free to substitute that with your own currency of choice) will often be bandied about. Culturally it quickly conveys the concept of a large sum of money and as such, something that would transform your life. Although I am not in any way averse to the idea of winning “a million pounds” on the lottery or by some other means, I’m afraid it is no longer the gateway to wealth that it used to be. In fact a so-called cool million may not even last you a lifetime. UK property prices are grossly over inflated, so you could easily blow 50 to 75% of your money just buying a new house. Perhaps we now need to think in tens of millions instead of just a million with regard to life changing wealth.
At present the UK is enduring some relatively harsh winter conditions. Usually November to February is continuously filled with rain and drizzle. When it is not enduring either of those things it tends to be overcast and gloomy. However, for a change the nation is currently experiencing snow, ice and heavy frosts. Even as far as the South East of England (IE where I live) the weather is cold, reaching temperatures as low as -3° celsius. Oh and before we get into the usual “You call that cold? It’s -X degrees here” argument, more fool you for living somewhere freezing. You can move, you know. Getting back on point I hate this time of year because it is so dreary. There’s nothing immediately on the horizon to look forward to and the cold weather just makes the matter worse. The UK is never equipped for snow to begin with. The idea of a fortnight somewhere warmer suddenly becomes a lot more appealing.
I appreciate that talking about illness can often make people uncomfortable. It’s not exactly my favourite thing. However, I do not subscribe to the school of thought of avoiding such matters. We all get ill from time to time to varying degrees and we’re all going to die one day. You can’t just wish problems away. My significant other, Mrs P, has a history of heart disease and her overall health has declined this year. To cut a long story short, she is having surgery on 28th November to effectively repurpose a previously bypassed artery. Throughout this month we have been going to outpatient clinics as well as meetings with consultants. We have also been busy putting practical measures in place for her recovery. As you can imagine, it is a worrying time. Hence, I have not written much in recent weeks as her well being is my current focus.
If you want to buy a grapefruit spoon with an inlaid mother of pearl handle or 25Kg of exotic aquarium gravel, then a simple Google search (other search engines are available) will yield a multitude of results. However, the search engine does not fare so well with finding online communities. Many years ago I joined The LAMB (Large Association of Movie Blogs), which at the time claimed to be the world's largest movie blog directory/community. It was a useful website. From what I can see, this site is now partially dormant. New reviews are being posted but the directory service of other movie related websites seems unavailable. Hence I am looking for a comparable online community where I can share my film reviews and read other peoples. Trying to find one is proving quite difficult.
Simply put, I got fed up with my ongoing diet last week, so I came off the wagon. There were a few glasses of wine too many and a couple of meals that were larger than the new prescribed portion size. As a result, my weight has remained the same as last week’s. On mature reflection, I am glad it didn’t gain weight as that would be very counterproductive. Weight loss and trying to change your diet are difficult tasks and somewhat joyless. Mainly because you are denying yourself pleasure. However, I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror, so if I wish to regain my former status as a minor deity and sexual Tyrannosaurus (in my mind), then I need to get back on track.
With Blaugust: Festival of Blogging fast approaching, I have decided to close several side projects I started last November (which rapidly ran out of momentum) and focus all my writing endeavours back on Contains Moderate Peril. I have taken a 9 month break which has served its purpose. I have decided to make some minor changes to the base template I am currently using for the blog, as it has remained essentially unchanged since summer 2015. I did toy with the idea of involving a third party developer to improve the site but employing such a company with specific Squarespace experience meant spending between £2000 and £3000, which is far more than my initial budget.
First of all let’s begin with an activity that I have a love hate relationship with. Namely, tinkering with your PC. I’ve been looking at the specs of my computer and it would appear that its performance Achilles heel is the graphic card. In a perfect world, I would just buy the latest top of the range model and be done with it. However, I am not sufficiently wealthy to do such things. Hence, I have to set a budget and then search for what is considered the best option within it. This is a tedious, contradictory and wearisome task. It involves trawling through reviews written by people who often do not understand the concept of a budget and figurative lines in the sand. They are infuriating, but that’s people for you.
Thoughts on Blogging Part 19
I’ve been writing online for 17 years. During that time a modest audience has read my posts and occasionally commented on them, which is the accepted dynamic of blogging. Some of my posts are ephemeral. Others, such as film reviews, have greater longevity. Naturally I want people to read my output and I’ve noticed that the film reviews seem to generate a fair amount of traffic. After consulting my website analytics package, it would appear that the majority of readers find my reviews by searching Google. Promoting my writing via social media does very little. Another issue is that readers tend to read the post they found via their search and then leave. Despite there being links at the bottom of the post to similar material. Currently, my blog does not have an effective means of searching older posts. The landing page has only 20 posts listed. There are approximately 2,500 archived.
I’ve been writing online for 17 years. During that time a modest audience has read my posts and occasionally commented on them, which is the accepted dynamic of blogging. Some of my posts are ephemeral. Others, such as film reviews, have greater longevity. Naturally I want people to read my output and I’ve noticed that the film reviews seem to generate a fair amount of traffic. After consulting my website analytics package, it would appear that the majority of readers find my reviews by searching Google. Promoting my writing via social media does very little. Another issue is that readers tend to read the post they found via their search and then leave. Despite there being links at the bottom of the post to similar material. Currently, my blog does not have an effective means of searching older posts. The landing page has only 20 posts listed. There are approximately 2,500 archived.
Six years ago I wrote a tutorial post explaining how to effectively search Contains Moderate Peril. Each post has a list of keyword categories in the footer and if you click on these, it will list all other posts that have been labelled in the same way. There is also a calendar feature on the blog archive page, which shows all posts by dates. However, neither of these two means of searching the site are really intuitive or convenient. To date I am still seeking a suitable means that can be implemented within the current constraints of Squarespace and the specific templates this site uses (Trombone Shorty). I am also trying to determine a means of promoting my content online but in a manner I consider to be ethical. I don’t like misleading, hyperbolic clickbait. Nor do I want my social media accounts to be exclusively used to push my work.
There are plenty of websites that offer advice on marketing and promotion. Broadly, they all state the same things. Create targeted content, build a community via promotion on social media, collaboration with others and back links. SEO is a must. All of which makes sense but is not necessarily to everyone’s tastes. I have no objection with promotion and collaboration but I will not alter my writing style, just to chase an audience. I consider personal blogs to be in some respects like music or newspapers. You write in a certain idiom and that appeals to a specific group. For example, when I write about film I assume that the reader has a certain degree of investment in the subject and some knowledge. Technically, by changing my writing style I could reach a larger audience but that is not what I'm seeking to achieve. I am pursuing a different, smaller niche, which for me is more rewarding.
It is interesting to note that as my return to regular writing has coincided with the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging, there has been a modest increase in traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. I put this down to the various bloggers participating in the event, kindly showing an interest in my posts. As I’ve stated before, seeing any degree of interest in one’s work helps in maintaining the motivation to keep writing. Although the technological aspects of blogging have changed over the years, I suspect the basics remain the same. Readers return whenever new content is available, associated promotion via podcast, live stream or YouTube channel also helps. Giveaways and competitions will attract traffic and some will stick around. A catchy name doesn’t do any harm, although try not to pick something that may box you in at a future date. Finally, keep plugging away. If you throw enough faecal matter at a vertical brick structure, some will eventually adhere.
On Friday 26th June, I had another random spike in internet traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. The statistical package that comes with my Squarespace account recorded over 13k visits in less than 24 hours, which is not typical (although I wish it was). However, all of these visits to my blog arrived via the default homepage and spent between 1 and 2 minutes there. Hence, it was obvious that this was not human traffic, as there was no evidence of any searches being made of content that is available on my site, nor of the “visitors” clicking on any of the links on the top menu and viewing other posts. This was undoubtedly AI traffic arriving at the designated homepage and simply parsing the site. I had a similar spate of this sort of web traffic last November. The only difference on that occasion is that the traffic all came from China. This time round it hailed from the US. I suspect that this is something that will happen more often as companies set their AI loose on the net for what is effectively training.
Today I started the slow process of auditing every post that has been published on Contains Moderate Peril since 1st August 2016. The goal is to correct any obvious typos and replace all existing images with larger ones. The Squarespace software upgrade I applied to the website at the end of last year has finally allowed me to establish a standard format that I am happy with. Hence the ongoing audit is the perfect opportunity to apply these style rules to all posts. There are also some technical issues and matters regarding functionality that need to be addressed. I need to determine how to embed YouTube videos in such a way that they automatically scale to fit whatever device is viewing them. Another area which needs improving is the website search facility. This needs refinement so that enquiries can be more specific. Older posts also need to be more accessible, although I am still researching how best to achieve this.
It’s nearly two and half months since the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event ended. During that time I’ve maintained a fairly regular writing schedule and I post every two days or so. Furthermore, I finally dragged my blog template, kicking and screaming, into the modern era. I tweaked a few pages and updated the content of the “about” page. The next task is to start going through all previous posts and replacing older, low resolution images with larger, more appropriate ones. This process also presents an opportunity to ensure that all posts follow a uniform style. IE Are appropriately categorised, have links to related posts at the bottom and are SEO optimised. This will be a lengthy task so I think the best approach will be to tackle two or three posts a day. Hopefully this will raise the profile of older content, which generates the lion’s hare of traffic to this site.
Back in March 2019 I wrote a blog post about the operating costs of running this website. I went into detail with regard to hosting and domain costs, as well as the other software and hardware used to write posts and at that point produce a podcast. Let it suffice to say that five years on, those costs have all increased. If we’re just looking at maintaining a blog simply in terms of hosting and the domain registration, it costs about £20 a month to run Contains Moderate Peril. Theoretically, if I want to reduce those costs I could dispense with a specific domain name and use a free blogging service. However, I feel that such a compromise comes with its own set of problems, such as advertising and a lack of control (to a degree) over your content. I therefore choose to pay to mitigate these concerns. If I then wish to do more, such as produce a podcast, create videos for YouTube or live stream, then those costs increase.
When you initially start blogging, your aspirations tend to be very straightforward. Choose a title, find a niche and get into the habit of writing. Simple tasks that can still take a while to master. Once your blog is established and has endured for a while, you may not have any further long term goals other than to just keep going. However, if you feel that you want to achieve more then you have to tackle a new set of problems. There is a great deal of “advice” in the public domain about growing and monetising your blog. A lot of it is questionable but there are some approaches that do work. However, these require you to write to a specific process, chasing the ever changing whims of your potential readership. You have to compromise. And for many bloggers, that is the deal breaker.
I spent some time in July, making some changes to Contains Moderate Peril. I replaced the branding and made some alterations to the “about” page to ensure that it was up to date and relevant. Not that anyone reads it as I still regularly receive enquiries about guest posts. Something I no longer do. Today, I made some further changes as it is my long term goal to grow the audience for this site. Hence I want to try and make it easier for visitors to find the content they seek and offer them related material. To facilitate this, I have added some additional menu options to the blog homepage. These act as filters, presenting specifically themed content for readers. Hence there is a “movie” button that lists all film reviews and similarly one for “video games”. There are also links for two specific video games, The Lord of the Rings Online and Star trek Online, as website statistics show that these are popular subjects.
I’ve been writing online for 17 years. During that time a modest audience has read my posts and occasionally commented on them, which is the accepted dynamic of blogging. Some of my posts are ephemeral. Others, such as film reviews, have greater longevity. Naturally I want people to read my output and I’ve noticed that the film reviews seem to generate a fair amount of traffic. After consulting my website analytics package, it would appear that the majority of readers find my reviews by searching Google. Promoting my writing via social media does very little. Another issue is that readers tend to read the post they found via their search and then leave. Despite there being links at the bottom of the post to similar material. Currently, my blog does not have an effective means of searching older posts. The landing page has only 20 posts listed. There are approximately 2,500 archived.
As a blogger we are often told by our peers not to obsess over website traffic and statistics in general. There is a degree of sense in this. We should be primarily focused on writing, maintaining an equitable schedule and staying motivated. Stats can have a negative effect on the latter. However, one cannot ignore the subject either. As a writer, at some point you do want people to actually read your material, or else what is the point? I have therefore always kept an eye on traffic and have attempted to grow my readership overtime. The results have been varied. In my experience, you do slowly build up an audience by being persistent with your writing. But you also have to promote your work, which is a job in itself. It’s also something that not everyone is comfortable with. “Therein lies the rub” as the expression goes. How do you attract readers without compromising your own standards?
I was sitting in my office over the weekend, half-heartedly typing up a blog post about table manners and dining etiquette, when I paused and lapsed into a state of self examination and introspection.
“Isn’t Contains Moderate Peril supposed to be about gaming, movies and popular culture”? “Yes”, I replied to myself via my inner monologue.
“So what the hell am I doing writing about table manners, then?” my inner contrarian retorted.
“Well it is part of our culture, although I wouldn’t argue that it is a defining aspect of the zeitgeist at present” my conciliatory alter ego responded.
“Frankly, I’m getting bored with all of this per se” a third voice stated. It was at this point, I stopped arguing with various facets of my id and went to the pub.
March has been a challenging month for several reasons and as a result I’ve written very little. Furthermore, the recently revived podcast has also ground to a halt after just six episodes due to scheduling issues that are beyond myself and Brian’s control. At the end of February, Google made changes to their search algorithm which have had a major impact upon traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. Visits are down by over 20%. I’ll make no bones about the fact that this has really pissed me off. Several years of growth has been unceremoniously swept away at the drop of a hat. So all this, plus the rapidly changing situation regarding my Mother’s care, has found me ill disposed towards writing. To be clear, I’m not talking about writer’s block. I have plenty of ideas and a folder full of draft posts. I just haven’t wanted to write because I feel that I’m just spitting in the wind.
At the time of writing we are halfway through the Blaugust 2021 Festival of Blogging event. Whenever the subject of personal blogging is raised, there are those who immediately declare that “blogging is dead”. According to Google, out of 1.7 billion websites that currently exist worldwide, 500 million or so of those are blogs of some kind. These generate over 2 million blog posts daily. So I wouldn’t say that blogging per se is done and dusted. However it certainly has evolved considerably over the last 15 years. At the start of the current century blogging was a novel activity providing the means of keeping a personal journal online. Inevitably, popularity and ubiquity led to commercialisation and a necessity to monetise. There was a period of time when clicks, traffic and advertising could generate popularity as well as an income. But other forms of social media offering greater immediacy eventually usurped this potential. Now blogging is seen as more of a niche market activity or corporate tool.
By the time that August rolls around this year, I will have been actively blogging and generally sharing my writing online for 14 years. Prior to that, back in the eighties, I was involved in the production of several fanzines. That was indeed a labour of love and although I was happy to write the content, the work involved in physically creating the actual pages was tough. The printing costs were also an early lesson in how writing is not an immediate path to fame and fortune. All things considered, writing has been a major aspect of my life for as long as I can remember. I used to enjoy writing stories as a child and then as I got older I discovered the pleasure of a well constructed essay. I was fortunate to have three very good English teachers during my time at school, who were passionate about their job and very encouraging.
I mentioned not so long ago the possibility of a website revamp. I was concerned that the general layout of the blog was not optimal and that readers couldn’t easily find old material. In the past I even went as far as to write a guide to navigating through Contains Moderate Peril and using the categories to find old posts. Well I got a few emails and Twitter DMs about this and it would appear that folk like things just as they are. So I have reviewed my position and decided to leave things as they are at present. I did a little digging though my website stats, both from Squarespace and Google Analytics and it would appear the summary blocks at the bottom of each post are used and that the bounce rate for my site is not exactly as it first appears. Seems that readers do peruse other articles and the search facility is being used more often, especially for finding film reviews. So if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Due to the ongoing Global Pandemic, many people are now finding themselves working from home or having to stay in for health or childcare reasons. Hence there has been a marked increase in online leisure activities. Steam has been hit by a record number of concurrent users and Netflix and Amazon prime have both seen an increased demand upon their respective streaming services. If you’re not commuting then you are freeing up a substantial amount of hours each week. This potential abundance of “free time” along with a practical need to channel your energy into something to prevent yourself from going “stir crazy”, presents some interesting opportunities. Many people who have previously expressed an interest in writing and content creation now have the leeway to do so. Naturally, as a writing enthusiast and a long time blogger, I am happy to encourage such activities.
The New Year is often a time for revised plans, renewed ambitions and a desire to get back on the proverbial horse when it comes to content creation. More often than not, many of these lofty ambitions wither on the vine or fall victim to our propensity for indolence. Which is why I think it is prudent to ensure that any goals that you set for yourself are realistic and attainable. If for example, you have just started blogging, then it is wiser to focus on developing and maintaining a writing schedule, rather than trying to get a million page views in your first month. Impossible goals lead to disappointment which can then crush your optimism. Measured, targeted achievements, obtained over a credible time period may not seem so satisfying but they get the job done. Which is why I have given a great deal of thought to my own blogging goals for 2020. I am not going to alter or replace the blog template, nor am I going to embark upon too many side projects such a streaming or creating video content. Although I’d like to do such things I cannot sustain them or cope with the volume of work they will create. This year I am just going to try to create as much written content as possible and focus on expanding brand awareness.
The end of Blaugust Festival of Blogging 2019 presents the perfect opportunity to write another entry in my “Thoughts on Blogging” series. According to the Blaugust schedule this is the “lessoned learned week”, although I’m not too keen on that specific phrase. It sounds too much like the sort of bogus, sombre platitudes that politicians trot out in the wake of some national tragedy. But such is the nature of semantics and such is the curious fashion in which my mind works. So rather than worry of the wording, I’ll just simply reflect upon the past month and consider what it means for my writing, both present and future. Because I do believe that over the last month, I have had a minor epiphany with regard to my relationship with blogging.
The last three months have been problematic from a writing perspective and my productivity and motivation have both suffered. I struggle to find appropriate time to sit down and apply myself to writing and when I do, I seldom have the correct mindset to stay focused for long. Yet due to the back catalogue of content available on Contains Moderate Peril, there is still regular traffic coming to the site. Ironically, despite my low productivity, I have started receiving an increase in blog related marketing and have received numerous emails regarding “collaboration”, “featured posts” and “SEO optimisation”. All of which I have no interest in. However, the point remains, I’m not writing as much as I used to and I miss it. The same can be said for podcasting but that’s a tougher problem to fix. It is more labour intensive than writing, so the logical thing to do is to focus on the former and not the latter to fix.
I wasn’t expecting to write another entry in the Thoughts on Blogging series so soon, but something came up that grabbed my attention and got me thinking. A simple question that’s often asked about blogging and one that has many layers to it, as well as numerous answers. A new blogger who recently joined the Blaugust discord server asked for help “getting traffic to their blog”. An enquiry that gave me (and possibly others) pause for thought. Because we all to a degree want to attract traffic to our blogs. But I also think bloggers are too coy about this this subject. We’ll say things like “I write for myself” or “it’s not about the numbers” and although I agree with these points, building an audience is important. Let’s be honest, it can be somewhat disheartening after writing a lengthy post about a subject close to you heart, for it to fall flat and not attract any traffic. As discussed before, often it is the casual blog posts written in a hurry, that can be the most popular and the articles you’re most proud of can go unnoticed. So let us be honest. I think most bloggers want to grow an audience and enjoy the sense of accomplishment that it provides.
I decided to take a short break from blogging last week. I have a lot on at present and the only time I’ve had available to write has been in the late evening. I prefer to write in the morning as I’m more focused and motivated. Plus I haven’t really had a lot of positive things to say of late about the two primary subjects of this website. Broadly speaking there’s not a lot of going on in the video games industry that enthuses me. Similarly, the current crop of film releases have hardly distinguished themselves. At present when I do get writing ideas, they tend to be obscure niche market subjects or commentary on social issues. For example, I’m thinking of writing a post about my continuing enjoyment of the Japanese TV show Takeshi’s Castle. I’m also forming my thoughts for an article about how society’s relationship with wildlife may be “broken”. Stuff that is interesting to me but may not be ideal material for readers of Contains Moderate Peril.
As January comes to an end, I am pleased that I have so far managed to maintain a daily writing schedule. I hope that I can continue in this vein throughout February. As ever the actual process of sitting and writing has proven a somewhat mixed bag so far this year. Some days the word simply spill out of me and a blog post potentially writes itself. On others, composing just three coherent paragraphs is like pulling teeth and much time is spent procrastinating and getting side tracked. But a mixture of self-discipline and a degree of pride have helped oil the creative wheels and kept the content flowing. Whether any of it is any good is for others to decided. However, it was nice to find one of my posts quoted in an article over at Massively Overpowered. It means that at least someone is reading my work and pondering upon the points therein. Writing is after all a means of communication and sharing ideas so it is rewarding to know that you’re not just yelling into the wind all the time.
This week, a rather high profile sub-reddit associated with the Star Trek Online community, changed its status to “private” as a means of protesting against the state of the game and the way developers Cryptic are handling things. That matter was surprisingly resolved within 24 hours after an olive branch was extended from the STO community manager on reddit. However, it is not the protest itself nor the state of the game that I wish to focus upon, but the importance of /r/stobuilds as a shared community resource. A lot of STO players enjoy optimising their builds and tweaking their loadout and this site it the place to go to share such information. There is also a group of hardcore players that dig deep into the games data and comprehensively crunch number and generate useful information. Hence if a resource such as this was taken offline for longer period of time, it would have a tangible impact upon players and the wider community.
Spending time in the company of others who have similar interests and passions can be an invaluable shot in the arm and a great source of motivation. For example, I recently joined a Facebook group associated with The Evolution of Horror Podcast. It’s an absolute pleasure to be able to pick over the bones of a movie such as The Wicker Man and explore its finer points. You don’t have to adjust your level of conversation for fear of boring people, or dial back your enthusiasm due to concerns of being labelled a nerd or fanboy. Finding these online havens where you feel comfortable are invaluable, regardless of whether your passion is sport, knitting, Lepidoptery or Phrenology. Remember this point. I shall be returning to it shortly.
I read a post over at Tobold’s Blog recently that got me thinking about blogging, popularity, and the ebb and flow of our passions. The reason being is that Tobold, like many other long-term bloggers, has seen a decline in his audience over recent years. He certainly wasn’t carping about it, just simply observing the correlation between reducing your written output, the decline in popularity of his original subject matter and the number of visitors coming to his site. He also made a keen observation that blogging is not necessarily “where it’s at” with regard to cultivating an audience. If you are producing content specifically to grow and maintain a following, then You Tube and Twitch are better platforms for that. Especially if your content is part of the wider gaming scene. For better or for worse, I now associate gaming commentary with visual mediums rather than blogging. Yes, there is still long from criticism being produced but it’s aimed at a niche gaming audience. One that I would guess is older.
I usually write a post early on in the New Year in which I list the various goals I’m focusing on over the next twelve months. To date I have not done this because I am still trying to work out what I can and cannot accommodate within my current schedule. As a carer I’m kept very busy, but my weekly routine does offers windows of opportunity for writing. However, free time is a finite commodity, so I have to really cut my proverbial coat according to my cloth this year. Therefore, I’ve decided to pursue the following projects. I will continue to regularly post on Contains Moderate Peril as I enjoy having my own platform and certainly feel that I still have a lot to write about. Also, the audience is steadily growing, and I think it would be counter productive to fly in the face of such a development. I was also given the opportunity to write for MMOGames recently and have decided to accept this invitation. Writing to deadlines and deferring to editors, is an invaluable learning experience. Plus, it presents my writing to a wider audience which is great for brand awareness and other awful marketing terms.
There wasn’t a Newbie Blogger Initiative this year and I was saddened by that. I’ll make no bones about the fact that I liked this yearly event and the way for a few months after it, you’d see a lot of interesting new blogs spring up, filled with optimism and passion. But, what’s done is done, and life goes on. It’s up to others to pick up that particular torch and run with it, if they wish to see the event to return. I also miss a lot of my colleagues and peers’ blogs and the comradery that stemmed from the associated community. Again, this is a natural and inevitable attrition process, caused by that thing known as “life”. So, to combat my current melancholic malaise, I thought I’d collate a few of my thoughts about writing online and set them down in a semi-regular post, the same way as I do about podcasting.
Caligula: The Ultimate Cut (1979)
There are many stories and anecdotes associated with the 1979 film Caligula. Many of which are apocryphal. However, there is absolutely no doubt that this was a troubled production, with artistic differences between the writer, director and producers. Hence the original theatrical release was not the arthouse, historical drama that it was intended to be. Instead Caligula ended up the most notorious multimillion dollar independent film of the seventies. Steeped in violence, hardcore pornography and acts of depravity, yet boasting an A list cast of British and European actors, a screenplay by the legendary Gore Vidal and an established Italian arthouse director, namely Giovanni “Tinto” Brass . This magnificent cinematic car crash of a film has maintained an interest with cult film enthusiasts, as well as scholars of cinema over the decades. This is mainly because there’s an optimistic school of thought that there is a far better film trying to get out.
There are many stories and anecdotes associated with the 1979 film Caligula. Many of which are apocryphal. However, there is absolutely no doubt that this was a troubled production, with artistic differences between the writer, director and producers. Hence the original theatrical release was not the arthouse, historical drama that it was intended to be. Instead Caligula ended up the most notorious multimillion dollar independent film of the seventies. Steeped in violence, hardcore pornography and acts of depravity, yet boasting an A list cast of British and European actors, a screenplay by the legendary Gore Vidal and an established Italian arthouse director, namely Giovanni “Tinto” Brass . This magnificent cinematic car crash of a film has maintained an interest with cult film enthusiasts, as well as scholars of cinema over the decades. This is mainly because there’s an optimistic school of thought that there is a far better film trying to get out.
For those unfamiliar with the film and its associated legend, Caligula was initially conceived as an historical drama about the rise and fall of the controversial Roman emperor. The film stars Malcolm McDowell in the title role, alongside Teresa Ann Savoy, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole, John Steiner, and John Gielgud. It was filmed in Rome at Dear Studios during 1976 and was intended to be a serious dramatic exploration of the theme that absolute power corrupts. Writer Gore Vidal wrote an original screenplay based upon historical sources to that effect. However, director Tinto Brass had other ideas and preferred the concept of Caligula being a born monster just waiting for an opportunity. Hence he rewrote the script with an emphasis on the sensational, although he kept much of the original dialogue. However, upon completion of principal photography, producer Bob Guccione (the publisher of Penthouse) took over editing of the film and shot additional pornographic scenes for inclusion in the theatrical cut. Controversy, outrage and lawsuits followed. Caligula then passed into cinematic legend.
Then in 2019, Thomas Negovan was hired to reconstruct a version of the film closer to the initial vision. Using the original camera negatives of 100 hours of footage unearthed in the Penthouse archive, along with an early draft of Gore Vidal’s script, Negovan has assembled a radically different cut of the film using alternate takes and abandoned footage. However, this has still proven a difficult undertaking as there is far from a consensus on what the original intentions of the production were. Was Caligula intended to be a pure historical drama or a stylised exploration of the themes of Roman decadence, filmed via the medium of Italian arthouse cinema? It would appear that Negovan has arrived somewhere between the two positions. There is now a clear thematic thread running through Caligula: The Ultimate Cut with the emperor portrayed as an anarchic free spirit who is consumed by his own desire to push the boundaries of his power. He is enabled by a coterie of sycophants and lackays, as well as political opportunists.
Film aficionados will spot the changes that Thomas Negovan has made immediately. The film opens with an impressive new animated title sequence featuring a young Caligula performing his eponymous dance. This has been created for the film by “Sandman” artist Dave McKean. Numerous key scenes are now shown in chronological order and many of the more infamous and salacious sequences make use of alternative takes. The new edit certainly presents a more nuanced performance by Malcolm McDowell and the actor himself is certainly pleased with the new edit. Helen Mirren has more screen time as Caligula’s wife, Caesonia, although the character is still somewhat underwritten. Overall there is a far more coherent narrative arc and the film no longer feels like a vehicle exclusively created for the depiction of debauchery and violence.
That being said, Caligula: The Ultimate Cut has not been thoroughly sanitised because it is impossible to do so. Hedonism and physical indulgence are baked into the film’s celluloid DNA. There is still a lot of male and female nudity, a double rape and a great deal of violence and tonal unpleasantness. In replacing certain shots with alternate material, the exploitative aspect of some scenes has been replaced with a somewhat colder and more clinical tone, which in some respects makes them more shocking. Especially the notorious fisting scene and the assassination at the end of the film, which involves an infanticide. Cinephiles will also lament the replacement of Bruno Nicolai’s original score along with the classical cues by Prokofiev and Khachaturian, with a new soundtrack by Troy Sterling Nies. It is nothing more than functional, where the original matched the baroque tone of the film.
Overall Caligula: The Ultimate Cut is probably the best cut of the film we’re ever likely to see. Has Thomas Negovan’s extensive reconstruction revealed a lost masterpiece amid the decadence and depravity of the previous theatrical edition? Not quite. The film remains a cinematic chimaera that veers between high drama and exploitative excess. It just does so in a far more coherent and efficient fashion this time round. It does highlight the baroque production design by Danilo Donati and showcase a far more rounded performance by Malcolm McDowell but this is never going to be a film that finds mass, mainstream appeal. This legendary production will remain a source of fascination for scholars of cinema but is ultimately too “out there” to become an accepted part of the established pantheon of arthouse masterpieces. It is a unique product of its time and now in this new version, a cinematic curate’s egg rather than a hot mess.
Exit 8 is a sophisticated and claustrophobic psychological thriller directed by Genki Kawamura, which skilfully transforms a minimalist indie walking-simulator game into a cinematic existential enigma. This overtly metaphorical film renders the repetitive nature and drudgery of modern working life into a physical environment in which the lead character is trapped and must find a way out. A random, brutal maze filled with an atmosphere of indifference to the lab rats that find themselves trapped within. Or is it their personal guilt that has put them there? Genki Kawamura’s psychological mystery draws inspiration from the Japanese video game of the same name, as well as from the cyclical nature of Groundhog Day and endless corridors of the Overlook Hotel in Kubrick’s The Shining. Although there are jump scares and some ghoulish imagery, this is not a horror vehicle. Instead this is a disquieting psychological drama with a strong sense of morality.
I wrote a post 18 month’s ago regarding whether a directors cut of a film is superior by default to the version originally shown in cinemas. Obviously the answer was no and I then went on to give three examples of films where I think the theatrical release is better to lengthier or substantially altered director’s cut that was subsequently made available at a later date. This time round in this post, I would like to do the complete opposite. I shall provide some examples of films that I think are significantly improved by a longer cut or a substantially, restructured edit. Note some of these examples are technically not a “director’s cuts” but a restoration or reconstruction of the director’s original vision. I shall endeavour to highlight what specific material or broader changes make each respective film “better”. As ever, all of these examples are a matter of subjective opinion and my views are presented as such, not “fact”.
In 1968 the dilapidated freighter Corita hastily leaves Freetown to avoid a customs inspection. Captain Lansen (Eric Porter) has a cargo of dangerous explosives which he is smuggling so he can finally retire. His ship’s passengers also have reasons for leaving in a hurry. Dr. Webster (Nigel Stock), together with his daughter Unity (Suzanna leigh), is relocating due to his indiscretions with patients and illegal operations. Alcoholic pianist Harry Tyler (Tony Beckley) is aimlessly drifting from port to port. Eva Peters (Hildegard Knef) is fleeing from her husband with stolen bearer bonds which she intend to use to buy back her son from his evil clutches Caracas. Ricaldi (Ben Carruthers), a questionable lawyer, is pursuing Eva to retrieve the stolen bonds. First officer Hemmings (Neil McCallum) suggests that the ship should return to Freetown after an imminent Hurricane warning. The Captain asks the passengers and they are unanimous that they do not wish to return. However a mutinous crew, the bad weather and the instability of the explosives force everyone to abandon ship. The survivors find themselves adrift in a lifeboat surrounded by a strange carnivorous seaweed.
Jason Statham is an exemplar of the US mantra of “staying in your lane”. He makes action movies and occasionally strays into action comedies. His formula broadly works and is sufficiently lucrative to keep Mr. Statham employed. Therefore, if you watch a film in which he stars, you have a fairly good idea of what you’ll be getting. Of late, the criteria for his action vehicles have become more succinct. Jason Statham will play an innocuous character, such as a construction foreman or a bee keeper. Something terrible will subsequently befall another character who Mr. Statham has an emotional connection with in some capacity. He will subsequently hunt down those responsible and meet out death and violence. At some point the villain of the story will enquire as to how this innocuous person is so lethal. Research will then show that our Jason is in fact an ex-police officer/special forces operative/international assassin. There’s then a showdown and the villain dies. Job done.
The Light at the Edge of the World presented itself as an action movie upon its release in 1971. Based upon a story by Jules Verne, the Spanish American co-production was driven by its star Kirk Douglas, who curiously hired British director Kevin Billington to helm the project. This tale of a lighthouse keeper fighting a war of attrition against a group of pirates that have captured his island, was market as an adventure film ostensibly in the idiom of the authors previous works and as a pirate movie. MGM bought the rights to distribute the film in the UK on the misunderstanding that it was a family friendly production. It was not and remains so. They subsequently had to cut 15 minutes of violence and torture as well as an undercurrent of sexual assault to secure a suitable rating. Conversely, the US distributors received an arbitrary PG rating, despite the fact this is one of a handful of films that honestly depicts pirates as murderers, rapists and worse.
It’s an established action film trope. The fire team comprised of ex-military personnel, move in on their target. Only to have the tables turned by someone they don’t deem a threat. What makes it different in The Last Stand of Ellen Cole is a throwaway line of dialogue. The bested operative lies bleeding on the floor and the protagonists stands over them ready to finish them off. “Don’t, I have a cat” they feebly plead. For me that was the icing on the cake. The movie had already established it was taking the “same old, same old” and doing something different. Something fun, if taken in the right spirit. This scene tipped the balance and I embraced this film because it was being honest about what it is. This is a modern B movie that decides to give a very specific sub-genre a makeover. Furthermore, its clearly done with an affectionate wink, which is very different to sly wink. This isn’t deliberate self-knowing irony. Its just a film doing something different and possibly silly but it genuinely wants to have fun with it.
David Koepp is no stranger to genre cinema, having written the screenplay for such films as Jurassic Park, Spider-man and War of the Worlds. Where these titles are big budget, major studio productions, Cold Storage is a far more modest production with a smaller scope. Adapted from his own novel, the screenplay is by David Koepp and the film is directed by British film-maker Jonny Campbell. At first glance, Cold Storage seems a somewhat derivative science fiction horror film with a relatively modest budget, financed through a convoluted US and French co-production. Lurid green and red colours feature heavily in the marketing artwork and it is easy, after a cursory look, to write the film off as cheap, generic, direct-to-streaming filler. However, Cold Storage is prime example of why you should not judge a book by it’s cover, or in this case, a film by its posters and online advertising. It is in fact an amusing and fun endeavour that can fill an evening.
Despite being considered by many as an original story, The Abominable Snowman (1957) is in fact a remake of a made for television play, The Creature, that was originally broadcast in the UK in 1955. Hammer Films would often purchase the rights of popular TV programs and subsequently re-work them for mainstream, international cinema. Larger production budgets and fewer censorship restrictions allowed them to make their cinematic interpretations more lurid, thus commercially viable. Hence The Quatermass Xperiment, Quatermass II and Quatermass and the Pit were all given a big screen makeover and were commercially successful. The Abominable Snowman was written by acclaimed writer Nigel Kneale, who also wrote the original television drama and the aforementioned Quatermass trilogy. Although ostensibly marketed as a horror film this production is actually an interesting blend of psychological thriller and science fiction.
There are certain subjects that are notoriously uncinematic. These tend to be things that exist or are undertaken mainly in the mind, rather than expressed in an overtly physical way. Computing, science and mathematics are good examples. Writing code or working out complex equations does not immediately lend themselves to a visual medium such as cinema. Therefore, any film dealing with the world of corporate finance has its work cut out. Hence writer-director J C Chandor immediately deserves praise for making Margin Call, a film about the financial crash of 2008, as gripping and compelling as any political thriller. He does this by keeping the financial elements of the story to a minimum, choosing instead to focus upon those who have become aware of the imminent crisis and their reaction to it. However, the film remains a tough watch with regard to the some of the characters and their respective personal morality or lack there of.
The 1937 Hindenburg disaster has remained an enduring mystery over the years. The physical mechanics of how this airship filled with 7,000,000 cubic feet of hydrogen gas caught fire has been fully explored over the decades and there are now several extremely plausible theories as to how it may have happened. However, there remains the possibility of sabotage. As such an idea has more dramatic potential than mechanical failure, it was used as the central theme of the 1975 disaster movie The Hindenburg. Directed by Robert Wise, the screenplay by Nelson Gidding explores a German resistance against the Nazi regime. The airship is targeted as it is a powerful propaganda symbol for Hitler’s Germany. Sadly despite some interesting ideas, a strong cast and solid, old school optical effects, The Hindenburg is a slow and somewhat ponderous production. Although the final 20 minutes of the film recreate the infamous explosion meticulously, it doesn’t quite compensate for the uneventful, dialogue driven investigation of the previous 100 minutes.
On the Eastern Front in 1943, a German Tiger tank crew led by Lieutenant Philip Gerkens (David Schütter) is sent on a mission to rescue the missing officer Paul von Hardenburg (Tilman Strauss) from a top-secret bunker that is at risk of falling into enemy hands. As they make their way through an eerie no-man’s land, they have to avoid Russian armoured vehicles that seem to be aware of their mission. They also encounter a German unit taking punitive action against a peasant village, in reprisal for partisan activity in the area. The youngest crew member, Michel (Yoran Leicher), talks of the land being home to ghosts and spirits. As the tank penetrates further into contested territory the crew become increasingly disturbed by the uncanny nature of their mission and begin to fall prey to their own inner fears.
Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic novel has been adapted for cinema and television numerous times. Perhaps the most well known is the 1950 Disney version, starring Robert Newton as Long John Silver. His eye rolling performance and exaggerated West Country accent is credited with popularising the stereotypical form of “pirate speech" that has become the pop culture default. Although an enjoyable film, it does gloss over the more sinister aspects of both the source text and history, perpetuating the myth that pirates are just loveable scoundrels. Many subsequent adaptations have fallen into the same trap to a greater or lesser degree. However, that is not the case with the 1990 version of Treasure island, which was made for the TNT cable network and released theatrically outside of the US. This darker and notably more violent adaptation closely follows the source text and is widely considered the most faithful to the book.
The Planet of the Apes movie franchise took a radical change of course with its third entry in the series. The first two films were set in the future and benefited from high production values to help realise a post apocalyptic earth. However, due to a substantial reduction of budget, Escape from the Planet of the Apes uses a time travel plot device to bring the ape protagonists to present day Los Angeles (1971 in this case). The result is a film with a much smaller narrative scope. However, although it lacks the science fiction spectacle of its predecessors, it features an interesting satirical exploration of celebrity culture and ponders what it is like to be deemed an enemy of the state. As ever, Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter provide exceptional lead performances as the Chimpanzees Cornelius and Zira. Escape from the Planet of the Apes also captures the pop culture vibe of seventies America.
It is not unusual for Disney to change film titles when marketing them outside of the US. In 2016 they renamed the animated feature film Zootopia to Zootropolis in the UK and Europe to avoid trademark conflicts with other existing businesses. For example there is a Danish zoo which already holds the “Zootopia” name. Similarly, in Germany there is a children’s book which caused copyright conflict, which led to the film being released under the title Zoomania. Such changes, although practical for legal reasons, can sometimes cause a degree of confusion. Especially as there are numerous, low budget productions companies that go out of their way to produce similarly titled “mockbusters” whenever there are big, tentpole, releases. So for clarity, Zootopia 2 has been released in the UK as Zootropolis 2.
Stephen King’s dystopian story, The Running Man, was previously adapted very loosely in 1987, as a vehicle for Arnold Schwarzenegger. That version focused mainly on the “Battle Royale” element of the story and leaned heavily into Arnie’s personality, rather than the politics of the book. It also wasn’t well received by the author. Edgar Wright’s remake follows the source text a lot more closely and is far more interested in its political themes and wider social commentary. Furthermore, this version re-establishes the everyman quality of the hero of Ben Richards, rather than him being the muscle bound, ex-military hero as per Mr. Schwarzenegger’s prior interpretation. This time round, The Running Man uses a lot of the visual and narrative tropes of contemporary reality TV, making this forty three year old story very relevant to today’s viewers and couching the film in a style that is recognisable and accessible.
The Haunted Dolls House is a short film based on a story by M.R. James about a unique antique that is subject to supernatural phenomenon. Adapted by Stephen Gray and David Lilley, this is the third of three short films based upon James’ work that the pair have made. It stars Steven Dolton as Mr. Dillet, a collector of antique dolls houses, who acquires a bargain only to discover that it harbours a ghostly secret. Made on an extremely modest budget over the course of 2012 this clever, innovative and rather sinister adaptation is a fine example of short film creativity. It manages to offer a unique visual depiction of M.R. James’ classic story whilst capturing the unsettling quality of the author’s work. Like so many independently made short films it is clearly a labour of love, made with modest resources. It succinctly captures the spirit of the author’s work and is both innovative and rewarding.
A lot of people may know Luke Evans from the live action version of Beauty and the Beast or Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy. With his matinee idol good looks, charming Welsh demeanour and his “smoky” tenor singing voice, he projects a sense of old school stardom. Which brings us to No One Lives; a film which is a radical departure from his previous work. His performance is disconcerting to say the least and the film is somewhat unhinged. Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, who made an interesting adaptation of Clive Barker’s The Midnight Meat Train, this cinematic outing is similarly replete with robust shocks and gore. There are some interesting ideas about the nature of violence, Stockholm Syndrome and whether one should deny or embrace one’s nature. However, these are ultimately minor asides. Philosophical musings in between bouts of surprisingly striking unpleasantness.
In the near future, Kepler 822, a research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, suffers a sudden and catastrophic structural failure. There are only six survivors. Mechanical engineer Norah Price (Kristen Stewart), Captain Lucien (Vincent Cassel), biologist Emily Haversham (Jessica Henwick), engineer Liam Smith (John Gallagher Jr.) and crew members Rodrigo (Mamoudou Athie) and Paul (T.J. Miller). As all the functional escape pods have been used and they are unable to contact the surface, the Captain suggests using pressurized suits to walk one mile across the ocean floor to the Roebuck 641 drill installation. There they will find more escape pods. However, it soon becomes apparent that the disaster was not caused by an undersea earthquake and that they are not alone as they make their journey.
One of the most common objections raised regarding the Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise is that the films are specifically made to obtain a PG-13 rating from the Motion Picture Association, for purely commercial reasons. Hence, in all films, there is little on screen violence and the dinosaurs are mainly portrayed as a threat and a means of providing jump scares. When a character is killed by a dinosaur it usually happens off screen, is obscured by something else in frame, or is shown in long shot with very little detail. The realities of being eaten alive by a predator are conspicuously absent. Hence, audiences looking for films featuring more graphic dinosaur attacks, have not been well catered for apart from some minor direct-to-video titles. Primitive War finally fills this gap in the market with a frenetic genre mashup that strives to punch above is budgetary weight.
During the seventies, cinema was not only a source of mass, commercial entertainment but was still perceived as a medium for intellectual and philosophical discourse. Television was a poor relation in terms of art and cultural significance. Film was where the so called auteur director could muse and ruminate upon the nature of the human condition and audiences could subsequently gush sycophantically about their work at dinner parties. Or something like that. Let it suffice to say that some film makers were still indulged by studios and financiers, who were still keen to cash in on the cultural sea change that came to Hollywood in the late sixties. It’s difficult to see how a film such as Emperor of the North (AKA Emperor of the North Pole) could have been made otherwise. A film set in the Great Depression about a hobo illegally travelling on freight trains and his feud with a ruthless conductor.
In Buenos Aires, Clara (Natalia Señorales) hears voices emanating from the plughole in her kitchen sink. The voices seem to be plotting against her. Her husband Juan (Agustín Rittano) says the sounds are coming from next door. That night, Juan finds Clara’s dead body levitating in their bathroom, slamming against the wall by an invisible force. Meanwhile their neighbour, Walter (Demián Salomón), is experiencing supernatural occurrences while he tries to sleep. An invisible force repeatedly shakes his bed. After using a video camera to film these events, he sees a tall, cadaverous figure emerging from under the bed, standing over him as he sleeps. Across the road, Alicia (Julieta Vallina) is grieving for her recently deceased son, who was run over outside Walter’s house. Alicia's ex-boyfriend, police commissioner Funes (Maximiliano Ghione) calls Jano (Norberto Gonzalo), a paranormal investigator and the pair soon discover more supernatural occurrences in the area.
Black Sabbath (AKA I tre volti della paura) is a 1963 horror anthology film directed by Mario Bava. Although an Italian production, the film was co-financed by American International Pictures and as such was conceived to appeal to US audiences. Hence, the English dialogue edit of the film which was released in America differs significantly to the original Italian version. Despite the presence of the legendary Boris Karloff and the popularity of both anthology and gothic horror at the time,the film was only a modest success at the US box office and did not do well in Italy. However, in more recent years there has been a critical reappraisal of Black Sabbath, especially the Italian dialogue version. Many aspects of the film which are standard genre tropes today, were in fact novel at the time. Also despite the production mainly being studio bound, the film oozes style and has a striking visual aesthetic.
After the success of Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981, filmmakers scrambled to find existing intellectual properties that they could use for similar films. Hence archaic heroes such as Alan Quatermain were hastily given a modern makeover and thrust into generic movies, in a vague attempt to replicate Steven Spielberg’s successful formula. Which brings us neatly on to James Charles Bigglesworth AKA “Biggles”, a fictional pilot and adventurer from a series of books written by W. E. Johns between 1932 and 1968. Several attempts had been made in the past to bring this character to the silver screen, including one by Disney but they all failed. However, the commercial and critical success of Indiana Jones provided sufficient impetus to greenlight a new film. However, due to some curious production choices, when Biggles was finally released it was far from just a period set, action movie.
