Bernard Pivot Questionnaire
Usually, during the Blaugust Festival of Blogging event, I like to tackle an internet questionnaire. I do these because they’re fun and they’re a break from standard blog posts. The only problem is that I’ve completed a lot of the more popular ones over the years. You’ll find my previous answers for these below, in the “Related Posts” section. I was certain there still had to be some questionnaires available that I haven’t completed and after searching online, I discovered the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire. It is a set of ten quick questions which French TV host Bernard Pivot would asked his guests at the end of his cultural show Bouillon de culture. He based his list of questions on the older Proust Questionnaire, which itself is derived from Victorian parlour games. Later, TV host James Lipton made a version of the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire famous, on Inside the Actors Studio. So with out further ado, here are my answers to the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire.
Q: What is your favourite word?
A: There are numerous words that I like and enjoy. “Crayon” sounds nice. Go on, say it out loud. It’s fun. I use the word “nebulous” quite a lot in my writing, so I must like that on some level. If I ever have to name something, my go to name is “Clive” for some reason. Possibly because of a sketch by The Dangerous Brothers. But overall, I think my favourite word is “Brouhaha”, which means a noisy, excited, and angry fuss or uproar. Tabloid newspapers and populist politicians are a major source of Brouhahas.
Q: What is your least favourite word?
A: My least favourite words tend to be ones that are misused in common parlance by the younger generation. The abuse of the word “literally” puts my teeth on edge but I suspect the most annoying of these is the appending of every sentence with a superfluous “like”. I appreciate it’s a more a vocal tic or foible, rather than a genuine inability to understand grammar and semantics but it really is fucking annoying.
Q: What turns you on?
A: I assume by this specific turn of phrase, that the question refers to sexual stimuli and whatever my “kink” may be. As far as I’m aware my I don’t have any bizarre or niche market fetishes, such a self flagellation or vomiting on prebendaries. I do like some specific stuff but I’m hardly going to tell you lot, am I?
Q: What sound do you love?
A: I love the sound a cork makes when it’s pulled from a bottle with a corkscrew. I believe this sound is called a “cloop”. It is usually a prelude to an enjoyable time with friends and good food. Two of the best things in life.
Q: What sound do you hate?
A: There are several sounds that I find jarring or unpleasant. Door hinges in need of oil or grit caught under a chair leg as it’s dragged across a stone floor. Noisy eaters are also hard to endure. However, there was one sound that really disturbed me, that I heard a few years ago. I was at a bus stop when I heard a car violently break. As I turned I saw a cyclist in my peripheral vision. He new that the car was going to hit him and he exclaimed “oh no”, just before it did. There was so much mixed emotion in that cry and a tangible sense of fear. I can still hear it now in my mind, if I think about it. It was and remains a singularly disturbing sound.
Q: What is your favourite curse word?
A: Easy. “Cunt”. It is enjoying a sort of profane renaissance in the UK at present. It seems to be shedding it’s sexual meaning and now just seems to be an aggressive and clear label for a bellicose fool. “Bollocks” is a close second.
Q: What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
A: If it was 1988 again and I was seeking a full time job, I would certainly consider going into journalism. Back then there were still lots of local papers and you could get a foot in the door at 18, being a general dogs body and you could work your way up. It’s a lot different nowadays and a far harder industry to get into. Also there are a lot of liars and charlatans that claim to be journalist but a simply parasites and snake oil peddlers.
Q: What profession would you not like to participate in?
A: I have never warmed to sales. Especially sales associated with high value items such as real estate, cars or luxury goods. I think such professions attract larger than life “characters” and that they often have a very specific psychology. Words such a garrulous, brash and spurious spring to mind when I think of them. Mind you, that may all be a product of my own prejudices. I also know I’d be shit at sales. My approach would be “buy it if you want to. I don’t care” which is probably not a recipe for success.
Q: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
A: Depends on which god, doesn’t it. If it is the Christian one, I would like to hear the words “I’m sorry” form their lips for all the trouble they’ve caused. If it is one of the Elder Gods, then some sort of variation of “Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn”. I don’t really care for the notion of a supreme being when everything is such a shitshow.
Whether these answers provide any sort of insight into my soul or psyche, who can say? I think these questions were a little more cerebral than others. I felt that there was attempt to try and seek some wider meaning. I can’t quite articulate my reasons why but I just like questionnaires. There is something very satisfying in answering questions. Especially ones that don’t have factual answers but instead solicit a subjective opinion. You can’t really get those sort of questions wrong, can you, as it is all subjective and personal. Feel free to use the questions yourself. I am always keen to see how other folk respond to such lines of questioning. I think that next time, I may have a go at devising a questionnaire of my own. I could brand it The Perilous Questionnaire and depending upon the answers you give, you could get sectioned. Or at least kicked out of the Glee Club.
Usually, during the Blaugust Festival of Blogging event, I like to tackle an internet questionnaire. I do these because they’re fun and they’re a break from standard blog posts. The only problem is that I’ve completed a lot of the more popular ones over the years. You’ll find my previous answers for these below, in the “Related Posts” section. I was certain there still had to be some questionnaires available that I haven’t completed and after searching online, I discovered the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire. It is a set of ten quick questions which French TV host Bernard Pivot would asked his guests at the end of his cultural show Bouillon de culture. He based his list of questions on the older Proust Questionnaire, which itself is derived from Victorian parlour games. Later, TV host James Lipton made a version of the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire famous, on Inside the Actors Studio. So with out further ado, here are my answers to the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire.