Caring for the Elderly Part 12

Long-term care can often end with a bereavement; which is a complex subject in itself. I will not be discussing grief in this post, as that is an immensely personal and subjective experience that we deal with in our own way. Instead, I would like to talk about the administrative and logistical problems that arise after someone has died and use my own recent experiences as an example. My Father died on Wednesday 16th September. He had a series of strokes in 2016 which left him disabled. Over the last four years his level of health has slowly deteriorated and his quality of life has subsequently diminished. This year saw a noticeable change not only in his well being but overall attitude. His stoical outlook finally faded and he lost all interest in life. He fell ill in mid August with Sepsis and then developed a lung infection. When I saw him last on Friday 4th September he told me he was tired and wanted “an end to it all”. Six days later he asked the Senior Doctor on the ward to stop treatment, which wasn’t working anyway. He died a week later on Wednesday 16th September. He was 91.

Greenwich Town Hall

Long-term care can often end with a bereavement; which is a complex subject in itself. I will not be discussing grief in this post, as that is an immensely personal and subjective experience that we deal with in our own way. Instead, I would like to talk about the administrative and logistical problems that arise after someone has died and use my own recent experiences as an example. My Father died on Wednesday 16th September. He had a series of strokes in 2016 which left him disabled. Over the last four years his level of health has slowly deteriorated and his quality of life has subsequently diminished. This year saw a noticeable change not only in his well being but overall attitude. His stoical outlook finally faded and he lost all interest in life. He fell ill in mid August with Sepsis and then developed a lung infection. When I saw him last on Friday 4th September he told me he was tired and wanted “an end to it all”. Six days later he asked the Senior Doctor on the ward to stop treatment, which wasn’t working anyway. He died a week later on Wednesday 16th September. He was 91.

In the UK the first and most important administrative task that needs to be done after a bereavement is to register the death of the deceased. Because my father died in Queen Elizabeth Hospital and not at home, his death had to be registered with Royal Borough of Greenwich and not Bexley where he lived. The Medical Examiner discussed my Father’s care with the Doctor who was responsible for his medical treatment and then called me to explain what cause of death they would be putting on the death certificate was Aspiration Pneumonia. They then notified the Registrar who set up a telephone interview with me. Traditional face to face meetings are suspended due to COVID-19. This phone call took place two day later. I went through some personal details that are required when registering a death. These are similar to those that are entered on a Marriage Certificate. I ordered 5 copies of my Father’s Death Certificate for administrative purposes. There was a fee for these. The registrar then gave me a code for the “Tell Us Once” website. This is a government online portal that confirms the details shown on the Death Certificate and notifies all relevant departments, such as tax, state pension etc.

What has become apparent during the course of my administrative endeavours is that it’s somewhat easier dealing with a bereavement if there’s a surviving spouse or partner. There is not always an immediate requirement for Probate in certain circumstances and fortunately my Mother meets these criteria. Therefore, the two most important administrative tasks currently outstanding are transferring my Father’s Teacher Pension to my Mother, along with having the deeds to the house put in her name. Both of these are common changes of circumstances and are well documented on their respective websites. The transfer of the pension requires the completion of a form and copies of my parents Marriage Certificate and my Father’s Death certificate. The house deeds are all managed via the Land Registry. This task is a little more complex but again due to the pandemic is now handled via the post, which means I don’t have to travel to the regional office in Croydon. I recently found a lot of paperwork pertaining to my parents paying off their mortgage in 1986, so I should have everything necessary. If I don’t the Land Registry can provide duplicates. Again there will be fees involved but nothing too expensive (although that is a relative term).

After the aforementioned tasks are completed, there are a few more outstanding changes of circumstance to be made but these are less complex. The UK has an ageing population and therefore bereavements are a common occurrence. Hence a lot of companies have a dedicated phone line and protocols in place to deal with such circumstances. So transferring account ownership of utility services such as gas, electricity, water, internet access along with Council Tax is relatively simple. Claiming the life insurance policy that my Mother had for my Father also appears to be straightforward and only requires the completion of a form along with a copy of the Death Certificate. My parents shared a joint bank account from which all major household bills are paid. The only change required here is to take my Father’s name off the account. His personal account is now “frozen” and will be closed. The assets will be paid to my Mother. All of which are within the tax threshold so there’s no dealings with HMRC. 

Eltham Chapel

The only other administrative and logistical matter arising from my Father’s death is his funeral. Like most of the UK population, my Father will be cremated. At present Government Guidelines allow up to 30 people to attend the service, however, there is a major caveat regarding this depending upon the capacity of the Crematorium. Social distancing has to be observed. As of writing this post I haven’t yet been to the Funeral Directors, although I have an appointment for Monday. It will be interesting to see what size restrictions there will be if any. There will only be about 10 people well enough to come to my Father’s funeral anyway. Both my Mother and Sister will not be able to attend due to ill health. I’m also curious to see if Co-op Funeralcare (who I have contracted to deal with proceedings) offer more contemporary services. My Father stipulated that he didn’t want any floral tributes so I wonder if the funeral directors will set up a “JustGiving” page for charitable donations or whether that falls to me?

Once all the above has been carried out then all the major administrative tasks arising from My father’s death will have been done. Then there’s the more difficult task of going through his personal effects and deciding what to do with them all. This is another one of those situations where there isn’t a standard solution. For some people, this part of a bereavement is the most difficult to deal with, as it brings to mind so many personal memories. However, I am not overly sentimental about such things and my parents' house is cluttered and needs to be clear out. This will create space so I can make some home improvements. Hopefully this will help me make my Mother’s daily life better. Dealing with all these administrative issues is a very curious experience. I have experienced it once before when my Father-in-law died, so I was somewhat prepared this time. As bank accounts are closed and my Father’s details are erased from various companies and public bodies, it does bring home the fact that life goes on, regardless of an individual or a family's grief. But these tasks, painful as they may appear, have to be done. Ignoring them only makes a difficult situation worse.

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Shopping for Clothes

I am a 52 year old man, who has unofficially retired and therefore no longer has to commute, work in an office or interact with clients. I am also in a long term, stable relationship. I don’t have to worry about having to dress to impress, cutting a dash or maintaining a professional appearance. Nor do I put any particular stock in fashion. I view clothes as mainly functional, tempered with a degree of style. Comfort is by far the biggest deciding factor, along with durability. I don’t overly worry about my age, so I don't feel the need to dress especially “young”. My day to day clothes consist of t-shirts, jeans and trainers/sneakers. If it’s cold I put on a fleece. If I need to “look smart” I wear a shirt. If it’s jacket weather I wear a hooded top or something casual. Hence it will come as no surprise that my wardrobe is not at the cutting edge of fashion. However, I don’t look like a hobo either, to quote my granddaughters. It’s all a far cry from my parents' generation when clothes were far more formal and each age group seemed to have an unofficial uniform.

Hope they’re not Autons

I am a 52 year old man, who has unofficially retired and therefore no longer has to commute, work in an office or interact with clients. I am also in a long term, stable relationship. I don’t have to worry about having to dress to impress, cutting a dash or maintaining a professional appearance. Nor do I put any particular stock in fashion. I view clothes as mainly functional, tempered with a degree of style. Comfort is by far the biggest deciding factor, along with durability. I don’t overly worry about my age, so I don't feel the need to dress especially “young”. My day to day clothes consist of t-shirts, jeans and trainers/sneakers. If it’s cold I put on a fleece. If I need to “look smart” I wear a shirt. If it’s jacket weather I wear a hooded top or something casual. Hence it will come as no surprise that my wardrobe is not at the cutting edge of fashion. However, I don’t look like a hobo either, to quote my granddaughters. It’s all a far cry from my parents' generation when clothes were far more formal and each age group seemed to have an unofficial uniform.

I don’t buy clothes regularly, tending to buy in bulk every couple of years when things start wearing out. I was recently told by Mrs P that I need to “buy some new clothes” which was a subtle way of saying that some items of clothing were approaching the end of their lifespan and I was in danger of looking shabby. So the first step was to decide where to go. I’ve never liked clothes shopping. I despise the entire culture associated with it. I loathe going into poorly laid out shops where everything is organised by brand and not item, having to interact with indifferent sales staff, all while being subject to music and advertising via a PA system and TV screens. Hence I wanted a one stop solution and ended up going to Sainsbury’s at Crayford. It’s their biggest store in the UK and has an entire second floor dedicated to clothing and footwear. They also own their own clothing brand which is very reasonable both in quality and price. I am no longer a slave to brands (with a few exceptions).

Very stylish

I bought 4 pairs of jeans, some marvel themed socks, a plain t-shirt and a jumper. I spent £105. When I got home I then went online and ordered two further t-shirts. These were more expensive as they had puerile logos and graphic adorning them but they amused me and that is sufficient justification for their purchase. I shall probably buy a couple of “going out shirts” so I don’t disgrace Mrs P when we’re next at a function or restaurant. I also need a new winter jacket. I estimate that by the time I’ve bought all this, I’ll have spent about £300 or so. I bought some Sketcher’s footwear this summer and although comfortable, I don’t think they’re suitable for walking major distances. However I only recently replaced my Reebok Hi Top Trainers (one pair white, one pair balck), so I don’t need anything further in that department. I still have a decent cashmere coat and a couple of suits, along with some proper shoes left over from my “city days”. But I have no call to wear them except at weddings and funerals.

In some respects a fifty year old man’s wardrobe is a perfunctory affair. That’s not to say I am indifferent about my appearance. But as long as my hair is cut regularly, my beard is trimmed and my weight is managed, then I don’t worry too much about what I’m wearing. As I mentioned at the start of this post, comfort and convenience are now major factors that determine what I buy. In recent years the UK has started enjoying longer and warmer summers. So I now find that I wear shorts around the home a lot longer throughout the year. However, I have not made the mistake of buying larger sizes. That is a very slippery slope. If what I’ve bought today is a little snug, then that’s additional motivation to lose weight. Overall, if I had to summarise my personal sartorial elegance it would be casual, functional and neat. If I feel the need to add some additional distinction and character I suppose I could always wear a cravat and sport a monocle.

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Caring for the Elderly: Part 11

I last wrote a post about “caring for the elderly” in February. There have been significant changes in my family's fortunes since then and like anyone in a caring situation, the lockdown has had a major impact and sadly not for the good. As ever, I choose to recount my own experiences in the hope that they may be of some use to others who are in a similar situation. So to begin with, my Mother went into Respite Care just as the pandemic was hitting the UK and the lockdown was being implemented. Hence her stay in a nursing home was not the best experience. All the additional social activities usually on offer were suspended so all she effectively did was swap one sick room for another. She came back home just as my sister moved from working in London to working from home. Hence from March onwards both her and I have been caring for both my disabled parents on a daily basis. However, my sister has had to hold down a job at the same time.