Setting aside the hubris of remaking a film such as Red Dawn, the 2012 reboot had a troubled production. Shot over the course of late 2009, on location in Michigan, MGM intended to release the film in September 2010. However, the studio’s financial problems became unsustainable over the course of that year and the film was shelved, while a financial solution was sought. Furthermore, while Red Dawn was in post production, there was a major economic shift within Hollywood due to the increasing importance of the Chinese market. This was a significant problem for MGM because the new version of Red Dawn had the Chinese invading the USA instead of Russia. Hence there were reshoots and the need for additional visual effects, so that the Chinese could be replaced with North Koreans. MGM eventually went bankrupt and the distribution rights to Red Dawn were sold off. The film was eventually released in 2012.
American music producer James William Guercio is primarily known for his work in the music industry. He was the producer of the band Chicago’s first eleven studio albums. In the mid-seventies he also managed the Beach Boys and was a member of their backing band. He was during this time, well known in his field and respected. In 1973, Guercio directed, produced and wrote the score for his first and only feature film, Electra Glide in Blue. He was 28 years old at the time. Upon release the film received mixed reviews from many traditional US newspapers, who were dismissive of its revisionist themes and poetical style. However, in Europe the film was received more favourably and was entered into the 1973 Cannes Film Festival. Fifty two years on and Electra Glide in Blue is now considered an overlooked cult classic and is analysed in a more measured fashion.
When I first saw the promotional trailer for Gangster Squad back in 2012, prior to its release, I wasn't especially impressed. I simply thought the film was another attempt to re-invent the gangster genre for a generation who were not especially familiar with it. I wasn't exactly overwhelmed with director Ruben Fleischer's resume either. I didn't particularly like Zombieland and haven't seen 30 Minutes Or Less. Then came the tragic mass shootings in Aurora, Colorado which led to the movie being delayed so that the original ending, which featured a shoot-out in a movie theatre, could be replaced. Hence when I finally watched this film recently, I wasn't expecting a movie up to the standards of say Once Upon A Time In America or Miller’s Crossing and it would seem that I was right do so. Gangster Squad is not especially noteworthy in any respect.
Fluke is a curious film about a man who is reincarnated as a dog and his subsequent realisation that he may have been murdered. It takes an adult novel by British author James Herbert, which is filled with philosophical musing and strives to adapt it in a far more family friendly fashion. The result is a somewhat bipolar production which thematically alternates between existential introspection and Buddhism. It then strives to deliver its message in a Disneyesque idiom. Children will potentially be confused and upset by what they see and adults will be wrongfooted by the continual shift in tone. Fluke was not a critical or commercial success upon release and the flaws that were identified by critics at the time still ring true today. That being said, Fluke is still an interesting and entertaining film, despite its faults.
During 1836, in the town of Darkness Falls, Maine, an elderly widow Matilda Dixon is adored by the town’s children as she gives them a gold coin whenever they lose a tooth. One day, after a house fire, Matilda is left burned and sensitive to sunlight, so she starts wearing a china mask. When two children are reported missing, Matilda is blamed by some locals, dragged from her home and hung. She curses the town, stating that whenever a child loses their last tooth, she would come for it. If the child looks at her, she will kill them. The missing children are subsequently found, so the citizens cover up their unjust lynching. In 1990, young Kyle Walsh awakes one night to find Matilda Walsh standing over him. Kyle’s mother is killed and he is blamed for her death and institutionalised. 12 years later, Kyle (Channey Kley) is released and tries to warn the town of the imminent danger when lightning disables the power supply. He is ignored by all until the deaths begin.
The Humanoid is one of many international Star Wars knock-offs that flooded cinemas in the late seventies and early eighties. Like so many others, it is derivative (even to the extent of replicating specific scenes from George Lucas’ movie), replete with awful dialogue and has somewhat basic production values. However, it does have an interesting cast including Richard Kiel, Barbara Bach, Arthur Kennedy and Corinne Cléry. Kiel gained a lot of media attention after his appearance as the steel-toothed villain Jaws in the 1977 Bond film, The Spy Who Loved Me. His stature made him the perfect fit for the titular character in this Italian science fiction production. Sadly, beyond a curious lineup of actors, The Humanoid has little to distinguish it from so many similar movies. For example, if you’ve seen Starcrash then you’ll be adequately prepared for this film.
Contemporary viewer’s may be perplexed by a film such as A Man For All Seasons. Why make a two our motion picture about a Tudor lawyer, statesman and scholar and their subsequent moral objection to the reigning monarchs marital status? Yet, during the sixties, it was entirely possible for a mainstream studio to produce a film based upon a stage play that dramatised such specific historical events. Furthermore, a film like this that relied upon strong performances and an intelligent script (and little more) could find a mainstream audience and be both a critical and commercial success. Nowadays, such productions still exist but they are now mainly the province of streaming services. Furthermore, the cinematic format has been replaced by that of a high budget TV show, which explores the topic at hand over an eight to ten hour running time.
Longlegs (2024)
Although I was unaware of it, there was a guerrilla marketing campaign for Longlegs which was focused on the internet rather than traditional television adverts. Hence the film gained a lot of interest prior to its release and as well as some some disproportionate expectations. Then immediately after its theatrical debut, the matter was further compounded by a possible excess of gushing praise as the film was “over reviewed”. Therefore I maintained a degree of scepticism about Longlegs and tempered my expectations prior to watching it. Any film that is hailed as the next Silence of the Lambs, featuring a “traumatising” performance by Nicholas Cage needs to be keenly scrutinised so that its cinematic merits can be carefully separated from the surrounding hyperbole. After viewing I found Longlegs to be a finely honed, atmospheric and precisely targeted horror thriller but not the genre milestone that some would claim.
Although I was unaware of it, there was a guerrilla marketing campaign for Longlegs which was focused on the internet rather than traditional television adverts. Hence the film gained a lot of interest prior to its release and as well as some some disproportionate expectations. Then immediately after its theatrical debut, the matter was further compounded by a possible excess of gushing praise as the film was “over reviewed”. Therefore I maintained a degree of scepticism about Longlegs and tempered my expectations prior to watching it. Any film that is hailed as the next Silence of the Lambs, featuring a “traumatising” performance by Nicholas Cage needs to be keenly scrutinised so that its cinematic merits can be carefully separated from the surrounding hyperbole. After viewing I found Longlegs to be a finely honed, atmospheric and precisely targeted horror thriller but not the genre milestone that some would claim.
During the 1990s, FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) is assigned by her supervisor William Carter (Blair Underwood) to an investigation of a series of murder-suicides in Oregon. In each case a father kills his family and then himself, leaving behind a letter with Satanic coding signed “Longlegs”. The handwriting belongs to a third party and not a family member. Hence Carter suspects that the crimes may have been instigated. Lee, who possibly has latent psychic powers, determines that each family had a 9-year-old daughter born on the 14th of the month. Furthermore, the murders all occurred within six days before or after the birthday itself and the murders form an occult triangle symbol on a calendar. Curiously, one date is missing. While talking to her mother Ruth (Alicia Witt), Lee receives a coded birthday card from Longlegs, warning her that revealing the source of the code will lead to her mother's murder.
Director Osgood Perkins creates a vivid visual and aural landscape which immediately draws the audience into the brooding sense of disquiet. The ambient soundtrack by Zilgi is sparse and often music is replaced by ominous tonal sounds. Perkins also furnishes just enough information both visually and within his screenplay, to keep viewers engaged but forcing them to fill in the narrative gaps themselves. At one point a character is shown to have a substantial supply of medication. Exactly what it is for is never specifically explained. Is it to treat a psychiatric condition of a specific illness? A character refers to the remote location where they and their daughter live and how no one visits them. Is this due to her being an unwedded mother or having some form of mental illness? Both would potentially make them a social pariah in small town America, during the sixties.
Nicholas Cage’s notable performance is not overplayed and his character only makes a few appearances during the film’s first act. His face is obscured initially and it is only during an FBI interrogation scene that we become aware of his curious demeanour. Again whether he is an albino or has acquired such a complexion by avoiding sunlight is never made clear. It is while he is questioned by agent Harker that Cage ups the ante and we become aware that he is not just another broken human being who has morphed into a serial killer. It is at this point that the film commits to a more overtly supernatural plotline, where initially it was deliberately more ambiguous. Beforehand, the murders and associated events could be potentially explained in more conventional terms.
Cinematographer Andrés Arochi does much to build the atmosphere. There are many night scenes with deep shadows and strong, contrasting pools of light. The overall colour palette is somewhat muted but white and red are used vividly. As a result the viewer is kept absorbed by the film’s aesthetic and it doesn’t immediately become apparent that this is a modest budget production with only a handful of characters. There are sufficient jump scares and a couple of scenes of jolting violence, to keep the audience's appetite sated for the staples of the horror genre. The film’s ending is as you would expect, given what has proceeded. Yet despite the series of murders and the implications of direct, satanic intervention, the film still feels restrained in its scope and doesn’t quite have the impact of a cinematic event that some claim it to be. However, less can be more and Longlegs is definitely superior to mainstream horror fare. Osgood Perkins is also a director to keep an eye on.
Exit 8 is a sophisticated and claustrophobic psychological thriller directed by Genki Kawamura, which skilfully transforms a minimalist indie walking-simulator game into a cinematic existential enigma. This overtly metaphorical film renders the repetitive nature and drudgery of modern working life into a physical environment in which the lead character is trapped and must find a way out. A random, brutal maze filled with an atmosphere of indifference to the lab rats that find themselves trapped within. Or is it their personal guilt that has put them there? Genki Kawamura’s psychological mystery draws inspiration from the Japanese video game of the same name, as well as from the cyclical nature of Groundhog Day and endless corridors of the Overlook Hotel in Kubrick’s The Shining. Although there are jump scares and some ghoulish imagery, this is not a horror vehicle. Instead this is a disquieting psychological drama with a strong sense of morality.
In 1968 the dilapidated freighter Corita hastily leaves Freetown to avoid a customs inspection. Captain Lansen (Eric Porter) has a cargo of dangerous explosives which he is smuggling so he can finally retire. His ship’s passengers also have reasons for leaving in a hurry. Dr. Webster (Nigel Stock), together with his daughter Unity (Suzanna leigh), is relocating due to his indiscretions with patients and illegal operations. Alcoholic pianist Harry Tyler (Tony Beckley) is aimlessly drifting from port to port. Eva Peters (Hildegard Knef) is fleeing from her husband with stolen bearer bonds which she intend to use to buy back her son from his evil clutches Caracas. Ricaldi (Ben Carruthers), a questionable lawyer, is pursuing Eva to retrieve the stolen bonds. First officer Hemmings (Neil McCallum) suggests that the ship should return to Freetown after an imminent Hurricane warning. The Captain asks the passengers and they are unanimous that they do not wish to return. However a mutinous crew, the bad weather and the instability of the explosives force everyone to abandon ship. The survivors find themselves adrift in a lifeboat surrounded by a strange carnivorous seaweed.
David Koepp is no stranger to genre cinema, having written the screenplay for such films as Jurassic Park, Spider-man and War of the Worlds. Where these titles are big budget, major studio productions, Cold Storage is a far more modest production with a smaller scope. Adapted from his own novel, the screenplay is by David Koepp and the film is directed by British film-maker Jonny Campbell. At first glance, Cold Storage seems a somewhat derivative science fiction horror film with a relatively modest budget, financed through a convoluted US and French co-production. Lurid green and red colours feature heavily in the marketing artwork and it is easy, after a cursory look, to write the film off as cheap, generic, direct-to-streaming filler. However, Cold Storage is prime example of why you should not judge a book by it’s cover, or in this case, a film by its posters and online advertising. It is in fact an amusing and fun endeavour that can fill an evening.
Despite being considered by many as an original story, The Abominable Snowman (1957) is in fact a remake of a made for television play, The Creature, that was originally broadcast in the UK in 1955. Hammer Films would often purchase the rights of popular TV programs and subsequently re-work them for mainstream, international cinema. Larger production budgets and fewer censorship restrictions allowed them to make their cinematic interpretations more lurid, thus commercially viable. Hence The Quatermass Xperiment, Quatermass II and Quatermass and the Pit were all given a big screen makeover and were commercially successful. The Abominable Snowman was written by acclaimed writer Nigel Kneale, who also wrote the original television drama and the aforementioned Quatermass trilogy. Although ostensibly marketed as a horror film this production is actually an interesting blend of psychological thriller and science fiction.
The Haunted Dolls House is a short film based on a story by M.R. James about a unique antique that is subject to supernatural phenomenon. Adapted by Stephen Gray and David Lilley, this is the third of three short films based upon James’ work that the pair have made. It stars Steven Dolton as Mr. Dillet, a collector of antique dolls houses, who acquires a bargain only to discover that it harbours a ghostly secret. Made on an extremely modest budget over the course of 2012 this clever, innovative and rather sinister adaptation is a fine example of short film creativity. It manages to offer a unique visual depiction of M.R. James’ classic story whilst capturing the unsettling quality of the author’s work. Like so many independently made short films it is clearly a labour of love, made with modest resources. It succinctly captures the spirit of the author’s work and is both innovative and rewarding.
A lot of people may know Luke Evans from the live action version of Beauty and the Beast or Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy. With his matinee idol good looks, charming Welsh demeanour and his “smoky” tenor singing voice, he projects a sense of old school stardom. Which brings us to No One Lives; a film which is a radical departure from his previous work. His performance is disconcerting to say the least and the film is somewhat unhinged. Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, who made an interesting adaptation of Clive Barker’s The Midnight Meat Train, this cinematic outing is similarly replete with robust shocks and gore. There are some interesting ideas about the nature of violence, Stockholm Syndrome and whether one should deny or embrace one’s nature. However, these are ultimately minor asides. Philosophical musings in between bouts of surprisingly striking unpleasantness.
In the near future, Kepler 822, a research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, suffers a sudden and catastrophic structural failure. There are only six survivors. Mechanical engineer Norah Price (Kristen Stewart), Captain Lucien (Vincent Cassel), biologist Emily Haversham (Jessica Henwick), engineer Liam Smith (John Gallagher Jr.) and crew members Rodrigo (Mamoudou Athie) and Paul (T.J. Miller). As all the functional escape pods have been used and they are unable to contact the surface, the Captain suggests using pressurized suits to walk one mile across the ocean floor to the Roebuck 641 drill installation. There they will find more escape pods. However, it soon becomes apparent that the disaster was not caused by an undersea earthquake and that they are not alone as they make their journey.
In Buenos Aires, Clara (Natalia Señorales) hears voices emanating from the plughole in her kitchen sink. The voices seem to be plotting against her. Her husband Juan (Agustín Rittano) says the sounds are coming from next door. That night, Juan finds Clara’s dead body levitating in their bathroom, slamming against the wall by an invisible force. Meanwhile their neighbour, Walter (Demián Salomón), is experiencing supernatural occurrences while he tries to sleep. An invisible force repeatedly shakes his bed. After using a video camera to film these events, he sees a tall, cadaverous figure emerging from under the bed, standing over him as he sleeps. Across the road, Alicia (Julieta Vallina) is grieving for her recently deceased son, who was run over outside Walter’s house. Alicia's ex-boyfriend, police commissioner Funes (Maximiliano Ghione) calls Jano (Norberto Gonzalo), a paranormal investigator and the pair soon discover more supernatural occurrences in the area.
Black Sabbath (AKA I tre volti della paura) is a 1963 horror anthology film directed by Mario Bava. Although an Italian production, the film was co-financed by American International Pictures and as such was conceived to appeal to US audiences. Hence, the English dialogue edit of the film which was released in America differs significantly to the original Italian version. Despite the presence of the legendary Boris Karloff and the popularity of both anthology and gothic horror at the time,the film was only a modest success at the US box office and did not do well in Italy. However, in more recent years there has been a critical reappraisal of Black Sabbath, especially the Italian dialogue version. Many aspects of the film which are standard genre tropes today, were in fact novel at the time. Also despite the production mainly being studio bound, the film oozes style and has a striking visual aesthetic.
During 1836, in the town of Darkness Falls, Maine, an elderly widow Matilda Dixon is adored by the town’s children as she gives them a gold coin whenever they lose a tooth. One day, after a house fire, Matilda is left burned and sensitive to sunlight, so she starts wearing a china mask. When two children are reported missing, Matilda is blamed by some locals, dragged from her home and hung. She curses the town, stating that whenever a child loses their last tooth, she would come for it. If the child looks at her, she will kill them. The missing children are subsequently found, so the citizens cover up their unjust lynching. In 1990, young Kyle Walsh awakes one night to find Matilda Walsh standing over him. Kyle’s mother is killed and he is blamed for her death and institutionalised. 12 years later, Kyle (Channey Kley) is released and tries to warn the town of the imminent danger when lightning disables the power supply. He is ignored by all until the deaths begin.
Osgood Perkins has a distinct visual style and tone to his films. It is why his previous film, Longlegs, was such a welcome change from standard genre outings. It was atmospheric both visually and tonally, demonstrating a keen understanding of horror cinema. Hence he is the perfect director to helm this adaptation of a Stephen King short story. The plot is greatly expanded and the screenplay takes a lot of liberties with the source material but the main themes of your past being inescapable and the power of guilt remain front and centre. Due to the extreme and bizarre nature of much of the onscreen deaths, the film wisely has a strong streak of gallows humour running through it which is extremely well handled. Comedy can often be used to defuse or mitigate violence which can be narratively dishonest (think Fred Krueger). Here it adds to the cruel and capricious nature of the random deaths.
When reviewing Sting, one critic stated that the small scale setting and thus, low stakes (IE only a few peoples lives are at risk), made the film not especially memorable. I consider this to be a somewhat spurious criticism. It is the very fact that Sting takes place in such a commonplace environment, with the main characters being everyday people that makes it different. There is a clear focus on well defined characters and their backstory. Unlike so many contemporary films, I actually gave a damn about the protagonists in Sting. An integral aspect of the horror genre is the ability to take a well known and familiar trope and provide a different and absorbing spin on it .It would appear that some audiences have been belaboured over the head by so many overblown and bombastic blockbusters, that the very notion of depicting small, localised and intimate events in a film, seems to bamboozle them.
Some films are made with the intention of starting a franchise, others evolve into one after a surprise box office success and lucrative sequels. Alien (1979) falls into the latter category. A mid-budget science fiction horror film that was well crafted and then benefited immensely by being released at just the right time. Sadly, many franchises become derailed and enter into a death spiral due to competing artistic visions, cynical studio politics and cinematic ignorance. This has certainly afflicted all subsequent Alien films after James Cameron’s magnificent Aliens (1986). Sometimes, a franchise can correct its course and do something fresh with the source material. Prey (2022) is a fine example of this with director Dan Trachtenberg bringing fresh vigour and intelligence back to the Predator movies. I believe that was the intention with Alien Romulus (2024). Sadly, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is a popular entry among fans of the franchise. This is mainly due to the return of makeup artist, Tom Savini, who creates several notable death scenes and a bravura ending for Jason Voorhees. There is also an attempt by writer Barney Cohen to have a more involving story compared to previous entries in the series. Director Joseph Zito, who previously directed the above average slasher movie The Prowler AKA Rosemary’s Killer (1981), brings a harder edge to the proceedings, making Jason more menacing than in the previous instalment. As ever, the film was dismissed by the critics but performed well at the box office. Producer Frank Mancuso Jr fully intended for this film to be a definitive end to the series, as he was becoming increasingly concerned that his association with the franchise was having a negative impact upon his career.
Set directly after the events of the previous film, Friday the 13th Part III is again about a group of friends staying near Crystal Lake who encounter Jason Voorhees as he embarks upon another killing spree. Shot in 3D the film has a less sleazy tone than its predecessors although the formula remains the same. The set pieces and death scenes are more elaborate and less clinical, taking advantage of the 3D picture format. The film marks the first appearance of Jason's signature hockey mask, which subsequently became a trademark of both the character and the franchise. Originally conceived to be an end to the series of films, Friday the 13th Part III performed extremely well at the box office, earning $36.7 million on a budget of $2.2 million. As a result, the franchise was given a stay of execution and a further sequel was commissioned.
Originally, Friday the 13th Part 2 was intended to be an anthology film based on the superstition associated with the date. However, after the popularity of the original film's surprise ending, the producers opted to continue the story and mythology surrounding Camp Crystal Lake. This eventually became the parameters which all future films would broadly work within. Friday the 13th Part 2 is a more polished production than the first movie, benefitting from twice the budget of the original. The quick turnaround meant that Paramount Pictures could continue to capitalise on the popularity of the slasher genre. However, there was growing social pushback against these types of films, from Christian lobby groups and other “concerned parties”. Hence, Friday the 13th Part 2 ran into problems with the MPAA ratings board and cuts were imposed. Something that would continuously plague the franchise over the years.
Writing any kind of review for the original Friday the 13th movie seems somewhat redundant, as it has been analysed and written about numerous times before. If you’re interested in the film’s production as well as its subsequent impact on US cinema at the time, then there is an excellent summary on Wikipedia. Having recently rewatched the entire franchise, courtesy of the Shout Factory’s Friday the 13th Collection Deluxe Edition, I have a few thoughts I’d like to share. The picture quality of all the films is very good, offering a lot more visual information compared to previous releases. The amount of “extras” included in the box set is prodigious. I suspect that these are the best versions that we’re ever likely to see. Fans hoping that one day all the cut footage will be found and re-integrated into each film are likely to remain disappointed. Some material has surfaced but sadly a lot of deleted and extended scenes have been destroyed.
George A. Romero's Day Of The Dead (1985) is a bleak and remorseless masterpiece. The final entry in his “Dead Trilogy”, its central theme is that in a world on the brink of destruction, man is still the biggest threat to his own existence. It is well scripted, clinically accurate in its observations on human nature and thought provoking, despite having its budget cut just weeks before production commenced. 40 years later it is revered as a genre milestone and is considered one of Romero’s finest works. Sadly, the 2008 “remake” directed by Steve Miner, who has a background in slasher and exploitation movies, takes a contrasting approach, to say the least. It certainly has very little to do with Romero’s film and one can’t help but assume that it is nothing more than a cynical cash in. Setting aside comparisons with the original, this is not in any way a standout zombie film in its own right.
Although I was unaware of it, there was a guerrilla marketing campaign for Longlegs which was focused on the internet rather than traditional television adverts. Hence the film gained a lot of interest prior to its release and as well as some some disproportionate expectations. Then immediately after its theatrical debut, the matter was further compounded by a possible excess of gushing praise as the film was “over reviewed”. Therefore I maintained a degree of scepticism about Longlegs and tempered my expectations prior to watching it. Any film that is hailed as the next Silence of the Lambs, featuring a “traumatising” performance by Nicholas Cage needs to be keenly scrutinised so that its cinematic merits can be carefully separated from the surrounding hyperbole. After viewing I found Longlegs to be a finely honed, atmospheric and precisely targeted horror thriller but not the genre milestone that some would claim.
As a rule, it is always a challenge to end a trilogy of films successfully. Writing a satisfying denouement to a standalone movie is hard enough. To be able to conclude all pertinent story arcs and themes that have been sustained over three feature films, to everyone’s liking is far harder to achieve. In the case of The Final Conflict (1981), the last instalment of The Omen trilogy, writer Andrew Birkin does manage to resolve all of the external, internal and philosophical stakes, which are the fundamental components of a cinematic screenplay. Unfortunately, it is done in an incredibly underwhelming manner, which left audiences feeling cheated. The last time good defeated evil evil in such an unspectacular fashion was in Hammer’s To the Devil a Daughter (1976). This is why, in spite of solid production values, The Final Conflict is the least popular of the films about the Antichrist, Damien Thorn.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a film that often provokes a strong reaction from genre fans. This is mainly due to it not having any direct connection to the previous two films. The absence of Michael Myers in such a franchise was a serious mistake and the subsequent poor box office returns endorsed this. Yet if this film had been released as a separate product it may not have performed so poorly. After re-examining Halloween III: Season of the Witch there are many aspects of interest. Despite a troubled production, the film is an intriguing anomaly that tried to be different during a decade where the established horror formula was “stalk n' slash”. It does have a very bleak tone and some consider it to be mean spirited as the cast are killed off one by one. Perhaps theme of child sacrifice caused audiences to balk?
Ghostwatch is a controversial British horror “mockumentary” produced by the BBC that was first broadcast on October 31st 1992. Written by Stephen Volk and produced by Ruth Baumgarten it is now considered a milestone in UK broadcasting. This was mainly due to the strong reaction it provoked from the public, many of whom failed to grasp that it was a drama. At the time it raised serious questions about responsible programming and caused a furore in the British press. It has curiously never been shown since by the BBC. Ghostwatch remains a talking point to this day and is a text book example of the power of television as well as the publics enduring belief in the supernatural.
Event Horizon is a curious movie hybrid, mixing plot elements from classic sci-fi and horror genres. It has been labelled “Hellraiser in Space” by some lazy critics, although I think there's far more to it than that. Perhaps a more apt description would be a Gothic horror story set in space. The movie has garnered a cult reputation since its release in 1997, mainly due to its graphic imagery and troubled production history. It does indeed have some quite shocking sequences but the lightning editing does not show as much as some would think. Paramount forced director Paul W S Anderson to reduce the original one hundred and thirty minute running time down to a more manageable ninety, after unfavourable test screenings. Much of the violence was allegedly removed as a result of that process. Sadly nothing survives of the removed material other than a VHS workprint. Hence a restored director’s cut is therefore unlikely.
The peace of tranquillity of Santa Ynes, Utah, is shattered when the town becomes the focus of several hit and run deaths, by a mysterious and apparently driverless, black car. After the Sheriff (John Marley) is run down, it is down to Captain Wade Parent (James Brolin) and his deputies to protect the town from this sinister threat. Is the car simply a driven by a mad man or is there a more supernatural explanation? When the car menaces a local school marching band, the teachers and students take refuge in the nearby cemetery. Does the cars inability to enter consecrated ground provide a clue to its otherworldly origins and offer a potential solution? As the death count increases and the population becomes more fearful, the Captain and his team of deputies form a desperate plan to see if they can lure the car into a trap.
The key to success in the horror genre is to try and find an innovative new angle on tried and tested themes and tropes. The Night Flier is an often-overlooked gem, that takes a unique perspective on vampirism and features strong performances as well as an intelligent and thoughtful screenplay. It builds a sense of foreboding during it’s first two acts and teases audiences with some unpleasant prosthetic effects, courtesy of KNB EFX Group. The climax of the movie is both thought provoking and suitably unpleasant. Furthermore, The Night Flier even manages to make a coherent criticism of tabloid culture and morals of those journalists working in the industry. It’s a damn shame that this modest but well-crafted genre movie didn’t get the attention it deserved when it was initially released in 1997.
Dr. Terror's House of Horrors was the first portmanteau horror movie by Amicus Productions. The small British studio was founded by producers and screenwriters Milton Subotsky and Max Rosenberg. As the horror genre grew in popularity due to the success of Hammer films, Amicus saw the potential in the portmanteau format. Subotsky in particular held Ealing Studios 1945 classic Dead of Night in very high regard. Although only a modest budget movie, Dr. Terror's House of Horrors proved to be financially successful and led to a series of similarly structured films over the next decade. These included Torture Garden (1967), The House That Dripped Blood (1970), Asylum (1972), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), From Beyond the Grave (1974),
Ghost Story is a deliberately superficial adaptation of the novel by Peter Straub. If you’ve read the book and are expecting a verbatim retelling of the plot, then you will be disappointed. It’s complex narrative structure and the abundance of characters do not immediately lend themselves to mainstream film making. However, if you like tales of the supernatural and solid performances from Hollywood legends, then this may well be for you. John Irvin has always been a workman like director and has therefore often been overlooked. Films such as Hamburger Hill and When Trumpets Fade show a great deal of focus and a clear understanding of the mechanics of cinema.
The Ruins is similar to both The Mist and Cloverfield , which were released around the same time, in so far that it is rather bleak and unrelenting movie. And like the aforementioned films, its strength lies in the manner in which it tackles the subject of people facing their own death in a credible fashion. In The Ruins the protagonists when faced with the prospect of their own demise quickly descend in to panic and resolutely refuse to face facts. Although these are negative themes that may not be to everyone’s tastes, they make The Ruins both gripping and genuinely scary.
The arcane and esoteric works of author H P Lovecraft have often inspired horror directors. Sadly many of the films that have been made in homage to the Cthulhu Mythos have failed to capture its nightmarish mix of madness and mythology. John Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness is not directly based on any of Lovecraft's specific works but screenwriter Michael De Luca draws his inspiration from many of this recurring ideas and concepts. He then adds a further homage to British writer Nigel Kneale, adding themes that are prevalent in his Quatermass series. Where others have failed, Carpenter successfully crafts a film that alludes to the baroque and eldritch qualities of the Cthulhu Mythos.
Since the late eighties Morgan Creek productions have dabbled with multiple genres whilst pursuing box office success. At times, they have been successful with such populist movies as Young Guns and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. However, for every film that proved financially viable there were often two more that failed to gain an audience. Yet, despite having the business acumen to commission the best writing and directing talent available, co-founders James G. Robinson and Joe Roth have often been at odds with such creative individuals, resulting in many troubled productions. Horror writer and director Clive Barker endured an arduous experience while making Nightbreed, which was based upon his own novella. It was such a negative experience, resulting in a movie that was far from his initial vision, that Barker effectively quit film making. A similar experience befell William Peter Blatty when he was given an opportunity to film a direct sequel to The Exorcist based upon his novel Legion.
Handwriting
I recently had to complete some formal paperwork which required me to fill in various information by hand, in black ink. I sat myself at the dining room table and subsequently started writing the necessary information. To my surprise this proved quite difficult. After a few minutes of trying to write neatly, my right hand started cramping. The more I tried to concentrate and “write casually”, the harder it became. By the time I completed the form, my writing had deteriorated considerably. I was somewhat ashamed of the way I had scrawled over this legal document. To make things worse, I then remembered having handwriting lessons as a child. Overall, I was somewhat perturbed at my apparent loss of the ability to write. However, after some further thought, I wondered when was the last time I wrote anything longhand? Exactly how often do I put pen to paper nowadays?
I recently had to complete some formal paperwork which required me to fill in various information by hand, in black ink. I sat myself at the dining room table and subsequently started writing the necessary information. To my surprise this proved quite difficult. After a few minutes of trying to write neatly, my right hand started cramping. The more I tried to concentrate and “write casually”, the harder it became. By the time I completed the form, my writing had deteriorated considerably. I was somewhat ashamed of the way I had scrawled over this legal document. To make things worse, I then remembered having handwriting lessons as a child. Overall, I was somewhat perturbed at my apparent loss of the ability to write. However, after some further thought, I wondered when was the last time I wrote anything longhand? Exactly how often do I put pen to paper nowadays?
Upon reflection, the last time I wrote anything longhand, would have been last Christmas. The personal messages that I wrote in a few cards to friends. Beyond that I had to complete some legal paperwork in February and March but it really was no more than writing my signature. In fact even writing my name has become a rarity these days. I don’t write cheques anymore. I think the last time I used such an instrument of payment was about twenty years ago. The UK dropped the requirement for signing when using your credit card, roundabout 2002 or so. Thinking further back, when I started my first job for the UK civil service at the end of the eighties, there was still quite a lot of manual written work. A decade later when I left, all written work was done via a PC. Hence, it would appear that for a lot of people, myself included, modern life has no requirement to write with a pen.
A quick Google search verifies my own experience. Handwriting is no longer considered to be as essential as it once was. However some academics argue that handwriting is still an important skill due to its wider cognitive benefits. Handwriting engages different parts of the brain compared to typing. It can help with memory retention such as learning the alphabet. Handwriting can also help develop artistic skills and can provide an opportunity for a child to develop aspects of their own character. However, children today tend to be digital natives and often their first experiences with letters and spelling can be via that medium. Formal handwriting comes later and is certainly no longer developed as a specific skill. Neural divergence is another reason why handwriting is not treated so formally.
Things change. All major cultural shifts have advantages and disadvantages. Technology makes writing a lot more accessible. The digital written word can be disseminated far more quickly and equitably. Yet without the medium of technology, those words cease to exist. However, we still have written words from over 5,000 years ago, written on clay tablets. Setting aside the practical arguments, handwriting as it existed in the past was often a thing of beauty. Consider the script on the US constitution or the UK Magna Carta. I also have letters written by my grandparents and there is an earthy and honest beauty to their personal handwriting. Perhaps we have lost something special by shedding the necessity to write longhand. However, there is nothing to stop anyone concerned by this societal shift, in taking up handwriting as a hobby. Perhaps our need to conserve our heritage may lead to a resurgence?
When I was a child, I quickly learned never to say within earshot of my parents that I was bored. It was quickly met with a response along the lines of “an intelligent mind is never bored” or more worryingly “if you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find you something” which meant a chore or Herculean task. Being a child of the seventies and due to my parents fundamentalist approach to declarations of boredom, I quickly discovered numerous ways to occupy myself. The default solution was a book or comic. I always liked reading as a child and had plenty of books to choose from. I also had numerous of comics as an alternative to a hefty tome. I would also draw and paint. My father use to work during the summer holidays as a design draftsman and as a result, we always had plenty of paper in our house. Then of course there were toys and such like. Hence I learned the art of keeping myself busy.
When I first started this series of posts back in 2023, they were originally intended to provide a useful overview into UK (mainly British) slang. US slang is ubiquitous globally due to the pervasive nature of American culture. Hence most people have a good grasp of its nuances. However, the proverbial door does not swing both ways. Hence most people will watch British TV dramas or read popular novels and can be quite bamboozled by some of the phrases that are used. That is what I was trying to address. However, over time this entire enterprise now reads like a some sort of Guy Ritchie film with Colin as the anti-hero. That notwithstanding, hopefully the list of slang phrases below will prove useful to know, if you ever visit the UK or tour around London. As ever I have given an example of their respective use. Feel free to ask questions if anything needs clarifying, or you wish to leave a comment with examples of you’re own national and regional slang.
As I write this post, the temperature in Greater London is 33°C (91.4°F). This has become a regular occurrence since the middle of May onwards. High temperatures are fine when you’re on holiday mainly because you’re off work and at your leisure. You don’t have to perform the usual daily task that life requires of you such as work, shop, cook, clean etc. Furthermore, if you’re on vacation you’ll probably be staying at a resort or hotel that is fully air conditioned and you’re dressed accordingly. However, if you’re still performing you’re daily routine such as commuting to work and spending time in an office that wasn’t built with such external temperatures in mind, then 33°C is frankly a pain in the ass. Oh and if you’re one of those people who always respond to discussions such as this with “well I live in Riyadh and it’s 40°C here”, please sod off. You live in a desert which is dumb to begin with. Plus this is not a commensurate comparison. Temperatures are rising in the UK. It’s always hot in Saudi Arabia.
If you visit the websites for such UK tabloid newspapers as the Daily Express or the Daily Mail you will no doubt encounter prominent stories about Megan Markle, Nigel Farage and “immigrants”. If these two august institutions are short of column inches, they’ll run a piece about how some former celebrity has had the unmitigated gall and temerity to get old. I mean WTF? How dare they do what human beings are genetically disposed to do. It’s outrageous. Similarly, head over to the Unherd website and you’ll find foam flecked tirades regarding spurious points of contention over dubious subjects. Often the topic being harangued is incredibly niche and I’ve never heard of it before or even considered it being a thing. These sort of talking points are not about informing, debating and most certainly aren’t about thinking. They exist to provoke reactions.
Before we start, let me explain to those readers outside of the UK, the significance of a Dairy Milk Freddo chocolate bar and its relevance to this post. The “Freddo” is an 18g (0.63 oz) chocolate bar, in the shape of an anthropomorphic frog. When it was re-launched by Cadbury in 1990 (it had previously been manufactured by an Australian confectionery company in the seventies), it was priced at 10p (£0.10). It remained at that price until 2005 when a 1p to 2p increase began to occur each year. By 2016 Freddos were retailing at 25p. However, the following year the price “lept” to 30p with an increase that was double its usual yearly rise. This led to public outrage across social media. Since then the price of a Freddo has waxed and waned. Tesco supermarket reduced the price back to 10p as part of their centenary celebrations. The post COVID price in 2022 hit 49p. At present, the average price of a Freddo in the UK is somewhere around 35p.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve written several blog posts about my personal working experiences and my career, such as it was. I touched upon working specifically in IT and how that industry changed over time, both technically and in the way that other people perceived it. I have also given my thoughts on the social dynamics of the modern work environment and the way we interact with our colleagues and employers. That is another area that has changed dramatically. Naturally my retirement from full time work has been written about, as it is such a radical change in one’s life. Especially if you’re the sort of person who is clearly defined by their job, which I personally was not. This time, I want to share a few thoughts I have about what I miss about “going to work” and “having a job”. I’m not sure if “miss” is the right word. Perhaps it is more a question of things being absent. Either way, there are some aspects of being employed that I use to enjoy or at least found beneficial that I now no longer experience.
UK Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer has resigned and intends to leave office before the parliamentary summer recess. By then Andy Burnham will more than likely be voted leader of the Labour Party and by default will become the new Prime Minister. Due to the current size of the incumbent Government’s majority, there is no pressing reason for a General Election that the UK’s right wing tabloid press is currently calling for. Whether this provides the Government with the reset they’re hoping for when Parliament reconvenes in autumn remains to be seen. With seven Prime Ministers coming and going in a decade, there are some serious questions to be asked about the current state of UK politics. However, the mechanics of contemporary politics, the decline of clearly defined ideologies and the people that seek elected office to be our leaders are only half of the problem. The other major impediment to the UK’s democracy functioning properly is the electorate.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Every Thursday, Mrs P volunteers at a food bank that is run from a local church; Avery Hill Christian Fellowship. Today there was a shortage of staff so I agreed to help out. It proved to be an equitable arrangement as she collated the various orders and I packed the bags and took them to the respective clients. The food bank itself is organised and administered by the Trussell Trust, a UK based NGO and charity providing emergency food and support to people locked in poverty. It is open for 2 to 3 hours a week depending upon demand. During today’s session we served just six people. Some weeks its can be triple that amount. Upon closure, a member of staff from the Trussel Trust did a stock take and collated a list of what was needed. This is provided by various local church communities via parishioners donations, as well as local supermarkets who have an arrangement with the trust to provide surplus stock or good approaching the end of their sales window.
There are approximately 4000 parks and green spaces in Greater London. Bexley Borough alone has over 100. Public parks and green spaces are vital to modern cities, providing essential health, environmental and social benefits. They boost physical and mental wellbeing by reducing stress and providing a place for exercise. Furthermore they enhance urban sustainability, mitigate heat, and provide a sustainable environment for a wildlife. Parks are often a venue for social activities and events and as such are an important part of the local community. Going to the park has always been a part of my life. I live next to Old Farm Park in Sidcup and have made use of this recreational space throughout my life. I used visit with my parents in the seventies, when I was a child. Thirty years later my son, father in-law and I would fly kites there. Now I take my grandchildren to Old Farm Park as it now has a playground.
Being a 58 year old man, I welcome any undertaking which can potentially improve my health. One such thing is proactive screening and testing. The UK National Health Service has started doing a lot more of this in recent years, mainly because diagnosing a problem and treating it early is far more efficient and cost effective than retroactive action. Hence this policy and my age is why I was recently sent a NHS Bowel Cancer Test Kit via the post. This screening service takes place every two years for people aged 50 to 74 in the UK. The kit is very quick and simple to use. A sample of your stool is sent via a prepaid return envelope for testing and the entire process is free of charge. Upon receipt, the laboratory test determines whether there is any blood present in your stool, which is a potential indicator of bowel cancer. If detected, an early diagnosis greatly improves any subsequent treatment outcomes.
I like learning things. I always have. During my middle school years I thought I was a mediocre student and often I wouldn’t apply myself. According to an old school report this was because I was “too busy indulging in Tomfoolery”. Then I had the positive experience of meeting an exceptional teacher. Their lessons were the highlight of the week as they had an ability to make the subject matter, Classical History, utterly compelling and relevant. The teacher in question also treated us like adults and the class benefitted from only having five pupils. This really brought home to me that a lot of disinterest and underachievement in education is linked to the paucity of some teachers. One bad teacher can undermine the good work that all the others can do. Perhaps it has improved nowadays?
I’ve had an interest in the paranormal since I was a child. My mother always got books out of the library about ghosts and UFO phenomenon, so in some respects I was influenced by her reading habits. As a child such tales were by default interesting and any potentially scary element naturally made them more enjoyable. However, my father being an academic had taught me to question everything, so I felt fairly evenly equipped when exploring these subjects. Further to this point, over the years I have learned that humans have a very unique perspective on the world. We are hard wired to see patterns, regardless of whether they’re there or not. Our senses can also be fooled and often are. Perhaps the most important aspect of our nature that impacts upon any analysis we make into the paranormal is our penchant for creating stories. Hence unusual experiences can be subconsciously misremembered and “retconned” to form more precise narratives.
I have lived in Sidcup, in South East London, for most of my life. The first two schools that I went to were local and within 15 minutes walking distance. My Doctor’s Surgery and Dentist are only a few streets away, as is the barbershop that I’ve frequented since 1970. I now have my haircut by the son of the original barber. My point being that Sidcup has everything that residents immediately need. There’s a local hospital, good public transport networks and a broad range of shopping and restaurant facilities. It also has several parks with lakes, sport facilities and children’s play areas. It is a microcosm of the concept of suburbia with its residents commuting into Central London or out into Kent for work. People move here to raise families and end up staying. My parents lived here for 62 years.
Our household is currently trying to reduce our monthly overheads in response to the ever increasing cost of living. April is not that far away and a great many service providers will increase their rates and tariff as the new financial year begins. Then there is the ongoing effects, both direct and indirect, of inflation to consider. Although the UK inflation rate is dropping, currently sitting at 3.4% in December 2025, food inflation remains higher at 4.5%. Being based in the UK, salaries and billed services tend to be administered monthly. You get paid usually at the end of the months and bills can turn up at any point, depending upon when you started a service. Any payments coming from central government, such as state pension or other benefits, are paid every 4 weeks. This means that there are 13 payments in a year. I thought it pertinent to clarify this point as other countries, such as the USA, favour a fortnightly financial cycle. Hence as a household we work around a monthly budget.
I try not to let the failings of contemporary capitalism get to me but such a mindset is very hard to maintain. From time to time it does just piss you off and you know damn well that there’s nothing you can do about it. So to begin this tale, at the end of November, our Indesit washer/dryer gave up the ghost after a valiant twelve year lifespan. As a result of this household appliance’s stirling work, it was decided to buy another from the same manufacturer. Their website informed me that the model that had just broken was no longer being produced. However, it recommended two newer appliances that had comparable specifications and more importantly the same size. This washer/dryer had to fit into a fitted kitchen unit. To cut a long story short, a model was chosen, purchased, delivered within 48 hours and installed. The broken predecessor was subsequently taken away. The wonders of modern consumer culture!
I was in a pub last night, catching up with friends before Christmas, when I noticed on the wall something I haven’t seen in a pub for a very long time. A jukebox. In my experiences most of the pubs I go to take one of the following two approaches to background music. They either have a sound system and exclusively manage any music via personally curated playlists from behind the bar. Or they have no music at all. The Wetherspoons chain of pubs broadly follow the latter policy and actively use it as a marketing point. Quiet pubs for clientele that just want to talk can be popular. Hence finding an accessible jukebox was a blast from the past. During the late eighties and early nineties, I regularly visited my local pub and often used the jukebox there, which at the time, was operated by an ever changing store of CDs. The jukebox I encountered last night was digital.
Today is my 58th birthday. It would appear that I have existed for nearly six decades. Put another way, I am over half a century old. All of which has given me pause for thought with regard to the passage of time. A phrase that is often bandied about, but what exactly does it mean? As I understand it, the “passage of time” refers to our perception of the flow of time and how we experience its movement. This is something distinct and different from objective time as measured by clocks. Our subjective experience of time can vary due to multiple factors. Two common examples are how time can feel like it's flying by when we're having fun and enjoying something or dragging its feet when you’re enduring something dull. Other factors are whether we are applying ourselves to a task, concentrating and general activity. Such focus can make time pass quickly.
When Mrs P and I moved into our current home, over twenty years ago, we were both working full time. As the garden was poorly maintained and neither of us had any horticultural skills, we decided to employ a gardener. At the time it was a practical solution to the issue of garden maintenance and remains so today. Hence it is a service we continue to use, although our personal health is now the main reason we pay a gardener.
In July the UK Government introduced the Online Safety Act which requires age checks for accessing sexually explicit content online. As a result of this, Pornhub, the 19th most visited site on the internet, has reported a 77% decline in UK traffic. Furthermore, according to the UK regulatory body, OFCOM (The Office of Communications), overall visits to pornographic websites from the UK have fallen by 33%. Naturally, those who championed this legislation are claiming a moral and political victory. However, once you consider what these facts actually mean, they paint a somewhat different and potentially more worrying picture. It would be staggeringly naïve to think that UK visitors to Pornhub have ceased visiting such sites due to the age verification requirements. The more likely explanation is that UK porn consumers are now using VPNs to circumnavigate these restrictions and that this traffic to Pornhub is now recorded as coming from elsewhere.
