ChatGenie Questionnaire
I spent some time today, looking for a new internet questionnaire as they make for fun and quirky blog posts (by which I mean lazy and easy ones). Sadly, most of the search results that Google found were ones I’ve done already. So I thought why not ask the online AI, ChatGenie, to provide the questions? Surely it can’t be that difficult to come up with some interesting talking points? Well it turns out it is, because the 10 questions that the AI has provided are not especially inspired. However, I did find it amusing how ChatGenie justified itself, explaining where the mirth and hilarity lie in each of its questions. Therefore, here are my answers to what I am officially calling the ChatGenie Questionnaire. Feel free to complete it yourself.
I spent some time today, looking for a new internet questionnaire as they make for fun and quirky blog posts (by which I mean lazy and easy ones). Sadly, most of the search results that Google found were ones I’ve done already. So I thought why not ask the online AI, ChatGenie, to provide the questions? Surely it can’t be that difficult to come up with some interesting talking points? Well it turns out it is, because the 10 questions that the AI has provided are not especially inspired. However, I did find it amusing how ChatGenie justified itself, explaining where the mirth and hilarity lie in each of its questions. Therefore, here are my answers to what I am officially calling the ChatGenie Questionnaire. Feel free to complete it yourself.
Q: Do you cry easily? (This question encourages introspection as to how emotional you may be)
A: No. I was raised during the seventies in the UK and the prevailing culture was to not cry unnecessarily. The cliche of maintaining a stiff, upper lip was still commonplace. Age has brought a degree of wisdom and I have now tempered this emotional foible. When both my parents died, at the time I kept a stoical demeanour, mainly because I was the one dealing with everything and I needed to be “functional”. When everything was done, I allowed myself to grieve and cry accordingly. Oddly enough, I find that films have the power to stir my emotions the most. I remember when I saw Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for the first time. When Spock died I wept openly like I’d lost a brother.
Q: What's the most embarrassing song you secretly love to sing along to? (A lighthearted question that can spark hilarious answers.)
A: All Kinds of Everything by Dana, although I prefer the cover version by Slim Whitman from 1978. I can never remember the specific things named in the song, so I improvise. Fruit Bats, Orangutans, the Sudanese etc.
Q: If your life was a movie, who would play you and what genre would it be? (Get them thinking about their personality and how they see themselves.)
A: Peter Cushing and it would definitely be a horror film.
Q: What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten and would you recommend it? (A fun and unexpected question that's sure to generate unique answers.)
A: Snails and squid. Snails are just like any other shellfish and their culinary merit depends upon the sauce they’re cooked and served in. As for squid, I don’t mind calamari (battered and fried squid rings) but find that the whole baby squids are too rubbery for my tastes. Overall, I’m not someone who will eat something just because it is considered weird. However, if a weird dish can be proven to be potentially tasty, I will theoretically consider eating it.
Q: You're stranded on a deserted island with only three items. What are they and why? (A classic question with a twist, encouraging them to think about their priorities.)
A: A supply of antibiotics for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t want to die as a result of a simple cut or insect bite. A firearm to take care of any potential dangers and a wind up radio. I could listen to the shipping forecast.
Q: If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and what would you ask them? (This question invites them to think about their interests and curiosity.)
A: I think a meal with Sir Archibald McIndoe would be rather interesting. He was a pioneering plastic surgeon from New Zealand who moved to the UK in 1930. During World War II he developed numerous pioneering techniques while treating badly burned Royal Air Force aircrew. His patients at the Queen Victoria Hospital in East Grinstead, Sussex, formed the Guinea Pig Club. This was a social club and mutual support network.
Q: What’s the best way to waste time? (A funny question that allows people to embrace their quirks.)
A: The best way to waste time is to do so in a guilt free fashion. I know too many people who are uncomfortable with their own personal leisure time and often feel guilty if they’re not doing something “productive”. Fortunately, I’m not one of them and I learned from my father that if you ever get a chance to take it easy in between all the hustle and bustle, then grab it with both hands.
Q: If you could invent a new holiday, what would it be and how would it be celebrated? (This encourages creativity and allows them to express their ideal world.)
A: I’d like to establish an international “If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all” day. It could alternatively be known as “Shut the fuck up” day. Its philosophy and merits are self-evident. Those who break the credo have “twat” written on their forehead for the rest of the week as penance.
Q: What's the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you believe in? (A playful question that can lead to some entertaining answers.)
A: I don’t believe in conspiracy theories or care for the associated culture. Occam’s razor is often a sufficient tool to invalidate most of them. Plus, most major conspiracies are predicated on secret plots. If there is one defining characteristic of humans, it is that most cannot keep their mouth shut. It’s an obvious contradiction.
Q: What's your favourite word and why? (A simple yet insightful question that reveals their personal preferences and vocabulary.)
A: According to an analysis of my blog posts, I use the word “nebulous” a lot. I do like it as it beautifully encapsulates anything vague, indistinct or ill defined. The thing is, I like lots of words. Why settle for just one?
10 Questions from ChatGPT and Cosmopolitan
Great, it’s internet question time once again. Regular readers will already know that I really like these sorts of things. Unlike Sparks, I do have the time to answer questionnaires. Despite the fact that such articles are often considered lightweight writing, I do believe that even the most vacuous line of enquiry can yield an interesting post. This time round I have a diverse set of questions from two very different sources. The first five are courtesy of ChatGPT, which seems just as capable of asking sublimely asinine questions as real people. The next five come from Cosmopolitan. A publication and website that you wouldn’t immediately associate with me. However, out of the various questions available on both sites, I have chosen ten that I think have scope for reasoned debate and interesting answers. Thanks very much to UltrViolet and Hamatti for providing the aforementioned lines of enquiry.