I last wrote a post about “caring for the elderly” in February. There have been significant changes in my family's fortunes since then and like anyone in a caring situation, the lockdown has had a major impact and sadly not for the good. As ever, I choose to recount my own experiences in the hope that they may be of some use to others who are in a similar situation. So to begin with, my Mother went into Respite Care just as the pandemic was hitting the UK and the lockdown was being implemented. Hence her stay in a nursing home was not the best experience. All the additional social activities usually on offer were suspended so all she effectively did was swap one sick room for another. She came back home just as my sister moved from working in London to working from home. Hence from March onwards both her and I have been caring for both my disabled parents on a daily basis. However, my sister has had to hold down a job at the same time.

Both of our parents have noticeably declined both physically and mentally during the lockdown. The mobile library service has been suspended and family and friends naturally have not been able to visit. My Mum and Dad have a long list of low level medical problems that are usually treated at home. The Podiatrist and the ear clinician have both been absent for the last five to six months. However, there have been a few minor victories. I finally managed to get both parents dealt with by the same care company which has made scheduling visits a lot easier. This particular company has been quick to move to a phone based app, so I always know who is coming and at what approximate time. My Mother now also sees the district nurse team due to several foot injuries not healing properly. But even these two improvements to the situation do not greatly change the overall outcome. Both parents have a poor quality of life. My Mother spends the day in a chair and is simply fed and medicated. My Father is washed, dressed and placed in front of a TV for most of his day. They cannot do anything else without the assistance of several able bodied people.

However in the last calendar month there have been several radical changes to both my parents conditions. My mother has been getting community physiotherapy at home, where they have been attempting to improve her mobility. It is somewhat belated, considering she fell and broke her arm in late November last year. But that can’t be helped. Over a series of visits and physical tests it has been determined by the senior physiotherapist that although she can lift herself up out of a chair and stand, her knees cannot sustain her walking for more than a step or two. As of today she has been officially classified as immobile and will never walk again. Due to her hearing issues she was aware of some of what was discussed with her. But once the therapist left, I had to tell her in simpler terms that she could no longer walk and in doing so took away the last vestige of hope she’s been clinging to for the last ten months.

My father contracted another UTI in early August and went into hospital for five days. After treatment with antibiotics he met their criteria to be sent home. I was surprised and concerned by this decision. Just under two weeks later he developed sepsis and was rushed back to hospital, where we were told to expect the worse. However, contrary to medical expectations he has pulled through this life threatening situation. Sadly this has been achieved at a significant cost. His already diminished health has taken a further turn for the worst. He is now diabetic and can barely walk using a frame. He may also have long term renal problems. While he’s been in hospital my Sister has gotten ill. She suffers from Ulcerative colitis and is enduring the worst bout she ever had at present. She cannot do any caring task and now needs to convalesce herself. I have an ongoing injury with my left elbow and have now been told that the tendon may rupture if I do not rest. Effectively there are now three people in need of 24/7 care and I can no longer cope with such a situation.

Today, I visited my Father in hospital for the first time in nearly three weeks. I had to explain to him the significance of his change in health and the simple fact that he cannot be safely cared for at home. My Sister and I can no longer carry out our current caring duties and that after four and a half years there needs to be major changes. Effectively I told my Dad he needs to move into a nursing home to get the care he requires. I am fully aware that this is not an option he wants but he has decided to do it for his own good and that of the family. However, as you can imagine this was not an easy conversation to have and it was very traumatic for both of us. He is no longer engaged with his life and wants the current situation to end. I suspect that the stress and anxiety of a move to a new environment such as a residential nursing home is not going to be without consequences.

The events that I have recounted are far from unique to my family. Here in the UK we have an ongoing crisis with regard to adult social care. Improvements in medicine have extended life expectancy but there has not been a reciprocal change to social attitudes or government policy regarding dealing with the realities of an extended lifespan. The default position seems to be “life regardless of quality”. Both my parents are ill, tired and have little or no quality of life. Yet they are forced to endure a patentantly untenable situation because there is no mechanism to deal with it in any other fashion. Setting aside the loaded issue of “euthanasia”, all carers potentially face a situation where the demands placed upon them become impossible and they need to stop. Yet, we do not live in a world where there are universal, commonly accepted policies and social attitudes as to how to address such problems. Hence an already complex matter is further compounded by guilt and organisations with their own agendas and motivations. Social Services doesn’t always want the same as what the carer or patient wants.

Drawing upon my own first hand experiences, I would say the following to anyone who has chosen to care for an immediate family member. Once you have decided to embark on such a path, it is perfectly fair and justifiable to set parameters to your care and to consider the future. Caring is an act of love, compassion and often practical necessity. But it is not a wheel to break yourself upon. To be an effective carer means you have a duty to look after yourself as well. Help is available but you often have to actively seek it out and utilise it. If you qualify for assistance from the state or local authorities then take what is on offer. You deserve it and have paid for such services through taxation. Come to terms with the realities of old age and chronic illness. Things will inevitably get more complex and there will ultimately come a time when you can no longer provide effective care. You will have to defer to more specialised bodies. When this happens you will need a suitable exit strategy. 

Of course all of these things are far more difficult to deal with in reality because you will be living in the middle of these events and emotionally caught up in them. But if you consider the bigger picture and make some preparations in advance, then may be when you reach the day like the one I’ve had today, then it may not be quite so traumatic. Sometimes you have to recognise that there isn’t always an optimal outcome. It may come down to choosing the least bad option from a very poor selection. Reflecting back upon many of the talking points that have arisen out of previous “caring for the elderly” posts, I do think we need to change as a society and not be so fearful of talking about old age and end of life care. We should encourage a healthy discussion of these issues among the young, so that they are more aware of what lies ahead and able to make suitable provisions. Perhaps it will then make the problems that arise in our autumn years less surprising and overwhelming.

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An Ode to the VCR

Sometimes it really helps to have “been there” to fully appreciate an event or cultural phenomenon. We now live in an age where there is easy access to a multitude of television channels and movies, 24 hours a day. TVs are no longer bulky, luxury items that sit in a corner of your lounge. They are now elegant flat screened devices that occupy nearly an entire wall, offering crystal clear, high definition picture quality. Movies are now available for home viewing a lot sooner after their theatrical release and the current pandemic has brought the era of simultaneous release on all platforms just a little bit closer. And even the most obscure and niche market films are accessible in a remastered, HD or UHD format. It’s all a far cry from my youth when cinema and television were far more compartmentalised and consumers had far less choice along with access. All of which you can explain to those born into this modern world of plenty but they’ll never fully comprehend the realities of living such a life and in such times.

The Sony C6 Betamax VCR. A “Titan” in the format wars

Sometimes it really helps to have “been there” to fully appreciate an event or cultural phenomenon. We now live in an age where there is easy access to a multitude of television channels and movies, 24 hours a day. TVs are no longer bulky, luxury items that sit in a corner of your lounge. They are now elegant flat screened devices that occupy nearly an entire wall, offering crystal clear, high definition picture quality. Movies are now available for home viewing a lot sooner after their theatrical release and the current pandemic has brought the era of simultaneous release on all platforms just a little bit closer. And even the most obscure and niche market films are accessible in a remastered, HD or UHD format. It’s all a far cry from my youth when cinema and television were far more compartmentalised and consumers had far less choice along with access. All of which you can explain to those born into this modern world of plenty but they’ll never fully comprehend the realities of living such a life and in such times.

I shall try to keep my reminiscing to a minimum for reasons of brevity. Anyone who is familiar with my writing will know that film played an integral part of my youth. My parents loved cinema as it was the primary form of entertainment when they grew up. Hence by the age of ten or so, I was well versed in classic Hollywood, mainly through watching films on TV with my family at weekends. However, we had little say over what they watched. Firstly it took several years for major films that had been successful at the box office to be broadcast on TV. Major titles tended to be shown at either the Christmas or Easter when audiences were potentially the biggest. Also, when a “big” movie finally got shown on TV there were often broadcast in a sanitised, re-edited version. Furthermore, if a film was originally shot in an aspect ratio such as 2:35:1 then it would be panned and scanned to accommodate the 4:3 academy ratio of TV screens. And let us not forget that commercial networks would have advertising breaks throughout. So the optimal way to view a film would be at the cinema. Watching at home on TV was an inferior experience but it was what we knew, so we accommodate it.

Bond movies came to UK TV approximately 4-5 years after their theatrical release during the 70s and 80s

Another aspect to consider was that TV companies would license the showing of movies and naturally wanted as much bang for their buck as possible. Certainly the BBC offered a broad choice. But you would often find that a lot of content just didn’t make it onto TV. Or if it did, it would be shown at obscure hours. If you failed to watch something then you missed your opportunity to do so. There was a culture of financially successful films getting re-released at the cinemas. Disney has always been an exponent of this, understanding quickly the benefits of controlling supply and demand. But broadly speaking, what you could watch was decided and controlled by private companies and driven by vested interests. So the advent of the home video cassette recorder (VCR) was a major cultural and consumer revolution. Video tape recorders (VTR) had existed since the 1950s but were mainly industry products. But the moment the technology was made available for domestic use in the 1970s via bespoke cassette formats, it quickly gained traction.

The ability to record TV programs from one station while watching another was exceedingly novel at the time. Often big TV networks prided themselves upon making viewers make a tough choice over what shows they watched at prime time. As a child I remember having to decide whether to watch either Doctor Who or Space 1999 (season 2). It’s one of the reasons why UK viewing figures for popular shows were so high at this time. This and the fact that until 1982, there were only 3 terrestrial analogue TV stations broadcasting. So naturally the VCR was met with a lot of pushback from network TV. There was a lot of talk over the legality of recording shows etc. but it was too late and the genie was out of the proverbial bottle. And then there was the second aspect that the VCR offered consumers; pre-recorded tapes containing movies or other content. Initially the big studios simply didn’t grasp that people would want to watch a movie of their own choice, at home, at a time that suited them. When they began to see how independent distributors were getting on the bandwagon they sought to “fight fire” with lawyers. The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) were especially aggrieved. But common sense and business acumen prevailed, leading to the growth of the video rental market, the rise of Blockbuster and the social etiquette of rewinding a tape and returning it on time.