Formal education in the UK is a structured process, starting at early years learning and continuing through to higher education at university. Some aspects of the educational system are mandatory, whereas others are optional. At present, children in the UK must start full-time education from the age of 5 and remain until the age of 16. After this age, they are no longer required to attend school per se but must remain in some other form of education or training, such as a vocational college or an apprenticeship. Many students remain at school until 18, as there are specific exams to be obtained that are required for a subsequent university placement. Here is a breakdown of the current process as it exists in the UK.
I don’t know if you have noticed that there are quite a lot of companies that have names taken from Tolkien’s Legendarium. At first glance, this seems innocuous enough. Tolkien’s writings grew in popularity over the seventies and eighties but since the release of the film trilogy at the start of the twenty-first century, his work has become more well known and been assimilated into our wider pop culture. Hence, it seems quite logical that a startup tech company, for example, would choose a name from his writings. No doubt the founders grew up reading The Lord of the Rings and are fans. That all seems plausible. However if you take a further look, it gets somewhat more complex. Here are four companies that have Tolkien based names.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with what I thought to be a crick in my neck on the left hand side. I assumed this was simply due to sleeping awkwardly and so I self medicated with some non-prescription pain relief and judicious use of a heat pad. Unfortunately, the problem has persisted and in the last 24 hours it has become much worse. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 AM and as I sat up in bed, an intense pain ran up the left side of my neck and behind my ear. It took several attempts for me to get out of bed because if I turned my head in either direction or inclined my chin, the pain would again run up the side of my neck. Sitting down, getting up and raising my arms caused similar results. While dressing, I attempted to pull a t-shirt over my head. The pain in my neck on this occasion was so severe that I yelled out loud and nearly blacked out.
I am a non-driver. If you wish to know the specifics of how this situation came about, feel free to read the post I wrote about it back in early 2018. To be succinct, I don’t drive, I’ve never learned how and have never owned a car. I don’t feel that I’ve missed out. In fact I feel quite the opposite. I think I’ve dodged a major hassle and expense in life. Mrs P, my significant other, is the designated driver of our household. She owns a car, insures it and maintains it. She also mainly pays for the petrol, whereas I pick up the tab for other things such as lunch or hotels when we travel. All I have to do is make like Iggy Pop if we go anywhere. The most I am ever called upon to do is navigate using Google maps and Android Auto. Fortunately, Mrs P enjoys driving. Always has done. Hence I look upon this situation as an extremely fortunate and equitable arrangement.
I am getting old. I shall be 58 in December. Now, as soon as you say something like that these days, some folk will get uncomfortable and say things like “age is relative” or “you’re as old as you feel”. Well I don’t measure my age in geological terms, so it’s not relative and I’m not feeling anyone especially young at the moment, so both schools or thoughts can sod off. I am getting old by the yardstick we measure human life by, namely years. I have specific, age related health issues and I just don’t feel as energised as I did a decade ago. There are minor signs, such as deciding to go to bed earlier and taking longer to get dressed after taking a shower. I’m not at death’s door but I am slowing up physically. It would also appear that my reactions are also slowing down as I tend to get massacred in any FPS I play these days. So far, my mental faculties seem to be holding up. However, that is the one thing I worry about the most. The potential loss of cognitive abilities scares the shit out of me.
Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre is the fancy name of our local dump. A few decades ago, this was no more than a scrap yard. The rubbish and bric-a-brac left by the public was sorted and scavenged for resaleable scrap. Everything that was left was subsequently sent to landfill or incineration. Much has changed. Today it is the embodiment of the modern recycling ethos. The recycling centre is a well managed, carefully segregated site providing safe disposal of a wide variety of household and garden waste. Wood, metal and hardcore are recycled and there is similar provision for a multitude of electrical goods. Plastics, oils, paint, batteries can be safely disposed of. I have yet to find a home item that they do not have provision to dispose of. The Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre has won awards for the service it provides and is considered one of the best facilities of its kind in the South East of the country.
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
“Managed decline” is a phrase that refers to the processes associated with the end of a specific lifecycle, with the goal of minimizing costs or other forms of loss. The concept originated in business where it referred to the management of companies and industries. More recently it is used in wider contexts. The concept gained prominence with regard to urban policy, particularly in the UK during the eighties when several major cities suffered economic and political collapse. Of late, the term has been applied to the UK, encompassing a systematic weakening of the economy, social structures, and cultural values, as well as its global political and diplomatic force. In each case, managed decline involves making strategic choices about resource allocation and accepting the consequences of those decisions. It is a complex issue with ethical and practical considerations, often sparking debate about the best way to address decline and reverse the process.
It’s been five years since the COVID-19 global pandemic. At the time it was an utterly alien and tumultuous experience. However, due to the way numerous institutions responded (but not the government), many people thought there would be a great deal of social and political change in the UK afterwards. The pandemic highlighted the impotence of the NHS, as well as those who work in jobs designated as essential. It also shone a spotlight on many of the country’s inequalities. Due to our national character, a real sense of community emerged. Something that had been absent for a very long time. Briefly, we got a glimpse of what the UK could be when we all broadly worked together. There was a sense that now was the time to change the status quo. Sadly, nothing changed. As soon as the vaccination program was launched, the UK quickly slipped back into the mire it’s been wallowing in since the end of WWII.
Prior to writing this post, I clocked a picture on a news website of the now disgraced TV presenter (and nonce) Gregg Wallace. I noticed that he doesn’t smile as such but tends to “gurn” instead. So does UK politician (and cunt) Nigel Farage. He always has his mouth open and his face contorted in some curious rictus, in most of the pictures you see of him. Mind you, I also don’t photograph especially well and any pictures of me smiling tend to look sinister or with a heavy hint of irony. The bottom line is not everyone is good at smiling. It doesn’t come naturally to all of us. This can be a problem at times or in social situations, because smiling is an integral part of our culture. On many occasions, I’ve been walking along, my face in a state of natural repose, only to be harangued by some twat shouting “cheer up, it may never happen”. A phrase I haven’t quite fathomed out, even to this day.
Spotify
I currently have over 152 GB of music on my PC. Approximately 26,000 songs or pieces of music. These are in MP3, Flac and other formats. The files have been sourced from various CDs that I have owned over the years and subsequently “ripped”. Others have been bought from Amazon or other similar sources. In the past I have copied music from friends’ collections and vice versa. The files are mainly categorised by artist or name which is sufficient for me to be able to trawl through them to find what I want. I use foobar2000 as my music player of choice, mainly because it is updated by its developer, plays all major file formats and has no adverts. The interface is verging on the spartan but I prefer this minimalist approach, as I do not require an excess of features.
I currently have over 152 GB of music on my PC. Approximately 26,000 songs or pieces of music. These are in MP3, Flac and other formats. The files have been sourced from various CDs that I have owned over the years and subsequently “ripped”. Others have been bought from Amazon or other similar sources. In the past I have copied music from friends’ collections and vice versa. The files are mainly categorised by artist or name which is sufficient for me to be able to trawl through them to find what I want. I use foobar2000 as my music player of choice, mainly because it is updated by its developer, plays all major file formats and has no adverts. The interface is verging on the spartan but I prefer this minimalist approach, as I do not require an excess of features.
For the last decade or so, this has been my default music set up. As I spend a lot of time in my office, at my desk, this is how I’ve mainly listened to music. A few years ago I ditched the ageing desktop speakers that were attached to my PC and bought a good quality soundbar. It has been a great improvement. I also have a pair of Sony WH-CH520 Wireless Bluetooth Headphones for those occasions when I need to keep the noise down, or for when I’m travelling. However, several things happened in the last year or so which made me question the status quo. The first was Mrs P buying a new car. It didn’t come with a CD player. The second occurred at one of my son’s barbecues. A playlist was collated within minutes with many guests contributing via their existing streaming music accounts. This ensured that there was an equitable representation of all kinds of music, negating any arguments.
Hence, when I received an email offering a 3 month free trial of Spotify last Christmas, I jumped at the chance. Needless to say the flexibility of the platform, along with its substantive music catalogue made it pretty much a no brainer. I lived through the album era and although I like sleeve art, I’ve always found records an inconvenience and never bought into the culture of reverence for them. Similarly, I feel the same way about CDs. So when the MP3 format started to gain traction in the earlier 2000s I quickly adopted it as it had the advantages of superior storage and easy access. Hence, streaming music services are a logical progression. Spotify is convenient and offers easy access. It’s on my PC, phone, smartspeaker. We can also access it when out or in the car.
Setting aside the practical benefits of its accessibility, the other major appeal of Spotify is collating and sharing playlists. Playlists are an excellent means of curating music for specific moods and occasions. As I have an organisational streak to begin with, creating bespoke lists of songs is something I can happily do for hours. I also find sharing other peoples playlists a very useful means of discovering new songs and artists. I can do this with friends and celebrities alike. I recently accessed a list of songs curated by film director Edgar Wright and it was very much to my tastes. However, if you still like to listen to a specific album in order the tracks appear, you can still do this. Spotify will also try and recommend comparable artists based upon your listening history. It’s not a perfect system but it can be quite creative in its choices at times.
The obvious downside to using a streaming service, as opposed to playing the music I already have stored, is the cost. However, I can justify that by the increased accessibility I now enjoy. Another issue that happens from time to time, is not being able to find a specific track. Spotify doesn’t claim to be a definitive music source but it does allow you to add files locally. I have also experienced a few glitches from time to time. Specific songs added to a playlist will sometimes default to alternative versions or mixes for no discernable reason. Material will sometimes be greyed out and unplayable. Presumably due to copyright issues. However, these are minor complaints. So far Spotify justifies its cost by its convenience and so I am happy to endure the expenditure. There are wider issues to consider such as the cultural shift away from “owning” music, to just “renting” it but that is a discussion for another blog post.
Song lyrics can be powerful things. They can capture the mood and spirit of an era. They can also make powerful socio-political points. Or they can simply be pleasing to the listener by their use of language and playfulness. They can stick in your mind for both deep and trivial reasons. Mishearing them is also a common problem but that is a separate blog post. On this occasion I thought it would be worthwhile exploring the subject of song lyrics of note. Hence I have collated some that I find interesting, wise or just entertaining. These aren’t necessarily my favourite songs of all time, because I like so many. Instead these are some of the ones that sprang to mind when I was preparing this post. I have decided to have the selected lyrics first and the name of the artists afterwards, so that the emphasis is placed upon the words from the song. Although is is more than likely that you’ll be able to identify the songs from the lyrics immediately, or at least for some of them.
The transition from purchasing music on CDs, vinyl or via downloads, to on-demand streaming has fundamentally altered the music industry. Furthermore, the current dominance of on-demand streaming as a medium for providing music has actually reshaped how pop music is written, produced and released. Because streaming platforms like Spotify, Apple Music, and TikTok operate on specific payment algorithms and cater to the rapid-scrolling habits of contemporary listeners, producers and songwriters have decided to completely rewrite the rulebook of how pop music is made. These new rules are not one hundred percent ubiquitous and you’ll still find song writers and artists who do things the old way or in a manner that suits them. However, sufficient numbers of song writers have adopted the new methodology, that you can hear the change if you spend a day or so listening to a mainstream pop playlist or radio station that showcases such material.
I was recently listening to some music on Spotify when it struck me how poor the sound quality was. It lacked any depth and certain instruments seemed lost in what I can only describe as a somewhat flat and smudged soundscape. Then I remembered that I had recently reinstalled the app on my PC after the search facility "broke" on the previous install. It would seem that any prior settings and customisations that I may have made had not carried over, not that I recollect specifically making any. I consulted Google Gemini to see if this issue was a common one and low and behold it is. The latest version of Spotify, by default, has the streaming bitrate set fairly low to accommodate data capped internet services or low bandwidth connections. In audio terms the music quality sounds poor. Hence I spent sometime nosing around in the settings to see what needed to be changed to remedy this problem. Here is the breakdown of the alterations that I made.
The Guardian news website have a recurring feature in their “culture” section called Honest Playlist where they ask various celebrities about their music listening habits. There are a dozen or so stock questions that they use to grill their guest, although they don’t always use the same ones. I think it makes for interesting reading so its a column that I often visit. As I haven’t published a post based upon an internet questionnaire for a while, I thought I poach this particular line of questioning and have a crack at it myself. I have chosen the ten questions that I think are the best and by that I mean, they have the most scope for interesting answers. I didn’t include the one about karaoke because it’s not something I especially like. Each to their own. Feel free to similarly purloin this set of questions and write your own responses. I’m always fascinated by these sort of things.
I was in a pub last night, catching up with friends before Christmas, when I noticed on the wall something I haven’t seen in a pub for a very long time. A jukebox. In my experiences most of the pubs I go to take one of the following two approaches to background music. They either have a sound system and exclusively manage any music via personally curated playlists from behind the bar. Or they have no music at all. The Wetherspoons chain of pubs broadly follow the latter policy and actively use it as a marketing point. Quiet pubs for clientele that just want to talk can be popular. Hence finding an accessible jukebox was a blast from the past. During the late eighties and early nineties, I regularly visited my local pub and often used the jukebox there, which at the time, was operated by an ever changing store of CDs. The jukebox I encountered last night was digital.
I recently came up with a random writing prompt for the annual Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event. Namely, “what is your favourite bassline in a song”? For clarity, Wikipedia defines a bassline as follows: Bassline is the term used in many styles of music, such as blues, jazz, funk, dub and electronic, traditional, and classical music, for the low-pitched instrumental part or line played by a rhythm section instrument such as the electric bass, double bass, cello, tuba or keyboard. As I thought of this prompt, it only seems fair that I tackle it myself. Hence, here are five songs that I feel have notable basslines, or that have bassplayers that play in a unique style. I am not especially musically talented myself and therefore not au fait with all the correct musical terminology. However, I will strive to quantify why I think each song is a good example.
This post is not intended to be a comprehensive review of music per se in 2024. It is simply a few thoughts on what I’ve been listening to over the course of the year and my ever changing relationship with the Terpsichorean muse. As a man in his fifties who has always enjoyed multiple genres of music and it is a comforting presence in day-to-day life. Up to a year ago, I relied upon my own music collection on my PC as the source of music to which I listened. Yet, this meant that I was somewhat locked into my own existing tastes and there was limited scope for me to find new material. This changed last December when I started subscribing to Spotify and since then it has become my primary source of music. It caters to my tastes, which at times are quite niche and it gently introduces me to new material without being too invasive. This has proven most beneficial.
I currently have over 152 GB of music on my PC. Approximately 26,000 songs or pieces of music. These are in MP3, Flac and other formats. The files have been sourced from various CDs that I have owned over the years and subsequently “ripped”. Others have been bought from Amazon or other similar sources. In the past I have copied music from friends’ collections and vice versa. The files are mainly categorised by artist or name which is sufficient for me to be able to trawl through them to find what I want. I use foobar2000 as my music player of choice, mainly because it is updated by its developer, plays all major file formats and has no adverts. The interface is verging on the spartan but I prefer this minimalist approach, as I do not require an excess of features.
The following is about a cultural change. That is not to say that it’s a value judgement or one of those posts you so frequently read by bloggers of a certain age, that essentially boil down to “things were better in my day”. It is merely an observation and like all observations it is not 100% universal. There will always be exceptions to the rule. I am simply painting with broad strokes a general truism for your consideration. My point being that people listen, experience and enjoy music differently these days compared to how they did three to four decades ago. I’m not talking about the science of hearing or anything complex like that. I am merely highlighting the change in the way we choose to experience music and how that has an impact upon its creation and presentation. So like Anne Elk, presenting her theory on the Brontosaurus, here is the axiom at the heart of this post.
I was reminiscing about the music of my youth the other day which led me to listen to a track by Pro-Pain. The band formed in NYC in 1991 and their debut album Foul Taste of Freedom got some traction in the UK. I lost track of them after the next album and moved on musically. However, because of my recent fit of nostalgia, I looked the band up on Wikipedia and discovered that they were still going. Now thirty years is quite a long period of time and nothing stays the same forever but even I was surprised to see that the lineup of Pro-Pain had changed over a dozen times. The only original artist in the band today is bass player, lead vocalists and founder member, Gary Meskil. As ever this started a train of thought about the subject. How so many bands have made substantial changes in their lineup over the course of their careers and the respective pros and cons of such decisions.
In 2000, I was the proud owner of a Sega Dreamcast. I had a broad selection of games for the console from multiple genres, including Metropolis Street Racer. This was an early example of an open world driving game which is noteworthy in itself. However, what stood out for me was that this was the first game that I had played which had in-game radio stations. Although this is something that is now de rigueur within this sub-genre, back then this was a novelty. The tracks were stored on the game CD but played selectively according to which radio station you were listening to when driving. The sound even broke up if you went into a tunnel. The songs were all original creations, rather than licensed properties. Although credited to faux bands and bogus artists, composer Richard Jacques wrote and arranged them all. I was especially fond of the Oasis inspired band Salford Quays and the track Live Your Life.
I was a teenager during the eighties and the music that I listened to at the time was a major part of my overall experience. My musical taste influenced how I dressed and sometimes even determined friendships. Going to a gig and seeing music performed live was a major rite of passage. Furthermore, due to there only being a handful of TV channels in the UK at the time, meant that certain key programs were responsible for the dissemination of a broad spectrum of musical genres. Hence, while you waited for a band that you liked to come on, you’d sit and be exposed to a wealth of different artists. Something that tends not to happen nowadays as there is far more choice available. My passion for music persisted throughout the nineties and then began to wane round about the turn of the century. Work and the practicalities of daily life made it increasingly difficult to “keep up”. I used to read the music press and know about contemporary artists. I no longer do this. I often don’t even know what the current Number 1 record is.
I try and keep abreast of what's happening and going on, especially in those areas of interest to me such as movies, TV and gaming etc. Occasionally stuff passes me by that I subsequently discover at a later date, often to the refrain of WTF? A few years ago I was idly channel surfing only to discover that a seminal UK children's TV show from my youth, the Mr. Men, had been remade in a more contemporary idiom. Luckily, the source characters were still relatively unscathed, and the revamped show did a competent job in bringing Roger Hargreaves work to a new generation. Still, no one had told me and discovering this, in such a fashion was a bit of a surprise.
Dining and Table Manners
I saw a post on social media recently which featured a picture of a plate with three slices of cake, along with a cake fork (also known as a pastry fork or dessert fork). I made a comment about using the right tool for the job and then thought how unusual it was to see this particular piece of cutlery these days. I then remembered that my American friends refer to cutlery as silverware, which then got me thinking about table manners and the associated social etiquette around dining. The internet does an excellent job of making the world smaller and because international English and US pop culture are so ubiquitous, you can be fooled into thinking that we’re all somewhat homogeneous in our habits and customs. That, however, is not the case and I have always found these minor differences fascinating. Hence I thought it would be a good subject to explore.
I saw a post on social media recently which featured a picture of a plate with three slices of cake, along with a cake fork (also known as a pastry fork or dessert fork). I made a comment about using the right tool for the job and then thought how unusual it was to see this particular piece of cutlery these days. I then remembered that my American friends refer to cutlery as silverware, which then got me thinking about table manners and the associated social etiquette around dining. The internet does an excellent job of making the world smaller and because international English and US pop culture are so ubiquitous, you can be fooled into thinking that we’re all somewhat homogeneous in our habits and customs. That, however, is not the case and I have always found these minor differences fascinating. Hence I thought it would be a good subject to explore.
My Grandson, is three years old. He has recently discovered that when he comes to stay with myself and Mrs P, we have quite a lot of rules. Particularly at dinner time. During which, we all sit at the table and the TV goes off. We use our cutlery primarily to eat and our hands when appropriate. Everyone stays at the table while eating and you don’t get to wonder off. If you need to go to the toilet, then you politely excuse yourself from the table. We all remain seated until everyone has finished their meal. Finally, the most controversial rule is, if you don’t eat your dinner, then you don’t get dessert. However, these rules are tempered by common sense. Therefore, we will not serve things that are obviously unpleasant to a three year olds palette. I also see no sense in bullying a child into eating something they don’t enjoy. However, I won’t let our grandchildren dine exclusively just on the things they want.
These rules are a variation of those I learned from my parents. However, ours are far more equitable compared to theirs. My mother and father grew up during World War II and endured rationing. Hence they adopted a scorched earth policy with regard to wasting food or any kind of food fad. To their generation, table manners and indeed manners per se were a direct reflection of your personal character. Hence you used the right cutlery in the correct manner. You didn’t chew with your mouth open, nor eat noisily. Although such codes have good intentions, I do feel that ultimately much of the Edwardian culture surrounding manners that endured in the UK until the seventies, was more about reinforcing class division than just promoting politeness. Hence I take a more flexible approach to such things.
Returning to the specifics of dining etiquette, here are a few differences between the UK, Europe, and the US. Let us start with knife and fork usage. In the UK and Europe, the fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right. The fork is kept in the left hand even when eating, and food is either pushed onto the back of the fork with the knife, or impaled on the fork. Americans often use the “zigzag” method. They cut food with the fork in the left hand and knife in the right, then switch the fork to the right hand to eat, setting the knife down. With regard to starting a meal, in the UK it is customary to wait for everyone to be served before starting the meal. In countries like Italy and Spain, it’s polite to wait for the host to say “Buon appetito” or something similar before beginning. In the US, while it’s polite to wait for others to be served, in casual settings, it's common to start eating as soon as your food arrives. Naturally none of these rules are set in stone and practices vary.
Modern life is very different from that of the seventies, or the early nineteen hundreds. Dining, although an important aspect of family life and social interaction, is far less formal. However, I do feel it plays a vital role in bringing people together and learning social dynamics. I also believe that dining together is the quickest way to get to know someone, especially those from a different background. However, not everyone has the same relationship with food as I do. Nor do all enjoy the social dynamic of dining with company. I can fully appreciate how people of an introverted nature and the neural divergent can find the various conventions associated with social dining to be smothering and frustrating. Hence, if you prefer to dine on your own in a casual fashion, free from rules and spoon draining people with big personalities, then so be it.
I however enjoy social dining, mainly due to my love of food and because I do believe in its virtues. I am comfortable eating informally, be it at a drive-through or barbeque, or at formal dinner parties or restaurant. I like meals that are leisurely paced, with an emphasis on enjoying conversation and good company. On my few trips to Europe, I have especially liked that dinner often started late in the evening and was a lengthy process. As for the rules relating to salad forks or fish knives, if you’re not sure then just ask. I was at a fancy restaurant once and ordered snails in garlic sauce as a starter. I asked one of the waiters how one tackled such a delicacy and he happily instructed me in the use of the “tools” that I was presented with.
Inevitably, the subject of dining and table manners, segues into other tangential matters such as napkins (and folding them into swans and gibbons), what condiments you prefer, as well as what drinks you serve with a meal. I will quickly make the following points regarding these. If you’re dining with children, then napkins, kitchen towel, or some sort of moist cleaning wipe are essential. Condiments are so much more than salt and pepper these days. Hence have whatever chutneys, sauces, relish or garnish you see fit. If you want ketchup on your steak, damn everyone else, you go for it. Same goes for what you drink with a meal. If you want red wine with fish, fine. It’s your meal after all. The only advice I’d ever give freely is watchout for grapefruit spoons. And if I were to pick one rule associated with table manners that I think should be set in stone, it’s to thank your host or whoever has prepared the meal.
When I was a child, I quickly learned never to say within earshot of my parents that I was bored. It was quickly met with a response along the lines of “an intelligent mind is never bored” or more worryingly “if you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find you something” which meant a chore or Herculean task. Being a child of the seventies and due to my parents fundamentalist approach to declarations of boredom, I quickly discovered numerous ways to occupy myself. The default solution was a book or comic. I always liked reading as a child and had plenty of books to choose from. I also had numerous of comics as an alternative to a hefty tome. I would also draw and paint. My father use to work during the summer holidays as a design draftsman and as a result, we always had plenty of paper in our house. Then of course there were toys and such like. Hence I learned the art of keeping myself busy.
When I first started this series of posts back in 2023, they were originally intended to provide a useful overview into UK (mainly British) slang. US slang is ubiquitous globally due to the pervasive nature of American culture. Hence most people have a good grasp of its nuances. However, the proverbial door does not swing both ways. Hence most people will watch British TV dramas or read popular novels and can be quite bamboozled by some of the phrases that are used. That is what I was trying to address. However, over time this entire enterprise now reads like a some sort of Guy Ritchie film with Colin as the anti-hero. That notwithstanding, hopefully the list of slang phrases below will prove useful to know, if you ever visit the UK or tour around London. As ever I have given an example of their respective use. Feel free to ask questions if anything needs clarifying, or you wish to leave a comment with examples of you’re own national and regional slang.
As I write this post, the temperature in Greater London is 33°C (91.4°F). This has become a regular occurrence since the middle of May onwards. High temperatures are fine when you’re on holiday mainly because you’re off work and at your leisure. You don’t have to perform the usual daily task that life requires of you such as work, shop, cook, clean etc. Furthermore, if you’re on vacation you’ll probably be staying at a resort or hotel that is fully air conditioned and you’re dressed accordingly. However, if you’re still performing you’re daily routine such as commuting to work and spending time in an office that wasn’t built with such external temperatures in mind, then 33°C is frankly a pain in the ass. Oh and if you’re one of those people who always respond to discussions such as this with “well I live in Riyadh and it’s 40°C here”, please sod off. You live in a desert which is dumb to begin with. Plus this is not a commensurate comparison. Temperatures are rising in the UK. It’s always hot in Saudi Arabia.
If you visit the websites for such UK tabloid newspapers as the Daily Express or the Daily Mail you will no doubt encounter prominent stories about Megan Markle, Nigel Farage and “immigrants”. If these two august institutions are short of column inches, they’ll run a piece about how some former celebrity has had the unmitigated gall and temerity to get old. I mean WTF? How dare they do what human beings are genetically disposed to do. It’s outrageous. Similarly, head over to the Unherd website and you’ll find foam flecked tirades regarding spurious points of contention over dubious subjects. Often the topic being harangued is incredibly niche and I’ve never heard of it before or even considered it being a thing. These sort of talking points are not about informing, debating and most certainly aren’t about thinking. They exist to provoke reactions.
Before we start, let me explain to those readers outside of the UK, the significance of a Dairy Milk Freddo chocolate bar and its relevance to this post. The “Freddo” is an 18g (0.63 oz) chocolate bar, in the shape of an anthropomorphic frog. When it was re-launched by Cadbury in 1990 (it had previously been manufactured by an Australian confectionery company in the seventies), it was priced at 10p (£0.10). It remained at that price until 2005 when a 1p to 2p increase began to occur each year. By 2016 Freddos were retailing at 25p. However, the following year the price “lept” to 30p with an increase that was double its usual yearly rise. This led to public outrage across social media. Since then the price of a Freddo has waxed and waned. Tesco supermarket reduced the price back to 10p as part of their centenary celebrations. The post COVID price in 2022 hit 49p. At present, the average price of a Freddo in the UK is somewhere around 35p.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve written several blog posts about my personal working experiences and my career, such as it was. I touched upon working specifically in IT and how that industry changed over time, both technically and in the way that other people perceived it. I have also given my thoughts on the social dynamics of the modern work environment and the way we interact with our colleagues and employers. That is another area that has changed dramatically. Naturally my retirement from full time work has been written about, as it is such a radical change in one’s life. Especially if you’re the sort of person who is clearly defined by their job, which I personally was not. This time, I want to share a few thoughts I have about what I miss about “going to work” and “having a job”. I’m not sure if “miss” is the right word. Perhaps it is more a question of things being absent. Either way, there are some aspects of being employed that I use to enjoy or at least found beneficial that I now no longer experience.
UK Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer has resigned and intends to leave office before the parliamentary summer recess. By then Andy Burnham will more than likely be voted leader of the Labour Party and by default will become the new Prime Minister. Due to the current size of the incumbent Government’s majority, there is no pressing reason for a General Election that the UK’s right wing tabloid press is currently calling for. Whether this provides the Government with the reset they’re hoping for when Parliament reconvenes in autumn remains to be seen. With seven Prime Ministers coming and going in a decade, there are some serious questions to be asked about the current state of UK politics. However, the mechanics of contemporary politics, the decline of clearly defined ideologies and the people that seek elected office to be our leaders are only half of the problem. The other major impediment to the UK’s democracy functioning properly is the electorate.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Every Thursday, Mrs P volunteers at a food bank that is run from a local church; Avery Hill Christian Fellowship. Today there was a shortage of staff so I agreed to help out. It proved to be an equitable arrangement as she collated the various orders and I packed the bags and took them to the respective clients. The food bank itself is organised and administered by the Trussell Trust, a UK based NGO and charity providing emergency food and support to people locked in poverty. It is open for 2 to 3 hours a week depending upon demand. During today’s session we served just six people. Some weeks its can be triple that amount. Upon closure, a member of staff from the Trussel Trust did a stock take and collated a list of what was needed. This is provided by various local church communities via parishioners donations, as well as local supermarkets who have an arrangement with the trust to provide surplus stock or good approaching the end of their sales window.
There are approximately 4000 parks and green spaces in Greater London. Bexley Borough alone has over 100. Public parks and green spaces are vital to modern cities, providing essential health, environmental and social benefits. They boost physical and mental wellbeing by reducing stress and providing a place for exercise. Furthermore they enhance urban sustainability, mitigate heat, and provide a sustainable environment for a wildlife. Parks are often a venue for social activities and events and as such are an important part of the local community. Going to the park has always been a part of my life. I live next to Old Farm Park in Sidcup and have made use of this recreational space throughout my life. I used visit with my parents in the seventies, when I was a child. Thirty years later my son, father in-law and I would fly kites there. Now I take my grandchildren to Old Farm Park as it now has a playground.
Being a 58 year old man, I welcome any undertaking which can potentially improve my health. One such thing is proactive screening and testing. The UK National Health Service has started doing a lot more of this in recent years, mainly because diagnosing a problem and treating it early is far more efficient and cost effective than retroactive action. Hence this policy and my age is why I was recently sent a NHS Bowel Cancer Test Kit via the post. This screening service takes place every two years for people aged 50 to 74 in the UK. The kit is very quick and simple to use. A sample of your stool is sent via a prepaid return envelope for testing and the entire process is free of charge. Upon receipt, the laboratory test determines whether there is any blood present in your stool, which is a potential indicator of bowel cancer. If detected, an early diagnosis greatly improves any subsequent treatment outcomes.
I like learning things. I always have. During my middle school years I thought I was a mediocre student and often I wouldn’t apply myself. According to an old school report this was because I was “too busy indulging in Tomfoolery”. Then I had the positive experience of meeting an exceptional teacher. Their lessons were the highlight of the week as they had an ability to make the subject matter, Classical History, utterly compelling and relevant. The teacher in question also treated us like adults and the class benefitted from only having five pupils. This really brought home to me that a lot of disinterest and underachievement in education is linked to the paucity of some teachers. One bad teacher can undermine the good work that all the others can do. Perhaps it has improved nowadays?
I’ve had an interest in the paranormal since I was a child. My mother always got books out of the library about ghosts and UFO phenomenon, so in some respects I was influenced by her reading habits. As a child such tales were by default interesting and any potentially scary element naturally made them more enjoyable. However, my father being an academic had taught me to question everything, so I felt fairly evenly equipped when exploring these subjects. Further to this point, over the years I have learned that humans have a very unique perspective on the world. We are hard wired to see patterns, regardless of whether they’re there or not. Our senses can also be fooled and often are. Perhaps the most important aspect of our nature that impacts upon any analysis we make into the paranormal is our penchant for creating stories. Hence unusual experiences can be subconsciously misremembered and “retconned” to form more precise narratives.
I have lived in Sidcup, in South East London, for most of my life. The first two schools that I went to were local and within 15 minutes walking distance. My Doctor’s Surgery and Dentist are only a few streets away, as is the barbershop that I’ve frequented since 1970. I now have my haircut by the son of the original barber. My point being that Sidcup has everything that residents immediately need. There’s a local hospital, good public transport networks and a broad range of shopping and restaurant facilities. It also has several parks with lakes, sport facilities and children’s play areas. It is a microcosm of the concept of suburbia with its residents commuting into Central London or out into Kent for work. People move here to raise families and end up staying. My parents lived here for 62 years.
Our household is currently trying to reduce our monthly overheads in response to the ever increasing cost of living. April is not that far away and a great many service providers will increase their rates and tariff as the new financial year begins. Then there is the ongoing effects, both direct and indirect, of inflation to consider. Although the UK inflation rate is dropping, currently sitting at 3.4% in December 2025, food inflation remains higher at 4.5%. Being based in the UK, salaries and billed services tend to be administered monthly. You get paid usually at the end of the months and bills can turn up at any point, depending upon when you started a service. Any payments coming from central government, such as state pension or other benefits, are paid every 4 weeks. This means that there are 13 payments in a year. I thought it pertinent to clarify this point as other countries, such as the USA, favour a fortnightly financial cycle. Hence as a household we work around a monthly budget.
I try not to let the failings of contemporary capitalism get to me but such a mindset is very hard to maintain. From time to time it does just piss you off and you know damn well that there’s nothing you can do about it. So to begin this tale, at the end of November, our Indesit washer/dryer gave up the ghost after a valiant twelve year lifespan. As a result of this household appliance’s stirling work, it was decided to buy another from the same manufacturer. Their website informed me that the model that had just broken was no longer being produced. However, it recommended two newer appliances that had comparable specifications and more importantly the same size. This washer/dryer had to fit into a fitted kitchen unit. To cut a long story short, a model was chosen, purchased, delivered within 48 hours and installed. The broken predecessor was subsequently taken away. The wonders of modern consumer culture!
I was in a pub last night, catching up with friends before Christmas, when I noticed on the wall something I haven’t seen in a pub for a very long time. A jukebox. In my experiences most of the pubs I go to take one of the following two approaches to background music. They either have a sound system and exclusively manage any music via personally curated playlists from behind the bar. Or they have no music at all. The Wetherspoons chain of pubs broadly follow the latter policy and actively use it as a marketing point. Quiet pubs for clientele that just want to talk can be popular. Hence finding an accessible jukebox was a blast from the past. During the late eighties and early nineties, I regularly visited my local pub and often used the jukebox there, which at the time, was operated by an ever changing store of CDs. The jukebox I encountered last night was digital.
Today is my 58th birthday. It would appear that I have existed for nearly six decades. Put another way, I am over half a century old. All of which has given me pause for thought with regard to the passage of time. A phrase that is often bandied about, but what exactly does it mean? As I understand it, the “passage of time” refers to our perception of the flow of time and how we experience its movement. This is something distinct and different from objective time as measured by clocks. Our subjective experience of time can vary due to multiple factors. Two common examples are how time can feel like it's flying by when we're having fun and enjoying something or dragging its feet when you’re enduring something dull. Other factors are whether we are applying ourselves to a task, concentrating and general activity. Such focus can make time pass quickly.
When Mrs P and I moved into our current home, over twenty years ago, we were both working full time. As the garden was poorly maintained and neither of us had any horticultural skills, we decided to employ a gardener. At the time it was a practical solution to the issue of garden maintenance and remains so today. Hence it is a service we continue to use, although our personal health is now the main reason we pay a gardener.
In July the UK Government introduced the Online Safety Act which requires age checks for accessing sexually explicit content online. As a result of this, Pornhub, the 19th most visited site on the internet, has reported a 77% decline in UK traffic. Furthermore, according to the UK regulatory body, OFCOM (The Office of Communications), overall visits to pornographic websites from the UK have fallen by 33%. Naturally, those who championed this legislation are claiming a moral and political victory. However, once you consider what these facts actually mean, they paint a somewhat different and potentially more worrying picture. It would be staggeringly naïve to think that UK visitors to Pornhub have ceased visiting such sites due to the age verification requirements. The more likely explanation is that UK porn consumers are now using VPNs to circumnavigate these restrictions and that this traffic to Pornhub is now recorded as coming from elsewhere.
Formal education in the UK is a structured process, starting at early years learning and continuing through to higher education at university. Some aspects of the educational system are mandatory, whereas others are optional. At present, children in the UK must start full-time education from the age of 5 and remain until the age of 16. After this age, they are no longer required to attend school per se but must remain in some other form of education or training, such as a vocational college or an apprenticeship. Many students remain at school until 18, as there are specific exams to be obtained that are required for a subsequent university placement. Here is a breakdown of the current process as it exists in the UK.
I don’t know if you have noticed that there are quite a lot of companies that have names taken from Tolkien’s Legendarium. At first glance, this seems innocuous enough. Tolkien’s writings grew in popularity over the seventies and eighties but since the release of the film trilogy at the start of the twenty-first century, his work has become more well known and been assimilated into our wider pop culture. Hence, it seems quite logical that a startup tech company, for example, would choose a name from his writings. No doubt the founders grew up reading The Lord of the Rings and are fans. That all seems plausible. However if you take a further look, it gets somewhat more complex. Here are four companies that have Tolkien based names.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with what I thought to be a crick in my neck on the left hand side. I assumed this was simply due to sleeping awkwardly and so I self medicated with some non-prescription pain relief and judicious use of a heat pad. Unfortunately, the problem has persisted and in the last 24 hours it has become much worse. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 AM and as I sat up in bed, an intense pain ran up the left side of my neck and behind my ear. It took several attempts for me to get out of bed because if I turned my head in either direction or inclined my chin, the pain would again run up the side of my neck. Sitting down, getting up and raising my arms caused similar results. While dressing, I attempted to pull a t-shirt over my head. The pain in my neck on this occasion was so severe that I yelled out loud and nearly blacked out.
I am a non-driver. If you wish to know the specifics of how this situation came about, feel free to read the post I wrote about it back in early 2018. To be succinct, I don’t drive, I’ve never learned how and have never owned a car. I don’t feel that I’ve missed out. In fact I feel quite the opposite. I think I’ve dodged a major hassle and expense in life. Mrs P, my significant other, is the designated driver of our household. She owns a car, insures it and maintains it. She also mainly pays for the petrol, whereas I pick up the tab for other things such as lunch or hotels when we travel. All I have to do is make like Iggy Pop if we go anywhere. The most I am ever called upon to do is navigate using Google maps and Android Auto. Fortunately, Mrs P enjoys driving. Always has done. Hence I look upon this situation as an extremely fortunate and equitable arrangement.
I am getting old. I shall be 58 in December. Now, as soon as you say something like that these days, some folk will get uncomfortable and say things like “age is relative” or “you’re as old as you feel”. Well I don’t measure my age in geological terms, so it’s not relative and I’m not feeling anyone especially young at the moment, so both schools or thoughts can sod off. I am getting old by the yardstick we measure human life by, namely years. I have specific, age related health issues and I just don’t feel as energised as I did a decade ago. There are minor signs, such as deciding to go to bed earlier and taking longer to get dressed after taking a shower. I’m not at death’s door but I am slowing up physically. It would also appear that my reactions are also slowing down as I tend to get massacred in any FPS I play these days. So far, my mental faculties seem to be holding up. However, that is the one thing I worry about the most. The potential loss of cognitive abilities scares the shit out of me.
Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre is the fancy name of our local dump. A few decades ago, this was no more than a scrap yard. The rubbish and bric-a-brac left by the public was sorted and scavenged for resaleable scrap. Everything that was left was subsequently sent to landfill or incineration. Much has changed. Today it is the embodiment of the modern recycling ethos. The recycling centre is a well managed, carefully segregated site providing safe disposal of a wide variety of household and garden waste. Wood, metal and hardcore are recycled and there is similar provision for a multitude of electrical goods. Plastics, oils, paint, batteries can be safely disposed of. I have yet to find a home item that they do not have provision to dispose of. The Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre has won awards for the service it provides and is considered one of the best facilities of its kind in the South East of the country.
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
“Managed decline” is a phrase that refers to the processes associated with the end of a specific lifecycle, with the goal of minimizing costs or other forms of loss. The concept originated in business where it referred to the management of companies and industries. More recently it is used in wider contexts. The concept gained prominence with regard to urban policy, particularly in the UK during the eighties when several major cities suffered economic and political collapse. Of late, the term has been applied to the UK, encompassing a systematic weakening of the economy, social structures, and cultural values, as well as its global political and diplomatic force. In each case, managed decline involves making strategic choices about resource allocation and accepting the consequences of those decisions. It is a complex issue with ethical and practical considerations, often sparking debate about the best way to address decline and reverse the process.
It’s been five years since the COVID-19 global pandemic. At the time it was an utterly alien and tumultuous experience. However, due to the way numerous institutions responded (but not the government), many people thought there would be a great deal of social and political change in the UK afterwards. The pandemic highlighted the impotence of the NHS, as well as those who work in jobs designated as essential. It also shone a spotlight on many of the country’s inequalities. Due to our national character, a real sense of community emerged. Something that had been absent for a very long time. Briefly, we got a glimpse of what the UK could be when we all broadly worked together. There was a sense that now was the time to change the status quo. Sadly, nothing changed. As soon as the vaccination program was launched, the UK quickly slipped back into the mire it’s been wallowing in since the end of WWII.
Prior to writing this post, I clocked a picture on a news website of the now disgraced TV presenter (and nonce) Gregg Wallace. I noticed that he doesn’t smile as such but tends to “gurn” instead. So does UK politician (and cunt) Nigel Farage. He always has his mouth open and his face contorted in some curious rictus, in most of the pictures you see of him. Mind you, I also don’t photograph especially well and any pictures of me smiling tend to look sinister or with a heavy hint of irony. The bottom line is not everyone is good at smiling. It doesn’t come naturally to all of us. This can be a problem at times or in social situations, because smiling is an integral part of our culture. On many occasions, I’ve been walking along, my face in a state of natural repose, only to be harangued by some twat shouting “cheer up, it may never happen”. A phrase I haven’t quite fathomed out, even to this day.
The Final Conflict (1981)
As a rule, it is always a challenge to end a trilogy of films successfully. Writing a satisfying denouement to a standalone movie is hard enough. To be able to conclude all pertinent story arcs and themes that have been sustained over three feature films, to everyone’s liking is far harder to achieve. In the case of The Final Conflict (1981), the last instalment of The Omen trilogy, writer Andrew Birkin does manage to resolve all of the external, internal and philosophical stakes, which are the fundamental components of a cinematic screenplay. Unfortunately, it is done in an incredibly underwhelming manner, which left audiences feeling cheated. The last time good defeated evil evil in such an unspectacular fashion was in Hammer’s To the Devil a Daughter (1976). This is why, in spite of solid production values, The Final Conflict is the least popular of the films about the Antichrist, Damien Thorn.
As a rule, it is always a challenge to end a trilogy of films successfully. Writing a satisfying denouement to a standalone movie is hard enough. To be able to conclude all pertinent story arcs and themes that have been sustained over three feature films, to everyone’s liking is far harder to achieve. In the case of The Final Conflict (1981), the last instalment of The Omen trilogy, writer Andrew Birkin does manage to resolve all of the external, internal and philosophical stakes, which are the fundamental components of a cinematic screenplay. Unfortunately, it is done in an incredibly underwhelming manner, which left audiences feeling cheated. The last time good defeated evil evil in such an unspectacular fashion was in Hammer’s To the Devil a Daughter (1976). This is why, in spite of solid production values, The Final Conflict is the least popular of the films about the Antichrist, Damien Thorn.
Damien Thorn (Sam Neill), is now 32 years old and head of his late uncle's international conglomerate, Thorn Industries. The US president appoints him Ambassador to Great Britain, which Thorn reluctantly accepts on the condition he also becomes head of the UN Youth Council. Thorn moves to the UK and continues his international scheming. However, an alignment of the stars heralds the Second Coming of Christ who, according to scripture, is to be born in England. Thorn subsequently orders all boys in the country born during the alignment to be killed. Meanwhile, Father DeCarlo (Rossano Brazzi) and six other priests recover the seven daggers of Megiddo, the only holy artefacts that can kill the Antichrist. They seek to hunt Thorn in the hope of killing him before he can destroy the Christ-child. But when the first assassin attempt goes awry, Thorn becomes aware of their plans.
The Final Conflict benefits greatly from the casting of Sam Neil as Damien Thorn. He is suitably charming and brooding. Filmed mainly in the UK, the production values are high and the film uses such locations as Cornwall and North Yorkshire extremely well. The cinematography is handled by Phil Meheux and Robert Paynter, who were both stalwarts of the UK film industry at the time. Jerry Goldsmith’s score is magnificent and does much of the heavy lifting, adding a sense of gravitas and gothic dread. The screenplay includes some bold ideas with themes of political manipulation by Thorn industries, as they create the very environmental disasters that they subsequently supply aid to. Director Graham Baker does not shy away from the infanticides ordered by Damien Thorn. Although not explicit, it is a disturbing aspect of the story.
Yet, despite so many positive points, The Final Conflict runs out of steam after the first hour. Too many good ideas are not developed sufficiently. The international intrigue alluded to at boardroom level, takes place off screen. The film would have been substantially improved if we saw directly Damien Thorn travelling the world and engaging with refugees and becoming a champion of the people. Including international locations would have better conveyed his global reach. Damien also doesn’t get to spar with his adversary. Instead he berates and harangues Christ via a rather disturbing full size crucifix that he keeps locked in an attic. Perhaps the biggest mistake the film makes is with the extravagant and contrived set pieces that befall those who discover Damien Thorn’s true nature. These had become a hallmark of the franchise. The first two onscreen deaths work well but the rest fall somewhat flat and simply aren’t shocking enough. As for ending, it serves its purpose but nothing more.
Overall, The Final Conflict is a well made but disappointing conclusion to what was originally a very intriguing franchise. Perhaps with a larger budget and a broader narrative scope that made the story more international, it could have fulfilled its potential. It certainly should have been more ambitious with its death scenes as its two predecessors were. Sadly instead of a decapitation with a sheet of glass or bisection by a lift cable, we have to make do with a high fall from a viaduct and a couple of stabbings. And then there’s the underwhelming ending. The more you think about it, the more you wonder how the studio thought this would be an appropriate ending. As it stands, The Final Conflict is watchable but offers nothing more than a perfunctory ending to the story of the rise and fall of Antichrist, Damien Thorn. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
Exit 8 is a sophisticated and claustrophobic psychological thriller directed by Genki Kawamura, which skilfully transforms a minimalist indie walking-simulator game into a cinematic existential enigma. This overtly metaphorical film renders the repetitive nature and drudgery of modern working life into a physical environment in which the lead character is trapped and must find a way out. A random, brutal maze filled with an atmosphere of indifference to the lab rats that find themselves trapped within. Or is it their personal guilt that has put them there? Genki Kawamura’s psychological mystery draws inspiration from the Japanese video game of the same name, as well as from the cyclical nature of Groundhog Day and endless corridors of the Overlook Hotel in Kubrick’s The Shining. Although there are jump scares and some ghoulish imagery, this is not a horror vehicle. Instead this is a disquieting psychological drama with a strong sense of morality.
In 1968 the dilapidated freighter Corita hastily leaves Freetown to avoid a customs inspection. Captain Lansen (Eric Porter) has a cargo of dangerous explosives which he is smuggling so he can finally retire. His ship’s passengers also have reasons for leaving in a hurry. Dr. Webster (Nigel Stock), together with his daughter Unity (Suzanna leigh), is relocating due to his indiscretions with patients and illegal operations. Alcoholic pianist Harry Tyler (Tony Beckley) is aimlessly drifting from port to port. Eva Peters (Hildegard Knef) is fleeing from her husband with stolen bearer bonds which she intend to use to buy back her son from his evil clutches Caracas. Ricaldi (Ben Carruthers), a questionable lawyer, is pursuing Eva to retrieve the stolen bonds. First officer Hemmings (Neil McCallum) suggests that the ship should return to Freetown after an imminent Hurricane warning. The Captain asks the passengers and they are unanimous that they do not wish to return. However a mutinous crew, the bad weather and the instability of the explosives force everyone to abandon ship. The survivors find themselves adrift in a lifeboat surrounded by a strange carnivorous seaweed.
David Koepp is no stranger to genre cinema, having written the screenplay for such films as Jurassic Park, Spider-man and War of the Worlds. Where these titles are big budget, major studio productions, Cold Storage is a far more modest production with a smaller scope. Adapted from his own novel, the screenplay is by David Koepp and the film is directed by British film-maker Jonny Campbell. At first glance, Cold Storage seems a somewhat derivative science fiction horror film with a relatively modest budget, financed through a convoluted US and French co-production. Lurid green and red colours feature heavily in the marketing artwork and it is easy, after a cursory look, to write the film off as cheap, generic, direct-to-streaming filler. However, Cold Storage is prime example of why you should not judge a book by it’s cover, or in this case, a film by its posters and online advertising. It is in fact an amusing and fun endeavour that can fill an evening.
Despite being considered by many as an original story, The Abominable Snowman (1957) is in fact a remake of a made for television play, The Creature, that was originally broadcast in the UK in 1955. Hammer Films would often purchase the rights of popular TV programs and subsequently re-work them for mainstream, international cinema. Larger production budgets and fewer censorship restrictions allowed them to make their cinematic interpretations more lurid, thus commercially viable. Hence The Quatermass Xperiment, Quatermass II and Quatermass and the Pit were all given a big screen makeover and were commercially successful. The Abominable Snowman was written by acclaimed writer Nigel Kneale, who also wrote the original television drama and the aforementioned Quatermass trilogy. Although ostensibly marketed as a horror film this production is actually an interesting blend of psychological thriller and science fiction.
The Haunted Dolls House is a short film based on a story by M.R. James about a unique antique that is subject to supernatural phenomenon. Adapted by Stephen Gray and David Lilley, this is the third of three short films based upon James’ work that the pair have made. It stars Steven Dolton as Mr. Dillet, a collector of antique dolls houses, who acquires a bargain only to discover that it harbours a ghostly secret. Made on an extremely modest budget over the course of 2012 this clever, innovative and rather sinister adaptation is a fine example of short film creativity. It manages to offer a unique visual depiction of M.R. James’ classic story whilst capturing the unsettling quality of the author’s work. Like so many independently made short films it is clearly a labour of love, made with modest resources. It succinctly captures the spirit of the author’s work and is both innovative and rewarding.
A lot of people may know Luke Evans from the live action version of Beauty and the Beast or Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy. With his matinee idol good looks, charming Welsh demeanour and his “smoky” tenor singing voice, he projects a sense of old school stardom. Which brings us to No One Lives; a film which is a radical departure from his previous work. His performance is disconcerting to say the least and the film is somewhat unhinged. Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, who made an interesting adaptation of Clive Barker’s The Midnight Meat Train, this cinematic outing is similarly replete with robust shocks and gore. There are some interesting ideas about the nature of violence, Stockholm Syndrome and whether one should deny or embrace one’s nature. However, these are ultimately minor asides. Philosophical musings in between bouts of surprisingly striking unpleasantness.
In the near future, Kepler 822, a research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, suffers a sudden and catastrophic structural failure. There are only six survivors. Mechanical engineer Norah Price (Kristen Stewart), Captain Lucien (Vincent Cassel), biologist Emily Haversham (Jessica Henwick), engineer Liam Smith (John Gallagher Jr.) and crew members Rodrigo (Mamoudou Athie) and Paul (T.J. Miller). As all the functional escape pods have been used and they are unable to contact the surface, the Captain suggests using pressurized suits to walk one mile across the ocean floor to the Roebuck 641 drill installation. There they will find more escape pods. However, it soon becomes apparent that the disaster was not caused by an undersea earthquake and that they are not alone as they make their journey.
In Buenos Aires, Clara (Natalia Señorales) hears voices emanating from the plughole in her kitchen sink. The voices seem to be plotting against her. Her husband Juan (Agustín Rittano) says the sounds are coming from next door. That night, Juan finds Clara’s dead body levitating in their bathroom, slamming against the wall by an invisible force. Meanwhile their neighbour, Walter (Demián Salomón), is experiencing supernatural occurrences while he tries to sleep. An invisible force repeatedly shakes his bed. After using a video camera to film these events, he sees a tall, cadaverous figure emerging from under the bed, standing over him as he sleeps. Across the road, Alicia (Julieta Vallina) is grieving for her recently deceased son, who was run over outside Walter’s house. Alicia's ex-boyfriend, police commissioner Funes (Maximiliano Ghione) calls Jano (Norberto Gonzalo), a paranormal investigator and the pair soon discover more supernatural occurrences in the area.
Black Sabbath (AKA I tre volti della paura) is a 1963 horror anthology film directed by Mario Bava. Although an Italian production, the film was co-financed by American International Pictures and as such was conceived to appeal to US audiences. Hence, the English dialogue edit of the film which was released in America differs significantly to the original Italian version. Despite the presence of the legendary Boris Karloff and the popularity of both anthology and gothic horror at the time,the film was only a modest success at the US box office and did not do well in Italy. However, in more recent years there has been a critical reappraisal of Black Sabbath, especially the Italian dialogue version. Many aspects of the film which are standard genre tropes today, were in fact novel at the time. Also despite the production mainly being studio bound, the film oozes style and has a striking visual aesthetic.
During 1836, in the town of Darkness Falls, Maine, an elderly widow Matilda Dixon is adored by the town’s children as she gives them a gold coin whenever they lose a tooth. One day, after a house fire, Matilda is left burned and sensitive to sunlight, so she starts wearing a china mask. When two children are reported missing, Matilda is blamed by some locals, dragged from her home and hung. She curses the town, stating that whenever a child loses their last tooth, she would come for it. If the child looks at her, she will kill them. The missing children are subsequently found, so the citizens cover up their unjust lynching. In 1990, young Kyle Walsh awakes one night to find Matilda Walsh standing over him. Kyle’s mother is killed and he is blamed for her death and institutionalised. 12 years later, Kyle (Channey Kley) is released and tries to warn the town of the imminent danger when lightning disables the power supply. He is ignored by all until the deaths begin.
Osgood Perkins has a distinct visual style and tone to his films. It is why his previous film, Longlegs, was such a welcome change from standard genre outings. It was atmospheric both visually and tonally, demonstrating a keen understanding of horror cinema. Hence he is the perfect director to helm this adaptation of a Stephen King short story. The plot is greatly expanded and the screenplay takes a lot of liberties with the source material but the main themes of your past being inescapable and the power of guilt remain front and centre. Due to the extreme and bizarre nature of much of the onscreen deaths, the film wisely has a strong streak of gallows humour running through it which is extremely well handled. Comedy can often be used to defuse or mitigate violence which can be narratively dishonest (think Fred Krueger). Here it adds to the cruel and capricious nature of the random deaths.
When reviewing Sting, one critic stated that the small scale setting and thus, low stakes (IE only a few peoples lives are at risk), made the film not especially memorable. I consider this to be a somewhat spurious criticism. It is the very fact that Sting takes place in such a commonplace environment, with the main characters being everyday people that makes it different. There is a clear focus on well defined characters and their backstory. Unlike so many contemporary films, I actually gave a damn about the protagonists in Sting. An integral aspect of the horror genre is the ability to take a well known and familiar trope and provide a different and absorbing spin on it .It would appear that some audiences have been belaboured over the head by so many overblown and bombastic blockbusters, that the very notion of depicting small, localised and intimate events in a film, seems to bamboozle them.
Some films are made with the intention of starting a franchise, others evolve into one after a surprise box office success and lucrative sequels. Alien (1979) falls into the latter category. A mid-budget science fiction horror film that was well crafted and then benefited immensely by being released at just the right time. Sadly, many franchises become derailed and enter into a death spiral due to competing artistic visions, cynical studio politics and cinematic ignorance. This has certainly afflicted all subsequent Alien films after James Cameron’s magnificent Aliens (1986). Sometimes, a franchise can correct its course and do something fresh with the source material. Prey (2022) is a fine example of this with director Dan Trachtenberg bringing fresh vigour and intelligence back to the Predator movies. I believe that was the intention with Alien Romulus (2024). Sadly, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is a popular entry among fans of the franchise. This is mainly due to the return of makeup artist, Tom Savini, who creates several notable death scenes and a bravura ending for Jason Voorhees. There is also an attempt by writer Barney Cohen to have a more involving story compared to previous entries in the series. Director Joseph Zito, who previously directed the above average slasher movie The Prowler AKA Rosemary’s Killer (1981), brings a harder edge to the proceedings, making Jason more menacing than in the previous instalment. As ever, the film was dismissed by the critics but performed well at the box office. Producer Frank Mancuso Jr fully intended for this film to be a definitive end to the series, as he was becoming increasingly concerned that his association with the franchise was having a negative impact upon his career.
Set directly after the events of the previous film, Friday the 13th Part III is again about a group of friends staying near Crystal Lake who encounter Jason Voorhees as he embarks upon another killing spree. Shot in 3D the film has a less sleazy tone than its predecessors although the formula remains the same. The set pieces and death scenes are more elaborate and less clinical, taking advantage of the 3D picture format. The film marks the first appearance of Jason's signature hockey mask, which subsequently became a trademark of both the character and the franchise. Originally conceived to be an end to the series of films, Friday the 13th Part III performed extremely well at the box office, earning $36.7 million on a budget of $2.2 million. As a result, the franchise was given a stay of execution and a further sequel was commissioned.
Originally, Friday the 13th Part 2 was intended to be an anthology film based on the superstition associated with the date. However, after the popularity of the original film's surprise ending, the producers opted to continue the story and mythology surrounding Camp Crystal Lake. This eventually became the parameters which all future films would broadly work within. Friday the 13th Part 2 is a more polished production than the first movie, benefitting from twice the budget of the original. The quick turnaround meant that Paramount Pictures could continue to capitalise on the popularity of the slasher genre. However, there was growing social pushback against these types of films, from Christian lobby groups and other “concerned parties”. Hence, Friday the 13th Part 2 ran into problems with the MPAA ratings board and cuts were imposed. Something that would continuously plague the franchise over the years.
Writing any kind of review for the original Friday the 13th movie seems somewhat redundant, as it has been analysed and written about numerous times before. If you’re interested in the film’s production as well as its subsequent impact on US cinema at the time, then there is an excellent summary on Wikipedia. Having recently rewatched the entire franchise, courtesy of the Shout Factory’s Friday the 13th Collection Deluxe Edition, I have a few thoughts I’d like to share. The picture quality of all the films is very good, offering a lot more visual information compared to previous releases. The amount of “extras” included in the box set is prodigious. I suspect that these are the best versions that we’re ever likely to see. Fans hoping that one day all the cut footage will be found and re-integrated into each film are likely to remain disappointed. Some material has surfaced but sadly a lot of deleted and extended scenes have been destroyed.
George A. Romero's Day Of The Dead (1985) is a bleak and remorseless masterpiece. The final entry in his “Dead Trilogy”, its central theme is that in a world on the brink of destruction, man is still the biggest threat to his own existence. It is well scripted, clinically accurate in its observations on human nature and thought provoking, despite having its budget cut just weeks before production commenced. 40 years later it is revered as a genre milestone and is considered one of Romero’s finest works. Sadly, the 2008 “remake” directed by Steve Miner, who has a background in slasher and exploitation movies, takes a contrasting approach, to say the least. It certainly has very little to do with Romero’s film and one can’t help but assume that it is nothing more than a cynical cash in. Setting aside comparisons with the original, this is not in any way a standout zombie film in its own right.
Although I was unaware of it, there was a guerrilla marketing campaign for Longlegs which was focused on the internet rather than traditional television adverts. Hence the film gained a lot of interest prior to its release and as well as some some disproportionate expectations. Then immediately after its theatrical debut, the matter was further compounded by a possible excess of gushing praise as the film was “over reviewed”. Therefore I maintained a degree of scepticism about Longlegs and tempered my expectations prior to watching it. Any film that is hailed as the next Silence of the Lambs, featuring a “traumatising” performance by Nicholas Cage needs to be keenly scrutinised so that its cinematic merits can be carefully separated from the surrounding hyperbole. After viewing I found Longlegs to be a finely honed, atmospheric and precisely targeted horror thriller but not the genre milestone that some would claim.
As a rule, it is always a challenge to end a trilogy of films successfully. Writing a satisfying denouement to a standalone movie is hard enough. To be able to conclude all pertinent story arcs and themes that have been sustained over three feature films, to everyone’s liking is far harder to achieve. In the case of The Final Conflict (1981), the last instalment of The Omen trilogy, writer Andrew Birkin does manage to resolve all of the external, internal and philosophical stakes, which are the fundamental components of a cinematic screenplay. Unfortunately, it is done in an incredibly underwhelming manner, which left audiences feeling cheated. The last time good defeated evil evil in such an unspectacular fashion was in Hammer’s To the Devil a Daughter (1976). This is why, in spite of solid production values, The Final Conflict is the least popular of the films about the Antichrist, Damien Thorn.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a film that often provokes a strong reaction from genre fans. This is mainly due to it not having any direct connection to the previous two films. The absence of Michael Myers in such a franchise was a serious mistake and the subsequent poor box office returns endorsed this. Yet if this film had been released as a separate product it may not have performed so poorly. After re-examining Halloween III: Season of the Witch there are many aspects of interest. Despite a troubled production, the film is an intriguing anomaly that tried to be different during a decade where the established horror formula was “stalk n' slash”. It does have a very bleak tone and some consider it to be mean spirited as the cast are killed off one by one. Perhaps theme of child sacrifice caused audiences to balk?
Ghostwatch is a controversial British horror “mockumentary” produced by the BBC that was first broadcast on October 31st 1992. Written by Stephen Volk and produced by Ruth Baumgarten it is now considered a milestone in UK broadcasting. This was mainly due to the strong reaction it provoked from the public, many of whom failed to grasp that it was a drama. At the time it raised serious questions about responsible programming and caused a furore in the British press. It has curiously never been shown since by the BBC. Ghostwatch remains a talking point to this day and is a text book example of the power of television as well as the publics enduring belief in the supernatural.
Event Horizon is a curious movie hybrid, mixing plot elements from classic sci-fi and horror genres. It has been labelled “Hellraiser in Space” by some lazy critics, although I think there's far more to it than that. Perhaps a more apt description would be a Gothic horror story set in space. The movie has garnered a cult reputation since its release in 1997, mainly due to its graphic imagery and troubled production history. It does indeed have some quite shocking sequences but the lightning editing does not show as much as some would think. Paramount forced director Paul W S Anderson to reduce the original one hundred and thirty minute running time down to a more manageable ninety, after unfavourable test screenings. Much of the violence was allegedly removed as a result of that process. Sadly nothing survives of the removed material other than a VHS workprint. Hence a restored director’s cut is therefore unlikely.
The peace of tranquillity of Santa Ynes, Utah, is shattered when the town becomes the focus of several hit and run deaths, by a mysterious and apparently driverless, black car. After the Sheriff (John Marley) is run down, it is down to Captain Wade Parent (James Brolin) and his deputies to protect the town from this sinister threat. Is the car simply a driven by a mad man or is there a more supernatural explanation? When the car menaces a local school marching band, the teachers and students take refuge in the nearby cemetery. Does the cars inability to enter consecrated ground provide a clue to its otherworldly origins and offer a potential solution? As the death count increases and the population becomes more fearful, the Captain and his team of deputies form a desperate plan to see if they can lure the car into a trap.
The key to success in the horror genre is to try and find an innovative new angle on tried and tested themes and tropes. The Night Flier is an often-overlooked gem, that takes a unique perspective on vampirism and features strong performances as well as an intelligent and thoughtful screenplay. It builds a sense of foreboding during it’s first two acts and teases audiences with some unpleasant prosthetic effects, courtesy of KNB EFX Group. The climax of the movie is both thought provoking and suitably unpleasant. Furthermore, The Night Flier even manages to make a coherent criticism of tabloid culture and morals of those journalists working in the industry. It’s a damn shame that this modest but well-crafted genre movie didn’t get the attention it deserved when it was initially released in 1997.
Dr. Terror's House of Horrors was the first portmanteau horror movie by Amicus Productions. The small British studio was founded by producers and screenwriters Milton Subotsky and Max Rosenberg. As the horror genre grew in popularity due to the success of Hammer films, Amicus saw the potential in the portmanteau format. Subotsky in particular held Ealing Studios 1945 classic Dead of Night in very high regard. Although only a modest budget movie, Dr. Terror's House of Horrors proved to be financially successful and led to a series of similarly structured films over the next decade. These included Torture Garden (1967), The House That Dripped Blood (1970), Asylum (1972), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), From Beyond the Grave (1974),
Ghost Story is a deliberately superficial adaptation of the novel by Peter Straub. If you’ve read the book and are expecting a verbatim retelling of the plot, then you will be disappointed. It’s complex narrative structure and the abundance of characters do not immediately lend themselves to mainstream film making. However, if you like tales of the supernatural and solid performances from Hollywood legends, then this may well be for you. John Irvin has always been a workman like director and has therefore often been overlooked. Films such as Hamburger Hill and When Trumpets Fade show a great deal of focus and a clear understanding of the mechanics of cinema.
The Ruins is similar to both The Mist and Cloverfield , which were released around the same time, in so far that it is rather bleak and unrelenting movie. And like the aforementioned films, its strength lies in the manner in which it tackles the subject of people facing their own death in a credible fashion. In The Ruins the protagonists when faced with the prospect of their own demise quickly descend in to panic and resolutely refuse to face facts. Although these are negative themes that may not be to everyone’s tastes, they make The Ruins both gripping and genuinely scary.
The arcane and esoteric works of author H P Lovecraft have often inspired horror directors. Sadly many of the films that have been made in homage to the Cthulhu Mythos have failed to capture its nightmarish mix of madness and mythology. John Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness is not directly based on any of Lovecraft's specific works but screenwriter Michael De Luca draws his inspiration from many of this recurring ideas and concepts. He then adds a further homage to British writer Nigel Kneale, adding themes that are prevalent in his Quatermass series. Where others have failed, Carpenter successfully crafts a film that alludes to the baroque and eldritch qualities of the Cthulhu Mythos.
Since the late eighties Morgan Creek productions have dabbled with multiple genres whilst pursuing box office success. At times, they have been successful with such populist movies as Young Guns and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. However, for every film that proved financially viable there were often two more that failed to gain an audience. Yet, despite having the business acumen to commission the best writing and directing talent available, co-founders James G. Robinson and Joe Roth have often been at odds with such creative individuals, resulting in many troubled productions. Horror writer and director Clive Barker endured an arduous experience while making Nightbreed, which was based upon his own novella. It was such a negative experience, resulting in a movie that was far from his initial vision, that Barker effectively quit film making. A similar experience befell William Peter Blatty when he was given an opportunity to film a direct sequel to The Exorcist based upon his novel Legion.
Pot Plants
A week or so prior to Christmas, I bought a succulent in a decorative penguin pot. To be honest it was the pot that initially attracted me. I placed it on the window sill of my office to add some character. It resides next to a fossilised ammonite shell, my wallet, a small pot that has my door keys in it and a tortoise ornament. In the New Year, I bought a cactus and placed it at the other end of the window sill. I have a habit of naming various items in my home. Hence the cactus and succulent are known respectively as Burke and Hare. I won’t waste your time trying to explain how my mind works. I’m not usually the sort of person that likes an excess of clutter but I like the fact that the window sill has some degree of ornamentation. It makes what is essentially a functional room, a little more personal.
Burke
A week or so prior to Christmas, I bought a succulent in a decorative penguin pot. To be honest it was the pot that initially attracted me. I placed it on the window sill of my office to add some character. It resides next to a fossilised ammonite shell, my wallet, a small pot that has my door keys in it and a tortoise ornament. In the New Year, I bought a cactus and placed it at the other end of the window sill. I have a habit of naming various items in my home. Hence the cactus and succulent are known respectively as Burke and Hare. I won’t waste your time trying to explain how my mind works. I’m not usually the sort of person that likes an excess of clutter but I like the fact that the window sill has some degree of ornamentation. It makes what is essentially a functional room, a little more personal.
Eight months later, I am somewhat amazed that these two plants are still alive. I have watered them infrequently, mainly because I keep forgetting to do so. However, I think more through luck than judgement, I have treated them in a manner that is appropriate for their species. However, when dusting the window sill the other day, it occurred to me that they have grown somewhat and more than likely need to be repotted. As I am not a genocidal maniac by default, I decided in a fit of good humour to relocate Burke and Hare to more suitable accommodation. I was curious to see if I extended some degree of care, how much longer they would live and how big would they grow etc. Oh, the folly of hubris.
I mentioned that I was going to transplant my plants to Mrs P and she kindly bought me a new ornamental pot. She only managed to get one at the time. So today we went back to the garden centre and I bought another identical ornamental pot. In a fit of enthusiasm I also bought a small bag of potting mix that is suitable for both plants. I say small, it was 3 litres which is far more than I need. As it was getting near lunchtime, we left and I was feeling somewhat pleased with myself. However, that was all to change because like most things done on a whim, I hadn’t thought it through. Later in the afternoon, I decided to watch a couple of YouTube videos so I didn’t make any crass errors when it came to repotting Burke and Hare. Sadly, after watching the first video it became abundantly clear that I had already done so.
Hare
It turns out that both plants need to be in a suitably sized plant container with drainage holes at the bottom. These brown plastic pots are then placed inside the fancy, ornamental pots which serve a purely aesthetic purpose. I’m sure this is obvious to gardeners and people running cannabis farms but it really didn't occur to me. So I then had to measure the ornamental pots to ensure that I bought the correct size of inner pots. I managed to trackdown some that are 8.5 centimetres wide and 7 centimetres high. The catch was the minimum amount I could buy on Amazon was 10. Next I noticed on the YouTube videos that people often cover the potting mix with a small layer of decorative stones. Apparently this keeps insects from making a home in the soil. Again Amazon wanted to sell me an excessive quantity. I ended up buying a kilogram of the stuff.
It is now Sunday evening. For the present Burke and Hare remain in their old pots. So far a total of £27 has been spent in an attempt to relocate them. Hopefully the outstanding items purchased from Amazon will arrive tomorrow and I can attempt repotting in the evening. In the meantime, I’ve been watching more YouTube videos and have discovered further logistical issues that I will need to address. The biggest being how do you lift a cactus out of its pot without sustaining multiple injuries. So far I’ve been advised to use either bubble wrap or a pair of oven gloves. No wonder I have never previously been interested in gardening. This entire episode is a textbook example of what happens when you do things without prior research and a comprehensive plan. Nothing is ever easy. Furthermore, there are no such things as cheap hobbies.
When I was a child, I quickly learned never to say within earshot of my parents that I was bored. It was quickly met with a response along the lines of “an intelligent mind is never bored” or more worryingly “if you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find you something” which meant a chore or Herculean task. Being a child of the seventies and due to my parents fundamentalist approach to declarations of boredom, I quickly discovered numerous ways to occupy myself. The default solution was a book or comic. I always liked reading as a child and had plenty of books to choose from. I also had numerous of comics as an alternative to a hefty tome. I would also draw and paint. My father use to work during the summer holidays as a design draftsman and as a result, we always had plenty of paper in our house. Then of course there were toys and such like. Hence I learned the art of keeping myself busy.
When I first started this series of posts back in 2023, they were originally intended to provide a useful overview into UK (mainly British) slang. US slang is ubiquitous globally due to the pervasive nature of American culture. Hence most people have a good grasp of its nuances. However, the proverbial door does not swing both ways. Hence most people will watch British TV dramas or read popular novels and can be quite bamboozled by some of the phrases that are used. That is what I was trying to address. However, over time this entire enterprise now reads like a some sort of Guy Ritchie film with Colin as the anti-hero. That notwithstanding, hopefully the list of slang phrases below will prove useful to know, if you ever visit the UK or tour around London. As ever I have given an example of their respective use. Feel free to ask questions if anything needs clarifying, or you wish to leave a comment with examples of you’re own national and regional slang.
As I write this post, the temperature in Greater London is 33°C (91.4°F). This has become a regular occurrence since the middle of May onwards. High temperatures are fine when you’re on holiday mainly because you’re off work and at your leisure. You don’t have to perform the usual daily task that life requires of you such as work, shop, cook, clean etc. Furthermore, if you’re on vacation you’ll probably be staying at a resort or hotel that is fully air conditioned and you’re dressed accordingly. However, if you’re still performing you’re daily routine such as commuting to work and spending time in an office that wasn’t built with such external temperatures in mind, then 33°C is frankly a pain in the ass. Oh and if you’re one of those people who always respond to discussions such as this with “well I live in Riyadh and it’s 40°C here”, please sod off. You live in a desert which is dumb to begin with. Plus this is not a commensurate comparison. Temperatures are rising in the UK. It’s always hot in Saudi Arabia.
If you visit the websites for such UK tabloid newspapers as the Daily Express or the Daily Mail you will no doubt encounter prominent stories about Megan Markle, Nigel Farage and “immigrants”. If these two august institutions are short of column inches, they’ll run a piece about how some former celebrity has had the unmitigated gall and temerity to get old. I mean WTF? How dare they do what human beings are genetically disposed to do. It’s outrageous. Similarly, head over to the Unherd website and you’ll find foam flecked tirades regarding spurious points of contention over dubious subjects. Often the topic being harangued is incredibly niche and I’ve never heard of it before or even considered it being a thing. These sort of talking points are not about informing, debating and most certainly aren’t about thinking. They exist to provoke reactions.
Before we start, let me explain to those readers outside of the UK, the significance of a Dairy Milk Freddo chocolate bar and its relevance to this post. The “Freddo” is an 18g (0.63 oz) chocolate bar, in the shape of an anthropomorphic frog. When it was re-launched by Cadbury in 1990 (it had previously been manufactured by an Australian confectionery company in the seventies), it was priced at 10p (£0.10). It remained at that price until 2005 when a 1p to 2p increase began to occur each year. By 2016 Freddos were retailing at 25p. However, the following year the price “lept” to 30p with an increase that was double its usual yearly rise. This led to public outrage across social media. Since then the price of a Freddo has waxed and waned. Tesco supermarket reduced the price back to 10p as part of their centenary celebrations. The post COVID price in 2022 hit 49p. At present, the average price of a Freddo in the UK is somewhere around 35p.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve written several blog posts about my personal working experiences and my career, such as it was. I touched upon working specifically in IT and how that industry changed over time, both technically and in the way that other people perceived it. I have also given my thoughts on the social dynamics of the modern work environment and the way we interact with our colleagues and employers. That is another area that has changed dramatically. Naturally my retirement from full time work has been written about, as it is such a radical change in one’s life. Especially if you’re the sort of person who is clearly defined by their job, which I personally was not. This time, I want to share a few thoughts I have about what I miss about “going to work” and “having a job”. I’m not sure if “miss” is the right word. Perhaps it is more a question of things being absent. Either way, there are some aspects of being employed that I use to enjoy or at least found beneficial that I now no longer experience.
UK Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer has resigned and intends to leave office before the parliamentary summer recess. By then Andy Burnham will more than likely be voted leader of the Labour Party and by default will become the new Prime Minister. Due to the current size of the incumbent Government’s majority, there is no pressing reason for a General Election that the UK’s right wing tabloid press is currently calling for. Whether this provides the Government with the reset they’re hoping for when Parliament reconvenes in autumn remains to be seen. With seven Prime Ministers coming and going in a decade, there are some serious questions to be asked about the current state of UK politics. However, the mechanics of contemporary politics, the decline of clearly defined ideologies and the people that seek elected office to be our leaders are only half of the problem. The other major impediment to the UK’s democracy functioning properly is the electorate.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Every Thursday, Mrs P volunteers at a food bank that is run from a local church; Avery Hill Christian Fellowship. Today there was a shortage of staff so I agreed to help out. It proved to be an equitable arrangement as she collated the various orders and I packed the bags and took them to the respective clients. The food bank itself is organised and administered by the Trussell Trust, a UK based NGO and charity providing emergency food and support to people locked in poverty. It is open for 2 to 3 hours a week depending upon demand. During today’s session we served just six people. Some weeks its can be triple that amount. Upon closure, a member of staff from the Trussel Trust did a stock take and collated a list of what was needed. This is provided by various local church communities via parishioners donations, as well as local supermarkets who have an arrangement with the trust to provide surplus stock or good approaching the end of their sales window.
There are approximately 4000 parks and green spaces in Greater London. Bexley Borough alone has over 100. Public parks and green spaces are vital to modern cities, providing essential health, environmental and social benefits. They boost physical and mental wellbeing by reducing stress and providing a place for exercise. Furthermore they enhance urban sustainability, mitigate heat, and provide a sustainable environment for a wildlife. Parks are often a venue for social activities and events and as such are an important part of the local community. Going to the park has always been a part of my life. I live next to Old Farm Park in Sidcup and have made use of this recreational space throughout my life. I used visit with my parents in the seventies, when I was a child. Thirty years later my son, father in-law and I would fly kites there. Now I take my grandchildren to Old Farm Park as it now has a playground.
Being a 58 year old man, I welcome any undertaking which can potentially improve my health. One such thing is proactive screening and testing. The UK National Health Service has started doing a lot more of this in recent years, mainly because diagnosing a problem and treating it early is far more efficient and cost effective than retroactive action. Hence this policy and my age is why I was recently sent a NHS Bowel Cancer Test Kit via the post. This screening service takes place every two years for people aged 50 to 74 in the UK. The kit is very quick and simple to use. A sample of your stool is sent via a prepaid return envelope for testing and the entire process is free of charge. Upon receipt, the laboratory test determines whether there is any blood present in your stool, which is a potential indicator of bowel cancer. If detected, an early diagnosis greatly improves any subsequent treatment outcomes.
I like learning things. I always have. During my middle school years I thought I was a mediocre student and often I wouldn’t apply myself. According to an old school report this was because I was “too busy indulging in Tomfoolery”. Then I had the positive experience of meeting an exceptional teacher. Their lessons were the highlight of the week as they had an ability to make the subject matter, Classical History, utterly compelling and relevant. The teacher in question also treated us like adults and the class benefitted from only having five pupils. This really brought home to me that a lot of disinterest and underachievement in education is linked to the paucity of some teachers. One bad teacher can undermine the good work that all the others can do. Perhaps it has improved nowadays?
I’ve had an interest in the paranormal since I was a child. My mother always got books out of the library about ghosts and UFO phenomenon, so in some respects I was influenced by her reading habits. As a child such tales were by default interesting and any potentially scary element naturally made them more enjoyable. However, my father being an academic had taught me to question everything, so I felt fairly evenly equipped when exploring these subjects. Further to this point, over the years I have learned that humans have a very unique perspective on the world. We are hard wired to see patterns, regardless of whether they’re there or not. Our senses can also be fooled and often are. Perhaps the most important aspect of our nature that impacts upon any analysis we make into the paranormal is our penchant for creating stories. Hence unusual experiences can be subconsciously misremembered and “retconned” to form more precise narratives.
I have lived in Sidcup, in South East London, for most of my life. The first two schools that I went to were local and within 15 minutes walking distance. My Doctor’s Surgery and Dentist are only a few streets away, as is the barbershop that I’ve frequented since 1970. I now have my haircut by the son of the original barber. My point being that Sidcup has everything that residents immediately need. There’s a local hospital, good public transport networks and a broad range of shopping and restaurant facilities. It also has several parks with lakes, sport facilities and children’s play areas. It is a microcosm of the concept of suburbia with its residents commuting into Central London or out into Kent for work. People move here to raise families and end up staying. My parents lived here for 62 years.
Our household is currently trying to reduce our monthly overheads in response to the ever increasing cost of living. April is not that far away and a great many service providers will increase their rates and tariff as the new financial year begins. Then there is the ongoing effects, both direct and indirect, of inflation to consider. Although the UK inflation rate is dropping, currently sitting at 3.4% in December 2025, food inflation remains higher at 4.5%. Being based in the UK, salaries and billed services tend to be administered monthly. You get paid usually at the end of the months and bills can turn up at any point, depending upon when you started a service. Any payments coming from central government, such as state pension or other benefits, are paid every 4 weeks. This means that there are 13 payments in a year. I thought it pertinent to clarify this point as other countries, such as the USA, favour a fortnightly financial cycle. Hence as a household we work around a monthly budget.
I try not to let the failings of contemporary capitalism get to me but such a mindset is very hard to maintain. From time to time it does just piss you off and you know damn well that there’s nothing you can do about it. So to begin this tale, at the end of November, our Indesit washer/dryer gave up the ghost after a valiant twelve year lifespan. As a result of this household appliance’s stirling work, it was decided to buy another from the same manufacturer. Their website informed me that the model that had just broken was no longer being produced. However, it recommended two newer appliances that had comparable specifications and more importantly the same size. This washer/dryer had to fit into a fitted kitchen unit. To cut a long story short, a model was chosen, purchased, delivered within 48 hours and installed. The broken predecessor was subsequently taken away. The wonders of modern consumer culture!
I was in a pub last night, catching up with friends before Christmas, when I noticed on the wall something I haven’t seen in a pub for a very long time. A jukebox. In my experiences most of the pubs I go to take one of the following two approaches to background music. They either have a sound system and exclusively manage any music via personally curated playlists from behind the bar. Or they have no music at all. The Wetherspoons chain of pubs broadly follow the latter policy and actively use it as a marketing point. Quiet pubs for clientele that just want to talk can be popular. Hence finding an accessible jukebox was a blast from the past. During the late eighties and early nineties, I regularly visited my local pub and often used the jukebox there, which at the time, was operated by an ever changing store of CDs. The jukebox I encountered last night was digital.
Today is my 58th birthday. It would appear that I have existed for nearly six decades. Put another way, I am over half a century old. All of which has given me pause for thought with regard to the passage of time. A phrase that is often bandied about, but what exactly does it mean? As I understand it, the “passage of time” refers to our perception of the flow of time and how we experience its movement. This is something distinct and different from objective time as measured by clocks. Our subjective experience of time can vary due to multiple factors. Two common examples are how time can feel like it's flying by when we're having fun and enjoying something or dragging its feet when you’re enduring something dull. Other factors are whether we are applying ourselves to a task, concentrating and general activity. Such focus can make time pass quickly.
When Mrs P and I moved into our current home, over twenty years ago, we were both working full time. As the garden was poorly maintained and neither of us had any horticultural skills, we decided to employ a gardener. At the time it was a practical solution to the issue of garden maintenance and remains so today. Hence it is a service we continue to use, although our personal health is now the main reason we pay a gardener.
In July the UK Government introduced the Online Safety Act which requires age checks for accessing sexually explicit content online. As a result of this, Pornhub, the 19th most visited site on the internet, has reported a 77% decline in UK traffic. Furthermore, according to the UK regulatory body, OFCOM (The Office of Communications), overall visits to pornographic websites from the UK have fallen by 33%. Naturally, those who championed this legislation are claiming a moral and political victory. However, once you consider what these facts actually mean, they paint a somewhat different and potentially more worrying picture. It would be staggeringly naïve to think that UK visitors to Pornhub have ceased visiting such sites due to the age verification requirements. The more likely explanation is that UK porn consumers are now using VPNs to circumnavigate these restrictions and that this traffic to Pornhub is now recorded as coming from elsewhere.
Formal education in the UK is a structured process, starting at early years learning and continuing through to higher education at university. Some aspects of the educational system are mandatory, whereas others are optional. At present, children in the UK must start full-time education from the age of 5 and remain until the age of 16. After this age, they are no longer required to attend school per se but must remain in some other form of education or training, such as a vocational college or an apprenticeship. Many students remain at school until 18, as there are specific exams to be obtained that are required for a subsequent university placement. Here is a breakdown of the current process as it exists in the UK.
I don’t know if you have noticed that there are quite a lot of companies that have names taken from Tolkien’s Legendarium. At first glance, this seems innocuous enough. Tolkien’s writings grew in popularity over the seventies and eighties but since the release of the film trilogy at the start of the twenty-first century, his work has become more well known and been assimilated into our wider pop culture. Hence, it seems quite logical that a startup tech company, for example, would choose a name from his writings. No doubt the founders grew up reading The Lord of the Rings and are fans. That all seems plausible. However if you take a further look, it gets somewhat more complex. Here are four companies that have Tolkien based names.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with what I thought to be a crick in my neck on the left hand side. I assumed this was simply due to sleeping awkwardly and so I self medicated with some non-prescription pain relief and judicious use of a heat pad. Unfortunately, the problem has persisted and in the last 24 hours it has become much worse. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 AM and as I sat up in bed, an intense pain ran up the left side of my neck and behind my ear. It took several attempts for me to get out of bed because if I turned my head in either direction or inclined my chin, the pain would again run up the side of my neck. Sitting down, getting up and raising my arms caused similar results. While dressing, I attempted to pull a t-shirt over my head. The pain in my neck on this occasion was so severe that I yelled out loud and nearly blacked out.
I am a non-driver. If you wish to know the specifics of how this situation came about, feel free to read the post I wrote about it back in early 2018. To be succinct, I don’t drive, I’ve never learned how and have never owned a car. I don’t feel that I’ve missed out. In fact I feel quite the opposite. I think I’ve dodged a major hassle and expense in life. Mrs P, my significant other, is the designated driver of our household. She owns a car, insures it and maintains it. She also mainly pays for the petrol, whereas I pick up the tab for other things such as lunch or hotels when we travel. All I have to do is make like Iggy Pop if we go anywhere. The most I am ever called upon to do is navigate using Google maps and Android Auto. Fortunately, Mrs P enjoys driving. Always has done. Hence I look upon this situation as an extremely fortunate and equitable arrangement.
I am getting old. I shall be 58 in December. Now, as soon as you say something like that these days, some folk will get uncomfortable and say things like “age is relative” or “you’re as old as you feel”. Well I don’t measure my age in geological terms, so it’s not relative and I’m not feeling anyone especially young at the moment, so both schools or thoughts can sod off. I am getting old by the yardstick we measure human life by, namely years. I have specific, age related health issues and I just don’t feel as energised as I did a decade ago. There are minor signs, such as deciding to go to bed earlier and taking longer to get dressed after taking a shower. I’m not at death’s door but I am slowing up physically. It would also appear that my reactions are also slowing down as I tend to get massacred in any FPS I play these days. So far, my mental faculties seem to be holding up. However, that is the one thing I worry about the most. The potential loss of cognitive abilities scares the shit out of me.
Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre is the fancy name of our local dump. A few decades ago, this was no more than a scrap yard. The rubbish and bric-a-brac left by the public was sorted and scavenged for resaleable scrap. Everything that was left was subsequently sent to landfill or incineration. Much has changed. Today it is the embodiment of the modern recycling ethos. The recycling centre is a well managed, carefully segregated site providing safe disposal of a wide variety of household and garden waste. Wood, metal and hardcore are recycled and there is similar provision for a multitude of electrical goods. Plastics, oils, paint, batteries can be safely disposed of. I have yet to find a home item that they do not have provision to dispose of. The Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre has won awards for the service it provides and is considered one of the best facilities of its kind in the South East of the country.
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
“Managed decline” is a phrase that refers to the processes associated with the end of a specific lifecycle, with the goal of minimizing costs or other forms of loss. The concept originated in business where it referred to the management of companies and industries. More recently it is used in wider contexts. The concept gained prominence with regard to urban policy, particularly in the UK during the eighties when several major cities suffered economic and political collapse. Of late, the term has been applied to the UK, encompassing a systematic weakening of the economy, social structures, and cultural values, as well as its global political and diplomatic force. In each case, managed decline involves making strategic choices about resource allocation and accepting the consequences of those decisions. It is a complex issue with ethical and practical considerations, often sparking debate about the best way to address decline and reverse the process.
It’s been five years since the COVID-19 global pandemic. At the time it was an utterly alien and tumultuous experience. However, due to the way numerous institutions responded (but not the government), many people thought there would be a great deal of social and political change in the UK afterwards. The pandemic highlighted the impotence of the NHS, as well as those who work in jobs designated as essential. It also shone a spotlight on many of the country’s inequalities. Due to our national character, a real sense of community emerged. Something that had been absent for a very long time. Briefly, we got a glimpse of what the UK could be when we all broadly worked together. There was a sense that now was the time to change the status quo. Sadly, nothing changed. As soon as the vaccination program was launched, the UK quickly slipped back into the mire it’s been wallowing in since the end of WWII.
Prior to writing this post, I clocked a picture on a news website of the now disgraced TV presenter (and nonce) Gregg Wallace. I noticed that he doesn’t smile as such but tends to “gurn” instead. So does UK politician (and cunt) Nigel Farage. He always has his mouth open and his face contorted in some curious rictus, in most of the pictures you see of him. Mind you, I also don’t photograph especially well and any pictures of me smiling tend to look sinister or with a heavy hint of irony. The bottom line is not everyone is good at smiling. It doesn’t come naturally to all of us. This can be a problem at times or in social situations, because smiling is an integral part of our culture. On many occasions, I’ve been walking along, my face in a state of natural repose, only to be harangued by some twat shouting “cheer up, it may never happen”. A phrase I haven’t quite fathomed out, even to this day.
More British Slang Words and Phrases
About a year ago, I wrote a post about British slang words and phrases. Using fifteen examples, I endeavoured to explain their definition, provenance and the context in which they are commonly used. I then provided an example sentence of each word or phrase for reference. This proved such a popular post (it didn’t), that I thought it would be beneficial if I gave some further examples (Again I didn’t. I just needed to write a quick blog post, with minimal effort). So here is another selection of slang words and phrases that are used in common parlance in the UK, for your amusement, edification and consideration. Some are relatively self explanatory. Others are somewhat tenuous and arcane in their origins.
Manor is a UK slang term for turf or territory
About a year ago, I wrote a post about British slang words and phrases. Using fifteen examples, I endeavoured to explain their definition, provenance and the context in which they are commonly used. I then provided an example sentence of each word or phrase for reference. This proved such a popular post (it didn’t), that I thought it would be beneficial if I gave some further examples (Again I didn’t. I just needed to write a quick blog post, with minimal effort). So here is another selection of slang words and phrases that are used in common parlance in the UK, for your amusement, edification and consideration. Some are relatively self explanatory. Others are somewhat tenuous and arcane in their origins.
All Right: A generic greeting that is used between friends and acquaintances. The standard response is to say “all right” back. It is not an invitation to say no and then list in detail all the reasons why you’re not all right. “All right Colin”. “All right Geoff”.
Dodgy: A person or object that is questionable or suspect in some fashion. The guy down the pub who sells stolen gear out of his van is what you’d call dodgy. Food can also be so. “Blimey Colin, you stink. Was that kabab you had last night dodgy?”
Faffing About: To waste precious time, expending an excessive amount of effort on a relatively simple task. “Oi Colin, stop faffing about. How long does it take to put on a clean duvet cover?”
Innit: A contraction of the phrase “isn't it” or “is it not”. Often used in a rhetorical fashion at the end of a sentence. Similar to how a bellicose American would say “Am I right?”
Jake the Peanut: A loud, brash, over confident person (usually a man) who suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect. The same as Jack the Lad, Charlie Potato and Billy Big Bollocks. “Look at Colin with his Ray-Bans and corduroy flares. He thinks he’s Jake the Peanut”.
Kip: To sleep. “Colin, don’t forget to put some cream on the cat’s piles. I’m gonna have a kip for an hour”.
Leo Sayer’d: To be intoxicated by alcohol and sing in a high pitched manner, similar to the popular vocalist Leo Sayer.
Mate: An informal term of respect used when addressing a man or woman without using their name. Used instead of the more formal sir or madam. “Oi mate. You can’t park there”.
Muppet: An informal noun for stupid or foolish person. “Colin, flush the toilet after using it, you muppet”.
Pissed: To be intoxicated by alcohol. Not angry as in the US sense of the word. “Colin’s well pissed after that bottle of floor polish”.