Great, it’s internet question time once again. Regular readers will already know that I really like these sorts of things. Unlike Sparks, I do have the time to answer questionnaires. Despite the fact that such articles are often considered lightweight writing, I do believe that even the most vacuous line of enquiry can yield an interesting post. This time round I have a diverse set of questions from two very different sources. The first five are courtesy of ChatGPT, which seems just as capable of asking sublimely asinine questions as real people. The next five come from Cosmopolitan. A publication and website that you wouldn’t immediately associate with me. However, out of the various questions available on both sites, I have chosen ten that I think have scope for reasoned debate and interesting answers. Thanks very much to UltrViolet and Hamatti for providing the aforementioned lines of enquiry.
Q: If you could teleport to any place on Earth right now, where would you go and what adventures would you have there?
A: I am a very bad traveller. I dislike the hassle and discomfort associated with modern travel. I hate being confined in a car for more than 3 hours and I simply am not wealthy enough to travel by any other means in the manner I would like. IE First class. The idea of a Star Trek transporter to travel around the world really appeals to me. The inconvenience associated with travel is instantly negated. You could visit somewhere exotic first thing in the morning and then return home within hours if it suited you. Instant access to the culture of the world. Some people may argue that the hardships of travel are part of the experience but I say “go piss up a rope”.
Q: You're given the ability to rewrite the ending of your favourite movie or book – how would you change it, and what new twists would you introduce?
A: I would change the first act of 2001: A Space Odyssey. When the ape picks up the bone, instead of using it as a club, it would have been far more amusing if he’d fashioned it into a primitive flute and regaled the other group of apes at the watering hole with a jaunty folk tune. Then from that point on, the entire film became a musical.
Q: If you were granted the ability to talk to animals for a day, which animal would you choose to converse with first, and what would you ask them?
A: Considering how abominably we treat animals, both wild and domesticated, I think it would be staggeringly arrogant to assume that they would wish to talk to us in the first place. As a society our relationship with nature is utterly broken and we have also infantilised our interactions with pets. I think it would be far more beneficial to all concerned if we left animals alone, rather than subject them to our garrulous inanities.
Q: If you could swap lives with any celebrity for a week, who would it be and how would you handle their fame and responsibilities?
A: I would swap lives with the most egregious but wealthy celebrity I could find and during my week, speak out and support the sort of social and political issues that would normally be an anathema to them. I would also give huge sums of money to charities and invest substantially in the sort of lobbying that they usually revile. It makes me smile just thinking about it.
Q: What's the most adventurous dish you've ever tried, and how did your taste buds react to this bold culinary experience?
A: In the early 2000s, I went to the Coq d'Argent restaurant in the City of London (which is the financial district of London). It serves traditional French dishes alongside bespoke and innovative dishes by Executive Head Chef, Damien Rigollet. It is the embodiment of high end dining and the fanciest restaurant I’ve been to in my life. For my starter I had Escargots de Bourgogne, which is snails from Burgundy served in garlic and parsley butter. The snails were served in their shells and I was handed what looked like a set of tools used by a gynaecologist. If you’ve had seafood before such as oysters or mussels, then snails are very similar. They are all molluscs. Overall it was very nice and the only hassle was getting the blighters out of the shells.
Q: Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
A: I do this with complex phone enquiries, such as querying a bill with a utility company. I try to ensure that I keep my inquiry short, factually correct and easy to understand. On the occasions when I call a radio phone in show, I again work out and rehearse the basics of what I am going to say, so I don’t sound like a confused, incoherent, rambling asshole.
Q: Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
A: I have more than a hunch. My Dad’s side of the family tends to live long but die of cancer. My Mum’s side mainly suffers from heart disease. I have already been diagnosed with such and I suspect from my cavalier attitude to drinking and dining well, that my fate will be similar.
Q: Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
A: The older I have become, the more passionate I have become about politics in the UK. The country is broken and unequal, with an unfair, non representative voting system. People have often said of late, “you seem very motivated and engaged, why don’t you get involved?” to which I reply, sadly, “no”. I approach socioeconomic and cultural problems from a basis of rationality, critical thought and practicality. Politics does not accommodate these at present. It is tribal, ideological and far too self serving. I would simply crash and burn if I tried to become engaged with the system as it currently exists.
Q: How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
A: I had a very good relationship with my late mother. We were very similar, which is why we could clash at times but similarly, we could appreciate each other’s perspective. She had an excellent sense of humour and I admired her ability to constantly lift herself up, when she was down. The last few years of her life were tragic and it broke my heart that she had to endure such a physical and mental decline. I miss her laughter and singing. And the way her cheeks would always go red when she had a drop of whisky. She’d say “look at me. I’ve got a face like a fireman’s arse”.
Q: What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
A: Easy one this. Nothing. Context and motive are everything. That’s not to say that we should wade into any subject that we have no first hand experience of and think we have a free pass. But if a salient point can be made about a heinous subject via the medium of humour, from someone who knows about it, then that is okay with me. Offence can be the collateral damage of free speech and it’s a price worth paying. The easily offended should remember the words of stoic philosophers that being offended is actually a choice you make and if you choose not to be, then it has no sway over you.