BBFC rating title card

Now the next anecdote is specific to the UK. As soon as cinema became a popular form of entertainment in the early twentieth century, then a regulatory body was set up. A film had to be rated by the British Board of Film Censors before it could be shown in cinemas. Hence the establishment guarded public morals and suppressed sentiments and subjects it didn’t like. Mercifully this doesn’t happen now. The BBFC has changed radically in the last 20 years. It is now formally the British Board of Film Classification and it’s focus is rating. Censorship is now mainly self imposed by distributors who seek the most commercially lucrative rating. But that is a separate subject. Back in the late seventies, all cinema releases required a BBFC rating or else they didn’t get shown. VCRs, like most technological changes, caught the establishment off guard. All of a sudden there was a medium for distributing content outside of the auspices of the BBFC, free from any form of censorship. Overnight small independent video companies sprung up, disseminating any material they could get their hands on. A wealth of european exploitation cinema suddenly found its way into UK households. For someone like me it was hog heaven but it didn’t go down well with lobbyists concerned with declining morals.

In 1982 our household became a proud owner of a Sony C6 Betamax VCR. We already had an older C5 but that was a top loader. The C6 stylishly loaded tapes from the front. By now our family was fully immersed in video rental culture. There seemed to be a video rental store on every street corner. Even newsagent and corner shops would have a rack of tapes to rent for £1 or so. At this point VHS had not fully won the format wars in the UK and most stores had material equally available on both formats. I remember one that even rented V2000 tapes. At one point my Dad had rental cards for about six different establishments. We’d rent films to watch as a family and then my parents would indulge myself and my sister, so we’d often come back home with horror films. I remember one store in Burnt Ash Hill Road in Lee Green, which used to put the most lurid VHS cases in the shop window. I and my school friends would gawp at the likes of Driller Killer, Cannibal Holocaust and Zombie Flesh Eaters. But this brief halcyon period of unfettered access to uncut eurosleaze quickly came to an end.

UK poster for Lucio Fulci’s Zombi (1979)

The eighties were a decade with a strong streak of moral and social conservatism running through it. This was embodied by the National Viewers' and Listeners' Association (NVLA) led by christian lobbyist Mary Whitehouse (known to her enemies as Mary Shitehouse; a shitehouse being UK slang for a toilet). The organisation lead campaigns against the publication and broadcast of media content that it viewed as harmful and offensive, such as sex, violence, profanity and blasphemy. To cut a long story short the unregulated video market became an easy target and the NVLA and the “popular press” went for it like a dog with a bone. They coined the hyperbolic phrase, “video nasty” to describe exploitation films such as I Spit on Your Grave. As usual, the least informed and poorest thinkers among our parliamentary representatives saw an easy bandwagon to jump on. And then tragically in 1993 a two year old boy, Jamie Bulger, was murdered by two ten year old children, Robert Thompson and Jon Venables. It was an horrendous case made even worse by the tabloid feeding frenzy. It was alleged in some newspapers that the attack on Bulger was inspired by the film Child's Play 3. There was no evidence for this but the campaign against unregulated videos gained support and ultimately led to the Video Recording Act of 1984. This granted the BBFC powers to rate existing and all future video releases and ushered in a decade of censorship. Many titles simply became unavailable for nearly twenty years, such was the sense of social hysteria.

But time and tide wait for no man. The VRA had some very interesting side effects. A cottage industry of fanzines sprung up, reviewing and analysing many of the horror movies that were “temporarily available”. I met many people through this medium, participated in film festivals and partook of the black market trade in second generation VHS copies that sprung up. As the eighties gave way to the nineties and the BBFC still enforced arbitrary cuts to most mainstream films, I discovered the Laser Disc format and imported uncut movies from the US and Japan and so moved away from video tapes. Laser Disc and VHS were subsequently replaced by DVDs and by the time the year 2000 arrived, the BBFC in the UK had a major change in policy once the longstanding incumbent Director, James Ferman, retired. Censorship as I mentioned previously, is not really an issue anymore although a BBFC rating is still required to show a film theatrically or to distribute on home media. Most streaming TV platforms and VOD services rate their content in accordance with BBFC guidance. Despite my dislike of censorship, I believe in rating movies for consumer advice and believe the BBFC do a very good job of it nowadays. Leopards can sometimes change their spots.

The Pioneer DVL-909 combination Laser Disc and DVD player was a thing of beauty

I like the advances that have been made in home cinema. I prefer to watch films in the correct aspect ratio and in the best picture quality available. Hence I do not miss the technical limitations of the VHS or Betamax tapes (especially the NTSC VHS EP tapes which had awful washed out colours). But having been in the past, a consummate film collector, I still fully understand the allure of physical media. Whenever I see an old VHS rental tape at a collectors fare, it briefly rekindles that sense of excitement I got as a child. Because our access to entertainment was not as ubiquitous as today and we were also not aware of every aspect of a film production due to the internet, a VHS tape of a movie you hadn’t seen before held so much promise. When you combine this allure with an impressionable child who considers watching exploitation cinema as a test of endurance, it becomes clear why such a strong association was created and remains. VCRs, video rental stores and “video nasties” were my generations Rock and Roll, which is why just a small part of me nostalgically misses those days.

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Libraries

If you wanted to find me on a Saturday afternoon during the late seventies and early eighties, then the local library was a safe bet. At one point I belonged to three including one in a neighbouring borough but Blackfen Library was my favourite. It was the nearest to our home and I was fond of the oddly austere building. Both of my parents have always been prodigious readers so going to the library quickly became a regular part of my youth. Initially, I was content to confine myself to the children’s section reading Hergé's Adventures of Tintin and the escapades of Asterix the Gaul. However, I was never really content with fiction aimed at children and especially stories about children. Hence as I grew older I expanded my horizons and strayed into the adult section. My parents didn’t interfere in my choice of books and took the attitude that if I were reading, then I wasn’t getting into trouble. My Dad would make the occasional recommendation. Usually classic science fiction by authors such as Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke.

Blackfen Library prior to it’s relocation in 2004

If you wanted to find me on a Saturday afternoon during the late seventies and early eighties, then the local library was a safe bet. At one point I belonged to three including one in a neighbouring borough but Blackfen Library was my favourite. It was the nearest to our home and I was fond of the oddly austere building. Both of my parents have always been prodigious readers so going to the library quickly became a regular part of my youth. Initially, I was content to confine myself to the children’s section reading Hergé's Adventures of Tintin and the escapades of Asterix the Gaul. However, I was never really content with fiction aimed at children and especially stories about children. Hence as I grew older I expanded my horizons and strayed into the adult section. My parents didn’t interfere in my choice of books and took the attitude that if I were reading, then I wasn’t getting into trouble. My Dad would make the occasional recommendation. Usually classic science fiction by authors such as Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke.

Despite it’s somewhat foreboding appearance, Blackfen Library was always warm and tranquil inside. The library ticket system was uncomplicated. Your ticket was a small cardboard pocket. Each book had a physical ticket associated with it which was filed along with your ticket when you borrowed it. Inside the cover of each book was a “date due” sheet which was stamped by the librarian with the return date. I believe you could keep your books for up to three weeks and borrow a maximum of six. As this was the seventies, the books were filed and organized using the Dewey Decimal System. I quickly learned to use this so I didn’t have to rely on the librarians to assist me. Choosing my books was always an exciting process. Sometimes I’d know in advance what I wanted and I’d race in between the heavy wooden bookshelves to the required section to see if my prize awaited. Other times I’d peruse the shelves in a leisurely fashion, reading the plot synopsis on the dust covers. They say not to judge a book by its cover but when you’re 10 years old, a glossy illustration by Chris Foss or Frank Frazetta was a major selling point.

Classic science fiction with Chris Foss artwork

Due to my parents and my local library, I still have a deep and abiding love for books and reading. One of my favourite excursions (pre-lockdown) is to travel to Rochester in Kent and lose myself in Baggins Book Bazaar, the biggest second hand bookshop in the UK. It has many similarities with a library and is a haven of tranquility in an otherwise noisy and frenetic world. Sadly, the original Blackfen Library in Cedar Avenue has now closed and the building was demolished and the land sold to a property development company in 2004. There’s a block of flats on the site now. The library has relocated to new premises in Blackfen Road. It has diversified and modernised in an attempt to stay relevant. It now has internet access and PCs that you can use. The premises also offer several meeting rooms and run numerous clubs and activities. It’s now a bustling and dynamic place. It’s all a far cry from the black and white tiled floors and quiet atmosphere of the former site. 

As you may discern, I believe passionately in libraries and making books, knowledge and learning accessible to all. The ability to read is not only a great leisure activity and escape from the rigours of life but it’s also an opportunity for self improvement and to expand one's horizons. Which is why I greatly resent and deplore the closure of over 800 public libraries that have happened since 2010 in the UK. A recent survey from the Chartered Institute of Public Finance and Accountancy (Cipfa) has found that there are 3,583 public libraries open at present. 35 fewer than last year and 773 fewer than in 2010. The closure of nearly a fifth of the UK’s libraries is a result of a decline in spending by 29.6% over the past decade. The reduced funding is due to the UK government cutting spending on all public services after the banking crash of 2008. The debate continues as to whether this was necessary or driven by political ideology. I believe author and comedian Alexei Syale may have some insight when he said “austerity is the idea that the 2008 financial crash was caused by Wolverhampton having too many libraries”.

Blackfen Library as of 2020

I am a child of the seventies and although I won’t universally extol the merits of that decade, it did have some good points from a child’s perspective. Blackfen Library introduced me to the joys of H. G. Wells, Arthur Conan Doyle, Agatha Christie, J. R. R. Tolkien and many other classic authors. It also taught me that silence is not to be feared but something to be savoured when appropriate. Like most adults, as I’ve got older I find that I don’t read as much as I used to, although I still manage a book each month or so. Reading for me now centres on blogs and other online news outlets. But I still enjoy finding a quiet corner and losing myself in a good book. And I still visit my local library (which have now reopened) although now it tends to be more when they hold events. But it is important that we as a society fight any further closures and continue to foster in our children the importance and pleasure of reading. Although I suspect this will be more of an uphill struggle in the current political climate.