Skive: To avoid work or duty by leaving early. “Where’s Colin? Has he skived off down the pub?”
Slag Off: To talk to someone in a deliberately rude or derogatory fashion. “Why are you always slagging off Colin?”
Taking the Piss: To mock or make fun of. “Colin’s fed up with everyone constantly taking the piss out of him”.
Wee Stooshie: A Scottish term for a small brawl. A difference of opinion that ends in violence. Often fueled by alcohol. “I see Colin had a wee stooshie with the Salvation Army band that were playing in the High Street”.
The English language is constantly evolving and as a result, words continuously come and go from the national lexicon. It can be argued that you can ascertain a person’s age by some of the phrases and slang that they use. Possibly their respective socioeconomic group as well. Posh folk (by which I mean the monied and titled upper classes) do seem to have a completely separate dialect. As do the under twenty fives but that has always been the case. As for the above words and phrases, I would hazard a guess that readers from Australia and New Zealand will find similarities between UK slang and their own. Europeans, who are often multilingual, will probably be likely to adapt to the curious foibles of colloquial English. As ever, please feel free to leave your thoughts below and share any interesting phrases or expressions of your own.
When I was a child, I quickly learned never to say within earshot of my parents that I was bored. It was quickly met with a response along the lines of “an intelligent mind is never bored” or more worryingly “if you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find you something” which meant a chore or Herculean task. Being a child of the seventies and due to my parents fundamentalist approach to declarations of boredom, I quickly discovered numerous ways to occupy myself. The default solution was a book or comic. I always liked reading as a child and had plenty of books to choose from. I also had numerous of comics as an alternative to a hefty tome. I would also draw and paint. My father use to work during the summer holidays as a design draftsman and as a result, we always had plenty of paper in our house. Then of course there were toys and such like. Hence I learned the art of keeping myself busy.
When I first started this series of posts back in 2023, they were originally intended to provide a useful overview into UK (mainly British) slang. US slang is ubiquitous globally due to the pervasive nature of American culture. Hence most people have a good grasp of its nuances. However, the proverbial door does not swing both ways. Hence most people will watch British TV dramas or read popular novels and can be quite bamboozled by some of the phrases that are used. That is what I was trying to address. However, over time this entire enterprise now reads like a some sort of Guy Ritchie film with Colin as the anti-hero. That notwithstanding, hopefully the list of slang phrases below will prove useful to know, if you ever visit the UK or tour around London. As ever I have given an example of their respective use. Feel free to ask questions if anything needs clarifying, or you wish to leave a comment with examples of you’re own national and regional slang.
As I write this post, the temperature in Greater London is 33°C (91.4°F). This has become a regular occurrence since the middle of May onwards. High temperatures are fine when you’re on holiday mainly because you’re off work and at your leisure. You don’t have to perform the usual daily task that life requires of you such as work, shop, cook, clean etc. Furthermore, if you’re on vacation you’ll probably be staying at a resort or hotel that is fully air conditioned and you’re dressed accordingly. However, if you’re still performing you’re daily routine such as commuting to work and spending time in an office that wasn’t built with such external temperatures in mind, then 33°C is frankly a pain in the ass. Oh and if you’re one of those people who always respond to discussions such as this with “well I live in Riyadh and it’s 40°C here”, please sod off. You live in a desert which is dumb to begin with. Plus this is not a commensurate comparison. Temperatures are rising in the UK. It’s always hot in Saudi Arabia.
If you visit the websites for such UK tabloid newspapers as the Daily Express or the Daily Mail you will no doubt encounter prominent stories about Megan Markle, Nigel Farage and “immigrants”. If these two august institutions are short of column inches, they’ll run a piece about how some former celebrity has had the unmitigated gall and temerity to get old. I mean WTF? How dare they do what human beings are genetically disposed to do. It’s outrageous. Similarly, head over to the Unherd website and you’ll find foam flecked tirades regarding spurious points of contention over dubious subjects. Often the topic being harangued is incredibly niche and I’ve never heard of it before or even considered it being a thing. These sort of talking points are not about informing, debating and most certainly aren’t about thinking. They exist to provoke reactions.
Before we start, let me explain to those readers outside of the UK, the significance of a Dairy Milk Freddo chocolate bar and its relevance to this post. The “Freddo” is an 18g (0.63 oz) chocolate bar, in the shape of an anthropomorphic frog. When it was re-launched by Cadbury in 1990 (it had previously been manufactured by an Australian confectionery company in the seventies), it was priced at 10p (£0.10). It remained at that price until 2005 when a 1p to 2p increase began to occur each year. By 2016 Freddos were retailing at 25p. However, the following year the price “lept” to 30p with an increase that was double its usual yearly rise. This led to public outrage across social media. Since then the price of a Freddo has waxed and waned. Tesco supermarket reduced the price back to 10p as part of their centenary celebrations. The post COVID price in 2022 hit 49p. At present, the average price of a Freddo in the UK is somewhere around 35p.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve written several blog posts about my personal working experiences and my career, such as it was. I touched upon working specifically in IT and how that industry changed over time, both technically and in the way that other people perceived it. I have also given my thoughts on the social dynamics of the modern work environment and the way we interact with our colleagues and employers. That is another area that has changed dramatically. Naturally my retirement from full time work has been written about, as it is such a radical change in one’s life. Especially if you’re the sort of person who is clearly defined by their job, which I personally was not. This time, I want to share a few thoughts I have about what I miss about “going to work” and “having a job”. I’m not sure if “miss” is the right word. Perhaps it is more a question of things being absent. Either way, there are some aspects of being employed that I use to enjoy or at least found beneficial that I now no longer experience.
UK Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer has resigned and intends to leave office before the parliamentary summer recess. By then Andy Burnham will more than likely be voted leader of the Labour Party and by default will become the new Prime Minister. Due to the current size of the incumbent Government’s majority, there is no pressing reason for a General Election that the UK’s right wing tabloid press is currently calling for. Whether this provides the Government with the reset they’re hoping for when Parliament reconvenes in autumn remains to be seen. With seven Prime Ministers coming and going in a decade, there are some serious questions to be asked about the current state of UK politics. However, the mechanics of contemporary politics, the decline of clearly defined ideologies and the people that seek elected office to be our leaders are only half of the problem. The other major impediment to the UK’s democracy functioning properly is the electorate.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Every Thursday, Mrs P volunteers at a food bank that is run from a local church; Avery Hill Christian Fellowship. Today there was a shortage of staff so I agreed to help out. It proved to be an equitable arrangement as she collated the various orders and I packed the bags and took them to the respective clients. The food bank itself is organised and administered by the Trussell Trust, a UK based NGO and charity providing emergency food and support to people locked in poverty. It is open for 2 to 3 hours a week depending upon demand. During today’s session we served just six people. Some weeks its can be triple that amount. Upon closure, a member of staff from the Trussel Trust did a stock take and collated a list of what was needed. This is provided by various local church communities via parishioners donations, as well as local supermarkets who have an arrangement with the trust to provide surplus stock or good approaching the end of their sales window.
There are approximately 4000 parks and green spaces in Greater London. Bexley Borough alone has over 100. Public parks and green spaces are vital to modern cities, providing essential health, environmental and social benefits. They boost physical and mental wellbeing by reducing stress and providing a place for exercise. Furthermore they enhance urban sustainability, mitigate heat, and provide a sustainable environment for a wildlife. Parks are often a venue for social activities and events and as such are an important part of the local community. Going to the park has always been a part of my life. I live next to Old Farm Park in Sidcup and have made use of this recreational space throughout my life. I used visit with my parents in the seventies, when I was a child. Thirty years later my son, father in-law and I would fly kites there. Now I take my grandchildren to Old Farm Park as it now has a playground.
Being a 58 year old man, I welcome any undertaking which can potentially improve my health. One such thing is proactive screening and testing. The UK National Health Service has started doing a lot more of this in recent years, mainly because diagnosing a problem and treating it early is far more efficient and cost effective than retroactive action. Hence this policy and my age is why I was recently sent a NHS Bowel Cancer Test Kit via the post. This screening service takes place every two years for people aged 50 to 74 in the UK. The kit is very quick and simple to use. A sample of your stool is sent via a prepaid return envelope for testing and the entire process is free of charge. Upon receipt, the laboratory test determines whether there is any blood present in your stool, which is a potential indicator of bowel cancer. If detected, an early diagnosis greatly improves any subsequent treatment outcomes.
I like learning things. I always have. During my middle school years I thought I was a mediocre student and often I wouldn’t apply myself. According to an old school report this was because I was “too busy indulging in Tomfoolery”. Then I had the positive experience of meeting an exceptional teacher. Their lessons were the highlight of the week as they had an ability to make the subject matter, Classical History, utterly compelling and relevant. The teacher in question also treated us like adults and the class benefitted from only having five pupils. This really brought home to me that a lot of disinterest and underachievement in education is linked to the paucity of some teachers. One bad teacher can undermine the good work that all the others can do. Perhaps it has improved nowadays?
I’ve had an interest in the paranormal since I was a child. My mother always got books out of the library about ghosts and UFO phenomenon, so in some respects I was influenced by her reading habits. As a child such tales were by default interesting and any potentially scary element naturally made them more enjoyable. However, my father being an academic had taught me to question everything, so I felt fairly evenly equipped when exploring these subjects. Further to this point, over the years I have learned that humans have a very unique perspective on the world. We are hard wired to see patterns, regardless of whether they’re there or not. Our senses can also be fooled and often are. Perhaps the most important aspect of our nature that impacts upon any analysis we make into the paranormal is our penchant for creating stories. Hence unusual experiences can be subconsciously misremembered and “retconned” to form more precise narratives.
I have lived in Sidcup, in South East London, for most of my life. The first two schools that I went to were local and within 15 minutes walking distance. My Doctor’s Surgery and Dentist are only a few streets away, as is the barbershop that I’ve frequented since 1970. I now have my haircut by the son of the original barber. My point being that Sidcup has everything that residents immediately need. There’s a local hospital, good public transport networks and a broad range of shopping and restaurant facilities. It also has several parks with lakes, sport facilities and children’s play areas. It is a microcosm of the concept of suburbia with its residents commuting into Central London or out into Kent for work. People move here to raise families and end up staying. My parents lived here for 62 years.
Our household is currently trying to reduce our monthly overheads in response to the ever increasing cost of living. April is not that far away and a great many service providers will increase their rates and tariff as the new financial year begins. Then there is the ongoing effects, both direct and indirect, of inflation to consider. Although the UK inflation rate is dropping, currently sitting at 3.4% in December 2025, food inflation remains higher at 4.5%. Being based in the UK, salaries and billed services tend to be administered monthly. You get paid usually at the end of the months and bills can turn up at any point, depending upon when you started a service. Any payments coming from central government, such as state pension or other benefits, are paid every 4 weeks. This means that there are 13 payments in a year. I thought it pertinent to clarify this point as other countries, such as the USA, favour a fortnightly financial cycle. Hence as a household we work around a monthly budget.
I try not to let the failings of contemporary capitalism get to me but such a mindset is very hard to maintain. From time to time it does just piss you off and you know damn well that there’s nothing you can do about it. So to begin this tale, at the end of November, our Indesit washer/dryer gave up the ghost after a valiant twelve year lifespan. As a result of this household appliance’s stirling work, it was decided to buy another from the same manufacturer. Their website informed me that the model that had just broken was no longer being produced. However, it recommended two newer appliances that had comparable specifications and more importantly the same size. This washer/dryer had to fit into a fitted kitchen unit. To cut a long story short, a model was chosen, purchased, delivered within 48 hours and installed. The broken predecessor was subsequently taken away. The wonders of modern consumer culture!
I was in a pub last night, catching up with friends before Christmas, when I noticed on the wall something I haven’t seen in a pub for a very long time. A jukebox. In my experiences most of the pubs I go to take one of the following two approaches to background music. They either have a sound system and exclusively manage any music via personally curated playlists from behind the bar. Or they have no music at all. The Wetherspoons chain of pubs broadly follow the latter policy and actively use it as a marketing point. Quiet pubs for clientele that just want to talk can be popular. Hence finding an accessible jukebox was a blast from the past. During the late eighties and early nineties, I regularly visited my local pub and often used the jukebox there, which at the time, was operated by an ever changing store of CDs. The jukebox I encountered last night was digital.
Today is my 58th birthday. It would appear that I have existed for nearly six decades. Put another way, I am over half a century old. All of which has given me pause for thought with regard to the passage of time. A phrase that is often bandied about, but what exactly does it mean? As I understand it, the “passage of time” refers to our perception of the flow of time and how we experience its movement. This is something distinct and different from objective time as measured by clocks. Our subjective experience of time can vary due to multiple factors. Two common examples are how time can feel like it's flying by when we're having fun and enjoying something or dragging its feet when you’re enduring something dull. Other factors are whether we are applying ourselves to a task, concentrating and general activity. Such focus can make time pass quickly.
When Mrs P and I moved into our current home, over twenty years ago, we were both working full time. As the garden was poorly maintained and neither of us had any horticultural skills, we decided to employ a gardener. At the time it was a practical solution to the issue of garden maintenance and remains so today. Hence it is a service we continue to use, although our personal health is now the main reason we pay a gardener.
In July the UK Government introduced the Online Safety Act which requires age checks for accessing sexually explicit content online. As a result of this, Pornhub, the 19th most visited site on the internet, has reported a 77% decline in UK traffic. Furthermore, according to the UK regulatory body, OFCOM (The Office of Communications), overall visits to pornographic websites from the UK have fallen by 33%. Naturally, those who championed this legislation are claiming a moral and political victory. However, once you consider what these facts actually mean, they paint a somewhat different and potentially more worrying picture. It would be staggeringly naïve to think that UK visitors to Pornhub have ceased visiting such sites due to the age verification requirements. The more likely explanation is that UK porn consumers are now using VPNs to circumnavigate these restrictions and that this traffic to Pornhub is now recorded as coming from elsewhere.
Formal education in the UK is a structured process, starting at early years learning and continuing through to higher education at university. Some aspects of the educational system are mandatory, whereas others are optional. At present, children in the UK must start full-time education from the age of 5 and remain until the age of 16. After this age, they are no longer required to attend school per se but must remain in some other form of education or training, such as a vocational college or an apprenticeship. Many students remain at school until 18, as there are specific exams to be obtained that are required for a subsequent university placement. Here is a breakdown of the current process as it exists in the UK.
I don’t know if you have noticed that there are quite a lot of companies that have names taken from Tolkien’s Legendarium. At first glance, this seems innocuous enough. Tolkien’s writings grew in popularity over the seventies and eighties but since the release of the film trilogy at the start of the twenty-first century, his work has become more well known and been assimilated into our wider pop culture. Hence, it seems quite logical that a startup tech company, for example, would choose a name from his writings. No doubt the founders grew up reading The Lord of the Rings and are fans. That all seems plausible. However if you take a further look, it gets somewhat more complex. Here are four companies that have Tolkien based names.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with what I thought to be a crick in my neck on the left hand side. I assumed this was simply due to sleeping awkwardly and so I self medicated with some non-prescription pain relief and judicious use of a heat pad. Unfortunately, the problem has persisted and in the last 24 hours it has become much worse. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 AM and as I sat up in bed, an intense pain ran up the left side of my neck and behind my ear. It took several attempts for me to get out of bed because if I turned my head in either direction or inclined my chin, the pain would again run up the side of my neck. Sitting down, getting up and raising my arms caused similar results. While dressing, I attempted to pull a t-shirt over my head. The pain in my neck on this occasion was so severe that I yelled out loud and nearly blacked out.
I am a non-driver. If you wish to know the specifics of how this situation came about, feel free to read the post I wrote about it back in early 2018. To be succinct, I don’t drive, I’ve never learned how and have never owned a car. I don’t feel that I’ve missed out. In fact I feel quite the opposite. I think I’ve dodged a major hassle and expense in life. Mrs P, my significant other, is the designated driver of our household. She owns a car, insures it and maintains it. She also mainly pays for the petrol, whereas I pick up the tab for other things such as lunch or hotels when we travel. All I have to do is make like Iggy Pop if we go anywhere. The most I am ever called upon to do is navigate using Google maps and Android Auto. Fortunately, Mrs P enjoys driving. Always has done. Hence I look upon this situation as an extremely fortunate and equitable arrangement.
I am getting old. I shall be 58 in December. Now, as soon as you say something like that these days, some folk will get uncomfortable and say things like “age is relative” or “you’re as old as you feel”. Well I don’t measure my age in geological terms, so it’s not relative and I’m not feeling anyone especially young at the moment, so both schools or thoughts can sod off. I am getting old by the yardstick we measure human life by, namely years. I have specific, age related health issues and I just don’t feel as energised as I did a decade ago. There are minor signs, such as deciding to go to bed earlier and taking longer to get dressed after taking a shower. I’m not at death’s door but I am slowing up physically. It would also appear that my reactions are also slowing down as I tend to get massacred in any FPS I play these days. So far, my mental faculties seem to be holding up. However, that is the one thing I worry about the most. The potential loss of cognitive abilities scares the shit out of me.
Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre is the fancy name of our local dump. A few decades ago, this was no more than a scrap yard. The rubbish and bric-a-brac left by the public was sorted and scavenged for resaleable scrap. Everything that was left was subsequently sent to landfill or incineration. Much has changed. Today it is the embodiment of the modern recycling ethos. The recycling centre is a well managed, carefully segregated site providing safe disposal of a wide variety of household and garden waste. Wood, metal and hardcore are recycled and there is similar provision for a multitude of electrical goods. Plastics, oils, paint, batteries can be safely disposed of. I have yet to find a home item that they do not have provision to dispose of. The Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre has won awards for the service it provides and is considered one of the best facilities of its kind in the South East of the country.
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
“Managed decline” is a phrase that refers to the processes associated with the end of a specific lifecycle, with the goal of minimizing costs or other forms of loss. The concept originated in business where it referred to the management of companies and industries. More recently it is used in wider contexts. The concept gained prominence with regard to urban policy, particularly in the UK during the eighties when several major cities suffered economic and political collapse. Of late, the term has been applied to the UK, encompassing a systematic weakening of the economy, social structures, and cultural values, as well as its global political and diplomatic force. In each case, managed decline involves making strategic choices about resource allocation and accepting the consequences of those decisions. It is a complex issue with ethical and practical considerations, often sparking debate about the best way to address decline and reverse the process.
It’s been five years since the COVID-19 global pandemic. At the time it was an utterly alien and tumultuous experience. However, due to the way numerous institutions responded (but not the government), many people thought there would be a great deal of social and political change in the UK afterwards. The pandemic highlighted the impotence of the NHS, as well as those who work in jobs designated as essential. It also shone a spotlight on many of the country’s inequalities. Due to our national character, a real sense of community emerged. Something that had been absent for a very long time. Briefly, we got a glimpse of what the UK could be when we all broadly worked together. There was a sense that now was the time to change the status quo. Sadly, nothing changed. As soon as the vaccination program was launched, the UK quickly slipped back into the mire it’s been wallowing in since the end of WWII.
Prior to writing this post, I clocked a picture on a news website of the now disgraced TV presenter (and nonce) Gregg Wallace. I noticed that he doesn’t smile as such but tends to “gurn” instead. So does UK politician (and cunt) Nigel Farage. He always has his mouth open and his face contorted in some curious rictus, in most of the pictures you see of him. Mind you, I also don’t photograph especially well and any pictures of me smiling tend to look sinister or with a heavy hint of irony. The bottom line is not everyone is good at smiling. It doesn’t come naturally to all of us. This can be a problem at times or in social situations, because smiling is an integral part of our culture. On many occasions, I’ve been walking along, my face in a state of natural repose, only to be harangued by some twat shouting “cheer up, it may never happen”. A phrase I haven’t quite fathomed out, even to this day.
Coronary Heart Disease
This morning I had an appointment at the Cardiology Outpatients clinic at St. Thomas’ Hospital, in Southwark, London. The hospital, located across the Thames from the Houses of Parliament, is easily accessible from three nearby tube stations (subway), one major train station and numerous buses. As well as having an extensive A&E department, St. Thomas’ also provides a broad range of healthcare services such as maternal medicine, gastrointestinal surgery, ophthalmology, pain medicine and plastic surgery. The hospital specialises in cardiovascular care and was the first to perform a mitral valve replacement on a beating heart. It is also home to nursing and surgical colleges. The current site has served community needs since 1871. The hospital has existed in some shape or form since the 12th century. There is a pleasant ornamental garden outside the main entrance that overlooks the river and Lambeth bridge.
This morning I had an appointment at the Cardiology Outpatients clinic at St. Thomas’ Hospital, in Southwark, London. The hospital, located across the Thames from the Houses of Parliament, is easily accessible from three nearby tube stations (subway), one major train station and numerous buses. As well as having an extensive A&E department, St. Thomas’ also provides a broad range of healthcare services such as maternal medicine, gastrointestinal surgery, ophthalmology, pain medicine and plastic surgery. The hospital specialises in cardiovascular care and was the first to perform a mitral valve replacement on a beating heart. It is also home to nursing and surgical colleges. The current site has served community needs since 1871. The hospital has existed in some shape or form since the 12th century. There is a pleasant ornamental garden outside the main entrance that overlooks the river and Lambeth bridge.
I was at the hospital to have a stress echocardiogram. Two years ago I was diagnosed with coronary arteriosclerosis and this was a routine test to determine if there were any significant changes in my condition. Stress echocardiography is a test that uses ultrasound imaging to show how well your heart muscle is working to pump blood to your body while physical, pharmacological, or electrical stress is applied to the heart. In my case I was given the drug atropine to increase my heart rate, while I squeezed a pair of stress balls. The procedure took about an hour and was a little uncomfortable towards the end, due to the elevated heart rate. Fortunately, the results of the test showed only a minor progression of my ongoing heart disease, which can be managed within my current treatment strategy. The results have been sent to my local GP and I may or may not have my dosage of bisoprolol (beta blocker) increased.
There is absolutely nothing unusual about a man of my age (56) having coronary arteriosclerosis. It is a result of your heart's blood supply being blocked or interrupted by a build-up of fatty substances in the coronary arteries. Over time, the walls of the arteries can become furred up with fatty deposits. Furthermore, heart disease of this kind is caused by lifestyle factors, such as diet, smoking and regularly drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Due to the fact that processed foods make up a substantial part of our diets nowadays, heart disease is very common in the UK. At present, there are around 7.6 million people living with heart and circulatory diseases. This statistic includes everything from conditions that are inherited, to those that develop later in life, such as coronary heart disease, atrial fibrillation, heart failure, stroke and vascular dementia. Here is some further information from the British Heart Foundation.
Around 4 million males and 3.6 million females are living with heart and circulatory diseases in the UK.
We estimate that in the UK more than half of us will get a heart or circulatory condition in our lifetime.
Around twice as many people are living with heart and circulatory diseases in the UK than with cancer and Alzheimer’s disease combined.
Heart and circulatory diseases cause around a quarter (27 per cent) of all deaths in the UK; that's more than 170,000 deaths a year, or 480 each day – one every three minutes.
Around 49,000 people under the age of 75 in the UK die from heart and circulatory diseases each year.
Whenever discussing medical matters, it is important to maintain an appropriate sense of perspective. Since the British Heart Foundation was established in 1961,the annual number of deaths from heart and circulatory diseases in the UK has fallen by nearly half. The UK is at the forefront of heart disease research and the NHS has a proven track record of diagnosing and treating it. I have found over the last two years that coronary arteriosclerosis is entirely manageable. A few sensible changes in diet and lifestyle, along with some common place medicines help maintain the status quo. I take the following tablets each day. Bisoprolol (25mg), atorvastatin (40mg) and aspirin (75mg). As a result, I can still pursue all the same activities that I always have. Sometimes I have to adjust the pace at which I do things and any activity at floor level is challenging but you simply develop techniques to work around these.
I am very fortunate that I live in the UK and as such medical treatment is free at the point of use. The only costs I have to pay for are my prescription fees, which are subsidised. My medication is supplied bi-monthly and I am charged a flat fee £9.90 per item. Hence I pay £19.80 for the bisoprolol and atorvastatin. I buy aspirin “over the counter” as they are cheaper that way. The only other aspect of my ongoing healthcare is a weight loss regime which is very much a work in progress. I say this because to celebrate the positive results of today’s test, I ended up at our local Italian restaurant, which may seem somewhat contradictory to my ongoing medical needs. However, as my heart consultant pointed out, preventative healthcare is about adjusting and managing lifestyles and not necessarily abandoning them by default. Everything in moderation, including moderation, as Oscar Wilde said.
Being a 58 year old man, I welcome any undertaking which can potentially improve my health. One such thing is proactive screening and testing. The UK National Health Service has started doing a lot more of this in recent years, mainly because diagnosing a problem and treating it early is far more efficient and cost effective than retroactive action. Hence this policy and my age is why I was recently sent a NHS Bowel Cancer Test Kit via the post. This screening service takes place every two years for people aged 50 to 74 in the UK. The kit is very quick and simple to use. A sample of your stool is sent via a prepaid return envelope for testing and the entire process is free of charge. Upon receipt, the laboratory test determines whether there is any blood present in your stool, which is a potential indicator of bowel cancer. If detected, an early diagnosis greatly improves any subsequent treatment outcomes.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with what I thought to be a crick in my neck on the left hand side. I assumed this was simply due to sleeping awkwardly and so I self medicated with some non-prescription pain relief and judicious use of a heat pad. Unfortunately, the problem has persisted and in the last 24 hours it has become much worse. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 AM and as I sat up in bed, an intense pain ran up the left side of my neck and behind my ear. It took several attempts for me to get out of bed because if I turned my head in either direction or inclined my chin, the pain would again run up the side of my neck. Sitting down, getting up and raising my arms caused similar results. While dressing, I attempted to pull a t-shirt over my head. The pain in my neck on this occasion was so severe that I yelled out loud and nearly blacked out.
This morning I had an appointment at the Cardiology Outpatients clinic at St. Thomas’ Hospital, in Southwark, London. The hospital, located across the Thames from the Houses of Parliament, is easily accessible from three nearby tube stations (subway), one major train station and numerous buses. As well as having an extensive A&E department, St. Thomas’ also provides a broad range of healthcare services such as maternal medicine, gastrointestinal surgery, ophthalmology, pain medicine and plastic surgery. The hospital specialises in cardiovascular care and was the first to perform a mitral valve replacement on a beating heart. It is also home to nursing and surgical colleges. The current site has served community needs since 1871. The hospital has existed in some shape or form since the 12th century. There is a pleasant ornamental garden outside the main entrance that overlooks the river and Lambeth bridge.
Accidents will happen, as Elvis Costello astutely pointed out. Furthermore they often occur in the most innocuous of fashions, as I shall now tell. Myself and Mrs P were over our local park today with our two and a half year old grandson Oscar. It is located directly behind our home and has a small children’s play area as well as various adult exercise equipment. One of these items is a low, wooden ramp whose highest end is no more than eighteen inches off the ground. Oscar likes to climb on this, run to the end and jump. Naturally, he did this today when we visited. Mrs P then followed suit (at his request) and stepped off onto the soft, child safe surface. Her right knee gave way and she fell over. Despite the short distance and the soft surface, the fall was sufficient to injure her knee, as there was an audible crack. She subsequently could not get up on her own and I had to assist her so she could sit on the aforementioned ramp.
I weighed myself this morning before writing this post. As of 6:05 AM today I weigh 188 lbs (13 stone 6 lbs or 85.3 kg). To give this data some sort of context I am 5’11 tall and 54 years old. Prior to my more recent weight gain, I have had an athletic build for most of my life. During my twenties and thirties, while I was still a smoker, my weight stayed around 133 lbs. When I quit my 30 a day cigarette habit I gained about 14 lbs or so over the following months and then stayed at that weight for a further decade. Even with the onset of middle age my weight has not been excessive and my build has accommodated any gain quite well. It has only been over the last 5 years that it has increased to a level that I consider to be neither flattering or healthy. This was brought home to me a few days ago when I saw my reflection in a mirror while on holiday. The incident has given me pause for thought and galvanised me to take action.
Very few people had a “good” 2020. I won’t bore you with a list of my personal woes as I’m sure you have plenty of your own. Plus everything is relative. We shouldn’t compare apples with oranges. Like many people, I now find myself fatigued by the ongoing global events and the conspicuous absence of normality. I like to consider myself quite a robust person. I have endured difficult times in the past and have come through them by remaining calm and focused. However, the nebulous and seemingly never ending nature of the global pandemic is extremely wearing. Let it suffice to say that I feel singularly unmotivated at present. Writing, which is usually a great pleasure, is currently a chore. I am also troubled by something that I personally find most unusual. A sense of sadness. And it doesn’t seem to want to go away.
To begin with, I am not claiming to be living with “chronic” pain in this blog post. I am fully aware of the definition of the term and am fortunate that my current injury does not force me to endure such levels of discomfort. However, my recent experience has provided me with a new insight into something that most of us only notionally know about and have little or no true understanding. I believe I appreciate my Mother’s daily circumstances a lot better now (as well as several friends and colleagues who also live with chronic pain) and finally understand how debilitating both physically and mentally living in constant and acute pain can be. Hence I decided to write this piece. To share my experience with an injury that continuously hurts and to help inform others about the realities of living with chronic pain. Sometimes you need to experience something first hand to fully get the measure of it.
It’s hard to write about ones own personal health issues and how one addresses them without coming across as smug, sanctimonious or oblivious to the fact that it’s all relative. I wrote back in early March about how I was going to try and get my “house in order” by losing weight and also undertaking the NHS Health Check. A six weeks on and progress is being made. However, I would just like to re-iterate that what has proven to work for me, may not do so for others. We all have our own unique relationship with our own health and therefore there is a need to find ways that work for us as individuals. Therefore my dietary regime which seems some what easy to me, may prove to be far too draconian for others. Similarly my exercise targets are also suited to my temperament and limitations. But I hope that by sharing my progress I can at least provide some encouragement to others.
Personal health as a concept, refers to your overall well-being both physically and mentally. It is about taking charge of your health by making a conscious decision to improve and maintain it. It not only refers to your physical state but the respective wellness of the emotional, intellectual and even spiritual aspects of your life. Sadly it is something that many of us are not very good at dealing with or choose to ignore. All too often good intentions get sidelined by the realities of life. Sadly, physical and mental issues are usually only addressed after something bad has occurred. Furthermore, much of the most basic and practical information needed to improve our personal health is drowned out by the white noise of fads, quackery and those seeking to sell you a “solution”.
Today I visited Emmetts Garden in Sevenoaks. The Edwardian estate located at Ide Hill and is now owned by the National Trust for Places of Historic Interest or Natural Beauty. The garden, which covers an area of about six acres, is situated on a 600-foot sandstone ridge, overlooking the Weald. It is one of the highest points in Kent, offering an expansive view of the North Downs. The garden was laid out in the late 19th century and was influenced by William Robinson. It contains many exotic rare trees and shrubs from across the world. You can explore the rose and rock gardens, take in the views as well as enjoy flowers and shrubs in spring. In autumn visitors can enjoy the vibrant colours brought about by the changing of the season. The main attraction at this time of year are the Bluebells.
Gaming and personal health at first glance appear to be mutually exclusive subjects. News coverage about these issues more often than not implies that gaming is detrimental to both ones physical and mental well-being. Apart from titles that utilise motion sensing devices such as the Kinnect and require the player to physically move, gaming is a sedentary pastime. Combine that with a society that has an already broken relationship with food and their own personal health in general and there is scope for a wealth of medical problems.
No Blade of Grass (1970)
During the seventies, the growing environmental concerns of the general public were beginning to appear as plot themes in both mainstream and independent film making. The science fiction genre proved the most practical medium for this with films such as Zero Population growth and Soylent Green. Cornel Wilde’s No Blade of Grass takes a different approach using an ecological disaster as the premise for a survival movie. As with Wilde’s previous movies The Naked Prey and Beach Red, the message is delivered clearly and with all the subtlety of a kick in the groin. Yet the director’s honesty carries weight as he boldly depicts how the trappings of modern civilisation are quickly stripped away in the face of impending disaster. Perhaps it was this candour that upset sections of the viewing public, who didn’t wish to confront the fragility of their own society or dwell upon their own potential for violence. Certainly the film’s distributor MGM were sufficiently bothered by what they saw, that they re-edited the movie prior to release to tone down some of the stronger content.
During the seventies, the growing environmental concerns of the general public were beginning to appear as plot themes in both mainstream and independent film making. The science fiction genre proved the most practical medium for this with films such as Zero Population growth and Soylent Green. Cornel Wilde’s No Blade of Grass takes a different approach using an ecological disaster as the premise for a survival movie. As with Wilde’s previous movies The Naked Prey and Beach Red, the message is delivered clearly and with all the subtlety of a kick in the groin. Yet the director’s honesty carries weight as he boldly depicts how the trappings of modern civilisation are quickly stripped away in the face of impending disaster. Perhaps it was this candour that upset sections of the viewing public, who didn’t wish to confront the fragility of their own society or dwell upon their own potential for violence. Certainly the film’s distributor MGM were sufficiently bothered by what they saw, that they re-edited the movie prior to release to tone down some of the stronger content.
Based on John Christopher’s novel The Death of Grass published in 1956, No Blade of Grass starts with a new strain of virus that has devastated the rice crops in Asia causing a major regional famine. Soon a mutation appears in Europe infecting all types of grasses including all grain crops. The subsequent food shortages rapidly lead to social disorder, looting and possibly even cannibalism. The UK parliament start to consider desperate measures to cope with the situation. Architect and war veteran John Custance (Nigel Davenport) decides to flee London along with his wife Ann (Jean Wallace), young son Davey, teenage daughter Mary (Lyn Fredrick) and her scientist boyfriend Roger Burnham (John Hamill). They intend to travel to Westmorland in Cumbria where John's Brother, David (Patrick Holt), has a farm. Many trials and tribulations beset them as they travel north and the group quickly find themselves having to adapt both physically and morally to a rapidly changing and hostile world.
John Custance is an archetypal alpha male and embodiment of the British officer class. He is pragmatic and is quick to adapt to the deteriorating situation. But he has moral and ethical limits. So when he forms a curious relationship with a young man called Pirrie (Anthony May), it is for a very specific reason. Pirrie is a sociopath who will happily turn a gun on anyone that impedes the ongoing plan. John determines he’s a necessary tool who can do some tasks that he may balk at. This becomes very clear when we first meet Pirrie at the local gun shop where he works. He doesn’t hesitate to shoot his boss and throw in his lot with John Custance when he learns of his plan to leave London. It is this initial instance of lawlessness that marks the families rapid moral decline. Later, after having been robbed themselves, the Custance family kill a couple in a farmhouse who refuse to give them shelter. “We have to fight to live, do you understand that?” John tells his young son and his friend. “Like the Westerns?” one replies. “Yes, like that”.
No Blade of Grass is very heavy handed with its themes and moral pronunciations. At the start of the film, the affluent dine in a restaurant while a news report on TV shows the realities of the ongoing famines elsewhere in the world. There are montages of stock footage showing pollution and sick animals to hammer home the message that this is a self-inflicted catastrophe. But like the director’s other films there is an earnestness to the proceedings. Sadly this gets somewhat lost in along the way due to the film’s exploitation trappings. There are numerous shootouts between civilians and the Army as well as other acts of violence. And then there’s a gratuitous double rape. The movie even manages to include footage of a real childbirth before a climactic battle between our group of survivors and a motorcycle gang, complete with Viking helmets. Wilde also uses flashforwards as well as flashbacks, colour filters and slow motion to make his point. There is even a bleak but charming folk song performed by Roger Whittaker that plays over the start and end credits.
Violence is a reoccurring theme in all of Cornel Wilde’s films. As a director he often depicts that violence is key to survival and can galvanise people into action to forge something greater. However it can also lead to self-destruction and comes at a cost. John Custance learns that there is a price to pay for collaborating with the likes of Pirrie and that often manifests itself as human collateral damage. Social collapse and the realities of returning to a neo-feudal existence do not seem to be compatible with John’s old-world principles and ideals. His attempts to “preserve the heritage of man’s greatness” bear little fruit at the end of the film. He secures a safe place to live in the remote North of England but it takes a great deal of slaughter to do so. Furthermore the motley group of survivors he picks up along the way still harbour all the flaws of the old world, such as racial prejudice, greed and notions of exceptionalism. No Blade of Grass is a clumsy and somewhat lurid piece of film making. It certainly won’t be to everyone’s taste yet it is an interesting curiosity.
Exit 8 is a sophisticated and claustrophobic psychological thriller directed by Genki Kawamura, which skilfully transforms a minimalist indie walking-simulator game into a cinematic existential enigma. This overtly metaphorical film renders the repetitive nature and drudgery of modern working life into a physical environment in which the lead character is trapped and must find a way out. A random, brutal maze filled with an atmosphere of indifference to the lab rats that find themselves trapped within. Or is it their personal guilt that has put them there? Genki Kawamura’s psychological mystery draws inspiration from the Japanese video game of the same name, as well as from the cyclical nature of Groundhog Day and endless corridors of the Overlook Hotel in Kubrick’s The Shining. Although there are jump scares and some ghoulish imagery, this is not a horror vehicle. Instead this is a disquieting psychological drama with a strong sense of morality.
I wrote a post 18 month’s ago regarding whether a directors cut of a film is superior by default to the version originally shown in cinemas. Obviously the answer was no and I then went on to give three examples of films where I think the theatrical release is better to lengthier or substantially altered director’s cut that was subsequently made available at a later date. This time round in this post, I would like to do the complete opposite. I shall provide some examples of films that I think are significantly improved by a longer cut or a substantially, restructured edit. Note some of these examples are technically not a “director’s cuts” but a restoration or reconstruction of the director’s original vision. I shall endeavour to highlight what specific material or broader changes make each respective film “better”. As ever, all of these examples are a matter of subjective opinion and my views are presented as such, not “fact”.
In 1968 the dilapidated freighter Corita hastily leaves Freetown to avoid a customs inspection. Captain Lansen (Eric Porter) has a cargo of dangerous explosives which he is smuggling so he can finally retire. His ship’s passengers also have reasons for leaving in a hurry. Dr. Webster (Nigel Stock), together with his daughter Unity (Suzanna leigh), is relocating due to his indiscretions with patients and illegal operations. Alcoholic pianist Harry Tyler (Tony Beckley) is aimlessly drifting from port to port. Eva Peters (Hildegard Knef) is fleeing from her husband with stolen bearer bonds which she intend to use to buy back her son from his evil clutches Caracas. Ricaldi (Ben Carruthers), a questionable lawyer, is pursuing Eva to retrieve the stolen bonds. First officer Hemmings (Neil McCallum) suggests that the ship should return to Freetown after an imminent Hurricane warning. The Captain asks the passengers and they are unanimous that they do not wish to return. However a mutinous crew, the bad weather and the instability of the explosives force everyone to abandon ship. The survivors find themselves adrift in a lifeboat surrounded by a strange carnivorous seaweed.
Jason Statham is an exemplar of the US mantra of “staying in your lane”. He makes action movies and occasionally strays into action comedies. His formula broadly works and is sufficiently lucrative to keep Mr. Statham employed. Therefore, if you watch a film in which he stars, you have a fairly good idea of what you’ll be getting. Of late, the criteria for his action vehicles have become more succinct. Jason Statham will play an innocuous character, such as a construction foreman or a bee keeper. Something terrible will subsequently befall another character who Mr. Statham has an emotional connection with in some capacity. He will subsequently hunt down those responsible and meet out death and violence. At some point the villain of the story will enquire as to how this innocuous person is so lethal. Research will then show that our Jason is in fact an ex-police officer/special forces operative/international assassin. There’s then a showdown and the villain dies. Job done.
The Light at the Edge of the World presented itself as an action movie upon its release in 1971. Based upon a story by Jules Verne, the Spanish American co-production was driven by its star Kirk Douglas, who curiously hired British director Kevin Billington to helm the project. This tale of a lighthouse keeper fighting a war of attrition against a group of pirates that have captured his island, was market as an adventure film ostensibly in the idiom of the authors previous works and as a pirate movie. MGM bought the rights to distribute the film in the UK on the misunderstanding that it was a family friendly production. It was not and remains so. They subsequently had to cut 15 minutes of violence and torture as well as an undercurrent of sexual assault to secure a suitable rating. Conversely, the US distributors received an arbitrary PG rating, despite the fact this is one of a handful of films that honestly depicts pirates as murderers, rapists and worse.
It’s an established action film trope. The fire team comprised of ex-military personnel, move in on their target. Only to have the tables turned by someone they don’t deem a threat. What makes it different in The Last Stand of Ellen Cole is a throwaway line of dialogue. The bested operative lies bleeding on the floor and the protagonists stands over them ready to finish them off. “Don’t, I have a cat” they feebly plead. For me that was the icing on the cake. The movie had already established it was taking the “same old, same old” and doing something different. Something fun, if taken in the right spirit. This scene tipped the balance and I embraced this film because it was being honest about what it is. This is a modern B movie that decides to give a very specific sub-genre a makeover. Furthermore, its clearly done with an affectionate wink, which is very different to sly wink. This isn’t deliberate self-knowing irony. Its just a film doing something different and possibly silly but it genuinely wants to have fun with it.
David Koepp is no stranger to genre cinema, having written the screenplay for such films as Jurassic Park, Spider-man and War of the Worlds. Where these titles are big budget, major studio productions, Cold Storage is a far more modest production with a smaller scope. Adapted from his own novel, the screenplay is by David Koepp and the film is directed by British film-maker Jonny Campbell. At first glance, Cold Storage seems a somewhat derivative science fiction horror film with a relatively modest budget, financed through a convoluted US and French co-production. Lurid green and red colours feature heavily in the marketing artwork and it is easy, after a cursory look, to write the film off as cheap, generic, direct-to-streaming filler. However, Cold Storage is prime example of why you should not judge a book by it’s cover, or in this case, a film by its posters and online advertising. It is in fact an amusing and fun endeavour that can fill an evening.
Despite being considered by many as an original story, The Abominable Snowman (1957) is in fact a remake of a made for television play, The Creature, that was originally broadcast in the UK in 1955. Hammer Films would often purchase the rights of popular TV programs and subsequently re-work them for mainstream, international cinema. Larger production budgets and fewer censorship restrictions allowed them to make their cinematic interpretations more lurid, thus commercially viable. Hence The Quatermass Xperiment, Quatermass II and Quatermass and the Pit were all given a big screen makeover and were commercially successful. The Abominable Snowman was written by acclaimed writer Nigel Kneale, who also wrote the original television drama and the aforementioned Quatermass trilogy. Although ostensibly marketed as a horror film this production is actually an interesting blend of psychological thriller and science fiction.
There are certain subjects that are notoriously uncinematic. These tend to be things that exist or are undertaken mainly in the mind, rather than expressed in an overtly physical way. Computing, science and mathematics are good examples. Writing code or working out complex equations does not immediately lend themselves to a visual medium such as cinema. Therefore, any film dealing with the world of corporate finance has its work cut out. Hence writer-director J C Chandor immediately deserves praise for making Margin Call, a film about the financial crash of 2008, as gripping and compelling as any political thriller. He does this by keeping the financial elements of the story to a minimum, choosing instead to focus upon those who have become aware of the imminent crisis and their reaction to it. However, the film remains a tough watch with regard to the some of the characters and their respective personal morality or lack there of.
The 1937 Hindenburg disaster has remained an enduring mystery over the years. The physical mechanics of how this airship filled with 7,000,000 cubic feet of hydrogen gas caught fire has been fully explored over the decades and there are now several extremely plausible theories as to how it may have happened. However, there remains the possibility of sabotage. As such an idea has more dramatic potential than mechanical failure, it was used as the central theme of the 1975 disaster movie The Hindenburg. Directed by Robert Wise, the screenplay by Nelson Gidding explores a German resistance against the Nazi regime. The airship is targeted as it is a powerful propaganda symbol for Hitler’s Germany. Sadly despite some interesting ideas, a strong cast and solid, old school optical effects, The Hindenburg is a slow and somewhat ponderous production. Although the final 20 minutes of the film recreate the infamous explosion meticulously, it doesn’t quite compensate for the uneventful, dialogue driven investigation of the previous 100 minutes.
On the Eastern Front in 1943, a German Tiger tank crew led by Lieutenant Philip Gerkens (David Schütter) is sent on a mission to rescue the missing officer Paul von Hardenburg (Tilman Strauss) from a top-secret bunker that is at risk of falling into enemy hands. As they make their way through an eerie no-man’s land, they have to avoid Russian armoured vehicles that seem to be aware of their mission. They also encounter a German unit taking punitive action against a peasant village, in reprisal for partisan activity in the area. The youngest crew member, Michel (Yoran Leicher), talks of the land being home to ghosts and spirits. As the tank penetrates further into contested territory the crew become increasingly disturbed by the uncanny nature of their mission and begin to fall prey to their own inner fears.
Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic novel has been adapted for cinema and television numerous times. Perhaps the most well known is the 1950 Disney version, starring Robert Newton as Long John Silver. His eye rolling performance and exaggerated West Country accent is credited with popularising the stereotypical form of “pirate speech" that has become the pop culture default. Although an enjoyable film, it does gloss over the more sinister aspects of both the source text and history, perpetuating the myth that pirates are just loveable scoundrels. Many subsequent adaptations have fallen into the same trap to a greater or lesser degree. However, that is not the case with the 1990 version of Treasure island, which was made for the TNT cable network and released theatrically outside of the US. This darker and notably more violent adaptation closely follows the source text and is widely considered the most faithful to the book.