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Gaming, Editorial, Losing, Cheaters, Predatory Gamers Roger Edwards Gaming, Editorial, Losing, Cheaters, Predatory Gamers Roger Edwards

It’s Not Losing That’s the Problem But How You Lose

The title of this post doesn’t really cover what I’m trying to express but it’s the best I could come up with that wasn’t an essay in itself. Now I’m going to try to be as brief as possible, as I know sometimes I write too much and get bogged down in the minutiae. Hopeful you’ll follow my train of thought. So to begin, some video games have a very specific fail mechanic. If you play Mortal Kombat either against bots or with another player, there can be only one winner. If it’s not you then you have lost. It’s the same in Call of Duty Warzone if you play Battle Royal Mode. Looking to other genres such as MMOs, if you don’t defeat the boss at the end of the raid and your team wipes, then again you’ve lost. But this doesn’t have to be a problem. The player knows in advance exactly what the criteria for winning is. You lose due to the mechanics of the game, the skill of other players or the lack of your own.

The title of this post doesn’t really cover what I’m trying to express but it’s the best I could come up with that wasn’t an essay in itself. Now I’m going to try to be as brief as possible, as I know sometimes I write too much and get bogged down in the minutiae. Hopeful you’ll follow my train of thought. So to begin, some video games have a very specific fail mechanic. If you play Mortal Kombat either against bots or with another player, there can be only one winner. If it’s not you then you have lost. It’s the same in Call of Duty Warzone if you play Battle Royal Mode. Looking to other genres such as MMOs, if you don’t defeat the boss at the end of the raid and your team wipes, then again you’ve lost. But this doesn’t have to be a problem. The player knows in advance exactly what the criteria for winning is. You lose due to the mechanics of the game, the skill of other players or the lack of your own.

As a man of a certain age, I tend not to get too annoyed when I lose playing video games. More often than not what frustrates me is my own incompetence and poor reactions. I am more often than not, the architect of my own demise. And when I play any sort of game in a pick up group, I lower my expectations by default. Sometimes I’ll find myself in a group that plays as a team, follows a strategy and performs well. All of which is done with the minimum of conversation, be it text or voice. On occasions it goes the other way where the selfish behaviour and stupidity of some players actively impede your progress and this is something I find less palatable. A point I shall return to in a moment. Overall failure and losing are an inherent part of video games. Hopefully you learn from your mistakes and “git gud” or something like that. Also, although I’m not exactly enamoured by elitist gaming culture or like over competitive people (they’re so tediously wearing), winning too easily or too often does mitigate the point of certain types of games.

Still with me? Good. I’m nearly at my point. To summarise, losing is an integral part of gaming although you don’t have to like it. It is an important component that contributes to the overall environment from which the fun, enjoyment or whatever else you get from video games derives. It is not malevolent per se. However, there is another kind of losing or fail state that comes via a human agency. It is predatory in nature and happens when you lose because someone decided to mess with you. It’s the gaming equivalent of someone coughing or nudging you when you’re playing darts and about to throw. This manifests itself in PVP and survival games when players predate other new or less knowledgeable players. Or in racing games when one player knows they will not win so willfully causes carnage or tries to block others. I saw such behaviour today while watching someone streaming Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout. At first glance this looks a very benign game but it would appear that players will wait at the finishing line to try and stop people from crossing. Even in a easygoing, fun environment such as this, there are still people who want to fuck with you.

And therein is the issue. Life is problematic enough because some people just aren’t happy unless they’re doing something to others. Do we really need this in our game space as well? I don’t mind losing, failing or getting beaten in a game by its mechanics or more skilled players. But I don’t want to be inconvenienced because someone just wants to fuck with me for the sake of just doing so. And this is where I trot out my standard argument about how being a paying customer changes the dynamics of gaming. Forget notional ideas about freedom of expression and emergent gameplay. The moment money is paid, I expect rules and parameters to constrain others bullshit shenanigans. The same way when I go swimming at the sports centre and racing competitively, no one is allowed to enter my lane and mess with me.

Irrespective of what genre(s) of game you play, I think we can all make the distinction between losing in an intended fashion IE falling foul of a game’s fail state mechanics and having something done to you by some asshole. It’s paradoxical that developers will always sing from the rooftops about the superiority of playing with and against real people and then subsequently being utterly flabbergasted by the fact that people treat each other abominably. But players will happily indulge in sociopathic behaviour if given an opportunity. Look at the recurring problem with aimbots that plague popular FPS games. As for losing “building character”, that’s a bogus term and a flawed philosophy. But losing in the manner discussed is an object lesson in why so many problems in life are just people problems. As a society, we still await a solution to this, although judicious use of a claw hammer as a correctional tool is a good place to start.

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Exclusivity: A Play in One Act

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Hey you. Would you like to play an action-adventure video game based on the Marvel’s Avengers franchise?

Mildly Interested Gamer: Sure. Sound’s cool. What platform will it be available on?

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: All of them!

Mildly Interested Gamer: Great.

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: It gets better. After the launch, there'll be free DLC of additional playable characters.

Mildly Interested Gamer: No way!

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Hey you. Would you like to play an action-adventure video game based on the Marvel’s Avengers franchise?

Mildly Interested Gamer: Sure. Sound’s cool. What platform will it be available on?

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: All of them!

Mildly Interested Gamer: Great.

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: It gets better. After the launch, there'll be free DLC of additional playable characters. 

Mildly Interested Gamer: No way! 

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Yes away. First up we got Hawkeye.

Mildly Interested Gamer: Oh okay…

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: And then we got Spider-Man

Mildly Interested Gamer: Outstanding. I’ll go pre-order my Xbox copy now and get me some of that Spider-Man action.

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Oh, sorry. Spider-Man is a Playstation exclusive.

Mildly Interested Gamer: Say what?

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Yeah. Spider-Man is only going to be available to owners of the Playstation version of the game.

Mildly Interested Gamer: Well that fucking sucks. How do you justify this shit?

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: It says here in my “Marketing Guide to Tough Questions” that the standard answer is “that’s capitalism, bitch”. Plus Sony owns the rights to Spider-Man and Marvel were happy to go along with this “arrangement”.

Mildly Interested Gamer: But that’s so unfair. It’s like you’re punishing gamers that didn’t buy a Playstation.

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Not at all. We’re offering exclusivity and creating value. Admittedly we’re doing this by devaluing the product on competing platforms but we’re pretty sure we can get away with this. We’re even hoping that some gamers will buy a second console just so they can play as Spider-Man.

Mildly Interested Gamer: What makes you think that will happen?

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Because gamers such as you have a track record of being what we call in the business “fucking gullible”. You buy into all our “promises”, give us your money upfront before we’ve even finished a game and then you happily keep paying for baubles and trinkets while we pretend to fix the problems we created. 

Mildly Interested Gamer: You sonofabitch…

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: And for all your posturing and complaining, you keep coming back like a Golden Retriever that’s desperate to please its owner after shitting on the carpet.

Mildly Interested Gamer: Fuck you. Not this time.

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Oh you will. You always do. It never ceases to amaze us as we sit around at night in our volcano lair, counting all our money, that the only reason we get away with so much is because you let us. You pathetic fools.

Mildly Interested Gamer: That’s it, I’m done.I’m quitting games. I’m going to keep bees.

Unscrupulous Video Game Developer: Really? Would you like to pre-order a Marvel themed virtual hive? 

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Living With Chronic Pain

To begin with, I am not claiming to be living with “chronic” pain in this blog post. I am fully aware of the definition of the term and am fortunate that my current injury does not force me to endure such levels of discomfort. However, my recent experience has provided me with a new insight into something that most of us only notionally know about and have little or no true understanding. I believe I appreciate my Mother’s daily circumstances a lot better now (as well as several friends and colleagues who also live with chronic pain) and finally understand how debilitating both physically and mentally living in constant and acute pain can be. Hence I decided to write this piece. To share my experience with an injury that continuously hurts and to help inform others about the realities of living with chronic pain. Sometimes you need to experience something first hand to fully get the measure of it.

To begin with, I am not claiming to be living with “chronic” pain in this blog post. I am fully aware of the definition of the term and am fortunate that my current injury does not force me to endure such levels of discomfort. However, my recent experience has provided me with a new insight into something that most of us only notionally know about and have little or no true understanding. I believe I appreciate my Mother’s daily circumstances a lot better now (as well as several friends and colleagues who also live with chronic pain) and finally understand how debilitating both physically and mentally living in constant and acute pain can be. Hence I decided to write this piece. To share my experience with an injury that continuously hurts and to help inform others about the realities of living with chronic pain. Sometimes you need to experience something first hand to fully get the measure of it.

Approximately 8 weeks ago, I was vacuuming my Mother’s bedroom. I needed to move the bed to reach underneath it, so without thinking I grabbed the frame and lifted one end. This is the sort of thing you usually do without thinking because normally, a bed isn’t necessarily that heavy. However, on this occasion I forgot that this is a hospital bed which weighs over 170 lbs (77 kg). To cut a long story short I damaged my radial collateral ligament (RCL) in my left elbow. It hurts when I extend my arm or rotate my wrist. The pain is considerable and continuous. The only practical way to minimise this is to strap the joint tightly with a bandage or sports support and then use a sling with the left arm raised as high as possible. The doctor has recommended resting the limb for the immediate future. As a carer of two disabled parents that is not a viable possibility.

Being in constant pain to the degree that I currently experience is unpleasant and frustrating. The pain is sufficient to be ever present regardless of what activity you’re doing. The most innocuous action can sharply remind you of your injury, making the most mundane, everyday tasks problematic and irritating. Using cutlery is difficult at present. Trying to find a comfortable position to sleep is challenging. Washing and getting dressed takes twice as long as normal due to a new degree of self imposed caution. The net result of these factors is a change in mood and demeanour. It is difficult to be positive and upbeat when you are in pain. You also become aware that because of your mood it may be best to avoid other people. Now all of the above has been sufficient for me to stop and think. Imagine what day to day life is like for those who are experiencing a more intense and continuous level of pain?

My Mother will be 90 years old in October. She has ongoing Rheumatoid arthritis; an affliction that has plagued her since her late sixties. Her ankles, knees and hands are the most affected part of her body, although her shoulders and hips are getting progressively worse. To tackle the levels of pain that she faces each day she is currently prescribed transdermal patches containing 20 micrograms of Buprenorphine, that are changed weekly. These are supplemented with paracetamol. Both drugs combined simply diminish the pain and do not eliminate it. Due to her continual discomfort, lack of mobility and declining faculties, she is often morose and taciturn with a penchant for lachrymosity. It is only in recent weeks that I’ve come remotely close to fully understanding what she endures daily. So if you know anyone with a chronic and painful medical condition, who at times is a little cantankerous and curmudgeonly, think twice before judging them too harshly. Living with pain is a terrible burden from which there is often no respite. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies.

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RIP, Ennio Morricone, Maestro, Editorial Roger Edwards RIP, Ennio Morricone, Maestro, Editorial Roger Edwards

Ennio Morricone (1928 - 2020)

Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983) is a somewhat confused and shoddy action movie that attempts to ride on the coattails of both Raiders of the Lost Ark and the 3-D revival of the time. It lurches between set pieces where anything and everything is thrown at the camera, to moments of unpleasantness and then into slapstick comedy. Yet there is one aspect of this unremarkable film that remains with the viewer after they’ve endured its 97 minute running time. The opulent and charismatic orchestral score by Ennio Morricone. Because "Maestro" Morricone always brought his immense talent to bear on a film regardless of its quality or provenance. Hence there are just as many genre movies and exploitation films with exceptional Morricone soundtracks as there are cinematic masterpieces and art house classics. As writer and director Edgar Wright said “he could make an average movie into a must see, a good movie into art, and a great movie into legend”.

Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983) is a somewhat confused and shoddy action movie that attempts to ride on the coattails of both Raiders of the Lost Ark and the 3-D revival of the time. It lurches between set pieces where anything and everything is thrown at the camera, to moments of unpleasantness and then into slapstick comedy. Yet there is one aspect of this unremarkable film that remains with the viewer after they’ve endured its 97 minute running time. The opulent and charismatic orchestral score by Ennio Morricone. Because "Maestro" Morricone always brought his immense talent to bear on a film regardless of its quality or provenance. Hence there are just as many genre movies and exploitation films with exceptional Morricone soundtracks as there are cinematic masterpieces and art house classics. As writer and director Edgar Wright said “he could make an average movie into a must see, a good movie into art, and a great movie into legend”.

Ennio Morricone was a prodigious composer, who eschewed Hollywood despite his success. He preferred to compose at his palazzo in Rome, working at a desk as opposed to a piano. He wrote in pencil on score paper, creating all orchestra parts from what he could hear in his mind. He would frequently compose after reading a just a script, viewing rushes or a rough cut of a film. Due to his musical diversity and at times experimental approach, he was much sought after by similarly creative film makers. His musical range was exceptional featuring an array of techniques; tarantellas, psychedelic vocalisations, sumptuous love themes along with minimalist beats to underscore tension. He was not afraid to be quirky or to use that most dangerous musical device silence. He composed for TV, cinema, wrote concert pieces, and orchestrated music for singers including Joan Baez,  Paul Anka and Anna Maria Quaini, the Italian pop star known as Mina. Whatever he did both he and his music always left an impression.

Given his extensive body of work across multiple genres, it is difficult to collate a short list of material that adequately summarises Ennio Morricone’s musical capabilities. His mainstream renown stems from his work with director Sergio Leone and “The Dollar” trilogy which has quite rightly become an integral part of cinematic pop culture. However his collaborations with the “Master of the Giallo”, Dario Argento, are equally noteworthy. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970) features pop inflected vocal harmonies, avant improvisation and salacious lounge music. The Mission (1986), features a plot device in which a Jesuit Priest uses his Oboe to fill the cultural divide between the Catholic Church and the idigenous people of Paraguay. This is sublimely realised by Morricone in his iconic piece “Gabriel’s Oboe”. Director John Carpenter 1982 sci-fi horror The Thing benefits greatly from Morricone’s minimalist synth driven score. And the sleazy 1972 thriller What Have You Done to Solange? becomes more than the sum of its parts due to melancholic and melodic Morricone score.

Here is a short and personal selection of music cues and tracks by Ennio Morricone that I enjoy. He leaves behind an exemplary legacy and body of work as well as having influenced several generations of musicians and composers. A friend of mine who is also a “man of the cloth” and a commensurate fan, once told me that he feels that “there are brief glimpses of the divine” in Morricone’s work and that on occasions “it reflects the majesty of creation”. Although I’m not especially religious myself, I feel that there is truth in these words. Ennio Morricone’s music, especially his more sumptuous scores for the likes of Roland Joffé, Giuseppe Tornatore and Brian De Palma, contain an inherent beauty. And that beauty is pure and timeless. Addio Maestro.

The Sunset (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly)
Ennio Morricone
Four Friends (The Untouchables)
Ennio Morricone
Cosa Avete Fatto A Solange? (What Have You Done to Solange?)
Ennio Morricone
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Movies, Ray Harryhausen, RIP, Editorial Roger Edwards Movies, Ray Harryhausen, RIP, Editorial Roger Edwards

Ray Harryhausen

Today Ray Harryhausen would have been 100. Sadly he died on 7th of May 2013. He is one of a handful of creative artists who due to his skill, passion and good nature, influenced generations of fans and had a significant impact on filmmaking worldwide. In 2010 I had the pleasure of attending Ray’s 90th Birthday celebrations held at the British Film Institute. Hosted by charismatic director John Landis, all manner of celebrities, actors and filmmakers queued to heap praise on this quiet and retiring gentleman. It was a wonderful evening and a fitting way to honour a man who was not only a pioneer in the visual effects industry but a great source of inspiration for so many. His work was so influential that it has shaped many aspects of contemporary fantasy cinema. For six decades Ray Harryhausen made unique movies where he breathed life into monsters and mythical creatures. Through the medium of stop motion animation he endowed all of his creations with a unique character. He quite simply made dreams real. And that unique gift had a colossal impact

Today Ray Harryhausen would have been 100. Sadly he died on 7th of May 2013. He is one of a handful of creative artists who due to his skill, passion and good nature, influenced generations of fans and had a significant impact on filmmaking worldwide. In 2010 I had the pleasure of attending Ray’s 90th Birthday celebrations held at the British Film Institute. Hosted by charismatic director John Landis, all manner of celebrities, actors and filmmakers queued to heap praise on this quiet and retiring gentleman. It was a wonderful evening and a fitting way to honour a man who was not only a pioneer in the visual effects industry but a great source of inspiration for so many. His work was so influential that it has shaped many aspects of contemporary fantasy cinema. For six decades Ray Harryhausen made unique movies where he breathed life into monsters and mythical creatures. Through the medium of stop motion animation he endowed all of his creations with a unique character. He quite simply made dreams real. And that unique gift had a colossal impact

As a child growing up in the seventies, audiences had a subtly different relationship with blockbuster movies and special effects than they do today. They were not as ubiquitous or cynical as contemporary films and hence had an immense impact upon young and impressive minds. Jason and the Argonauts, The First men in the Moon and One Million Years B.C. had a profound influence upon me and subsequently shaped my future tastes, not only in terms of film but also in TV and literature. I studied Classical Civilisation at school in part due to my curiosity in ancient Greece that Ray had inspired. His work also sparked for me an interest in the technicalities of filmmaking. Something I still revel in today. I don’t just like to watch a film, I enjoy learning about the entire production and the creative choices made by all involved. Cinema is after all a collaborative process. My love of his work is also one of the reasons I blog about films today and through writing I often encounter others who were equally inspired by his unassuming genius. 

 One of the things that came across a decade ago when I saw this softly spoken man, was how passionate and genuine he was, even at the age of 90. He was more disposed to talk about others than his own work. Something his good friend Ray Bradbury pointed out in a video message. Ten years on, although Ray’s talent is no longer with us, his work and the art of stop motion animation still lives on through his foundation, I'd like to say thank you Ray for the hours of wonder and joy you gave to us all. Not only for the visual delights you entranced us with but for the honest storytelling with its gentle morality that under pinned it all. By giving us Medusa, Talos, Ymir (and even Bubo) you also gave us Rick Baker, Peter Jackson, Tim Burton, Peter Lord, Phil Tippett and so many others. You were an innovator and a true artist. Those who collaborated with you, such as Bernad Herrmann and Miklós Rózsa, knew this. Your profound influence will continue to inspire future generations and your work will always find news fans because it is timeless. True art always is.

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Community and Friendship

I joined Twitter back in 2010. Perhaps the most surprising thing I quickly discovered about the platform is the immediacy of communication that it offers. You can follow someone, reply to something they say or initiate a conversation with them in real time. Hence interacting with those who share a common interest becomes very accessible and enjoyable. It’s a far cry from going to a convention, wandering around and then plucking up the courage to speak to someone or join in a conversation that others are having. Social media removes those awkward “ice breaking” moments. Of course not every Twitter exchange is a pleasant experience but overall I’ve not encountered many problems using social media over the past decade. Twitter has broadly been a positive experience and introduced me to a wider community. It has provided me with an opportunity to meet new people and become part of something that is both social and positive.

I joined Twitter back in 2010. Perhaps the most surprising thing I quickly discovered about the platform is the immediacy of communication that it offers. You can follow someone, reply to something they say or initiate a conversation with them in real time. Hence interacting with those who share a common interest becomes very accessible and enjoyable. It’s a far cry from going to a convention, wandering around and then plucking up the courage to speak to someone or join in a conversation that others are having. Social media removes those awkward “ice breaking” moments. Of course not every Twitter exchange is a pleasant experience but overall I’ve not encountered many problems using social media over the past decade. Twitter has broadly been a positive experience and introduced me to a wider community. It has provided me with an opportunity to meet new people and become part of something that is both social and positive.

Although I have always written throughout my life, it was my introduction to MMOs that really galvanised my endeavours. When I enjoy something I often feel compelled to write about my experiences and share them with others. So I initially blogged about The Lord of the Rings Online and later expanded my writing to encompass other games. Twitter proved to be a good medium to promote my material and I quickly found others who shared similar interests and wrote their own blogs or produced their own podcast. In an act of hubris I actually emailed one such podcaster and “suggested” he have a “european correspondent”. The next thing I knew I was talking to the two existing hosts of that show on Skype and subsequently found myself part of the team. This act of kindness and good faith was quite remarkable when you think about it. Here were two people who were doing a podcast by the “seat of their pants”, that were prepared to take a risk on some over enthusiastic British guy who basically tried to gate crash their project. But they took a gamble and it worked out well. 

This was one of many acts of kindness that I’ve encountered over the years. The podcasting and blogging helped me find a very industrious and friendly fan community. Many of which were already established and had an online presence. Yet all were happy to promote new blogs and podcasts, leave positive feedback and generally be supportive. But it seems to be a recurring theme. So many of the content creators I’ve met over the years seem disposed towards helping others by default. And outside of our immediate shared fandom, it’s nice to get to know folk from all over the world. Because you do get to know people over time. Many of us are careful about what we share on social media or write about in our blog posts. Privacy is ever evolving and can be abused, so it is logical that people don’t fully “pull back the curtain” on their lives. Yet often a writer’s personality will bleed through into their work. They’ll occasionally throw in an anecdote about their life, be it a remark about their work, partner or family. It is these personal touches that build a sense of rapport.