The Planet of the Apes movie franchise took a radical change of course with its third entry in the series. The first two films were set in the future and benefited from high production values to help realise a post apocalyptic earth. However, due to a substantial reduction of budget, Escape from the Planet of the Apes uses a time travel plot device to bring the ape protagonists to present day Los Angeles (1971 in this case). The result is a film with a much smaller narrative scope. However, although it lacks the science fiction spectacle of its predecessors, it features an interesting satirical exploration of celebrity culture and ponders what it is like to be deemed an enemy of the state. As ever, Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter provide exceptional lead performances as the Chimpanzees Cornelius and Zira. Escape from the Planet of the Apes also captures the pop culture vibe of seventies America.
It is not unusual for Disney to change film titles when marketing them outside of the US. In 2016 they renamed the animated feature film Zootopia to Zootropolis in the UK and Europe to avoid trademark conflicts with other existing businesses. For example there is a Danish zoo which already holds the “Zootopia” name. Similarly, in Germany there is a children’s book which caused copyright conflict, which led to the film being released under the title Zoomania. Such changes, although practical for legal reasons, can sometimes cause a degree of confusion. Especially as there are numerous, low budget productions companies that go out of their way to produce similarly titled “mockbusters” whenever there are big, tentpole, releases. So for clarity, Zootopia 2 has been released in the UK as Zootropolis 2.
Stephen King’s dystopian story, The Running Man, was previously adapted very loosely in 1987, as a vehicle for Arnold Schwarzenegger. That version focused mainly on the “Battle Royale” element of the story and leaned heavily into Arnie’s personality, rather than the politics of the book. It also wasn’t well received by the author. Edgar Wright’s remake follows the source text a lot more closely and is far more interested in its political themes and wider social commentary. Furthermore, this version re-establishes the everyman quality of the hero of Ben Richards, rather than him being the muscle bound, ex-military hero as per Mr. Schwarzenegger’s prior interpretation. This time round, The Running Man uses a lot of the visual and narrative tropes of contemporary reality TV, making this forty three year old story very relevant to today’s viewers and couching the film in a style that is recognisable and accessible.
The Haunted Dolls House is a short film based on a story by M.R. James about a unique antique that is subject to supernatural phenomenon. Adapted by Stephen Gray and David Lilley, this is the third of three short films based upon James’ work that the pair have made. It stars Steven Dolton as Mr. Dillet, a collector of antique dolls houses, who acquires a bargain only to discover that it harbours a ghostly secret. Made on an extremely modest budget over the course of 2012 this clever, innovative and rather sinister adaptation is a fine example of short film creativity. It manages to offer a unique visual depiction of M.R. James’ classic story whilst capturing the unsettling quality of the author’s work. Like so many independently made short films it is clearly a labour of love, made with modest resources. It succinctly captures the spirit of the author’s work and is both innovative and rewarding.
A lot of people may know Luke Evans from the live action version of Beauty and the Beast or Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy. With his matinee idol good looks, charming Welsh demeanour and his “smoky” tenor singing voice, he projects a sense of old school stardom. Which brings us to No One Lives; a film which is a radical departure from his previous work. His performance is disconcerting to say the least and the film is somewhat unhinged. Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, who made an interesting adaptation of Clive Barker’s The Midnight Meat Train, this cinematic outing is similarly replete with robust shocks and gore. There are some interesting ideas about the nature of violence, Stockholm Syndrome and whether one should deny or embrace one’s nature. However, these are ultimately minor asides. Philosophical musings in between bouts of surprisingly striking unpleasantness.
In the near future, Kepler 822, a research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, suffers a sudden and catastrophic structural failure. There are only six survivors. Mechanical engineer Norah Price (Kristen Stewart), Captain Lucien (Vincent Cassel), biologist Emily Haversham (Jessica Henwick), engineer Liam Smith (John Gallagher Jr.) and crew members Rodrigo (Mamoudou Athie) and Paul (T.J. Miller). As all the functional escape pods have been used and they are unable to contact the surface, the Captain suggests using pressurized suits to walk one mile across the ocean floor to the Roebuck 641 drill installation. There they will find more escape pods. However, it soon becomes apparent that the disaster was not caused by an undersea earthquake and that they are not alone as they make their journey.
One of the most common objections raised regarding the Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise is that the films are specifically made to obtain a PG-13 rating from the Motion Picture Association, for purely commercial reasons. Hence, in all films, there is little on screen violence and the dinosaurs are mainly portrayed as a threat and a means of providing jump scares. When a character is killed by a dinosaur it usually happens off screen, is obscured by something else in frame, or is shown in long shot with very little detail. The realities of being eaten alive by a predator are conspicuously absent. Hence, audiences looking for films featuring more graphic dinosaur attacks, have not been well catered for apart from some minor direct-to-video titles. Primitive War finally fills this gap in the market with a frenetic genre mashup that strives to punch above is budgetary weight.
During the seventies, cinema was not only a source of mass, commercial entertainment but was still perceived as a medium for intellectual and philosophical discourse. Television was a poor relation in terms of art and cultural significance. Film was where the so called auteur director could muse and ruminate upon the nature of the human condition and audiences could subsequently gush sycophantically about their work at dinner parties. Or something like that. Let it suffice to say that some film makers were still indulged by studios and financiers, who were still keen to cash in on the cultural sea change that came to Hollywood in the late sixties. It’s difficult to see how a film such as Emperor of the North (AKA Emperor of the North Pole) could have been made otherwise. A film set in the Great Depression about a hobo illegally travelling on freight trains and his feud with a ruthless conductor.
In Buenos Aires, Clara (Natalia Señorales) hears voices emanating from the plughole in her kitchen sink. The voices seem to be plotting against her. Her husband Juan (Agustín Rittano) says the sounds are coming from next door. That night, Juan finds Clara’s dead body levitating in their bathroom, slamming against the wall by an invisible force. Meanwhile their neighbour, Walter (Demián Salomón), is experiencing supernatural occurrences while he tries to sleep. An invisible force repeatedly shakes his bed. After using a video camera to film these events, he sees a tall, cadaverous figure emerging from under the bed, standing over him as he sleeps. Across the road, Alicia (Julieta Vallina) is grieving for her recently deceased son, who was run over outside Walter’s house. Alicia's ex-boyfriend, police commissioner Funes (Maximiliano Ghione) calls Jano (Norberto Gonzalo), a paranormal investigator and the pair soon discover more supernatural occurrences in the area.
Black Sabbath (AKA I tre volti della paura) is a 1963 horror anthology film directed by Mario Bava. Although an Italian production, the film was co-financed by American International Pictures and as such was conceived to appeal to US audiences. Hence, the English dialogue edit of the film which was released in America differs significantly to the original Italian version. Despite the presence of the legendary Boris Karloff and the popularity of both anthology and gothic horror at the time,the film was only a modest success at the US box office and did not do well in Italy. However, in more recent years there has been a critical reappraisal of Black Sabbath, especially the Italian dialogue version. Many aspects of the film which are standard genre tropes today, were in fact novel at the time. Also despite the production mainly being studio bound, the film oozes style and has a striking visual aesthetic.
After the success of Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981, filmmakers scrambled to find existing intellectual properties that they could use for similar films. Hence archaic heroes such as Alan Quatermain were hastily given a modern makeover and thrust into generic movies, in a vague attempt to replicate Steven Spielberg’s successful formula. Which brings us neatly on to James Charles Bigglesworth AKA “Biggles”, a fictional pilot and adventurer from a series of books written by W. E. Johns between 1932 and 1968. Several attempts had been made in the past to bring this character to the silver screen, including one by Disney but they all failed. However, the commercial and critical success of Indiana Jones provided sufficient impetus to greenlight a new film. However, due to some curious production choices, when Biggles was finally released it was far from just a period set, action movie.
Setting aside the hubris of remaking a film such as Red Dawn, the 2012 reboot had a troubled production. Shot over the course of late 2009, on location in Michigan, MGM intended to release the film in September 2010. However, the studio’s financial problems became unsustainable over the course of that year and the film was shelved, while a financial solution was sought. Furthermore, while Red Dawn was in post production, there was a major economic shift within Hollywood due to the increasing importance of the Chinese market. This was a significant problem for MGM because the new version of Red Dawn had the Chinese invading the USA instead of Russia. Hence there were reshoots and the need for additional visual effects, so that the Chinese could be replaced with North Koreans. MGM eventually went bankrupt and the distribution rights to Red Dawn were sold off. The film was eventually released in 2012.
American music producer James William Guercio is primarily known for his work in the music industry. He was the producer of the band Chicago’s first eleven studio albums. In the mid-seventies he also managed the Beach Boys and was a member of their backing band. He was during this time, well known in his field and respected. In 1973, Guercio directed, produced and wrote the score for his first and only feature film, Electra Glide in Blue. He was 28 years old at the time. Upon release the film received mixed reviews from many traditional US newspapers, who were dismissive of its revisionist themes and poetical style. However, in Europe the film was received more favourably and was entered into the 1973 Cannes Film Festival. Fifty two years on and Electra Glide in Blue is now considered an overlooked cult classic and is analysed in a more measured fashion.
When I first saw the promotional trailer for Gangster Squad back in 2012, prior to its release, I wasn't especially impressed. I simply thought the film was another attempt to re-invent the gangster genre for a generation who were not especially familiar with it. I wasn't exactly overwhelmed with director Ruben Fleischer's resume either. I didn't particularly like Zombieland and haven't seen 30 Minutes Or Less. Then came the tragic mass shootings in Aurora, Colorado which led to the movie being delayed so that the original ending, which featured a shoot-out in a movie theatre, could be replaced. Hence when I finally watched this film recently, I wasn't expecting a movie up to the standards of say Once Upon A Time In America or Miller’s Crossing and it would seem that I was right do so. Gangster Squad is not especially noteworthy in any respect.
Fluke is a curious film about a man who is reincarnated as a dog and his subsequent realisation that he may have been murdered. It takes an adult novel by British author James Herbert, which is filled with philosophical musing and strives to adapt it in a far more family friendly fashion. The result is a somewhat bipolar production which thematically alternates between existential introspection and Buddhism. It then strives to deliver its message in a Disneyesque idiom. Children will potentially be confused and upset by what they see and adults will be wrongfooted by the continual shift in tone. Fluke was not a critical or commercial success upon release and the flaws that were identified by critics at the time still ring true today. That being said, Fluke is still an interesting and entertaining film, despite its faults.
During 1836, in the town of Darkness Falls, Maine, an elderly widow Matilda Dixon is adored by the town’s children as she gives them a gold coin whenever they lose a tooth. One day, after a house fire, Matilda is left burned and sensitive to sunlight, so she starts wearing a china mask. When two children are reported missing, Matilda is blamed by some locals, dragged from her home and hung. She curses the town, stating that whenever a child loses their last tooth, she would come for it. If the child looks at her, she will kill them. The missing children are subsequently found, so the citizens cover up their unjust lynching. In 1990, young Kyle Walsh awakes one night to find Matilda Walsh standing over him. Kyle’s mother is killed and he is blamed for her death and institutionalised. 12 years later, Kyle (Channey Kley) is released and tries to warn the town of the imminent danger when lightning disables the power supply. He is ignored by all until the deaths begin.
Gamergate: Ten years On
Usually 10 year anniversaries are pleasant things to celebrate. Sadly that is not the case with Gamergate, which took place a decade ago this month. For me, this curious and unpleasant debacle was something that happened online and it didn’t impact upon my life directly. I wasn't threatened in any way, I didn't receive a tide of abuse and I didn't have to quit social media or my job. However for some people, that is exactly what did happen. I, like many others, just stood on the margins as events unfolded and looked on, agog as this exquisite car crash of a “movement” that proceeded to shoot itself and the wider gaming community collectively through the foot. It is no coincidence that this happened as gaming was becoming a mainstream pastime and slowly shedding a lot of the negative connotations associated with it. Gamergate purposely arrested that process.
Usually 10 year anniversaries are pleasant things to celebrate. Sadly that is not the case with Gamergate, which took place a decade ago this month. For me, this curious and unpleasant debacle was something that happened online and it didn’t impact upon my life directly. I wasn't threatened in any way, I didn't receive a tide of abuse and I didn't have to quit social media or my job. However for some people, that is exactly what did happen. I, like many others, just stood on the margins as events unfolded and looked on, agog as this exquisite car crash of a “movement” that proceeded to shoot itself and the wider gaming community collectively through the foot. It is no coincidence that this happened as gaming was becoming a mainstream pastime and slowly shedding a lot of the negative connotations associated with it. Gamergate purposely arrested that process.
If you’re not au fait with Gamergate, Wikipedia has a substantive page about the affair that provides a comprehensive overview. To summarise, Gamergate originally claimed to be an informal online campaign that was lobbying for apolitical video games’ journalism. I don't dispute that there were some advocates who were focused on the failings of games journalism at the time but they were quickly drowned out by the bellicose rhetoric of others with a far less pleasant agenda. Gamergate quickly became a decentralised harassment campaign and a clear political backlash against feminism, diversity, representation and any form of progressivism in video game culture and communities. With hindsight and in light of the information that has subsequently come to light, Gamergate was part of the wider culture wars that have been stoked by right in the US for the last twenty years.
There were some positive aspects to Gamergate. Primarily that there was a market for diverse video games and game studios. Also that representation was not an impediment to sales. In fact by embracing such a philosophy you could potentially increase sales. It also proved that video games were not the exclusive prerogative of white males, although so much of the unpleasant pushback came from that group. Gamergate also shone a light upon the video games industry that proved it to be as problematic as any other leisure industry. The workplace was all too often toxic, prejudicial and exploitative. Misogyny was all too common. Gamergate was ultimately no different from comparable debacles that the music, film and TV industries have experienced over the years, highlighting identical problems. Gamergate also afforded many gamers an opportunity to see the entire industry for what it really is. IE Just as flawed as any other.
Ten years on has anything changed as a result of Gamergate? I’d argue no. Gamers are a broad group of people, from multiple socio-economic groups. Apart from the common theme of a shared pastime, it would be illogical to expect there to be a consensus on major political, social and cultural issues. Hence there are gamers that still advocate and enjoy the benefits of inclusive gaming as there are those opposed to such perceived liberalism. At the time, Gamergate was a rude awakening for many gamers who were shocked to find that numerous bloggers, YouTube personalities and internet friends, were not on “the same page” as they were. A decade later, it is not quite so surprising. Many influencers happily wear their hearts on their sleeve and I would argue that it’s a lot easier to identify who is who these days.
Upon reflection Gamergate was an inevitability. Too many gamers for too long erroneously thought that the gaming community was a unique flower. They failed to see that any activity will become a cultural battleground, once it becomes big enough. There appears to be a critical mass for any community and once exceeded, division and rancour always emerge. Perhaps it's just another integral aspect of the human condition. That's not to say that we should give up on pushing for change. The video games industry should be able to accommodate everyone’s needs. However, we need to recognise that big business is seldom a meritocracy. If left to its own devices it will seldom stray beyond the path of least resistance. As for the gamers in favour of Gamergate ten years ago, they’re still out there and their views haven’t changed. If anything they’re more confident and vocal. But that means there is less ambiguity nowadays. To see where someone stands, all one has to do is look.
When I was a child, I quickly learned never to say within earshot of my parents that I was bored. It was quickly met with a response along the lines of “an intelligent mind is never bored” or more worryingly “if you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find you something” which meant a chore or Herculean task. Being a child of the seventies and due to my parents fundamentalist approach to declarations of boredom, I quickly discovered numerous ways to occupy myself. The default solution was a book or comic. I always liked reading as a child and had plenty of books to choose from. I also had numerous of comics as an alternative to a hefty tome. I would also draw and paint. My father use to work during the summer holidays as a design draftsman and as a result, we always had plenty of paper in our house. Then of course there were toys and such like. Hence I learned the art of keeping myself busy.
When I first started this series of posts back in 2023, they were originally intended to provide a useful overview into UK (mainly British) slang. US slang is ubiquitous globally due to the pervasive nature of American culture. Hence most people have a good grasp of its nuances. However, the proverbial door does not swing both ways. Hence most people will watch British TV dramas or read popular novels and can be quite bamboozled by some of the phrases that are used. That is what I was trying to address. However, over time this entire enterprise now reads like a some sort of Guy Ritchie film with Colin as the anti-hero. That notwithstanding, hopefully the list of slang phrases below will prove useful to know, if you ever visit the UK or tour around London. As ever I have given an example of their respective use. Feel free to ask questions if anything needs clarifying, or you wish to leave a comment with examples of you’re own national and regional slang.
As I write this post, the temperature in Greater London is 33°C (91.4°F). This has become a regular occurrence since the middle of May onwards. High temperatures are fine when you’re on holiday mainly because you’re off work and at your leisure. You don’t have to perform the usual daily task that life requires of you such as work, shop, cook, clean etc. Furthermore, if you’re on vacation you’ll probably be staying at a resort or hotel that is fully air conditioned and you’re dressed accordingly. However, if you’re still performing you’re daily routine such as commuting to work and spending time in an office that wasn’t built with such external temperatures in mind, then 33°C is frankly a pain in the ass. Oh and if you’re one of those people who always respond to discussions such as this with “well I live in Riyadh and it’s 40°C here”, please sod off. You live in a desert which is dumb to begin with. Plus this is not a commensurate comparison. Temperatures are rising in the UK. It’s always hot in Saudi Arabia.
If you visit the websites for such UK tabloid newspapers as the Daily Express or the Daily Mail you will no doubt encounter prominent stories about Megan Markle, Nigel Farage and “immigrants”. If these two august institutions are short of column inches, they’ll run a piece about how some former celebrity has had the unmitigated gall and temerity to get old. I mean WTF? How dare they do what human beings are genetically disposed to do. It’s outrageous. Similarly, head over to the Unherd website and you’ll find foam flecked tirades regarding spurious points of contention over dubious subjects. Often the topic being harangued is incredibly niche and I’ve never heard of it before or even considered it being a thing. These sort of talking points are not about informing, debating and most certainly aren’t about thinking. They exist to provoke reactions.
Before we start, let me explain to those readers outside of the UK, the significance of a Dairy Milk Freddo chocolate bar and its relevance to this post. The “Freddo” is an 18g (0.63 oz) chocolate bar, in the shape of an anthropomorphic frog. When it was re-launched by Cadbury in 1990 (it had previously been manufactured by an Australian confectionery company in the seventies), it was priced at 10p (£0.10). It remained at that price until 2005 when a 1p to 2p increase began to occur each year. By 2016 Freddos were retailing at 25p. However, the following year the price “lept” to 30p with an increase that was double its usual yearly rise. This led to public outrage across social media. Since then the price of a Freddo has waxed and waned. Tesco supermarket reduced the price back to 10p as part of their centenary celebrations. The post COVID price in 2022 hit 49p. At present, the average price of a Freddo in the UK is somewhere around 35p.
Over the last 10 years, I’ve written several blog posts about my personal working experiences and my career, such as it was. I touched upon working specifically in IT and how that industry changed over time, both technically and in the way that other people perceived it. I have also given my thoughts on the social dynamics of the modern work environment and the way we interact with our colleagues and employers. That is another area that has changed dramatically. Naturally my retirement from full time work has been written about, as it is such a radical change in one’s life. Especially if you’re the sort of person who is clearly defined by their job, which I personally was not. This time, I want to share a few thoughts I have about what I miss about “going to work” and “having a job”. I’m not sure if “miss” is the right word. Perhaps it is more a question of things being absent. Either way, there are some aspects of being employed that I use to enjoy or at least found beneficial that I now no longer experience.
UK Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer has resigned and intends to leave office before the parliamentary summer recess. By then Andy Burnham will more than likely be voted leader of the Labour Party and by default will become the new Prime Minister. Due to the current size of the incumbent Government’s majority, there is no pressing reason for a General Election that the UK’s right wing tabloid press is currently calling for. Whether this provides the Government with the reset they’re hoping for when Parliament reconvenes in autumn remains to be seen. With seven Prime Ministers coming and going in a decade, there are some serious questions to be asked about the current state of UK politics. However, the mechanics of contemporary politics, the decline of clearly defined ideologies and the people that seek elected office to be our leaders are only half of the problem. The other major impediment to the UK’s democracy functioning properly is the electorate.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Every Thursday, Mrs P volunteers at a food bank that is run from a local church; Avery Hill Christian Fellowship. Today there was a shortage of staff so I agreed to help out. It proved to be an equitable arrangement as she collated the various orders and I packed the bags and took them to the respective clients. The food bank itself is organised and administered by the Trussell Trust, a UK based NGO and charity providing emergency food and support to people locked in poverty. It is open for 2 to 3 hours a week depending upon demand. During today’s session we served just six people. Some weeks its can be triple that amount. Upon closure, a member of staff from the Trussel Trust did a stock take and collated a list of what was needed. This is provided by various local church communities via parishioners donations, as well as local supermarkets who have an arrangement with the trust to provide surplus stock or good approaching the end of their sales window.
There are approximately 4000 parks and green spaces in Greater London. Bexley Borough alone has over 100. Public parks and green spaces are vital to modern cities, providing essential health, environmental and social benefits. They boost physical and mental wellbeing by reducing stress and providing a place for exercise. Furthermore they enhance urban sustainability, mitigate heat, and provide a sustainable environment for a wildlife. Parks are often a venue for social activities and events and as such are an important part of the local community. Going to the park has always been a part of my life. I live next to Old Farm Park in Sidcup and have made use of this recreational space throughout my life. I used visit with my parents in the seventies, when I was a child. Thirty years later my son, father in-law and I would fly kites there. Now I take my grandchildren to Old Farm Park as it now has a playground.
Being a 58 year old man, I welcome any undertaking which can potentially improve my health. One such thing is proactive screening and testing. The UK National Health Service has started doing a lot more of this in recent years, mainly because diagnosing a problem and treating it early is far more efficient and cost effective than retroactive action. Hence this policy and my age is why I was recently sent a NHS Bowel Cancer Test Kit via the post. This screening service takes place every two years for people aged 50 to 74 in the UK. The kit is very quick and simple to use. A sample of your stool is sent via a prepaid return envelope for testing and the entire process is free of charge. Upon receipt, the laboratory test determines whether there is any blood present in your stool, which is a potential indicator of bowel cancer. If detected, an early diagnosis greatly improves any subsequent treatment outcomes.
I like learning things. I always have. During my middle school years I thought I was a mediocre student and often I wouldn’t apply myself. According to an old school report this was because I was “too busy indulging in Tomfoolery”. Then I had the positive experience of meeting an exceptional teacher. Their lessons were the highlight of the week as they had an ability to make the subject matter, Classical History, utterly compelling and relevant. The teacher in question also treated us like adults and the class benefitted from only having five pupils. This really brought home to me that a lot of disinterest and underachievement in education is linked to the paucity of some teachers. One bad teacher can undermine the good work that all the others can do. Perhaps it has improved nowadays?
I’ve had an interest in the paranormal since I was a child. My mother always got books out of the library about ghosts and UFO phenomenon, so in some respects I was influenced by her reading habits. As a child such tales were by default interesting and any potentially scary element naturally made them more enjoyable. However, my father being an academic had taught me to question everything, so I felt fairly evenly equipped when exploring these subjects. Further to this point, over the years I have learned that humans have a very unique perspective on the world. We are hard wired to see patterns, regardless of whether they’re there or not. Our senses can also be fooled and often are. Perhaps the most important aspect of our nature that impacts upon any analysis we make into the paranormal is our penchant for creating stories. Hence unusual experiences can be subconsciously misremembered and “retconned” to form more precise narratives.
I have lived in Sidcup, in South East London, for most of my life. The first two schools that I went to were local and within 15 minutes walking distance. My Doctor’s Surgery and Dentist are only a few streets away, as is the barbershop that I’ve frequented since 1970. I now have my haircut by the son of the original barber. My point being that Sidcup has everything that residents immediately need. There’s a local hospital, good public transport networks and a broad range of shopping and restaurant facilities. It also has several parks with lakes, sport facilities and children’s play areas. It is a microcosm of the concept of suburbia with its residents commuting into Central London or out into Kent for work. People move here to raise families and end up staying. My parents lived here for 62 years.
Our household is currently trying to reduce our monthly overheads in response to the ever increasing cost of living. April is not that far away and a great many service providers will increase their rates and tariff as the new financial year begins. Then there is the ongoing effects, both direct and indirect, of inflation to consider. Although the UK inflation rate is dropping, currently sitting at 3.4% in December 2025, food inflation remains higher at 4.5%. Being based in the UK, salaries and billed services tend to be administered monthly. You get paid usually at the end of the months and bills can turn up at any point, depending upon when you started a service. Any payments coming from central government, such as state pension or other benefits, are paid every 4 weeks. This means that there are 13 payments in a year. I thought it pertinent to clarify this point as other countries, such as the USA, favour a fortnightly financial cycle. Hence as a household we work around a monthly budget.
I try not to let the failings of contemporary capitalism get to me but such a mindset is very hard to maintain. From time to time it does just piss you off and you know damn well that there’s nothing you can do about it. So to begin this tale, at the end of November, our Indesit washer/dryer gave up the ghost after a valiant twelve year lifespan. As a result of this household appliance’s stirling work, it was decided to buy another from the same manufacturer. Their website informed me that the model that had just broken was no longer being produced. However, it recommended two newer appliances that had comparable specifications and more importantly the same size. This washer/dryer had to fit into a fitted kitchen unit. To cut a long story short, a model was chosen, purchased, delivered within 48 hours and installed. The broken predecessor was subsequently taken away. The wonders of modern consumer culture!
I was in a pub last night, catching up with friends before Christmas, when I noticed on the wall something I haven’t seen in a pub for a very long time. A jukebox. In my experiences most of the pubs I go to take one of the following two approaches to background music. They either have a sound system and exclusively manage any music via personally curated playlists from behind the bar. Or they have no music at all. The Wetherspoons chain of pubs broadly follow the latter policy and actively use it as a marketing point. Quiet pubs for clientele that just want to talk can be popular. Hence finding an accessible jukebox was a blast from the past. During the late eighties and early nineties, I regularly visited my local pub and often used the jukebox there, which at the time, was operated by an ever changing store of CDs. The jukebox I encountered last night was digital.
Today is my 58th birthday. It would appear that I have existed for nearly six decades. Put another way, I am over half a century old. All of which has given me pause for thought with regard to the passage of time. A phrase that is often bandied about, but what exactly does it mean? As I understand it, the “passage of time” refers to our perception of the flow of time and how we experience its movement. This is something distinct and different from objective time as measured by clocks. Our subjective experience of time can vary due to multiple factors. Two common examples are how time can feel like it's flying by when we're having fun and enjoying something or dragging its feet when you’re enduring something dull. Other factors are whether we are applying ourselves to a task, concentrating and general activity. Such focus can make time pass quickly.
When Mrs P and I moved into our current home, over twenty years ago, we were both working full time. As the garden was poorly maintained and neither of us had any horticultural skills, we decided to employ a gardener. At the time it was a practical solution to the issue of garden maintenance and remains so today. Hence it is a service we continue to use, although our personal health is now the main reason we pay a gardener.
In July the UK Government introduced the Online Safety Act which requires age checks for accessing sexually explicit content online. As a result of this, Pornhub, the 19th most visited site on the internet, has reported a 77% decline in UK traffic. Furthermore, according to the UK regulatory body, OFCOM (The Office of Communications), overall visits to pornographic websites from the UK have fallen by 33%. Naturally, those who championed this legislation are claiming a moral and political victory. However, once you consider what these facts actually mean, they paint a somewhat different and potentially more worrying picture. It would be staggeringly naïve to think that UK visitors to Pornhub have ceased visiting such sites due to the age verification requirements. The more likely explanation is that UK porn consumers are now using VPNs to circumnavigate these restrictions and that this traffic to Pornhub is now recorded as coming from elsewhere.
Formal education in the UK is a structured process, starting at early years learning and continuing through to higher education at university. Some aspects of the educational system are mandatory, whereas others are optional. At present, children in the UK must start full-time education from the age of 5 and remain until the age of 16. After this age, they are no longer required to attend school per se but must remain in some other form of education or training, such as a vocational college or an apprenticeship. Many students remain at school until 18, as there are specific exams to be obtained that are required for a subsequent university placement. Here is a breakdown of the current process as it exists in the UK.
I don’t know if you have noticed that there are quite a lot of companies that have names taken from Tolkien’s Legendarium. At first glance, this seems innocuous enough. Tolkien’s writings grew in popularity over the seventies and eighties but since the release of the film trilogy at the start of the twenty-first century, his work has become more well known and been assimilated into our wider pop culture. Hence, it seems quite logical that a startup tech company, for example, would choose a name from his writings. No doubt the founders grew up reading The Lord of the Rings and are fans. That all seems plausible. However if you take a further look, it gets somewhat more complex. Here are four companies that have Tolkien based names.
Last Wednesday, I woke up with what I thought to be a crick in my neck on the left hand side. I assumed this was simply due to sleeping awkwardly and so I self medicated with some non-prescription pain relief and judicious use of a heat pad. Unfortunately, the problem has persisted and in the last 24 hours it has become much worse. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 AM and as I sat up in bed, an intense pain ran up the left side of my neck and behind my ear. It took several attempts for me to get out of bed because if I turned my head in either direction or inclined my chin, the pain would again run up the side of my neck. Sitting down, getting up and raising my arms caused similar results. While dressing, I attempted to pull a t-shirt over my head. The pain in my neck on this occasion was so severe that I yelled out loud and nearly blacked out.
I am a non-driver. If you wish to know the specifics of how this situation came about, feel free to read the post I wrote about it back in early 2018. To be succinct, I don’t drive, I’ve never learned how and have never owned a car. I don’t feel that I’ve missed out. In fact I feel quite the opposite. I think I’ve dodged a major hassle and expense in life. Mrs P, my significant other, is the designated driver of our household. She owns a car, insures it and maintains it. She also mainly pays for the petrol, whereas I pick up the tab for other things such as lunch or hotels when we travel. All I have to do is make like Iggy Pop if we go anywhere. The most I am ever called upon to do is navigate using Google maps and Android Auto. Fortunately, Mrs P enjoys driving. Always has done. Hence I look upon this situation as an extremely fortunate and equitable arrangement.
I am getting old. I shall be 58 in December. Now, as soon as you say something like that these days, some folk will get uncomfortable and say things like “age is relative” or “you’re as old as you feel”. Well I don’t measure my age in geological terms, so it’s not relative and I’m not feeling anyone especially young at the moment, so both schools or thoughts can sod off. I am getting old by the yardstick we measure human life by, namely years. I have specific, age related health issues and I just don’t feel as energised as I did a decade ago. There are minor signs, such as deciding to go to bed earlier and taking longer to get dressed after taking a shower. I’m not at death’s door but I am slowing up physically. It would also appear that my reactions are also slowing down as I tend to get massacred in any FPS I play these days. So far, my mental faculties seem to be holding up. However, that is the one thing I worry about the most. The potential loss of cognitive abilities scares the shit out of me.
Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre is the fancy name of our local dump. A few decades ago, this was no more than a scrap yard. The rubbish and bric-a-brac left by the public was sorted and scavenged for resaleable scrap. Everything that was left was subsequently sent to landfill or incineration. Much has changed. Today it is the embodiment of the modern recycling ethos. The recycling centre is a well managed, carefully segregated site providing safe disposal of a wide variety of household and garden waste. Wood, metal and hardcore are recycled and there is similar provision for a multitude of electrical goods. Plastics, oils, paint, batteries can be safely disposed of. I have yet to find a home item that they do not have provision to dispose of. The Foots Cray Reuse and Recycling Centre has won awards for the service it provides and is considered one of the best facilities of its kind in the South East of the country.
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
“Managed decline” is a phrase that refers to the processes associated with the end of a specific lifecycle, with the goal of minimizing costs or other forms of loss. The concept originated in business where it referred to the management of companies and industries. More recently it is used in wider contexts. The concept gained prominence with regard to urban policy, particularly in the UK during the eighties when several major cities suffered economic and political collapse. Of late, the term has been applied to the UK, encompassing a systematic weakening of the economy, social structures, and cultural values, as well as its global political and diplomatic force. In each case, managed decline involves making strategic choices about resource allocation and accepting the consequences of those decisions. It is a complex issue with ethical and practical considerations, often sparking debate about the best way to address decline and reverse the process.
It’s been five years since the COVID-19 global pandemic. At the time it was an utterly alien and tumultuous experience. However, due to the way numerous institutions responded (but not the government), many people thought there would be a great deal of social and political change in the UK afterwards. The pandemic highlighted the impotence of the NHS, as well as those who work in jobs designated as essential. It also shone a spotlight on many of the country’s inequalities. Due to our national character, a real sense of community emerged. Something that had been absent for a very long time. Briefly, we got a glimpse of what the UK could be when we all broadly worked together. There was a sense that now was the time to change the status quo. Sadly, nothing changed. As soon as the vaccination program was launched, the UK quickly slipped back into the mire it’s been wallowing in since the end of WWII.
Prior to writing this post, I clocked a picture on a news website of the now disgraced TV presenter (and nonce) Gregg Wallace. I noticed that he doesn’t smile as such but tends to “gurn” instead. So does UK politician (and cunt) Nigel Farage. He always has his mouth open and his face contorted in some curious rictus, in most of the pictures you see of him. Mind you, I also don’t photograph especially well and any pictures of me smiling tend to look sinister or with a heavy hint of irony. The bottom line is not everyone is good at smiling. It doesn’t come naturally to all of us. This can be a problem at times or in social situations, because smiling is an integral part of our culture. On many occasions, I’ve been walking along, my face in a state of natural repose, only to be harangued by some twat shouting “cheer up, it may never happen”. A phrase I haven’t quite fathomed out, even to this day.
The Case for a Written UK Constitution
The United Kingdom is one of the few democratic countries in the world that does not have a single, written constitution. Others include Canada, New Zealand and Israel. To date, its constitution is a combination of written and unwritten sources, including statutes, common law, conventions and somewhat esoterically, royal prerogatives. The reason for this is predominantly historical. Since 1688, Britain has not experienced a revolution or regime change, which often leads to a constitutional initiative, such as the American or the French Revolution. Britain’s constitution has evolved slowly over time under relative stability and as such, it has never been deemed necessary to list the fundamental laws and principles of the country's political system.
The United Kingdom is one of the few democratic countries in the world that does not have a single, written constitution. Others include Canada, New Zealand and Israel. To date, its constitution is a combination of written and unwritten sources, including statutes, common law, conventions and somewhat esoterically, royal prerogatives. The reason for this is predominantly historical. Since 1688, Britain has not experienced a revolution or regime change, which often leads to a constitutional initiative, such as the American or the French Revolution. Britain’s constitution has evolved slowly over time under relative stability and as such, it has never been deemed necessary to list the fundamental laws and principles of the country's political system.
The current constitution is deficient for three reasons. Its lack of clarity, its failure to properly protect fundamental rights and the inadequacy of the current devolution settlement for Scotland and Wales. Firstly, the fact that the UK’s constitution is not codified in a single document means that the place of certain key governmental mechanisms lack clarity. For example, the legal status of referendums has never been properly set out. Secondly, although Britain does have a Human Rights Act, that legislation does not enjoy the same status as a list of fundamental rights in a codified constitution. As it is not entrenched, it does not have any special protection and can be amended or overturned. The current devolution settlement requires a written constitution that properly sets out the position of the devolved administrations of Scotland and Wales and their respective powers.
Bearing this in mind, here are some arguments in favour of the UK adopting a written constitution:
Clarity and Accessibility:
A written constitution would provide a clear and easily accessible document outlining the fundamental principles and rights of all UK citizens. This can enhance public understanding of their rights and the functioning of the government. It would also provide those in government with clear parameters within which they have to work.
Legal Certainty:
A formal constitution would bring legal certainty, as it would serve as a supreme law that can be referred to in all legal disputes. This contrasts with the current situation where constitutional principles are dispersed among various sources which often leads to confusion and misinterpretation (both willful and accidental).
Protection of Rights:
Explicitly enumerating individual rights within the framework of a written constitution, would provide a stronger legal basis for citizens to challenge any encroachments on their rights. This may contribute to a more robust protection of civil liberties and greater public awareness of said rights.
Limitation of Government Power:
A clearly written, unambiguous constitution could establish clear checks and balances on the powers of different branches of government. Thus limiting the potential for abuse of power and ensuring a more effective separation of powers.
Modernisation and Adaptability:
Another key benefit of a written constitution, is the ability to be able to make relevant amendments and updates that reflect changing societal values and circumstances. This adaptability is often considered crucial in a rapidly evolving world. New socio-political issues, especially those driven by technology and the global environment, often need to be addressed as quickly as they emerge.
International Reputation:
Having a written constitution could enhance the UK's international reputation by aligning its governance structure with the constitutional norms followed by most democratic nations. Many international institutions are built upon mutually held ideas and concepts. Enshrining commonly held values and ideas often affords diplomatic, political and commercial benefits.
Citizen Engagement:
Having a clear constitution can positively impact civic education and engagement. Citizens can become more aware of the mechanics of government as well as their constitutional rights and responsibilities. A better informed electorate can make more effective political choices and become more active in local and national government.
Reducing Constitutional Uncertainty:
The lack of a written constitution can lead to uncertainty, particularly during times of constitutional crisis. The events arising from the Brexit referendum and the political deadlock that reached a peak in 2019 being a clear example. Having a clear and precise constitutional framework could provide a clear route for resolving such situations.
Judicial Review:
A written constitution would enhance the role of the judiciary in interpreting and enforcing constitutional principles through judicial review. This would therefore provide a strong mechanism for holding the government accountable, aiding or sanctioning them when circumstances required. It would also facilitate definitive answers on constitutional interpretation, far more efficiently.
Symbolic Value:
It can be argued that there is a positive, symbolic value to adopting a written constitution. It signals a commitment to transparency, democracy and the rule of law. It provides a cultural foundation upon which to build and a degree of social stability in knowing that certain principles are enshrined in law.
It is important to note that this is not an exhaustive list and opinions on this matter will naturally vary. There are also arguments against adopting a written constitution, with some people favouring the flexibility and evolutionary nature of the UK's current constitutional arrangements. The debate over whether the UK should have a written constitution continues and any constitutional change would likely be a significant and complex process.
If you visit the websites for such UK tabloid newspapers as the Daily Express or the Daily Mail you will no doubt encounter prominent stories about Megan Markle, Nigel Farage and “immigrants”. If these two august institutions are short of column inches, they’ll run a piece about how some former celebrity has had the unmitigated gall and temerity to get old. I mean WTF? How dare they do what human beings are genetically disposed to do. It’s outrageous. Similarly, head over to the Unherd website and you’ll find foam flecked tirades regarding spurious points of contention over dubious subjects. Often the topic being harangued is incredibly niche and I’ve never heard of it before or even considered it being a thing. These sort of talking points are not about informing, debating and most certainly aren’t about thinking. They exist to provoke reactions.
Yesterday afternoon, Nigel Farage the Member of Parliament for Clacton and leader of the Reform Party, held a press conference in which he declared that he would be resigning his seat and thus triggering a by-election. He cited the following list of grievances that have led to him making this decision. That the Parliamentary standards investigations were being politicised, the media and other parties were conducting a coordinated campaign against him and that he had endured years of threats and physical attacks. He further asserted that his family’s privacy and safety had been breached as well. He finished by alleging that the political system was repeatedly changing rules to obstruct Reform and that he was the most attacked politician in the UK. Rather than be judged by the legacy media and the “establishment”, he would rather put the issue of his political integrity to the electorate of Clacton. He even offered to pay for the cost of the by-election.
UK Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer has resigned and intends to leave office before the parliamentary summer recess. By then Andy Burnham will more than likely be voted leader of the Labour Party and by default will become the new Prime Minister. Due to the current size of the incumbent Government’s majority, there is no pressing reason for a General Election that the UK’s right wing tabloid press is currently calling for. Whether this provides the Government with the reset they’re hoping for when Parliament reconvenes in autumn remains to be seen. With seven Prime Ministers coming and going in a decade, there are some serious questions to be asked about the current state of UK politics. However, the mechanics of contemporary politics, the decline of clearly defined ideologies and the people that seek elected office to be our leaders are only half of the problem. The other major impediment to the UK’s democracy functioning properly is the electorate.
Andy Burnham successfully won the Makerfield by-election yesterday, returning him to the House of Commons as a member of Parliament after holding the position of Mayor of Manchester for the past nine years. Prior to this, Burnham was Labour MP for Leigh from 2001 and 2017. He served in both the Tony Blair and Gordon Brown administrations and has held such senior governmental posts as Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport and Secretary of State for Health. His return to Parliamentary politics is likely to result in a leadership challenge to incumbent Prime Minister Keir Starmer. When speaking after winning yesterday’s by-election Burnham spoke of “a final chance for change” the current trajectory of the present Labour Government. However, I don’t wish to focus on any of this at present. I am far more interested in the above picture, taken as the results were announced and what it says about UK politics.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Every Thursday, Mrs P volunteers at a food bank that is run from a local church; Avery Hill Christian Fellowship. Today there was a shortage of staff so I agreed to help out. It proved to be an equitable arrangement as she collated the various orders and I packed the bags and took them to the respective clients. The food bank itself is organised and administered by the Trussell Trust, a UK based NGO and charity providing emergency food and support to people locked in poverty. It is open for 2 to 3 hours a week depending upon demand. During today’s session we served just six people. Some weeks its can be triple that amount. Upon closure, a member of staff from the Trussel Trust did a stock take and collated a list of what was needed. This is provided by various local church communities via parishioners donations, as well as local supermarkets who have an arrangement with the trust to provide surplus stock or good approaching the end of their sales window.
Under the First Past the Post electoral system, the candidate(s) receiving the highest number of votes in each constituency are elected. This system is used in the UK during general elections and in some local elections, such as those recently conducted in England. An alternative approach is the system of proportional representation, which aims to allocate seats in a manner that reflects the popularity of various parties. Both the Scottish Parliament and the Senedd in Wales employ systems of Proportional Representation. Historically, first-past-the-post has been seen as advantageous for the Conservative and Labour parties. It poses challenges for smaller parties whose votes are distributed evenly across different regions, making it difficult for them to secure seats. This dynamic effectively prevents potential competitors to the Conservatives and Labour from succeeding electorally. Consequently, due to this situation, voters may hesitate to support these smaller parties from the outset.
There are local elections being held across the UK today. Voters in Scotland and Wales will elect representatives to their respective national parliaments, while in England the voting is for local councils and regional mayors. These are the first major elections to be held in the UK since the 2024 General Election which saw the Conservative government of fourteen years, fall to the Labour Party. Midterm elections are often a litmus test for how the electorate think the national government are performing although local issues are also a major factor. The consensus among political journalists and commentators is that the incumbent government is polling extremely poorly and will subsequently face a backlash. In recent years the UK has seen a decline in traditional two party voting with Reform UK and the Greens gaining significant traction among the electorate. Hence today’s elections may well see both these parties make significant gains.
Our household is currently trying to reduce our monthly overheads in response to the ever increasing cost of living. April is not that far away and a great many service providers will increase their rates and tariff as the new financial year begins. Then there is the ongoing effects, both direct and indirect, of inflation to consider. Although the UK inflation rate is dropping, currently sitting at 3.4% in December 2025, food inflation remains higher at 4.5%. Being based in the UK, salaries and billed services tend to be administered monthly. You get paid usually at the end of the months and bills can turn up at any point, depending upon when you started a service. Any payments coming from central government, such as state pension or other benefits, are paid every 4 weeks. This means that there are 13 payments in a year. I thought it pertinent to clarify this point as other countries, such as the USA, favour a fortnightly financial cycle. Hence as a household we work around a monthly budget.
I don’t know if you have noticed that there are quite a lot of companies that have names taken from Tolkien’s Legendarium. At first glance, this seems innocuous enough. Tolkien’s writings grew in popularity over the seventies and eighties but since the release of the film trilogy at the start of the twenty-first century, his work has become more well known and been assimilated into our wider pop culture. Hence, it seems quite logical that a startup tech company, for example, would choose a name from his writings. No doubt the founders grew up reading The Lord of the Rings and are fans. That all seems plausible. However if you take a further look, it gets somewhat more complex. Here are four companies that have Tolkien based names.
“Managed decline” is a phrase that refers to the processes associated with the end of a specific lifecycle, with the goal of minimizing costs or other forms of loss. The concept originated in business where it referred to the management of companies and industries. More recently it is used in wider contexts. The concept gained prominence with regard to urban policy, particularly in the UK during the eighties when several major cities suffered economic and political collapse. Of late, the term has been applied to the UK, encompassing a systematic weakening of the economy, social structures, and cultural values, as well as its global political and diplomatic force. In each case, managed decline involves making strategic choices about resource allocation and accepting the consequences of those decisions. It is a complex issue with ethical and practical considerations, often sparking debate about the best way to address decline and reverse the process.
I still maintain a legacy presence on Twitter/X and I follow my local MP (member of Parliament) Louie French. It’s not something I especially relish as I am not a supporter of the Conservative party (or any other) and I did not vote for him in the last election. I just like to know what he is up to as he is the political representative for our constituency. As the Conservatives are out of power at present, to all intent and purposes, Mr French is a backbench MP although he has a minor position as Shadow Parliamentary Undersecretary (Culture, Media and Sport). However, with that being said he is hardly a key member of the shadow cabinet. Hence he focuses on constituency work and that which is generated by his shadow posting. He will also lend his voice, when required, to any major policy decision or statement made by his party.
Sunday 6th April is the start of a new financial year, here in the UK. According to data from numerous financial and economic institutions, an estimated million plus households will be facing annual increases of £400 to £500 as the proverbial “cost of living” goes up. Everything from Council Tax to Mobile and Broadband costs are being increased. Future cost hikes are expected in our energy and water utilities. As bills start going up across the country today, average wages remain stagnant. Middle-income and poorer households have been worst hit by this wage related issue. Hence the tabloid press have labelled the start of the new financial year as “Awful April”. Hyperbole aside, this is a very real issue which due to its complex, global causes, doesn’t have a quick fix solution.