There was a boom time for gaming blogs and it has now passed. Many of those who were active within the community have moved on or significantly reduced their output of content. And then there are those who just keep going because it’s “what they do”. Yet the blogging diaspora still endures and many of the people I met a decade ago are still about on social media. It’s always pleasant when someone you haven’t heard from for a while turns up in your timeline. It’s very much like bumping into an old friend as you come back from grocery shopping. And yes I am happy to use the word friend. I think the somewhat dismissive view that online friendships are not the same as those with people you physically meet, is archaic and simply incorrect. 

I hold my online friends and peers in very high regard. I respect their opinions and am very grateful for the support they’ve shown me over the years and the way they’ve encouraged my content creation. I also find the different perspectives that they often provide invaluable in helping me to understand the modern world and learn about life. I like to hear about their families, their pets and the shenanigans that go on at their work. It proves that people have far more in common than differences. I am also saddened by the trials and tribulations that some face and hope I can be supportive when they need it. Even if all I can do is to raise a wry smile. And yes, if possible, I’d love to meet up with all of them. I think it would be a most enjoyable experience to finally put faces to virtual names.

The world is a complicated and difficult place at times. There certainly seems to be a palpable sense of gloom spreading at the moment and we’re all too often encouraged to get angry with each other. Yet I take immense comfort and hope from the community that I am part of and the people I am proud to call my friends. The mutual respect, support and kindness, along with the capacity to keep a sense of humour is in many ways an antidote to all the negativity that abounds. While writing this post I toyed with the idea of referencing a few of my Twitter buddies and what I enjoy about their virtual company. However, I quickly realised that it was impossible to do so as I didn’t want to leave anyone out and I am fortunate to know so many good people. So I’ll simply finish with a classic quote from Bilbo Baggins. “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve”. Thanks for being you, so to speak.

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Why Are So Many Gamers Assholes?

First off before we begin, I am not going to apologise for using the term “asshole”. Yes I could use more eloquent language but finding a non profane definition is complicated and potentially difficult to agree upon. Are we talking about antisocial gamers, the deliberately obtuse or those with specific prejudices and axes to grind? Is this all about tribalism, real world political affiliations or the whims and caprices of professional malcontents? Perhaps all these examples are correct and just different facets of the same problem? See, it’s easy to get bogged down just with the terminology. But most people know what is meant by the phrase “asshole”. Within the confines of gaming culture, we know exactly who and what they are. We also know where to find them and sadly they are not an endangered species.

A representation of an “asshole”

First off before we begin, I am not going to apologise for using the term “asshole”. Yes I could use more eloquent language but finding a non profane definition is complicated and potentially difficult to agree upon. Are we talking about antisocial gamers, the deliberately obtuse or those with specific prejudices and axes to grind? Is this all about tribalism, real world political affiliations or the whims and caprices of professional malcontents? Perhaps all these examples are correct and just different facets of the same problem? See, it’s easy to get bogged down just with the terminology. But most people know what is meant by the phrase “asshole”. Within the confines of gaming culture, we know exactly who and what they are. We also know where to find them and sadly they are not an endangered species.

Moving on to the main question, “why are so many gamers assholes”, there are numerous explanations to consider. Perhaps the all time classic answer is the old “anonymity of the internet” theory. The idea that because someone can hide their identity and thus avoid any repercussions, they will by default indulge in abhorrent behaviour. But this explanation is not as comprehensive as it first appears. I often have opportunities to indulge in consequence free behaviour, yet refrain from doing so. If none of us did then there wouldn’t be a gaming community per se, as it would just be a constant battleground. So like all social issues, the reality is more complicated and nuanced when scrutinised properly. Yes, the freedom that the internet affords is certainly a factor in the problem but not the defining one. So what are the other possible explanations?

Although gaming and sports are not identical in nature, there is certainly a lot of crossover in their social attributes. Both have a culture of fandom that is often based upon tribalism and competitiveness. The former is not something that can be reasoned with, leaning more towards blind loyalty. The latter can at times lapse into a “winning at any cost” mindset, which is hardly conducive for equitable community relationships. Stepping away from sport, public discourse in politics and the news agenda has become more partisan and bellicose in recent years. Traditional notions of data driven debate and facts underpinning an argument has given way to slogan driven rhetoric, gaslighting and appealing to “feelings”. All of which are incredibly flexible for those who don’t want to be restrained by reason or logic. 

A bona fide “asshole”

Other factors to consider are levels of emotional and social literacy. There is data to suggest that certain quarters of society are not learning the social skills needed to navigate life. Then there has been decades of reinforcement of the old trope of resolving conflict through violence via TV, cinema, music and literature. But perhaps the biggest factor is one that has blighted not just leisure activities but most social communities. Gaming has for years been perceived, defined and marketed as a white male “space” and it is only in recent years there has been any attempt to challenge and change that. It should be noted that such efforts have always seen a reciprocal amount of pushback from those who see it as “their preserve”. As gaming has become more culturally “acceptable” and hence more commercially viable, it has reached wider audiences and demographics. Yet the industry has been slow to embrace representation as many of those who effectively run it are not cut from the cloth of inclusivity.

And at a grass roots level, a great deal of “assholery” goes unchallenged and unchecked due to there being little effective community based moderation or policing. Censorship and free speech are often invoked as a bogus defense but usually it just comes down to cost. The most effective moderation is done by experienced people and employing them comes with a cost. Plus imposing sanctions on “assholes” hits the bottom line, irrespective of their character traits. “Assholes” are paying customers. Sometimes they are whales. Hence we all too often see the pretense of caring and a lot of hollow press releases and mission statements that promise much but deliver little. Environments such as these, along with the wider social factors discussed are ideal for “assholes” and allow them to thrive.

Now there are some who think that the entire toxic gamer trope is blown out of all proportion and that the reality is different to the perception. Arguments often centre on “assholes” being just a disproportionately vocal minority and it all being a case of visibility bias. Then there are sound arguments to be had about nonverbal cues and how social media often masks intent etc. Are all of those who trot out inflammatory epithets really advocating them and the philosophy behind them or simply repeating something they’ve read in an attempt to get a rise? Is there genuine malice behind all incidents? I have also discussed with others whether the brevity and lack of nuance that is inherent in all text based chat systems makes it difficult for anyone not to appear as an “asshole” at some point. However, where I think many cases do fall into these categories, it doesn’t excuse or explain those gamers who exist in a perpetual state of malcontentment. You’ll find examples of these people on every game related forum and subreddit. They seem obligatory, like a copy of Queen’s Greatest Hits in your music collection.

A man who sang about “assholes”

Finally, I would like to add another reason to explain the abundance of “assholes” in the gaming community. A somewhat depressing one that some folk may reject due to its implications. Maybe people collectively just aren’t as nice as we like to think. It has always been purported within western society that there are more good guys than bad. We tell our children to study and then work hard, play by the rules and that society and the establishment will treat you well. The myth that there is a sort of cultural social contract and quid pro quo. I suspect that the last decade may have proven that this is patently not true. Social conventions and lack of access to communication platforms masked this in the past but now the reality is clearer to see. A lot of people have a beef with life be it legitimate or imagined. Plus being nice takes effort. Being an “asshole” does not.

Yes there are good people who do the right thing, that believe in fairness, equality and treating people as they like to be treated themselves. There always will be. But then there’s an opposite constituent that is self centred and mortally afraid of difference. Anything perceived to threaten the status quo that enshines their world view and socioeconomic advantage is resisted. I think the big revelation of recent years is that the former group is not the majority as previously thought or claimed. In fact the split between the two is probably a lot more even. Hence there are more “assholes” than previously thought. As for the question of whether we can beat or contain the tide of “assholery”, the answer is the same as it always has been. You call out offenders, challenge the ideologies that drive them and lead by example. But it takes an unified effort from all and ultimately, you cannot elect to just sit it out. We tend to get the standard of communities that we allow, rather the ones we notionally aspire to. And that is why so many gamers are “assholes”. We let them.

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The Insincerity of Corporate Platitudes

For decades myself and others around the world have watched aghast at the state of race relations in the US. For a nation that exalts democracy, freedom and equality it seems to continuously fail to live up to such principles. In the last 4 years things have gotten demonstrably worse for obvious reasons and the outrages and injustices against the BAME community have increased further. The killing of George Floyd was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and so for the last week the US has burned, figuratively and literally, in the fires of righteous indignation. A national wound has been laid bare and once again an opportunity presents itself to either address the matter and treat it, or to simply bandage it and ignore it. The major difference on this occasion is the presence of social media which for good or ill provides a platform to share information and express views as events unfold.

Activision Blizzard

For decades myself and others around the world have watched aghast at the state of race relations in the US. For a nation that exalts democracy, freedom and equality it seems to continuously fail to live up to such principles. In the last 4 years things have gotten demonstrably worse for obvious reasons and the outrages and injustices against the BAME community have increased further. The killing of George Floyd was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and so for the last week the US has burned, figuratively and literally, in the fires of righteous indignation. A national wound has been laid bare and once again an opportunity presents itself to either address the matter and treat it, or to simply bandage it and ignore it. The major difference on this occasion is the presence of social media which for good or ill provides a platform to share information and express views as events unfold.

The magnitude of what is currently happening and how it is being handled means that this story has penetrated most social groups and like it or not, this subject is now on pretty much on everyone’s radar. Thus many feel the need to make some sort of statement on the matter and show support for the African American community. The majority have done this for genuine reasons such as empathy and a sense of humanity. Others are driven more by a sense of obligation or a pragmatic concern not to be on the “wrong side of history”. And as well as individual citizens, social institutions, religious bodies and even businesses have spoken out lending their voice to ongoing condemnation and cries for justice. But “business” is a broad church. Covering a spectrum that begins with the startup run by one person from home, to billion dollar global corporations. And therein lies the rub.

Daybreak Games

When relatively small video game developers make statements pertaining to recent events, showing solidarity and support, I’m inclined to take them at face value. Such studios are populated by a lot of everyday people, working for a pay cheque that isn’t as much as you’d think, who are just trying to get by. Ultimately, I see real people. However, what I find particularly unpalatable are similar statements from the likes of Activision Blizzard, Playstation and Daybreak Games. These generic press releases from global companies reek of insincerity and are the worst kind of bandwagon jumping. Big business is hardly a paragon of virtue. They tend to favour the status quo and governments that look after their interests over others. They often have a shocking track record regarding employee rights and are havens for the worst aspects of corporate culture. Capitalism offers nothing other than the bare minimum to the poor and marginalised, seeing them as a disposable resource rather than people.Yet it suits them for the present to be perceived as an ally and friend.