I consider myself to be a grounded, rational individual. I am not excessively emotional. I like facts, data and reason as opposed to hyperbole, rhetoric and bluster. That being said, I am aware that the world is an imperfect place. Opinions are often not based upon empirical fact but personal perspective. Hence many people experience reality differently to me. They are driven by their feelings and other factors. However, despite these differences in philosophy, for most of my life the world has remained functional and over time slowly improved in subtle ways. Deference to expertise, a sense of community and basic pragmatism meant that people broadly pulled in the same direction. Of course there has always been dissent but it has been within a stable system. However, of late I feel that this era is now finally over. Things are no longer stable. We live in an uncertain world.
Newspapers were an integral part of UK culture in the seventies. During the week, they were delivered prior to going to work, so you would peruse them over breakfast. Alternatively you would buy one en route to your place of employment and read it on the bus or train. In a world before 24 hour, rolling news, they were the primary means of keeping the public abreast of events and as such, enjoyed a substantial audience. On occasions a newspaper story could make or break a political career or launch a crusading campaign to address a social ill. Newspapers were a force to be reckoned with and therefore a significant part of the socio-political landscape. However, due to a strong union presence within the workforce, the UKs newspapers often lagged behind other industries with regard to the technology.
The First Past the Post (FPTP) electoral system used in the United Kingdom, as well as in several other countries such as the US and India, has both advantages and disadvantages. However, despite being a simple and straightforward system it has been abandoned by many democracies in favour of more proportional and equitable methods. The primary criticism against FPTP is that it allows a minority of the electorate to return a majority government. Since 1935, there have been majority governments 90% of the time, but not one of them had the support of a majority of voters. At present, the current UK government has a majority of seats with just 43.6% of the votes. In the 2019 election they gained an extra 48 seats despite an increase of only 1.2% of the vote share.
Politicians have a distinct way of talking when being interviewed or giving a press conference. It is often characterised by a strategic use of language, centred around rhetorical devices, persuasion techniques and a careful framing of messages. Direct answers to questions are usually avoided, with tangential responses being preferred. Opinions and specific perspectives are frequently presented as facts. There is also a propensity to focus on “problems” and apportioning blame, rather than “solutions”. It’s important to note that the use of language in politics is a complex and dynamic process influenced by various factors, including cultural context, media dynamics, and the evolving political landscape. Different politicians may employ different communication strategies based on their individual styles and objectives. Here are some key aspects of how politicians use language:
The United Kingdom is one of the few democratic countries in the world that does not have a single, written constitution. Others include Canada, New Zealand and Israel. To date, its constitution is a combination of written and unwritten sources, including statutes, common law, conventions and somewhat esoterically, royal prerogatives. The reason for this is predominantly historical. Since 1688, Britain has not experienced a revolution or regime change, which often leads to a constitutional initiative, such as the American or the French Revolution. Britain’s constitution has evolved slowly over time under relative stability and as such, it has never been deemed necessary to list the fundamental laws and principles of the country's political system.
On Friday 15th September the former actor and comedian turned internet social commentator, Russell Brand, released a video on his YouTube channel addressing allegations about his personal life, ahead of a forthcoming UK current affairs documentary. Brand vehemently denied what he described as “very serious criminal allegations”. The following day Channel Four broadcast “Russell Brand: In Plain Sight”. During the course of the program Brand was accused by one woman of rape and by three others of sexual assaults, and emotional abuse between 2006 and 2013. During the course of the week, further claims have been made against him and that his “predatory” behaviour was an open secret within the TV industry. Furthermore, women would warn each other in advance if they had any dealing with him. All of which has played out against a mixture of broadsheet analysis, tabloid hyperbole, performative politics and internet bluster.
For those who live outside of the UK, let me categorically state that Brexit has broken British politics. Prior to 2016, national politics still broadly functioned along traditional party political lines, with income and class substantially determining voter allegiance. The big three cities (London, Birmingham and Liverpool) maintained their liberal dispositions and Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales were dominated by their regional politics. Brexit changed all this creating fault lines that fell outside of the existing political status quo. Opinions differed based upon where you lived, how politically literate you were and even education. Your party political allegiance no longer indicated what stance you took on this matter. Furthermore, the discourse around this complex subject was quickly debased into a bipartisan culture war that was toxic and dangerous.
Okay, keep up as there’s a lot of ground to cover. The UK government is currently suffering in the opinion polls and after 13 years in office, is facing potential oblivion at the next general election. In an attempt to shore up support among the party faithful, the Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, is currently pursuing a hardline with regard to immigration. According to Ipsos, as a political issue about 29% of the electorate consider immigration to be a major problem. The remainder either think current levels are manageable or have no substantive view on the matter. However, as a “culture war” issue that can be weaponized by the tabloid press, which often has direct links to the Conservative Party in the UK, immigration is a hill to die upon. Hence you will find a lot of rhetoric that is anti-immigration and any contrary view is tarred with trite pejorative terms such as “lefty”, “liberal” and “woke”.
Last April, the Election Act 2022 became law within the UK. The Act introduced a requirement for all those voting in-person to produce photo identification when attending a polling station. This is the first time that such an ID has been required. Prior to this, voters could either bring their polling card to verify their identity at the polling station, or confirm their registered address from the electoral roll with staff. Now a UK driving licence or passport are considered the primary means of identity. A list of additional photo identification that has been deemed acceptable, is available on the UK government website. For those members of the electorate who do not have any of the qualifying ID, there is a Voter Authority Certificate available, which can be applied for online. This photo ID is linked to the applicants National Insurance Number. For further impartial information on photo ID and registering to vote, visit the The Electoral Commission website.
I am writing this post from the perspective of a UK citizen, but the sentiments expressed are applicable to anyone who lives in a country where you have democratically elected local political representation. IE someone who is supposed to advocate on behalf of your community or for you personally as the duly elected political representative. Here in the UK, the country is divided into 650 constituencies, each returning one Member of Parliament. Irrespective of whether you voted for your MP or whether you support the political party that they belong to, they are obliged to represent you and advocate on your behalf, if you request it. Such is the relationship in principle between constituents and MPs in the UK. It is important to be aware that your local MP is not a delegate whose sole purpose is to represent majority constituency views. Under the UK political system, an MP makes decisions on behalf of constituents and can take a position counter to local opinion, if they feel that is in the best interest of the constituency.
It is difficult to write about the state of UK politics with any degree of intellectual rigour when the entire situation has become so utterly farcical. My initial reaction to the recent departure of Liz Truss after just 45 days in office, was to laugh with abject scorn and derision. She was destined to fail due to utter lack of ability. However, there is still the outstanding matter of the country lacking a credible and functional government to address inflation, the cost of living crisis and resolve all the issues stemming from Brexit. There are problematic national and international events taking place that need addressing. A united, pragmatic and empathetic government is required to solve both these short term and long term needs. Sadly, the governing party is riven with opposing factions and there is no commonly held policy or underlying ideology. The PM may well have changed but the underlying flaws remain.
Conservative Party has been in government in the UK since 2010. During that time there have been three Prime Ministers. Today we moved onto the fourth. After Boris Johnson resigned on 7th July, the nation has had to endure a tedious two month process in which the Conservative Party elects a new leader. That person then becomes the PM by default. Many readers unfamiliar with the UK political system may be surprised that a change of leader has not led to a General Election. That is because the Conservative Party still holds a parliamentary majority of 71 elected Members of Parliament. Hence it is still constitutionally quite able to govern, despite Boris Johnson being forced from office. Therefore party members vote for a new party leader who gets the top job by default. Remember that in the UK, the Prime Minister is not the head of state and does not have the executive powers of a President.
I try to keep my thoughts on political matters to a minimum here at Contains Moderate Peril, mainly because UK politics and the current state of discourse associated with it has become an absolute shit show in recent years. Brexit broke traditional politics and has made matters far more tribal and partisan. The two main parties have declined from having clear ideologies, identities and manifestos, to becoming either a lobby group for the specific demographic group that supports them, or a conflicted, divided and schizoid shadow of its former self. I’ll let you work out which is which. Politics is no longer about governing a nation for the benefit of all its citizens. Now you simply pick a side and join the ongoing culture war against everyone and everything else. This rotten system produces rotten leaders. Hence, when Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson became Prime Minister in December 2019, it was clear that the nation was taking a major risk on such a man. His failings as a politician and a person are a matter of public record for anyone who has the eyes to see them.
The title for this post is a quote from The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I’ve used it as a verbal cue to try and give readers an overview of the point I’m striving to convey. Because I want to talk about modern life in western civilization, specifically its complexity and increasing uncertainty. If you’re extremely wealthy you can mitigate these two points but I’m working on the premise that most of the people who read Contains Moderate Peril are not. The blogging community, of which I am a participant, is a diverse group but from what I’ve observed it’s not populated by millionaires. In fact most of the people I know, both online and in person, are just holding down a job, trying to keep a roof over their head and pay the bills. Often they’re doing the job they do in default of anything else and they’re at the very least ambivalent towards it. The pandemic has also brought home how fragile so-called “normality” is. Modern politics are also volatile and life in general just doesn’t seem as certain as it was twenty years ago.
The Conservative Party successfully held onto their “safe seat” of Old Bexley and Sidcup in yesterday’s closely watched by-election. However their overall majority was reduced by more than half amid a very low voter turnout. Conservative councillor Louie French becomes the country’s newest MP after winning 11,189 votes, more than 50 per cent of those cast, in the seat previously held by the former cabinet minister James Brokenshire. Mr Brokenshire died in October from lung cancer aged 53. The closest challenger was Labour’s Daniel Francis, who secured 6,711 as the Tory majority fell from nearly 19,000 to 4,478, the equivalent of a vote share swing of 10 per cent to Labour. Turnout in the constituency was just 34%, down from the almost 70% who voted in the 2019 general election.
Political events in the constituency of Old Bexley and Sidcup have moved forward in the last few weeks, following on from the death of incumbent MP James Brokenshire on 8th of October. Although no formal announcement has yet been made regarding the date of the forthcoming by-election, the major political parties have started announcing the names of their respective candidates. There were initial concerns among some constituents that this safe Conservative Party seat may have been used as a means of parachuting in a candidate favoured by central office, rather than one determined by the local Conservative Association. Fortunately, that has not been the case. The UK Government currently enjoys a parliamentary majority of 79 seats and is therefore not in any urgent need of fast pathing further political allies.
Last week James Brokenshire, MP for the constituency of Old Bexley and Sidcup, died of lung cancer at the age of 53. He had held this parliamentary seat since 2010 and maintained a strong majority throughout the 2015, 2017 and 2019 general elections. Hence the constituency of Old Bexley and Sidcup is considered a “safe seat” for the Conservative Party. In fact it has only ever returned MPs from that party since its creation in 1983. As a result of Mr Brokenshire’s death, there will now be a by-election held in the constituency of Old Bexley and Sidcup to return a new MP to parliament. What makes this local election a little more interesting than usual, is that it will not be taking place against a wider ongoing national election. Therefore, there is scope that local issues may well play a greater part in the electioneering of all participating parties.
Google Pixel Watch
Four years ago I bought a Huawei Band 4 Pro smart band. At the time, I quite liked the idea of tracking health data and thought it would be useful as part of an exercise regime. I also bought a Fitbit Inspire 2 for Mrs P. However, after a while we both felt that our relationship with these devices, specifically the data they generated, was somewhat “arse about face”. IE We would find ourselves, walking around the lounge just to reach our step count target. We also felt that our smart bands were effectively nagging us rather than encouraging us. Needless to say, we both ended up ignoring a lot of the information that was being collated. Eventually Mrs P went back to using a regular wristwatch, while I soldiered on using my Huawei Band 4 Pro just as a timepiece. Then I started having problems with the strap. Or to be more precise the plastic clips that attached it kept breaking. I ended up buying about five replacements over a year and half.
Four years ago I bought a Huawei Band 4 Pro smart band. At the time, I quite liked the idea of tracking health data and thought it would be useful as part of an exercise regime. I also bought a Fitbit Inspire 2 for Mrs P. However, after a while we both felt that our relationship with these devices, specifically the data they generated, was somewhat “arse about face”. IE We would find ourselves, walking around the lounge just to reach our step count target. We also felt that our smart bands were effectively nagging us rather than encouraging us. Needless to say, we both ended up ignoring a lot of the information that was being collated. Eventually Mrs P went back to using a regular wristwatch, while I soldiered on using my Huawei Band 4 Pro just as a timepiece. Then I started having problems with the strap. Or to be more precise the plastic clips that attached it kept breaking. I ended up buying about five replacements over a year and half.
So about a fortnight ago I decided to replace it. This was done on a whim without any major research. I wanted something closer to a traditional wristwatch, preferring that shape to the more rectangular smart band. So I read a few reviews on Amazon and decided upon a Google Pixel watch as I already have a Pixel 6 phone. Plus there was a good deal to be had at the time, so I bought the watch without much more thought. It arrived promptly and I then went about the process of setting it up, which judging by the simple diagrams in the accompanying literature, was supposed to be a proverbial “piece of cake”. Lies. Utter lies. To begin with, just pairing the watch with my phone was not as “quick and easy” as Google would have you believe. I have often found that Bluetooth is as temperamental as a cat deciding whether it wants to go outside or not. On this occasion that was exactly the case.
Next came updating the watch software. This too was a time consuming process. The software was downloaded via my phone (which was connected to the home wifi) and then transferred to the watch via Bluetooth. The phrase dawdling springs to mind. However, after an hour or two, these issues were all addressed and I finally put the damn thing on my wrist so I could tell the time. Then all the beeping started. This is because Google in their infinite wisdom has enabled every alert that the watch can possibly generate by default. Hence I was assailed by a litany of messages congratulating me on my ability to walk, having oxygen in my bloodstream and generally not being dead. Next, when the watch synchronised with my phone, I was bombarded further by every alert that infernal device produces. Oh how we laughed.
Finally, I opened the app for the watch on my phone and decided to tweak a few settings. This meant having a few YouTube videos beforehand, which is always a source of deep joy for me, due to my untrammelled love of humanity. We are truly blessed that so many fine orators and critical thinkers dain to share their wisdom with us lesser mortals via this medium. But I digress. Two week’s on I have a functional watch that tracks a multitude of data but doesn’t badger me about it incessantly. It does alert me of new emails , X and Mastodon notifications and new replies on Discord but I have chosen these notifications. So now instead of me endless checking my phone, I lavish attention on my watch instead. I feel like a Dick Tracy tribute act. Oh did I mention it needs charging every 24 hours? I could get 5 days or so out of my old smart band. But at least the strap doesn’t keep breaking.
Before we begin, let me clearly state that this is not a comprehensive installation guide for installing Steam OS on your PC. Mainly because the variety of hardware that can be present in any PC makes each installation a somewhat bespoke affair. Hence I have decided to provide a list of bullet points of the various steps and issues I encountered during my installation, last week. Consider it advance warning of things you may encounter if you install this operating system. As ever, if this is something that you are intending to do, I would advise allowing yourself a suitable amount of time so you can accommodate any issues should they arise. It is entirely possible that this may be a two hour job for the technically literate running the most generic or commonplace hardware. However, I suspect that a lot of people undertaking this project will run into variations of the same problems that I encountered.
I am intrigued by the growth of the IndieWeb, owning your domain and static websites. I certainly agree with the notion of not relying on big corporations and I have an ongoing project to divest my dependency on software produced by major market players. However, although I own my own domain, my website is hosted by Squarespace. I’ve not really had any problems with them over the last 11 years and I would describe our business relationship as equitable. However, the monthly subscription price has increased over time and is likely to keep on doing so. It has crossed my mind as to whether there is a suitable alternative. However, if I were to migrate Contains Moderate Peril elsewhere I suspect it would be logistically complex and problematic.
I like learning new skills and starting projects. I regularly undertake such things with varying results. However, if they don’t work out that’s not a problem. You have to try something to see if you like it. I’ll add “within sensible parameters” as a caveat to the last statement. And it’s perfectly fine to discover that something isn’t for you. I like certain genres of video games, music, films and books. I am comfortable wearing certain types of clothes and not others. I’m picky about colours. I’ll even go so far as to say that I won’t drink out of any mug that’s just lying around. If I don’t like the joke, logo or overall aesthetic of it, I ain’t using it. However, I digress. Let’s get things back on track and talk about projects. This year I have wound down several websites and have decided not to move forward with making YouTube videos. I have focused my energy on improving my website and adding functionality. I am also trying to broaden the scope of my writing.
It’s funny how it is often the little things that become the proverbial straw that breaks the Camel’s back. I have been struggling for a while with the overall performance and functionality of my Windows 11 PC. The operating system is bloated, slow and buggy. It all too often commits that unpardonable sin of trying to do my thinking for me and enables some stupid feature by default. Despite having good specifications, my PC takes too long to boot up for my liking and is becoming too much of a wild card with regard to whether it will co-operate or not when I try and undertake a simple task. As someone who is very particular in their PC habits, IE I see my PC as a tool that I use on the terms that suit me. Hence, I find the faux enthusiasm that accompanies each uncalled for “improvement” that results in me losing agency, singularly antagonising. Then a minor issue arose recently that escalated into a thorn in my flesh and I decided that it was time that something must be done.
This is a post about the power of nostalgia and how sometimes, interacting with something from your past, be it physically or mentally, can produce a very strong and tangible emotional reaction. In some instances, this can be the result of something that you have specifically set out to do. On other occasions you can wander into a sense of nostalgia purely by chance. Today I experienced a very strong sense of nostalgia while watching a YouTube video and then again when I sought to replicate what I had seen. The video showed someone installing Windows 95 on to an old 486 PC from that era. The Window’s start up sound really touched a nerve (but in a good way) and then when the guy in the video launched Space Cadet 3D Pinball, a game that shipped with the operating system, I felt a strong compulsion to track down a copy and install the game myself, thus revisiting something that was an integral part of my life in 1995.
For the last few months I have being using Google Gemini. I subscribed so I could access a wider spectrum of services and evaluate it effectively. I also wanted to dispel some of the hysteria that accompanies any conversation about Large Language Models and Artificial Intelligence. The results were initially interesting and Google Gemini proved useful when researching material for blog posts. It is good at providing summaries about well documented subjects. I wrote a post about food banks recently and it distilled a lot of data into a manageable amount, which was ideal for my article. Google Gemini has also produced some visual basic scripting and simple batch files that have allowed me to automate processes on my PC. Such as changing the default monitor, or screen resolution at the click of an icon. However, I found this AI struggled with in-depth software troubleshooting and that its ability to create images varies greatly depending on the subject.
The UK Government has formerly announced its intention to ban under-16s from using social media. This is due to increasing public pressure that “something must be done” about the perceived iniquities of many online platforms. However, as with most complex social problems of this nature, no one has any clear or practical ideas as to what that “something” is. It remains a nebulous, non-specific panacea and clearly someone else’s job to identify and implement. As ever, why choose a nuanced and multifaceted solution to a complex problem, when it is far easier and politically expedient to just “ban” something. The former requires effort and a degree of thinking. If such an approach fails it also means that those who came up with it now carry the can. The latter dumps the problem in the lap of various third parties, who can then be conveniently blamed when the ill conceived policy fails.
Yesterday we changed internet service providers. We moved from EE (formerly BT) to Plusnet. The transition went surprisingly well, mainly due to the existing infrastructure remaining the same. We’ve had fibre to the premises (FTTP) since 2022 so this was essentially an administrative change. The previous ISP terminated their service at 1:30 AM in the morning, while I was playing Star Trek Online. By 6:30 AM I received a message from Plusnet that the new service was live. It took about an hour to configure the new Netgear Nighthawk RS100 router (I bought my own) and get all our household devices attached to the new network. The connection is running at exactly the same speed and stability as it had under the previous supplier. At present a 1Gbps connection is sufficient for our needs. The main factor that has driven this change is cost. We are currently paying £28 per month for internet access which is a competitive price in the UK.
In 1990 I was working at the DWP (Department for Work and Pensions). I had just taken the role of Computer Support Officer where I administered user access to the mainframe and provided first line support to staff using the terminals. That summer the office moved to a PC based network and the project was undertaken by the newly formed Siemens Nixdorf company. To cut a long story short I befriended one of the contract engineers and over the next 9 months he became an unofficial mentor to me. Technically he was only supposed to train me in the most basic of fashions but he liked the fact that I was always asking questions and effectively ended up schooling me in PC and server architecture, network administration and the associated protocols. For me this was the best way to learn. It was not a case of coming to grips with theory in a classroom environment. It was learning by doing and having direct and exclusive access to a source of knowledge and experience.
My Windows 11 PC is a cobbled together mess of upgrades, customisations and workarounds. It seems okay at first glance, mainly because my desktop is well organised and I don’t allow too many apps to start on boot up. But beneath this superficial veneer of efficiency and optimisation is a bloated mess. Every Windows update adds yet more spurious features which slows performance and tries to harvest your data. Windows is no longer a user friendly operating system that you buy and use without impediment. It is now a sprawling live service that actively gets in the way of your productivity so that it can make a buck off your inconvenience. There was a time when you could quickly learn its processes and foibles, so you could customise it into the tool you needed. Nowadays I have to continuously use third party tools to get Windows to do many of the things I want, or to access functionality that Microsoft has obtusely decided to restrict.
As the New Year is still young, I have embarked upon several new projects that I’ve been planning since Autumn last year. These undertakings have gone beyond the planning stage and are currently being implemented. The fun thing about the phrase “implemented” in this context is that it implies that it is by far the easiest and most straightforward part of the process. The initial brainstorming of ideas has been completed. A cogent and detailed plan has been written. The costing of materials and time required have been determined. These are the hard parts. All that remains is to “just do it”. It should be a piece of piss (a British phrase indicating that something is easy). It virtually “implements” itself. However, that is a load of bollocks. Because there is always scope for something to go wrong. It may well start as something minor and innocuous but it all too often ends in a “problem cascade”.
This time last year I made a decision to replace Microsoft Office or Office 365 as it is currently known. Mainly because I only use Outlook out of the entire suite of software. This project stalled because I couldn't easily import my existing email archive into Mozilla Thunderbird. Hence the status quo has been perpetuated. However, there is an ongoing cost associated with this software as well as some wider considerations about ethics and privacy which is why I have returned to this matter. Although this time I wish to replace not only Office 365 but all the other "production tools" I use to write and browse the internet. I have managed to make some progress towards this goal but it has been hard to adapt. Mainly because I had everything set up to my liking. Although alternatives are available, they're never exactly alike and require a lot of fine tuning to be deemed satisfactory.
Last summer I wrote a post about my experiences using various screen capture software. At the time I was using Bandicam which suited all my needs. I had configured the software to launch at Windows start-up and had a hotkey assigned to capture images from my primary monitor. Hence I could quickly grab a screenshot from my desktop or when playing a game. However, this changed in November 2025, when I bought two new monitors. Both of which supported HDR (High Dynamic Range). Although they provide superior picture quality, HDR has a knock-on effect on Bandicam. Screen capture images and video look over exposed. Hence I had to stop using the software and find an alternative. Fortunately the same company has been developing an alternative product with HDR support; Bandi Camera. So I swapped to this software. The screenshots were far better but the functionality of the app was lacking.
Our home has a 1 Gbps “fibre to the premises” internet connection. It has proven reliable since it was installed in June 2022. Our internet service provider EE (part of the BT group) are neither the best of worst suppliers. The monthly cost is not especially competitive and so we may be looking to move providers next Easter. However, that is a matter for the future. For the present there is a more immediate issue. Starting on Friday 21st November, our internet connection has started randomly dropping. Furthermore, both the Wi-Fi extender in the lounge and the wireless printer in my office have become disconnected from the network. It was as if their details had been erased from the router. I suspected that a recent firmware upgrade may be the culprit although EE denies it. However there are posts online from other customers with similar technical issues.
A couple of times a year, Mrs P asks me to copy onto her laptop, all the pictures that I’ve taken over recent months, as well as those that have been shared with us via WhatsApp. She then diligently whittles them down into a manageable amount which we then print off and put in our photo album. Yes we’re of the generation that still likes to print off hard copies of photos and from time to time look at them nostalgically. We have several albums with photographs in chronological order and numerous frames placed around the house, filled with pictures of family. The bulk of the photos are 4x6 inches (10x15 cm). We use an online photo printing service for the majority of our pictures and visit a local store with a self-service photographic department to print off specific pictures for bespoke frames. The original photos, now neatly organised, are backed up and archived.
I take a lot of screen captures of video games and Windows apps, usually for blog posts. I use both Bandicam and Windows Snipping Tool to do this and have set up various hotkeys to make the process easy. Of late, the screen captures that I’ve taken have all suffered from washed out colours, regardless what tool I used to take them. I checked to see if both these apps needed to be updated but they are running the latest versions. Hence I was initially stumped as to why this problem had started happening. After some thought, I deduced that the only new elements in my PC hardware were my two new monitors. Both of which support HDR. Google Gemini quickly informed me that this was a known issue and taking screen captures from an HDR enabled device resulted in an excessively bright image that looked over exposed.
I recently bought two new monitors and a stand for my PC tower case. Today I thought I’d take the opportunity to disconnect every peripheral, clear my desk and then after a thorough clean, reassemble everything ensuring good cable management. I even went so far as to buy a new power extension lead so I could reorganise where everything was plugged in and therefore be able to isolate specific hardware. It seemed such a simple, straightforward task on paper. The reality was much different. It took me over three hours to sort out, mainly due to the fact that I don’t “bend” so well these days. During this Herculean task, my watch kept on notifying me that my heart rate was “high”. However, I regularly took breaks and fortified myself with gin for medicinal reasons. I am pleased with the results of this task.
I use two monitors with my PC, as I find having the additional screen “real estate” invaluable when writing or playing games. Both monitors that I’ve been using up to now are somewhat old and they are not exactly the same size or resolution, although both are FHD. I have previously written about the problems I’ve had trying to get certain games and programs to display on specific monitors and the lengths I’ve had to go to to resolve this issue. To cut a long story short, I recently decided to replace both monitors with larger models with a higher resolution. Mainly because my eyesight is not what it used to be. I see best when working with a bright screen that can produce clear text. New monitors would also address my ongoing screen output problem. Hence, I set myself a reasonable budget and began researching appropriate replacements.
In July the UK Government introduced the Online Safety Act which requires age checks for accessing sexually explicit content online. As a result of this, Pornhub, the 19th most visited site on the internet, has reported a 77% decline in UK traffic. Furthermore, according to the UK regulatory body, OFCOM (The Office of Communications), overall visits to pornographic websites from the UK have fallen by 33%. Naturally, those who championed this legislation are claiming a moral and political victory. However, once you consider what these facts actually mean, they paint a somewhat different and potentially more worrying picture. It would be staggeringly naïve to think that UK visitors to Pornhub have ceased visiting such sites due to the age verification requirements. The more likely explanation is that UK porn consumers are now using VPNs to circumnavigate these restrictions and that this traffic to Pornhub is now recorded as coming from elsewhere.
It may be a case of preaching to the Choir but dust contamination in your PC causes overheating, decreased performance, and potential hardware failure. This mainly occurs due to dust restricting airflow, impeding components such as heat sinks and creating short circuits from conductive particles. Fluff builds up and restricts cooling fans, forcing them to work harder. Heat build can lead to issues like system crashes, lagging, and even permanent damage to the motherboard and CPU. Over time, it can shorten the lifespan of the computer and in severe cases, poses a fire hazard. When I used to work in IT contracting, I used to see the effects of dust contamination all the time. PC placed on carpet tiles or on top of desks and surrounded by other objects. I remember one PC replacement project I was working on where we found an old PC with a dead mouse in it. It was desiccated by the heat.
Usually I don’t have a problem with internet access when Mrs P and I are travelling. My phone data plan is sufficient for Google Maps and social media usage. Once we reach our hotel, it’s just a question of connecting to the free Wi-Fi or if need be, buying upgraded access. It’s seldom that expensive. When I went on holiday to Croatia this summer, I bought a bespoke data plan before arriving that granted me extra internet access. Our hotel in Makarska also had very robust internet access. Hence, regardless of being out and about or by the pool, I never had any issues getting online. The ubiquity of internet access means we often take it for granted. I seldom go to places in the UK or abroad that don’t have advanced IT infrastructure. Until this week.
Back in January, I was very pleased because I had finally found some open source software, DisplayMagician, which allowed me to quickly and easily alter my display profile and run specific games and applications on my second monitor. Prior to this I would find that some programs just wouldn’t stay put, once they were dragged or otherwise cajoled to display on the monitor of my choice. They would continuously snap back to the primary display, regardless of my actions. DisplayMagician solved this issue and did so with aplomb. Or it did, until last weekend when I upgraded my PC from Windows 10 to 11. Then it stopped working. I therefore did some digging online and it became apparent that this is a known issue that is currently being addressed by its creator, Terry McDonald.
As part of our increasing dependency upon software, we have also grown accustomed to its associated foibles, especially the negative ones. Today, I upgraded my blog from Squarespace 7.0 to 7.1 and my PC operating system from Windows 10 to 11. I started early in the morning and ensured that all my personal data was backed up. My default expectation was that both processes would go wrong in some way, shape or form. Let’s take a moment to consider this mindset, which is born out of experience. It is now taken as read that whatever you upgrade, be it an app on your phone or a program on your PC, that it’s going to be problematic. It won’t be a seamless transition and you’ll end up having to do some sort of troubleshooting. Despite our lives becoming more dependent on such software, the quality of these products seems to be deteriorating. What a sorry state of affairs.
The ability to take a screen capture of a video game that you’re playing, or an open application or browser tab, is just something we take for granted. Windows 10/11 have a built-in tool called Snip & Sketch that is simple to use. Most of the games that I play have a specific hotkey for taking screenshots and a default directory to store them. Similarly, the latest builds of Windows also include the Xbox Game Bar software, which allows you to capture video from any application that you’re running on your PC. You can then edit via Clipchamp which is the successor to the old Windows Movie Maker. I believe the macOS comes with comparable default software. The absence of such apps today would be noticeable. However, there was a time when such things were not considered standard features.
30 years ago, in early 1995, I bought my first PC, a second hand Compaq Prolinea 4/33. It had an Intel 486 DX processor, 340MB HDD, 4MB RAM, 3½-inch floppy disk drive and a 14-inch monitor with a screen resolution of 1024 x 768. It ran Windows 3.11 installed via MS-DOS 6.22. It didn’t come with a soundcard or a CD-ROM drive. I believe I paid around £750 or so at the time, which was approximately half its original retail price. This model was 2 or 3 years old when I bought it. However, at this time, PC specifications did not change as quickly as they do these days. Hence, this was a good starting point for someone new to computing. I subsequently upgraded the processor to a 486 DX2, increased the RAM to 16MB and installed a Creative Labs Sound Blaster AWE32 soundcard and CD-ROM drive.
Three months ago, I wrote a blog post regarding how I wasn’t going to replace my phone because I was pretty much done with the endless treadmill that is “upgrade culture”. At the time my Google Pixel 6 was three years old but continued to serve all my smartphone needs. So I signed up for a new “SIM only” contract with Vodafone and went about my business, feeling somewhat pleased with myself. However, “needs must when the devil vomits into your kettle”, to quote Blackadder. I recently noticed that the screen on my phone was coming away from the main enclosure. There was a distinct curve along the right hand edge, as if there was something inside the phone applying pressure outwards. Sadly, that is precisely what was happening. I searched online to see if this was a known issue and was subsequently introduced to the problem known as battery bulge.
I had a novel experience (at least for me) this morning. I went to the cashpoint (that’s an ATM for those outside the UK) at my local supermarket, only to find it out of service. I had an imminent haircut appointment and no cash to pay my barber, who doesn’t take card payments. Fortunately, the supermarket did “cashback” so I bought a loaf of bread and some milk, paid £23 for them and was given £20 in cash. It’s a useful facility that I have never used until today. Usually I just make sure that I have a float of cash available but today the cashpoint being unavailable threw a spanner in the works. If the store did not do “cashback” then I would have had to reschedule my haircut. This minor hiccup got me thinking about our dependence on technology in our daily lives. A point that was further brought home, as my barber told me he had recently visited Spain and was affected by the national power outage.
I last bought a new phone in March 2022. At the time I decided to move away from Samsung after a decade of brand loyalty and try the Google Pixel 6. Let it suffice to say that I have found this handset to be most satisfactory. I like the size. It fits into the front pocket of my jeans. Its overall performance is very good and it has no issue running any of the apps that I regularly use. Subsequent software updates have improved some aspects of the camera, which initially had a poor zoom. Overall the good points of the Google Pixel 6 outweigh its flaws. Hence despite being 3 years old I am happy to keep using it. I have looked at what the subsequent iterations of the Google Pixel have to offer and I really don’t see any significant improvements or benefits. So despite being offered a handset upgrade by Vodafone, I have decided against one.
Have you ever embarked upon a tech related task that you consider to be a relatively simple undertaking, only to find it slowly becoming more complex and more involved as you progress. For instance, configuring software, upgrading your PC or changing internet service providers. I’m sure the answer is yes, because this seems to be life’s default position these days. Every endeavour starts with a simple premise, only to become bogged down in additional requirements and unforeseen issues that weren’t apparent at the beginning. The icing on the cake is often a cost that hadn’t been anticipated. To get the job done you have to put your hand in your pocket and pay someone or buy something. It is a pain in the butt, annoying and sadly, all too common these days.
Humans are creatures of habit. Often we find it easier to stick with the status quo, rather than try something new or make a change. I have used Microsoft Office throughout my career and it is a habit that has persisted into my retirement. However, overtime I have ceased to use much of the functionality Microsoft Office offers. Google Docs adequately caters for my needs. Yet I still subscribe to Microsoft Office, due to my affection for Outlook and the fact that I have 10 email addresses to manage. However, I don’t use half of the functionality that it provides, so it’s a bit like using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut. Furthermore, the monthly subscription for Microsoft Office is increasing due to the inclusion of Copilot AI assistant. So I’ve decided that it is time to say goodbye to Microsoft Office and to find myself a new email client. I shall also say adieu to the email archive I’ve been hoarding since 1997.
LOTRO: The Lore-master is Broken
I started playing The Lord of the Rings Online on On Monday 22nd December 2008. I still have the receipt in the box set that I bought, which included the base game Shadows of Angmar and the newly released expansion, Mines of Moria (it had been out about a month). This was my first MMORPG and unlike many other gamers, I had not previously played World of Warcraft. Hence, this was very much a new experience for me. I spent a lot of time pondering what race and class I would play and after reading the game manual thoroughly, (remember them?) I decided upon a human Lore-master. This proved to be a wise decision because I immediately took to the class with its mixture of ranged fire attacks and combat pets. As I am not an “altoholic” this has been my primary character in LOTRO for the last 15 plus years. I have played through every update and expansion with this Lore-master. A total time investment of 7 months, 1 week, 3 days and 5 hours.
I started playing The Lord of the Rings Online on On Monday 22nd December 2008. I still have the receipt in the box set that I bought, which included the base game Shadows of Angmar and the newly released expansion, Mines of Moria (it had been out about a month). This was my first MMORPG and unlike many other gamers, I had not previously played World of Warcraft. Hence, this was very much a new experience for me. I spent a lot of time pondering what race and class I would play and after reading the game manual thoroughly, (remember them?) I decided upon a human Lore-master. This proved to be a wise decision because I immediately took to the class with its mixture of ranged fire attacks and combat pets. As I am not an “altoholic” this has been my primary character in LOTRO for the last 15 plus years. I have played through every update and expansion with this Lore-master. A total time investment of 7 months, 1 week, 3 days and 5 hours.
Over the years I have enjoyed both the good times and bad times with LOTRO. There have been occasions when I have indulged in marathon sessions and other times when I’ve taken several months break from the game. But because of my love of Tolkien and my connection with the character that I’ve created, I always return. Over the years our Fellowship (guild) has waxed and waned. Many friends have come and gone from the game and sadly, some have passed away. Such is the nature of communities within the MMO genre. 15 years has also seen a lot of changes in the games development. Systems have been added and game mechanics have been changed. Mounted combat and epic battles proved unsuccessful. The change from a flexible trait system to a generic skills tree proved problematic. Yet despite various bumps along the way, the road continues to go on and on for LOTRO.
On July 31st, I logged into LOTRO as Update 41: On the Wing was being released that afternoon. I had been away from the game for several months and read that there were to be some class changes included in the latest patch. I took screen captures of my current build, so I could quickly return to it after any system reset. I then logged out, with a view to returning later. It was not until a few days ago that I logged back into LOTRO and I quickly discovered that developers, Standing Stone Games, hadn’t made minor adjustments to the Lore-master class but had radically retooled it. In the past I would have known chapter and verse about this matter well in advance. Nowadays, I have a more casual relationship with the game, so I was blissfully ignorant of the changes. Needless to say, I wasn’t the only player who was confused and frustrated by this decision to alter a class in this fashion.
I won’t belabour casual readers with an excess of detail but all classes in LOTRO have the option to spend their skill points in three distinct skill trees. All of which offer different abilities and play styles. These are colour coded. Blue is weighted towards buffing the Lore-master pets and making them a major focus of gameplay. Red is DPS specific, buffing most fire skills and such like. Yellow line is designed to make all Lore-master buffs and de-buffs more robust and is the favoured skills tree option for those playing group content. All of these have now been nerfed by SSG with certain skills being combined or removed altogether. The most egregious changes are to the red line option. The option that I’ve always favoured. Combat pets which could previously be summoned until manually dismissed, are now relegated to short term skills. You summon them, they fight for a short period and then vanish. These skills now have long cooldowns. Considering that the Lore-master is a pet class, this decision is illogical. It also spoils having these pets as companions when out of combat.
As a mature gamer, I am not prone anymore to gaming related tantrums. They are unseemly and ultimately change nothing. But as a player of LOTRO with 15 years plus standing, who has solely played the Lore-master class for that period, I am “disappointed”. Something that wasn’t broken to begin with has been diminished and is now demonstrably inferior to how it used to be. The irony is this isn’t the first time such decisions have been made during LOTRO’s lifespan and I suspect that it will happen again. SSG developers have a habit of being tone deaf to players’ likes and dislikes and indifferent to any upset or inconvenience they cause. They have an unedifying habit of “always knowing better”, regardless of whether they do or not. As for me, I spent a little time experimenting with the new red line build and then abandoned it. I have not at present chosen an alternative option and have logged out, with no immediate plans to return anytime soon. Nothing remains the same forever but this was a crass decision by the developers and it has now degraded mine and other players’ gaming experience. Bravo SSG, bravo.
The next expansion for the MMORG, The Lord of the Rings Online, was announced on the 1st August, via the gaming website MMORPG.The Wolves of Mordor, which will launch later in the year, appears ambitious in scope as it will include two new game systems as well as the obligatory story update. This expansion takes place in Draugardh located in the North East of Mordor, beyond the Plateau of Gorgoroth. It includes the new zones of Heledhris, Parth Rhavas and Nan Ogol. These vary environmentally ranging from the arid, volcanic and semi-tropical. Players will encounter the Daugrim in these regions, Werewolves but not in the modern sense. This is not the lycanthropy of Eastern European legends but in the established Tolkien idiom of fell spirits inhabiting the bodies of Wolves. The region also sees the return of the Woses and players can expect to encounter Elves and scouts from Gondor. As ever with LOTRO expansions, there will be new instances as well as a raid.
I was recently perusing my archive of old blog posts, when it struck me how much I’ve written about the MMORPG genre over the years. Naturally, there was far more material from between 2008 and 2012 as that was period when I immersed myself in the genre and was very enthusiastic about it. I was at a point in my life when I had the time to dedicate to such games and I was happy to participate in the social aspect of they offered. I would regularly play through group content and spend time socialising online with fellow guild members. My experience remains a textbook example of how online games can be more than the sum of their parts and that where you are at in your life has a major impact upon your overall enjoyment. As I read though various old posts it became clear that my experiences where specific to this particular part of my life and that they cannot be repeated. My relationship with the genre is very different now and that’s fine.
Video games as a genre are extremely poor at explaining themselves. When you buy a new game you’ll often find little or no information regarding the basic systems and mechanics. The industry assumes that their customers are by default familiar with the fundamentals of playing a modern video game. Hence if a game has a tutorial, it is often based around videos rather than detailed verbal instructions. You are are briefly shown a clip of a specific move being successfully undertaken but it is seldom shown in a wider context. The industry also expects the fan community to take on the role of curating and disseminating information about its games. The move away from forums and bespoke websites to Discord highlights this. Discord is a primarily a real time communication tool and not good at maintaining a historical data archive. If you want an answer to a specific gaming question, you’ll more than likely find it on YouTube in a video made by a fellow gamer.
According to the recent “letter to the players”, Standing Stone Games will be adding a new zone to the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online in the second quarter of this year. Possibly around May or June. Having spent the last three expansions in the South of Middle-earth exploring the tropical Umbar and the deserts of Harad, I would certainly welcome a change of location. I have gradually warmed to these zones over the last eighteen months but I do find them so incongruous. They are so radically different to the European style content that has been the mainstay of the game for so long. Tolkien’s source text has plenty of detail regarding Eriador and Rhovanion. Information regarding Harad is scarce, hence it has afforded the developers a great deal of artistic freedom. Although exceedingly well realised these tropical zones have taken a while for me to get used to.
I’m not sure exactly when it started but I’ve recently noticed a graphical bug within the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online. This problem often occurs within caves or in areas where there are a lot of rocky surfaces. Hence it has become very apparent in the latest two expansions, set in Umbar and Harad. This graphical glitch causes some surface textures to appear to flash from light to dark intermittently. The resulting strobe effect is hard to ignore and very distracting. Fortunately, a quick online search showed that this is not a problem unique to my installation of LOTRO and is a known problem. Furthermore, there is a very simple workaround, which is to go into the Advanced Graphics setting and uncheck “Per Pixel Lighting”, which immediately remedies the problem. I have no idea why this has recently started to happen but at least it can be resolved.
The latest expansion for the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online, Kingdoms of Harad, launched on December 3rd. With this release the level cap was raised from 150 to 160. It should also be noted that the cap for virtue traits was also raised from 96 to 100. Naturally these changes meant that there is a requirement to replace all armour and jewellery once the new cap is reached. Similarly Legendary Items have to be reforged and any traceries upgraded or replaced. If you follow the Epic Story it will lead you from quest hub to quest hub. The main quest rewards, along with those from side quests will provide adequate gear as you slowly progress towards the new level cap. The new raids, instances and missions/delvings then provide a means to acquire higher quality level 160 gear. LOTRO and indeed, many other MMOs are consistent in this methodology.
It is customary in a post such as this to list the various games that I’ve played over the last twelve months and share my thoughts on them. Wider analysis of the video game industry is also de rigeur. Unfortunately, I don’t really feel disposed to do either of those two things. My thoughts on the games I’ve played have already been published and can easily be accessed via the links at the bottom of this post. As for the video game industry, it suffers the same flaws as music, TV and cinema. There is creativity and innovation out there but it is often drowned out by mainstream products which are demonstrably inferior due to their inherent mediocrity. As for the business side of things, we once again clearly see the failings of the corporate management class. Sadly, they do not face the consequences of the mistakes that they make.
Today Standing Stone Games began beta testing Update 46.1 for the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online. The current preview on the Bullroarer test server is mainly for the new instance cluster that comes with the Kingdoms of Harad expansion which launched a few weeks ago. However, it would appear that this latest preview has another feature or note. One that should please LOTRO players. Contrary to what a lot of people thought, myself included, SSG have been working on a scaling UI for 2K and 4K monitors and the results are now available for testing from today Monday 15th through to Friday 19th December. Until now the main workaround to the lack of UI scaling has been to use either Nvidia or AMD graphics software to upscale the game from 1920 x 1080, or a third party app such as LosslessScaling. Having an official solution is a far better option.
Kingdoms of Harad, the 13th expansion for the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online, was released today. Highlighting developer’s Standing Stone Games continuing commitment to this eighteen year old game. As 2025 draws to a close, I thought it would be prudent to reflect upon the current state of LOTRO and to consider what may come next year. Two words that I associated with this MMO are stable and consistent. The playerbase is loyal and dependable. Player numbers never greatly decline nor do they notably expand. LOTRO fills a very specific gaming niche and one of the reasons it retains its players is that there is no suitable alternative game. Although there is not a great deal of data in the public domain, it is generally accepted that LOTRO has an older player demographic and that many are consummate Tolkien fans.
The MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online runs on a broad spectrum of PCs. From archaic laptops to high end gaming rigs, although it may require a bit of tweaking. At present, the optimal way to play the MMO is at a resolution of 1920x1080 (FHD) with the graphics setting maxed out. The graphics are sharp and the UI is readable. However, a growing number of gamers are now using 2K and 4K monitors. You can play LOTRO at higher resolutions such as 2560×1440 (QHD) and 3840x2160 (UHD) and the game looks great. However, the UI does not scale and so is very small on 2K and 4K monitors. The skill icons on the quickslots (shortcut bars) and the in-game text become difficult to see at these resolutions, which deters some players from using them. It is a known issue that Standing Stone Games are attempting to address but it is unlikely to be resolved any time soon.
I recently read a post on Massively Overpowered about skills rotation in the MMORPG genre. I found the subsequent discussion in the comments fascinating. Mainly because I have never used a fixed rotation of skills in any of the MMORPGs that I play. I understand the reasoning behind such things and why some players want to optimise their combat performance. Using one’s skills in a specific order to maximise damage and manage their subsequent cooldown has a logical appeal. In Star Trek Online, some players go so far as to create keybinds for their rotations and assign it to a specific hotkey, which is then continuously pressed throughout combat. However, rotations are a blunt tool that lack flexibility, often being geared towards dealing with a single target or using an area of effect skill against a larger group. They may not be the optimal approach to combat when things do not go to plan.
Tolkien enthusiasts may recollect Athlon Games, a subsidiary of Leyou Technologies, announcing that it was developing a new MMORPG, based upon The Lord of the Rings, back in September 2018. The following summer, it was revealed that Amazon Game Studios was the partner developer for the project. In late 2020, Leyou Technologies (a Hong Kong-based company), was acquired by the Chinese conglomerate Tencent. This triggered a contract clause with the license holder, Middle-earth Enterprises, allowing them to terminate the existing arrangement if a new deal could not be met. Amazon and Tencent were unable to agree upon how to proceed with the project, leading Amazon to withdraw from negotiations. The project was subsequently scrapped. No details or images of the MMO have been released.
After a six month migration period, Standing Stone Games formally closed all their legacy 32-bit game servers for the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online, on the 31st August 2025. Despite this planned closure being widely discussed via the game’s official forums, professional video game websites and fan blogs, many LOTRO players were unaware of this deadline. Hence many were unable to migrate their respective alts to the new 64-bit servers. Naturally those affected by these closures were upset, especially those with longstanding characters who didn’t relish the prospect of starting from scratch with a new alt. Thankfully, SSG have been true to their word and as of today, have re-opened these “dark worlds” to character transfers. If you have an alt trapped on one of the older game worlds, then now is the time to use the transfer wizard and move them to a new active game world.
MMORPG announced earlier today and it was subsequently confirmed by Standing Stone games, that the new expansion for The Lord of the Rings Online will be Kingdoms of Harad and that it will launch later in the year. The expansion will see the conclusion of the epic Song of Waves and Wind storyline and the level cap raised from 150 to 160. There will be a new region to explore, Mûr Ghala, comprising four zones. Adagîm, Idagâl, An Shêru and Kighân. The latter contains the main trading hub of Zajâna. Players will travel into the region with Gandalf the White, along with allies of the Kindred of Coins and Mizadi as they seek to counter the regional power struggle brought about by the fall of Sauron. Canonically, this takes place three months after the destruction of the ring, hence King Elessar and Eomer are busy with domestic affairs in their respective kingdoms.
Skirmishes were added to the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online, in 2009 with the release of the Siege of Mirkwood expansion. Skirmishes are a repeatable and scalable combat system that allows players to access various instances for solo or group play from anywhere in the in-game world. Players can choose a Skirmish Soldier from a variety of classes to accompany them and provide healing, tank or additional DPS. On paper it’s a great system which is why many other MMOs offer something similar. I recently decided to tinker with my Skirmish Soldier build on my main character to see if I could optimise their performance. As my primary alt is a Lore-master, for the last few years I have had a Warrior as their Skirmish Soldier, to take some of the aggro from attacking mobs. I used the excellent guide by FibroJedi and swapped over a few Training and Personal Traits.
On 2nd August 2025, I was playing the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online, on my primary character, a level cap Lore-master. I decided to continue with one of the Allegiance Quest lines, specifically Durin’s Folk. I played through several quests and earned the appropriate tokens that advance the Allegiance system. I then handed these in to the NPC in the Hall Under the Mountain, expecting the next quest in the series “Chapter 3: Gimli’s Request” to be unlocked. An item appeared in my inventory that I then clicked on, which should have bestowed the quest. Unfortunately, nothing happened. Furthermore, the item vanished from my bag and therefore I could not attempt to click it again. I checked the LOTRO Wiki and then looked around the Hall Under the Mountain to see if any NPC had a ring icon above their head. As they did not, I surmised that this was a software glitch and logged a support ticket with Standing Stone Games.
Let’s start with a quote from a classic Walter Hill film, The Warriors. “Can you count, suckers?” says Sirus. The gang leader was referring to the number of Police in New York City at the time. Whereas, for the purpose of this post, I am referencing how many Delving Writs a player needs to acquire 6 pieces of level cap armour in LOTRO. Because, next to the gear you get from endgame instances and raids, Delving gear is a good alternative.. It is marginally better than the items you can get from lootboxes. Hence, Delving armour is a good source of high end gear for the solo player. Through the miracle of mathematics, the number of Delving writs required to acquire a full set of this armour is 9,000. At first glance, that seems like a lot. If you then do some further research to put the number in context, you realise it is indeed a lot and a substantial undertaking.
I am currently enjoying a renewed interest in the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online since I migrated all my characters from the old 32-bit servers to the new 64-bit replacements. I’ve created a new High Elf Lore-master on Peregrin server and am currently levelling them in a targeted play through of the Epic Story, supplemented by curated side quests. While playing recently, I realised the game UI on this alt wasn’t as I usually have it laid out. So I checked through the various documents on my PC and found a text file I had created many years ago that had a few hints and tips written down. I’ve added a few more and decided to share them as a blog post. I’m sure veteran players will be familiar with many of them but a lot of them are worth repeating. They may prove useful to those new to LOTRO or returning to the game after a long hiatus.
In mid-March, while the server migration debacle raged, I created a new alt for the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online, on Peregrin server. The idea was to play casually through content focusing on enjoyment, rather than worrying about progression. I was to level at a pace that suited me and had no specific plans to develop my alt in any particular way. I have been playing LOTRO since 2008 and have a primary level-cap character that has been my main focus over the years. Hence I have previously experienced all story content from all the expansions and am therefore very familiar with what the game has to offer. Which is why I thought I’d do things differently this time. So I started my new Lore-master in Mossward in Swanfleet, the new starting area added to the game in 2022.
In massively multiplayer online games (MMOs), alts (short for alternate characters), are new characters created by a player in addition to their primary character (often called the “main”). Alts are often encouraged by developers as a means to keep players engaged with their game(s). Sometimes an MMO will actively reward the creation of alts either with access to exclusive content, or with additional skills or items previously unlocked by primary characters. As the myth that an MMO really begins at endgame still persists in gaming culture, some games sell boosts that will instantly raise the level of an alt to that of the current level cap. Creating alts is such a key aspect of the MMO genre, that some games will sell additional character slots, so that players can create further alts beyond the default amount allowed. There are many reasons why players create alts. Let us consider some.
I wrote a while ago that a lot of kinships from the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online, would probably not survive the recent server migration. MMOs are social endeavours by nature, often with strong emotional ties but a lot of kinships (or guilds) have already fallen into decline, simply due to gaming entropy. Hence the migration has seen players leave existing kinships to move to the superior 64-bit servers, resulting in a lot of people who may be potentially looking for a new home. This is exactly what happened to me. I opted to move to Meriadoc server promptly, at the cost of leaving a kinship I have been a member of since 2009. However, the move presented me with an opportunity to remedy this problem myself. I subsequently set up my own kinship and decided to make it available to others.
The dust appears to have settled for the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online, after last month’s server transfer debacle. Despite the technical issues arising and subsequent delays to the migration timetable as well as the procurement of in-game housing, LOTRO seems to be enjoying a minor resurgence. Many former players are returning to the game and moving retired alts to new servers, due to the superior performance. The migration issues have also brought a lot of attention to this 18 year old game and it would appear there are many new players trying this Tolkien themed MMO. I was pleasantly surprised to see that a further two 64-bit servers, Grond (EU) and Sting (US), are to be added to the game to meet demand. As I predicted in my previous posts, LOTRO has a habit of bouncing back due to its unique niche in the gaming ecosystem.
It has not been a good week for the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online and its developer Standing Stone Games. The migration from legacy 32-bit servers to 64-bit servers has not gone smoothly. The transfer queue was overwhelmed by the sheer number of accounts and it has taken far longer than expected to process the backlog of requests. Today has been the fifth day of waiting to see if my 3 main characters from Laurelin server have successfully migrated to their new home on Meriadoc. When I checked this morning, the transfer wizard indicated that my characters were back where they originally came from. I therefore considered repeating the entire process. However, around midday, Community Manager Cordovan indicated that SSG had caught up with transfer requests made around 8:00 AM EST on Sunday 9th March. So I decided to be patient and wait a little longer.
I’ve been busy this weekend, so it wasn’t until late afternoon today that I found time to sit down and attempt to migrate my characters from the old 32-bit server Laurelin, to the new 64-bit server Meriadoc. The “Great Server Migration” has not gone smoothly and the week has been a litany of changing deadlines and unfulfilled expectations. However, developer’s Standing Stone Games, have been “firefighting” issues on a daily basis and communicating regularly with the player base of the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online. Sadly, a lot of players have not responded well to the ongoing technical difficulties and there is subsequently a lot of ill feeling on the official forums. I have chosen to adopt a more pragmatic outlook and to let events run their course.
Standing Stone Games were scheduled to open their new 64-bit servers for the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online, today. However, when the free transfer service went live yesterday, it was quickly overwhelmed by the sheer number of players trying to migrate their alts from the older 32-bit servers to the new ones. Eventually SSG had to disable the transfer facility so that they could process the backlog. Hence today’s launch of the new servers has been postponed till tomorrow. In the meantime, the official LOTRO forum’s have gone into meltdown with irate players berating the developers for handling the migration poorly. True to form, SSG have been somewhat defensive and prickly in response to what they see as unjust criticism. Let it suffice to say that neither party has covered themselves in glory and there is a good chance that the technical problems will persist a while longer.
What Massively Overpowered calls LOTRO’s “Great Server Migration” began today. The MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online has opened 4 new 64-bit servers in conjunction with the 2 existing 64-bit legendary servers and the long term plan is to migrate all current players over to them. Eventually, the 32-bit legacy servers will be shut down, however that is a long way off at present. As of today, VIP players can select a new server, log into it and create new characters with their desired names. These placeholder characters cannot be played at present but can be used to reserve names. Tomorrow, if all goes well, the new servers formally open and free transfers begin. Players can then delete placeholder characters and rename alts that they have migrated, thus restoring desired names. It should be noted that none of this is mandatory and players can remain on the old servers for the present.
I have many pleasant memories associated with playing the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online during its first decade. A lot of them are due to the kinship (guild) that I have been a member of since 2009. I started playing LOTRO in December 2008 and it took me a while to find a suitable kinship but once I did, it made logging into the game a real pleasure. I was at a point in my life where I had sufficient time to play the game regularly and take part in kinship organised raids. It was also an added bonus to be able to spend some time and chat with some like minded people. I’m sure such an experience is not unique to me and that many LOTRO players have enjoyed similar periods of time. The lucky ones may still be enjoying a comparable kinship experience today.
I have two monitors on my desk. The first (which is the primary monitor as far as my PC is concerned), is on the left and the second is on the right. The primary monitor is a 24 Dell U2412M, which has a resolution of 1920 x 1200. It therefore has an aspect ratio of 16:10 which adds a little extra desktop real estate, which I prefer when writing. The second monitor is a 24 inch Dell S2421H with a screen resolution of 1920 x 1080. It has an aspect ratio of 16:9 which is standard FHD. My chair is adjacent to the middle of my desk and I can turn according to each monitor I’m using. I tend to use the primary, larger monitor on the left for tasks such as writing via Google Docs and emails. The second monitor on the right is used for YouTube and gaming. This is because of its FHD format. I also have a Nintendo Switch connected to the second monitor for the same reason.
I always remember the sage wisdom of the great children’s TV character Huxley Pig. “If in panic, if in doubt. Run in circles, scream and shout”. Such was the initial reaction of players of the MMORPG The Lord of the Rings Online, when it was announced recently that there is to be a new 64-bit server rollout in Q1 of 2025. At first glance, new servers are surely a good thing? The 64-bit legendary servers, which were tested in 2024, have proven to be a success and do much to address the lag issues that plague the existing 32-bit servers. Surely this is what players want? Well, yes it is, in principle but new infrastructure ultimately raises the issue of server migrations. Developer’s Standing Stone Games intend to consolidate the player population in the long term with the addition of 4 new 64-bit servers. The 2 legendary servers will remain but the 32-bit legacy servers will eventually close.
Bree Royce, editor-in chief at Massively Overpowered, recently asked the question “what is the most expensive MMORPG right now”. My first thought was to search through my old draft blog posts and track down an MMO cost analysis I wrote circa 2019. It includes data such as subscription rates and the price of current expansions. There was also information on what were the most popular cash shop items at the time. However, I then read some of the comments that had been left on Bree’s post and I quickly realised that this wasn’t just a matter of financial expenditure. Whether or not an MMO is expensive is also determined by one’s disposable income, respective wealth and personal relationship with money. The latter is perhaps the most important, irrespective whether you consider yourself rich or poor.
Stop Overthinking and Write
This post is an experiment, insofar that I haven’t planned it. That is the central theme of the piece. Sometimes, when you have an idea, just run with it. Don’t overthink things. Don’t obsess over style. Don’t worry about mistakes. Just get your ideas down and see where they take you.
This post is an experiment, insofar that I haven’t planned it. That is the central theme of the piece. Sometimes, when you have an idea, just run with it. Don’t overthink things. Don’t obsess over style. Don’t worry about mistakes. Just get your ideas down and see where they take you.
Usually, I will write following a process. An idea is developed through points or arguments. These are then collated into a logical order with a summary added at the end. It’s a formal approach that I picked up from my science lessons at school. Back then, writing up an experiment had a specific structure. You first defined what the experiment was investigating. Next, you espoused your theory or predictions. Then you noted how you conducted the experiment. After that, you analysed the results. Then finally you drew your conclusions. It is a tried and tested method. It also works well when debating a point or critiquing something such as a film, book or piece of art. But it isn’t appropriate for all kinds of writing, as its rigidity can cause restrictions.
For example, if I were writing about my day and what I’ve done, a far less formal style of writing is beneficial. A stream of consciousness comes to mind. I could structure a post listing the day’s events in chronological order but that would be rather dry. Nope, I think burbling away in a light hearted manner is far more appropriate. You can also go off at tangents, as our thought processes so often do. For example, I mentioned my science lessons at school. I’m now reflecting as I write, upon anecdotes from my school days. For example, how in 1983, we built a full size, working replica of a ballista in our classical history class. It only got fired once, then the local police got involved. Happy days.
Another great thing about writing from the hip, is that you can adopt a far more conversational tone. You don’t have to worry too much about the rules of grammar. I often equate posts written in this manner to be like talking to your friends down the pub or at some other informal gathering. And if you really want to be bold, you can write your own inner monologue down verbatim.
“Is that wise?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well you may come off looking like a nut.”
“Nonsense. One of the benefits of talking to yourself is you don’t put up with any stupidity”
“Are you sure about that?”
Sometimes you have to be self disciplined. If you want to get some writing done, you need to avoid distractions, knuckle down and just get on with it. I often find that on the days when I’m procrastinating, once I actually start typing things get better. It’s a bit like getting into a swimming pool that you suspect may be a little cold. Once you get in, there’s a bit of an initial shock and then you acclimatise. At least with blogging there’s no risk of getting a verruca. If there is, you’re doing it wrong.
There are numerous different approaches to writing, all of which have their own merits. It’s a question of trying them all and finding what works for you. There is no one size fits all when it comes to maintaining a personal blog. Experiment with everything from style to your writing environment. Just don’t fall into the trap of overthinking your point when writing, or how you want to say it. Think efficiently but not excessively. The most important thing to do is just to write. Get your thoughts down on the virtual page and then revise and polish them afterwards.
N.B. I wrote this post in 23 minutes. Which is very quick for me. Hopefully it makes the point I was driving at. Don’t overthink. Just write.
There is a subtle difference between being rash and being proactive. Being rash means acting too fast without thinking about the results, while being proactive is a question of acting early with careful planning. Why have I mentioned this? Well prima facie information indicates that recent Blaugust participants are interested in an “official” online presence for the annual festival of blogging, other than that existing Discord server. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. Not everyone likes using Discord and I do worry that they may reduce its free functionality at some point in the future. With regard to there being a Blaugust platform of some kind, there is a consensus that it doesn’t need to be some sort of sprawling commercially hosted website running on Wix or such like. Those sorts of site require funding, a degree of admin and possibly private data management. It also a bit too “corporate” if you like. Hence the logical compromise is to have a static site. Let it suffice to say, that has been done.
Judging by the posts I’ve read, it would appear that Blaugust 2026: Festival of Blogging has been well received by those who participated in it. That is most satisfying to know, especially in light of the fact that this is the first year the event has been run without our founder who sadly past away in July. It has also become clear that Blaugust is reaching a far wider and diverse audience and most definitely is no longer the exclusive province of bloggers from one particular community. There has been healthy discussions on our Discord server about whether this year event needs to adapt to accommodate the modern blogosphere. Questions such as whether or not there needs to be a dedicated Blaugust website have been raised and explored. Should every site participating have an RSS feed? How, if required, should comments be handled. Inevitably, the subject of the use of AI in blogging still remains a controversial issue.
After a very productive month of writing, we come to the final Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt. It is titled lessons learned and is usually a chance to reflect on the festival and whether or not it has been to one’s satisfaction. Have you achieved your goals? What have you gained from the experience? Those sorts of things. It also poses two further questions; “What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?” and “what’s the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?” for your consideration. I’ll address the questions shortly. Firstly let’s mull over this years event and assess how it’s gone.
It was my blogging anniversary on the 16th August. I’ve been writing and sharing my post online for 19 years, via various different websites and blogs. This current iteration of Contains Moderate Peril has been around since August 2015. To date it has 2,171 posts including this one. Quantity does not necessarily equate to quality but there are some articles I am proud of and feel that they make their point effectively.
This week’s Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt is an important topic. Namely, staying motivated. I prepared a fairly lengthy post with some advice and ideas to keep people focused and writing. Then I checked it against the post I wrote last year and the year before that, going back to blogging events from 2012. All of these posts broadly said the same thing, so I decided to scrap what I had composed for today and to go with a simpler approach. I shall answer the questions Krikket posed for this writing prompt. Fellow blogger Bhagpuss has also done so and as ever, his thoughts are interesting and well expressed. Here are my answers.
Once again, I have stumbled across an interesting debate that has provided me with an opportunity to write a blog post. Over on the Blaugust Discord Server, I read a comment from AgingGamer regarding RSS feeds and their significance with regard to blogging. This in turn referred me to a post by fyr (don’t you love all these nom de plumes) who wrote at depth about the ongoing community debate about the use of RSS/Atom feeds. The article explored the importance of such feeds with regard to reaching readers and providing accessibility to the disabled. All of which provided me with a great deal of food for thought. Mainly because I use a mainstream website service provider for my online endeavours, so RSS is by default built. I’ve never really considered not having such a facility at my disposal. But the rise in the IndieWeb scene challenges this assumption.
I have written two blog posts today that I have subsequently abandoned. The first was gaming related but when I was about halfway through writing it, I felt like I was covering old ground and just repeating myself. It was also regarding an issue that can’t really be fixed. Namely, how do you ensure that matchmaking in PVP games is done equitably. As there is no solution to this issue at present, or at least not one that all parties can agree on, I decided to ditch it. Similarly a post I was working on about what becomes of my blog if anything happens to me was curtailed. In light of recent events in our community it seemed inappropriate. However, as a result of binning two blog posts, I new idea occurred to me. Do my fellow bloggers self-edit and curtail what they write about? Is your blog totally unfiltered or do you apply a set of rules that determine what content is deemed acceptable?
It is time for the next Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt. This one comes with two lines of enquiry. The first is an opportunity to “introduce yourself”. Over the years, I have written several introductory posts for previous Blaugust events. Rather than repeat myself I’ll just link to the last one, which was posted in August 2023. I haven’t radically charged since then apart from my hair going whiter. The next part of the prompt poses a far more intriguing question. “If you could have one magical power or super power, what would you choose and what would you use it for?”, which offers much for consideration. Having given this proposition much thought here is my response.
A decade ago I wrote a post about blogrolls and the practical and social issues surrounding them. At the time, the version of Squarespace I was using didn’t easily support such things or at least wasn’t able to do so in a manner I liked, so I didn’t have one. Ten years later Squarespace as a hosting platform has far greater functionality, hence I recently decided to add a blogroll. That was in March this year. However it just wasn’t really fit for purpose. So I decided to revise it a few days ago and rather than just have a traditional list of blogs in a side column, I ended up producing a more comprehensive blog directory, which list two hundred plus sites alpha-numerically. I’ve been tinkering with it on and off and I am now finally happy with it. The latest update reflects the international nature of the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging and the fact that we have many blogs written in their native language. Translating text is now an integral function of web browsers, so I see no reason why these blogs should be excluded.
Today’s post is part of the Blaugust 2026 Group project, which features a series of writing prompts set for specific dates throughout the month. The idea being that everyone who wishes to participate can write about the same subject, riff off each other’s posts and enjoy a shared experience. In many respect having a common writing prompt levels the playing field and provides a sense of common purpose among those who take part. Today’s group project prompt asks the question “tell us all about your very first blog”. An unambiguous and interesting question that will hopefully prove enjoyable to write about and informative to others.
I have been writing online for nearly two decades. I don’t claim to be good or accomplished but what I can say with certainty is that the more often you write, the easier it becomes. For those who are new to writing a blog and the Blaugust Festival of Blogging, possibly the biggest hurdle that you now have to get over, is writing your first post of the month. You spent the lead up to this event sorting out your blog templates, fine tuning the backend and possibly banking some ideas. Or you may have decided to just wing it and make it all up as you go along. Both are perfectly valid approaches. However, there is one thing left to do that cannot be put off, avoided or danced around. Writing. At some point you’ve got to do it. Or bail on the event. The proverbial “shit or get off the pot”.
If you take a cursory look at a calendar you will see that the month of July is fast coming to an end. That means that Blaugust 2026 Festival of Blogging starts in a few days time! If you’re participating, or thinking of doing so, the next few days present a golden opportunity to do some practical organising and basic preparation. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Feel free to just do things as they come, so to speak, if that’s your approach. However, for most of us, it helps if we have some kind of plan in place and make some arrangements in advance. I personally prefer this approach and like to have some ideas for blog posts in the bank. It is also useful to have “options” if something doesn’t go to plan. For those who are new to Blaugust, here are a few ideas regarding preparation that may be of use to you. As ever, your personal mileage may vary and ultimately you are best off adopting a strategy that suits your writing style and personal schedule.
Prior to last year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging, I upgraded Contains Moderate Peril to the latest version of Squarespace. There are still some aspects of the site that need fine tuning but overall, I am happy with the appearance of my blog and its respective functionality. With this year’s writing event fast approach, I decided to tackle over the last few days, some of those finer points that need tweaking. I have wanted a post counter on the site for a long time but unfortunately there is no native Squarespace widget for this basic function. I also felt the need to upgrade the blogroll, as the current one didn’t support RSS feeds from certain sites (e.g. Google Blogger) and was dependent upon a third party service, Elfsight, which wasn’t ideal. Both of these issues have now been addressed and I am pleased with the results. There is now a post counter on the Blog Archive page, which seems a logical place to have it and the Blogroll is now far more comprehensive.
Next month the annual Blaugust: Festival of Blogging begins. Roundabout this time each year, I try to write a promotional post to raise awareness of the event and encourage potential participants. However, as I’ve done this quite a few times before, each year it is becomes increasingly difficult to present the essential facts about Blaugust: Festival of Blogging in an interesting fashion. There’s nothing worse than writing a post and feeling that you’re just covering old ground. So, this year, I thought I’d try something different and present the most important information about this annual event, as if it were a conversation between myself and an interested passer by. Feel free to attribute novelty voices for each party in your own head, while you read this. If it helps, try imagining that this discussion is happening between two celebrities or such like. Both may be wearing exotic hats but I digress. On with the scenario.
I read a blog post by Void recently, about finding a new internet home. He wrote about how he and many others have had to pick up their “digital roots” and migrate multiple times over the years, from one platform to another. It is a position I can sympathise with as I have done likewise. Hence I like the idea of having a place online where I hangout by default. My own blog is an anchor for me but it is not quite the same thing as a platform or online portal where I can find all my friends and colleagues, share content and shoot the breeze. It’s a curious thing, because as I typed that last sentence it struck how such a sentiment may seem alien to others. There may well be people who like to have a finger in multiple pies and who are happy to frequent and flit between various social media apps, Discord servers and subreddits. I prefer to focus my efforts on a single instance. A place that suits my requirements, allows me to put down roots and become part of the furniture. Like a virtual Diogenes Club.
Everyday, once I’m up, I sit at my desk in my office, fire up my PC and log into Feedly. I have various RSS feeds grouped by category, which I slowly trawl through and read anything that catches my eye. I have one curated feed named “Blaugust” named after the yearly festival of blogging event. It has over 250 blogs listed, many of which are former participants. Most of these regularly post. Hence there’s a lot to get through and so I don’t read all of them. However there are a few that I always checkout. Mainly because they’re the personal musings of some of our writing community’s oldest and most prodigious members. The sorts of guys and gals who are part of the furniture. They’ve always been there and it feels like they always will. Posting their thoughts, sharing their enthusiasm and spreading the love, so to speak. One of these blogs, is Tales of the Aggronaut. written by Belghast.
On Friday 26th June, I had another random spike in internet traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. The statistical package that comes with my Squarespace account recorded over 13k visits in less than 24 hours, which is not typical (although I wish it was). However, all of these visits to my blog arrived via the default homepage and spent between 1 and 2 minutes there. Hence, it was obvious that this was not human traffic, as there was no evidence of any searches being made of content that is available on my site, nor of the “visitors” clicking on any of the links on the top menu and viewing other posts. This was undoubtedly AI traffic arriving at the designated homepage and simply parsing the site. I had a similar spate of this sort of web traffic last November. The only difference on that occasion is that the traffic all came from China. This time round it hailed from the US. I suspect that this is something that will happen more often as companies set their AI loose on the net for what is effectively training.
I recently watched a video on Patreon by someone who I actively support as a “content creator” and whose work I enjoy. I shall provide no more detail regarding their identity because they may not want their work referenced with regard to what I am going to say. During the course of their video they briefly referenced the work put into promoting a podcast they are currently producing and the relatively low audience that it has garnered so far. The comments were an aside and most certainly not said with any sense of self-pity. They were simply a statement of fact. Furthermore, I suspect they are far from unique and similar sentiments have been expressed in one way or another by anyone who has created something the published it online, only for it to be lost among the greater white noise” of the wider internet.
When I first started blogging way back in 2007, I maintained a blogroll of all my colleagues and peers’ websites. At the time this was a common practice and a way to support an expanding community. I considered this such an important aspect of the blogging scene at the time, I created a website to aggregate posts from video game blogs, called The Gaming Blog Nexus. It ran for two years and proved quite useful. However, it was tricky to administer and would frequently break as a lot of the back end widgets and plugins were created and maintained by “gifted amateurs”. I eventually shut it down due to the operating costs. When I moved my own website, Contains Moderate Peril, to Squarespace in 2015 I intended to start maintaining a blogroll once again. However, at that time there was no native support for such a thing on the platform. Hence for the last ten years, I have not had a blogroll on my website, which hasn’t sat well with me.
I was speaking to someone recently about hobbies (fortunately it wasn’t Simon Quinlank) and I mentioned that I have maintained a blog for over a 19 years. When I talked about the ongoing cost they were most surprised, as they had assumed that blogging was something that could be done for free. I guess we’ve become so accustomed to the provision of free online services such as email, that this a reasonable assumption. I pointed out that although it is indeed possible to blog for free using Blogger, it was not the optimal approach, especially if you want to maintain some degree of control over your writing. Naturally, the next question they asked was how much do I spend and I gave them a ballpark figure. All of which reminded me that I wrote a post on this very subject a few years ago. So I’ve decided to revisit the subject and see how much it currently costs to maintain Contains Moderate Peril.
Today I started the slow process of auditing every post that has been published on Contains Moderate Peril since 1st August 2016. The goal is to correct any obvious typos and replace all existing images with larger ones. The Squarespace software upgrade I applied to the website at the end of last year has finally allowed me to establish a standard format that I am happy with. Hence the ongoing audit is the perfect opportunity to apply these style rules to all posts. There are also some technical issues and matters regarding functionality that need to be addressed. I need to determine how to embed YouTube videos in such a way that they automatically scale to fit whatever device is viewing them. Another area which needs improving is the website search facility. This needs refinement so that enquiries can be more specific. Older posts also need to be more accessible, although I am still researching how best to achieve this.
It’s nearly two and half months since the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event ended. During that time I’ve maintained a fairly regular writing schedule and I post every two days or so. Furthermore, I finally dragged my blog template, kicking and screaming, into the modern era. I tweaked a few pages and updated the content of the “about” page. The next task is to start going through all previous posts and replacing older, low resolution images with larger, more appropriate ones. This process also presents an opportunity to ensure that all posts follow a uniform style. IE Are appropriately categorised, have links to related posts at the bottom and are SEO optimised. This will be a lengthy task so I think the best approach will be to tackle two or three posts a day. Hopefully this will raise the profile of older content, which generates the lion’s hare of traffic to this site.
I use a browser extension called Control Panel for YouTube, which allows me to determine who many videos are displayed on my YouTube homepage and to filter the content that is shown. At present it is configured to display rows of six. Something that I have noticed of late, is the amount of videos with hyperbolic titles and thumbnail images created by AI. Both of which are design choices made to increase engagement. Clickbait titles are contrived to meet current SEO optimisation criteria and as such feature more and more in search results. The fact that they frequently have no relation to the subject I am researching, seems to be neither here nor there. The same issues arise with regard to AI generated images, which again frequently have no bearing on the matter. The fact that more and more content creators do this, infers that it works and is now an essential part of the process you must follow to be seen and featured in search results.
In the last post in this series, I specified the need for a plan with regard to upgrading my blog. Well a plan has emerged, been refined and has now been formally adopted. Rather than migrate Contains Moderate Peril to a new platform and effectively have to rebuild all the content, I am going to upgrade my existing presence on Squarespace. This decision was made for two reasons. Time and money. Migrating to a new platform will take a lot of time and incur additional costs. Upgrading the existing website will take less time and has no cost implications. That is not to say that it will be easy. It has become abundantly clear that the upgrade process will break stuff and that all published posts will have to be manually repaired. Hence my choice boils down to the lesser of two evils.
This year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging has reached an end and it would appear that this event has been well received by those who have participated in it. I believe that there were 168 bloggers taking part this year, many of whom have not participated before. Some were new to blogging, where others simply wished to see if they could increase their writing output. As ever there was a wide variety of blog styles and subject matters and it has been most interesting to read new posts every day. I have attempted to leave comments and positive feedback where I can and I hope that some of these new blogs that I’ve discovered continue to write. Well done to everyone who took part. I hope it has been an enjoyable and informative process and that you have learned from it. I know that at least one blogger has determined that writing online is not for them, which is a valuable lesson.
There is currently a group writing prompt available as part of this year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging which has piqued my interest. It asks the question “what is the oldest draft post you have” and suggests that it is revived in some manner. I have dozens of draft posts in a folder in my Google Drive. Many are film reviews or film related. The oldest of which dates back to summer 2010. Rather than write a straight forward review of Blake Edwards 1968 comedy The Party, I rather foolishly thought at the time that I’d tackle the issue of whether the film is sufficiently racist to make it beyond the pale. Let it suffice to say that I quickly found myself bogged down in the complexities of the subject and thus never completed the blog post.
I’ve participated in every previous Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event. Prior to that I was involved in the Newbie Blogger Initiative or NBI as it was affectionately known. I have therefore written quite a lot of blogging advice and suggestions over the years. If anyone feels disposed to do so, you can access them all by clicking on the “blogging” option on the top menu of this blog. However, it is important to remember that a lot of the ideas I have advocated and written about over the years are purely subjective. Not all advice or guidance works for everyone. People have different ideas about blogging, different approaches to it and different aspirations. This year has highlighted some quite distinct differences among bloggers which has been most illuminating.
Today is my blogging anniversary. I have been writing online consistently for 18 years. My earliest blogs no longer exist, although they can be found via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine. My first blog was a Lord of the Rings Online fansite called Misadventures in LOTRO. After a while this morphed into a wider gaming website; Misadventures in Gaming. However, I soon discovered that I wanted to write about more than just video games, so I decided to start from scratch and created Contains Moderate Peril in February 2010. This blog endured and has been my main online presence ever since. It has moved several times for various reasons. For a while I had a sponsor, as well as a reasonably sized audience and had dreams of making money from my writing and podcast. But it wasn’t to be and now I just write primarily for my own peace of mind and amusement.
This year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging has already raised a very interesting debate. An old one that habitually comes up when discussing blogs. Namely, whether a blog should or should not have “comments” enabled. However this time round there is a different slant on things. Rather than the usual binary choice of having comments enabled or disabled on your site, this time round there is a third option available. Leaving comments via email or a third party service such as Mastodon. Both of these additional options keep comments conspicuously at arms length from your website. Furthermore, the email option makes the comments private, instead of in the public domain. All of which puts a subtly different spin on conventional notions of blog comments and makes this ongoing discussion all the more interesting.
There is currently an interesting discussion on the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging Discord Server about writing every day. It can be quite a polarising subject but the one thing that everyone agrees on is the fact that it is hard to do. A daily schedule requires multiple factors to come together to be sustainable. It is also fair to say that if you go about it unprepared, it will be a very hard learning curve. Ultimately it may not work out and then there is the risk of a bad experience negatively impacting upon your wider writing plans. Hence it is not something I would recommend to new bloggers or those who aren’t keen on a baptism of fire. Some writers like to test their metal and jumping feet first, into daily blogging may be the sort of challenge they seek. For everyone else I would urge them to plan a strategy and consider the following point if you wish to try it.
Last year, prior to Blaugust 2024, I looked at the viability of upgrading or replacing my current blog template. The mobile version of Contains Moderate Peril holds up quite well but the site looks somewhat tired on a desktop PC. I spoke to several design companies that dealt with Squarespace based websites and they all said the same thing. The existing template is a decade old and cannot support a lot of the current functionality available. Hence it needs to be replaced. However, such a change could potentially break the existing formatting of nearly 2,000 posts. This would create a great deal of work. Hence, I decided at the time to postpone such a decision and I simply tinkered with the branding of my website and left the matter be. A year later and the issue has resurfaced. The same problems exist and the hosting costs for Squarespace have increased. I now pay £16 a month.
Hot Fuzz (2007)
PC Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is an exemplary Police Officer, with a strict adherence to the letter of the law. As a result of making the rest of the London Metropolitan Police look bad, he is transferred to the rural town of Sandford, Gloucestershire. On arrival, Angel finds that the local Inspector, Frank Butterman (Jim Broadbent), takes a far more laissez-faire approach to policing. His colleagues are incompetent and he is further hampered by the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance (NWA), who prioritise low crime statistics over law enforcement due to their desire to win the title of “Village of the Year”. Furthermore, Angel is partnered with the Inspector’s son, Constable Danny Butterman (Nick Frost), who is infatuated with “buddy cop” movies and is in awe of Angel’s London experience. “Have you ever fired two guns while jumping through the air?” However, a sudden spate of grisly accidents lead Angel to believe that there's more to the seemingly tranquil and picture-perfect community than meets the eye.
PC Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is an exemplary Police Officer, with a strict adherence to the letter of the law. As a result of making the rest of the London Metropolitan Police look bad, he is transferred to the rural town of Sandford, Gloucestershire. On arrival, Angel finds that the local Inspector, Frank Butterman (Jim Broadbent), takes a far more laissez-faire approach to policing. His colleagues are incompetent and he is further hampered by the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance (NWA), who prioritise low crime statistics over law enforcement due to their desire to win the title of “Village of the Year”. Furthermore, Angel is partnered with the Inspector’s son, Constable Danny Butterman (Nick Frost), who is infatuated with “buddy cop” movies and is in awe of Angel’s London experience. “Have you ever fired two guns while jumping through the air?” However, a sudden spate of grisly accidents lead Angel to believe that there's more to the seemingly tranquil and picture-perfect community than meets the eye.
Hot Fuzz, co-written and directed by Edgar Wright, is at first glance a satire on the buddy cop and action genres that dominated Hollywood during the eighties and nineties. Upon closer scrutiny, it also has wry takes on the Agatha Christie “whodunit”, folk horror and slasher movies. Thematically, there are references, asides and homages to such classic films as Dirty Harry, The Wicker Man and multiple John Woo titles. Stylistically, Hot Fuzz uses many visual techniques common in the work of director Tony Scott. Edgar Wright cleverly takes these elements and effectively uses them in the incongruous setting of a rural UK town. It is the depiction of these US and Hong Kong action movie tropes through the lens of British comedy with its uniquely dry perspective that makes these conceits work so well.
Hot Fuzz is bolstered by an excellent cast of UK character actors, such as Timothy Dalton, Edward Woodward and Billie Whitelaw, many of whom are sending up former roles they are well known for. Dalton particularly relishes his role as a moustache twirling villain who runs the town’s supermarket. There is also a very clear chemistry between Simon Pegg and Nick Frost which helps them navigate the clever and knowing script. The humour is broad, including slapstick, wordplay and dark satire. Yet despite its tongue in cheek nature, the film manages to tread that fine line between homage and plagiarism. There is also a very intelligent score by David Arnold, that draws on the established overwrought idiom of the action genre.
Peter Jackson uncredited cameo
Due to the amount of detail found in Hot Fuzz, the film holds up well to multiple viewings. Pausing playback to read a sign in a shop window or some other minor detail will often yield a hidden gag. Sadly, the frenetic editing and the hand cranked camera work do become somewhat tiresome after a time. The film’s two hour running time could have been tightened to something ten minutes shorter. Due to the ubiquitous nature of the action movie genre, Hot Fuzz is just a little too on the nose at times, hence it doesn’t quite hit the mark as assuredly as Wright’s previous film, Shaun of the Dead. However, these are minor quibbles. If you’re in the market for a film somewhere between the Bad Boys franchise and Inspector Morse, then Hot Fuzz has much to offer. A convoluted plot, a cast shamelessly sending themselves and the genre up, car chases, shootouts and so many throw away lines. “He’s not Judge Judy and executioner”.
PC Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is an exemplary Police Officer, with a strict adherence to the letter of the law. As a result of making the rest of the London Metropolitan Police look bad, he is transferred to the rural town of Sandford, Gloucestershire. On arrival, Angel finds that the local Inspector, Frank Butterman (Jim Broadbent), takes a far more laissez-faire approach to policing. His colleagues are incompetent and he is further hampered by the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance (NWA), who prioritise low crime statistics over law enforcement due to their desire to win the title of “Village of the Year”. Furthermore, Angel is partnered with the Inspector’s son, Constable Danny Butterman (Nick Frost), who is infatuated with “buddy cop” movies and is in awe of Angel’s London experience. “Have you ever fired two guns while jumping through the air?” However, a sudden spate of grisly accidents lead Angel to believe that there's more to the seemingly tranquil and picture-perfect community than meets the eye.
During the early eighties Kenny Everett was one of the most popular comedians on UK television. His mix of “zany” characters, slapstick and innuendo filled the gap between traditional comedians and their sketch show format and the anarchy of the new alternative comedy scene. Therefore his foray into feature films in 1984 was a logical progression of his growing success. Bloodbath at the House of Death was conceived as a satire on the Hammer Horror genre, although the script by Barry Cryer and Ray Cameron touched upon everything from An American Werewolf in London, Alien, The Amityville Horror, The Legend of Hell House and The Entity. Featuring a solid cast of British character actors and a cameo appearance by the great Vincent Price, on paper the film had all the trappings of a potential box office success. Sadly, it failed to meet expectations and was savaged by the UK press who used it as a means to attack Kenny Everett for his perceived transgressions.
You could quite easily lose thirty minutes from A Million Ways to Die in the West. Tighter pacing would certainly shorten the gaps between the genuinely funny material. As it is, the movie is somewhat baggy and surprisingly middle of the road. Yes it has all of Seth McFarlane's usual hallmarks as far as extreme humour but it lacks the occasional moments of satire and social commentary that you see in Family Guy and in Ted (his best movie to date). The movie is very much aware of what it is and focuses a little excessively on observational humour based on traditional tropes and memes of the Western genre. You frequently get the feeling at times that it’s trying very hard to be “funny” in a “Seth McFarlane” idiom but it smacks a little of “art imitating art”.
Written by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker and directed by John Landis, The Kentucky Fried Movie is an eclectic collection of skits, parodies and bogus commercials, lampooning what you’d see on seventies TV or in the movie theatres of the time. The sketches are fast paced and many feature well known faces from TV and cinema such as Bill Bixby, George Lazenby, Donald Sutherland and Henry Gibson. Some of the parodies may not “connect” with modern audiences who may not get the source references but for every skit that misses the mark, there are at least two others hit the target. Overall, it’s a litany of visual gags, stupid humour and endless puns and wordplay. Just what you’d expect from the team that went on to bring you Airplane! and Top Secret! The Kentucky Fried Movie is at its best when it satirises the movie industry, with such wonderful faux movies trailers as Cleopatra Schwartz; a blaxploitation action movie featuring a foxy African American vigilante and her devout Hasidic Jew partner.
Being a child of the seventies I have a soft spot, cinematically speaking, for the various disaster films of that time. Iconic titles such as The Towering Inferno, The Poseidon Adventure and Airport franchise. The latter was superbly lampooned in the 1980 movie, Airplane! by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker. The team of writer/directors went on to make numerous other comedies in a similar idiom. However Airplane! was not the first major spoof of this particular genre. Four years earlier, director James Frawley made The Big Bus which similarly sends up the standard tropes of all major disaster movies. Where Airplane! was right on the money, The Big Bus is a little more scattershot in its approach and takes a while to find its feet. But James Frawley had a background in TV comedy, having worked on The Monkees TV show, and he does much within the limitations of the films budget. The films greatest asset is that it keeps up the pace. If a gag doesn’t work then don’t worry, there’s another immediately afterwards.
I had mixed feelings about whether The Three Stooges could be successfully re-imagined and revitalised for a modern audience. When the first trailer was released it seemed to highlight the major differences between the old school slapstick humour of the forties with the worldly adult style of present comedy movies. However, as more information came out regarding the production and it became clear that the Farrelly Brothers are consummate fans of the source material, I began to revise my expectations. After finally having caught up with the movie, six years after its theatrical release, I am afraid all my initial fears have proven true and that The Three Stooges falls into all the traps I anticipated it would. That is not to say that the film is not without merits, but overall it fails to deliver in a manner that pleases all parties.
Until a copy was found by the BBC television in 1975, this was considered a lost film. Where's That Fire? is an often over looked comedy. Will Hay plays Captain Viking of the Bishop Wallop fire station in his usual seedy incompetent fashion. He and his trusty assistants Albert (Graham Moffatt) and Harbottle (Moore Marriott) run an antiquated Victorian fire tender but seldom put out any fires. After the Town Hall burns down they find that their jobs are on the line. Viking tries to solve their problems by inventing a new fire-retardant foam as well as renting the tender to a film production company, who may not be quite what they seem. It all ends in mayhem, with an attempted robbery of the Crown Jewels at The Tower of London.
I was raised on old black and white films as a child. My parents age and personal tastes meant that I had exposure to a lot of material that people today may be oblivious to. This was especially true with regard to pre-war UK comic luminaries such as Arthur Askey, Old Mother Riley and Will Hay. I am very grateful in a way, as it has afforded me the opportunity to broaden my cinematic horizons and cultural references. Comedy is also an interesting social barometer of the times and can be quite a useful tool for historians. Its curious how something change there are certain comic tropes that are timeless. Often these are fundamental aspects of the human character but not necessarily the best ones.
Critics were somewhat split over Paul when it was released in the UK in spring 2011. The absence of director Edgar Wright from the production, was cited as a weakness. Critics also felt the film was generally too mainstream and did not play sufficiently to Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's strengths. There were the usual claims of the whole premise being a self-indulgence. However, rather than cross reference Paul against similar films or compare it to material from the stars back catalogue of work, it should be judged on its own merit. On reflection, it is nowhere near as week as some claim it to be. You don’t often get big studio comedies that happily explores what is still considered a niche market genre. If approached with the right outlook, then Paul can be an entertaining diversion with plenty of laughs.
By 1988 Blackadder had run for three seasons in the UK and had seen the central character of Edmund Blackadder evolve from a seedy incompetent to a cunning, scheming, evil genius who was always frustrated at the last moment. Cleverly written by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton and superbly portrayed by Rowan Atkinson, Blackadder was very much at the cutting edge of British comedy of the time. It managed to mix physical humour, with verbal sparring, sarcasm, dry self-deprecation and irony. It was popular with a very broad spectrum of viewers.
The Goon Show is one of a handful of comedy shows that had a profound and unique impact upon the UK comedy scene, both at the time of its broadcast and over the preceding two decades. The creative and comic genius of its three main stars, Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe re-invented radio comedy and introduced a new form of audio slapstick through its surreal imagery. This concept was then taken further by the Monty Python team and The Goons legacy is still apparent today in artists such as Eddie Izzard and Tim Vine. Despite some aspects of the show that are a little dated, such as the musical interludes and cultural references, there is still much that is fresh and pertinent.
There is a subtle difference between being rash and being proactive. Being rash means acting too fast without thinking about the results, while being proactive is a question of acting early with careful planning. Why have I mentioned this? Well prima facie information indicates that recent Blaugust participants are interested in an “official” online presence for the annual festival of blogging, other than that existing Discord server. That seems perfectly reasonable to me. Not everyone likes using Discord and I do worry that they may reduce its free functionality at some point in the future. With regard to there being a Blaugust platform of some kind, there is a consensus that it doesn’t need to be some sort of sprawling commercially hosted website running on Wix or such like. Those sorts of site require funding, a degree of admin and possibly private data management. It also a bit too “corporate” if you like. Hence the logical compromise is to have a static site. Let it suffice to say, that has been done.