So please don’t insult our intelligence, Activision Blizzard, Playstation and Daybreak Games with your mealy-mouthed “I’m on your side” calumnies. You are not part of the growing voice legitimate dissent but are just another part of the ongoing problem. You are not expressing any genuine concern but are merely trying to buy “good will” and capitalise on something you see as a business opportunity. How you have the gall to feign integrity when your actions in recent years scream the opposite, simply beggars belief. Go back to counting your money and keep your bogus corporate platitudes to yourself, because they are insulting.Your utterances profane the dignity of the situation. When we want the opinion of mendacious parasites, we’ll ask for them. Until then hold your tongue.

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Time For a New Project (Again)

I am currently in a quandary with regard to my creative output. There’s a good chance that the lockdown has contributed to this state of mind and perhaps even the recent Blapril blogging event is partly to blame. I feel the need to do something at the moment but have no specific idea as to what it should be. I want to write but can’t think of anything at present that enthuses me sufficiently. I also want to return to podcasting, which is something I’ve always enjoyed. But I don’t especially relish producing a one man show. I’ve tried live streaming but don’t really think the medium plays to my strengths. Plus, I’m a little burnt out with gaming per se at present. Perhaps the answer lies in trying my hand at something completely new? This could potentially kill two birds with one stone as documenting the resulting learning curve could be a good source of blog posts. However, the first hurdle is deciding what my next project should be?

I am currently in a quandary with regard to my creative output. There’s a good chance that the lockdown has contributed to this state of mind and perhaps even the recent Blapril blogging event is partly to blame. I feel the need to do something at the moment but have no specific idea as to what it should be. I want to write but can’t think of anything at present that enthuses me sufficiently. I also want to return to podcasting, which is something I’ve always enjoyed. But I don’t especially relish producing a one man show. I’ve tried live streaming but don’t really think the medium plays to my strengths. Plus, I’m a little burnt out with gaming per se at present. Perhaps the answer lies in trying my hand at something completely new? This could potentially kill two birds with one stone as documenting the resulting learning curve could be a good source of blog posts. However, the first hurdle is deciding what my next project should be?

New projects can be fun and a great way to renew your sense of motivation and enthusiasm. However, they don’t always work out as expected. One of the most common pitfalls I find with any new project (and I know I’m not alone in this) is that the planning stage becomes the focus and the main source of enjoyment. I like plans. They’re an opportunity to buy new stationary or download new software, to stick post-it notes on your monitor and write numerous to-do lists. I always get a real kick out of all this planning and activity. However, once a coherent and finely tuned strategy has been drafted to tackle the new project, I find that I’ve somewhat lost interest in it. The planning was far more enjoyable and engaging. Hence my ambitions to produce YouTube videos, build a Box Girder Bridge and play the Sousaphone have never come to fruition. My potentially award winning musical based upon The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, also remains unwritten.

Upon mature reflection and sober consideration, there seems to be a simple problem at the heart of this dilemma (or minor “first world” problem). Rather than just undertaking activities that simply fill my time, I am very much focused upon activities that yield a result, achievements or produce something tangible at the end. Obviously the former is a lot easier to do than the latter and I am happy to do as such to a degree. However, I don’t just want to continuously passively consume and would consider it a personal failing if I stopped doing any kind of creative pastime. Which neatly brings this somewhat circular post back to its initial premise (like a word based Möbius Loop) that I need a new project. Perhaps a suitable idea will present itself within the next week or so. If not you can look forward to a series of blog posts called “The Beginners Guide to Playing the Sousaphone”.

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Electric Shavers

I have always found shaving a nuisance and a chore. There was a period in my working life where being suited, booted and clean shaven was part of the gig. So every morning began with a battle with the stubble. I won’t waste your precious time recounting all the various brands of razors I tried. Let it suffice to say that there’s a huge amount of bullshit peddled by the male grooming products industry (yes, I’m looking at you, so-called King of Shaves, you self aggrandising corporate gits). Perhaps the biggest one is that there’s an optimum way to shave. This is an utter falsehood. The way your facial hair grows is as unique as that on your head. So it may well suit Jugdish to shave “against the grain” and for Sidney to do the opposite, while Clayton uses his razor freestyle. There is no “one approach suits all”. However, shaving with a safety razor is a separate post altogether. It is because of them and due to my inherent apathy towards shaving per se, that I’ve recently tried using an electric shaver again.

I have always found shaving a nuisance and a chore. There was a period in my working life where being suited, booted and clean shaven was part of the gig. So every morning began with a battle with the stubble. I won’t waste your precious time recounting all the various brands of razors I tried. Let it suffice to say that there’s a huge amount of bullshit peddled by the male grooming products industry (yes, I’m looking at you, so-called King of Shaves, you self aggrandising corporate gits). Perhaps the biggest one is that there’s an optimum way to shave. This is an utter falsehood. The way your facial hair grows is as unique as that on your head. So it may well suit Jugdish to shave “against the grain” and for Sidney to do the opposite, while Clayton uses his razor freestyle. There is no “one approach suits all”. However, shaving with a safety razor is a separate post altogether. It is because of them and due to my inherent apathy towards shaving per se, that I’ve recently tried using an electric shaver again.

I bought my Dad a Panasonic ES-SL41 Blue Wet and Dry Electric 3-Blade Shaver a few years ago. Due to his declining health and use of blood thinners, it was dangerous for him to use a safety razor. Sadly, he couldn’t manage to shave himself even with this device so he kindly gave it back to me. I shave once a week and grow a goattee beard mainly out of indolence. However, I even find that a chore so I decided to try the electric shaver that’s been sitting in a cupboard for the last year. For reference, the last electric shaver I used was when I was 18. I am now 52. Well the great thing about this Panasonic model is that it’s light, holds a charge long enough for a lengthy shave, is ergonomically shaped both for hand and face and is very easy to maintain. Being able to use it both wet and dry is a major advantage. However, those facts notwithstanding, it only manages to shave about a third of my facial hair in a satisfactory fashion.

“Bullshit, Mr Kiam Man”

“Bullshit, Mr Kiam Man”

I do not doubt that a manufacturer such as Panasonic spends a lot of time and money on research and development. I suspect when they designed this and any other model of electric shaver, they considered the wide variety of face shapes and different ways that facial hair grows. They obviously test extensively. Yet despite all this, I cannot get a decent shave from this specific shaver. It seems to work well around my cheekbones where there is little skin and bone immediately beneath the surface, allowing you to get some purchase. But it struggles with my cheeks and jawline and has zero effect on my throat. It doesn’t matter what direction I shave in (although I get the best results making circular movements), or whether I shave wet or dry. Therefore, either I have a head similar to the Elephant Man or there is simply a percentage of men whose facial structure is suboptimal for the successful use of these devices.

Upon reflection I think the latter or these two theories is the correct conclusion. I think due to the sheer number of different face shapes, it is impossible to design a shaver that is 100% effective for all users. Naturally, that is not something that a company that is in the electric shaver business is going to admit to. I would be very interested to see some data on this subject and find out how many men successfully use an electric shaver and how many men just endure them and suffer and indifferent shave as a result. I have found so far that I can get a slightly better shave with the electric shaver if I take my time and concentrate on specific areas and then finish off with a safety razor. However, that totally defeats the purpose of the exercise, which is to get a decent shave as quickly and as easily as possible. So for the meantime it’s back to a Gillette Sensor Excel for me. Damn you Raheem Sterling (or whoever is the face of Gillette in your neck of the woods). As for electric shavers, maybe I’ll try them again in another 30 years.

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COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 5

The UK Government’s honeymoon period with regard to the COVID-19 pandemic is well and truly over. Irrespective of one’s political outlook, it is sensible and dare I say it, reassuring to want to get behind the Prime Minister and his cabinet in their attempts to tackle this dreadful situation. Some may have thought it would be the making of the man and way to bridge the political divisions caused by Brexit. But that was six weeks ago and such optimism has conspicuously withered on the vine. Many of the promises made and have proven empty and a decade of politically motivated austerity has left many key public services struggling. The government was under prepared, lacking in talent and driven by the same hubris inherent in all their political decisions. Namely that notions of British exceptionalism would somehow see us through. They haven’t. Despite the recently recovered Prime Minister (who caught COVID-19 due to not following his own instructions) standing at a podium on 27th April and claiming some sort of success, the reality is the complete opposite.

The UK Government’s honeymoon period with regard to the COVID-19 pandemic is well and truly over. Irrespective of one’s political outlook, it is sensible and dare I say it, reassuring to want to get behind the Prime Minister and his cabinet in their attempts to tackle this dreadful situation. Some may have thought it would be the making of the man and way to bridge the political divisions caused by Brexit. But that was six weeks ago and such optimism has conspicuously withered on the vine. Many of the promises made and have proven empty and a decade of politically motivated austerity has left many key public services struggling. The government was under prepared, lacking in talent and driven by the same hubris inherent in all their political decisions. Namely that notions of British exceptionalism would somehow see us through. They haven’t. Despite the recently recovered Prime Minister (who caught COVID-19 due to not following his own instructions) standing at a podium on 27th April and claiming some sort of success, the reality is the complete opposite.

The UK’s death toll currently stands at over 30,000. Key workers still do not have sufficient PPE. The economy is heading for a major recession and as a result of a lack of progress in the EU negotiations, a “No Deal Brexit”. Furthermore, the UK working population is reluctant to return to work if it means putting themselves in harms way. There is a growing lobby by big business for the lockdown to be eased and due to the lack of clarity in the message so far, there’s a risk of some people doing “their own thing”, resulting in a second peak. If the “furiously hard of thinking” only put themselves at risk, I’d be happy to let them do so but they don’t. They’re a threat to all those trying to their best and follow the rules. So overall, it’s back to business as usual with politics returning to its current default state. Namely a tribal driven culture war, based upon ill conceived slogans, driven by the lowest common denominator and those who make their money through everyone else’s hard work.

Having caught COVID-19 it does grant you a degree of insight. I was very fortunate and endured only a mild case, although I still have a persistent cough and am monitoring the situation. There’s a chance I may have sustained permanent lung damage. But as far as I'm concerned, irrespective of whatever loosening of the rules are mooted, I shall continue to stay at home, minimise my journeys out and contact with others. But many others are not in such a fortunate position as I. I have many self employed friends who need to return to work and start paying their bills. These are not irresponsible people, just merely caught between a rock and a hard place. I fully expect there to be trouble in the months ahead but I also expect the government to try and more than likely succeed in spinning their way out of it all. The tabloid press have returned to their default setting and are back to towing the establishment line, while the centre left broadsheets have gone back to making every issue a bipartisan bunfight.

Despite the pandemic clearly highlighting the massive inequalities in our society, I am not optimistic that there will be a new social contract between the electorate and the government, similar to that which emerged after World War II. Those who benefit from the existing status quo have no desire or intention of seeing any change. If anything, I suspect we may well see an exacerbation of the current divide between the haves and have nots. The government has undertaken an unprecedented amount of public spending, especially when you consider the ideological perspective of the Conservative Party. The need to address this debt may well prove ideal political capital to see a return to austerity or drive through yet more privatisation of public services. One of the few good things that could come from the COVID-19 pandemic is the opportunity for the UK to finally come to terms with the reality of modern geopolitics and find a new role that isn’t defined by our perceptions of the past. However, judging by the current state of politics, that is highly unlikely to happen.

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Editorial, Social Commentary, Blapril, Middle-aged Roger Edwards Editorial, Social Commentary, Blapril, Middle-aged Roger Edwards

"Middle-aged"

I read a comment on a news website recently in which the author claimed to be “middle-aged”. They were 67 years old. This highlighted something I have considered for a long time; that this term is one of the most elastic and wilfully misused in the English language. And it may come as a surprise to you but this really bugs me. Because one’s age shouldn’t be a matter of anything other than numerical accuracy. However, it would appear that I’m swimming against the tide on this issue and perhaps many others. For many people, most forms of self scrutiny are refracted through the prism of their feelings and cultural assumptions. Hence what they think, see and feel about themselves is often quite different to objective reality. Your age falls into this category. And then there is the cultural bias towards youth which runs through every aspect of society. All things considered, it’s hardly surprising that people are going to stretch the term “middle-aged”.

Perfect teeth and an absence of haemorrhoids are one of many reasons why stock photos are bullshit

I read a comment on a news website recently in which the author claimed to be “middle-aged”. They were 67 years old. This highlighted something I have considered for a long time; that this term is one of the most elastic and wilfully misused in the English language. And it may come as a surprise to you but this really bugs me. Because one’s age shouldn’t be a matter of anything other than numerical accuracy. However, it would appear that I’m swimming against the tide on this issue and perhaps many others. For many people, most forms of self scrutiny are refracted through the prism of their feelings and cultural assumptions. Hence what they think, see and feel about themselves is often quite different to objective reality. Your age falls into this category. And then there is the cultural bias towards youth which runs through every aspect of society. All things considered, it’s hardly surprising that people are going to stretch the term “middle-aged”.

According to The Office for National Statistics, UK life expectancy for men is 79.2 years and 82.9 years for women. If we consider from 20 years onwards to be the start of a person’s adult life and 80 to be the average age of death, then the middle of this period is between 40 and 60 years. That seems to be a fair assessment to me and a logical way of determining a definition of “middle-aged”. As we are dealing with averages, there is naturally scope for the numbers to change nominally if you apply this school of thought to yourself or your family. I am currently 52 years old, so I am by this criteria clearly “middle-aged”. Furthermore, I have many of the characteristics associated with the term. Although I am relatively fit and healthy, I am not as active as I was 20 years ago. I suffer from low level medical issues associated with my age such as arthritis, myopia and fluctuating weight. However, I do not resent this term, nor the reality of my life. It is illogical to expect to maintain the same level of health and activity throughout your entire life.

Data from a YouGov survey from 2017 showing perceptions on age in the UK

Sadly, society does not see or quantify age as simply being the number of years you’ve existed. Age is something to be exalted and worshipped (in respect to youth) while simultaneously being a stick to beat you with (try being a woman in her sixties attempting to get served at a bar). Age is also a means of discrimination and a way of arbitrarily pigeon-holing people. But it is also a key factor in many cultural biases, such as views on sexuality, multiculturalism and wider considerations about the UK’s place in the world. There are many subtleties and paradoxes to wade through. Men age and become “distinguished”, where the tabloid press consider any woman who has the gall to grow old as being an utter disgrace. But the elephant in the room is how society as a whole takes a dim view of senior citizens. They are all too often portrayed as just tedious, social baggage. So when you consider the utter polarised and entrenched cultural views on age, I guess my logical categorisation is out of step with the wider world.

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Play Your Own Way

This post comes with caveats. In a perfect world, common sense would prevail and I wouldn’t have to list them. But we live in an age where some people take great pleasure in being professional contrarians and deliberately obtuse. So let me state clearly and unequivocally, I am not advocating that your gaming pleasure should come at the expense of someone else's. If you sign up for a 12 man raid and have a specific role to play, then do so to the best of your ability. Fooling around has consequences in such a scenario. However, that is not what is being discussed here. Nope. What I am suggesting is that you should take your pleasures, where you can find them. And if they have no tangible impact upon other players, then you are totally entitled to play your game of choice in a manner that suits you. It’s a simple axiom, yet it still proves to be very difficult for some gamers to comprehend and more importantly accept. Allow me to explain by means of an example.

This post comes with caveats. In a perfect world, common sense would prevail and I wouldn’t have to list them. But we live in an age where some people take great pleasure in being professional contrarians and deliberately obtuse. So let me state clearly and unequivocally, I am not advocating that your gaming pleasure should come at the expense of someone else's. If you sign up for a 12 man raid and have a specific role to play, then do so to the best of your ability. Fooling around has consequences in such a scenario. However, that is not what is being discussed here. Nope. What I am suggesting is that you should take your pleasures, where you can find them. And if they have no tangible impact upon other players, then you are totally entitled to play your game of choice in a manner that suits you. It’s a simple axiom, yet it still proves to be very difficult for some gamers to comprehend and more importantly accept. Allow me to explain by means of an example.

I was playing Call of Duty Warzone a few nights ago. I like to play Solo Battle Royale mode, which consists of 150 players parachuting into the warzone in a free-for-all fight. Now not being the world’s best “runner and gunner”, I try various different tactics to keep me engaged and occupied when playing this game. On the occasion in question, I decided to grab one of the helicopters you find dotted around the map and took to the skies above Verdansk. Now this doesn’t come without risk, as you can take fire from players equipped with LMGs and surface to air missiles. If you alight upon a rooftop, you are at further risk as there’s full access to these areas via stairwells. Players can also call in airstrikes and artillery bombardments. So if you decide to fly a helicopter as a means of avoiding the firefights happening at ground level, you have to keep moving and keep an eye on the contracting “safe zone”. Well to cut a long story short, this is what I did. I managed to stay aloft and get into the last three players, however I eventually succumbed to the gas and crashed.

Now for me, this was just an amusing experiment and diversion. It’s not something I intend to do continuously but I’ll certainly try it again with another type of vehicle. It’s a means for me to keep engaged with the game. However, it has come to my attention that “this sort of behaviour” is an anathema to some CoD WZ players. And you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out who. Every game has their own version of the “Fun Police” but it seems to be especially more endemic to PVP genres. There’s a certain type of player that considers their own approach to the game to be the only relevant position and doesn’t care for any form of dissent on the issue. They’re self appointed arbiters of what is and isn’t (in their opinion) the correct way to play. It’s an utterly intellectually bankrupt position but we sadly live in an age of such dogmatic tribalism. And it was some of this brigade who were most displeased with my shenanigans as they felt it wasn’t in the spirit of the game.

It will come as no surprise to you that these baseless complaints fell on deaf ears. My activities incommoded no one and as there is no universally accepted game code, such complaints are irrelevant. If you want to ensure that everyone you play with cleaves to the same ideology as you, I would advise not joining public groups but instead creating private games. All of which can be done easily in CoD WZ. But such people would much rather have something to complain about and see every minor social interaction in life as some part of a wider ongoing culture war. The best way to counter such entrenched stupidity is to mock it. Therefore, I strongly advocate and extol the mantra of “play your own way”. You are not beholden to slavishly follow someone else’s interpretation of the rules. Do what brings you pleasure and fun. If you want to collect all the shinies, then you do that. Roleplay a Bolivian, amputee, bee keeper if you see fit. Only play a specific zone in an MMO if that’s your jam. Dress up alts, eschew levelling, ignore the prevailing game meta if you like. You are free to do what you want, how you want within the terms of service. Angry arguments to the contrary are just white noise from the socially dysfunctional. Bollocks to them.

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COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 4

I started displaying symptoms of COVID-19 on Sunday 5th April. I developed a headache, a raised temperature and muscle pains. And then the coughing started along with a sense of tightness in my chest. It was initially just uncomfortable and inconvenient. By Wednesday all symptoms had become much worse and I felt like I was in a constant bear hug. I was continuously trying to find a position where breathing wasn’t so painful and awkward. Due to the toll that fighting the virus was taking on my body, I was feeling very lethargic, despite sleeping at night for over 10 hours and napping during the day. I also noticed that I was continuously thirsty and was eating a great deal, to fuel my body’s immune system. Then on the evening of Friday 10th April I started to feel extremely cold. That evening was the worst I felt throughout the entire experience. Despite wrapping myself in a duvet and multiple blankets, I could not get warm. And then over the course of the weekend all symptoms started to decline. By Monday 13th April all that was left of COVID-19 was a sense of extreme fatigue. Something that will last for another week according to medical sources.

I started displaying symptoms of COVID-19 on Sunday 5th April. I developed a headache, a raised temperature and muscle pains. And then the coughing started along with a sense of tightness in my chest. It was initially just uncomfortable and inconvenient. By Wednesday all symptoms had become much worse and I felt like I was in a constant bear hug. I was continuously trying to find a position where breathing wasn’t so painful and awkward. Due to the toll that fighting the virus was taking on my body, I was feeling very lethargic, despite sleeping at night for over 10 hours and napping during the day. I also noticed that I was continuously thirsty and was eating a great deal, to fuel my body’s immune system. Then on the evening of Friday 10th April I started to feel extremely cold. That evening was the worst I felt throughout the entire experience. Despite wrapping myself in a duvet and multiple blankets, I could not get warm. And then over the course of the weekend all symptoms started to decline. By Monday 13th April all that was left of COVID-19 was a sense of extreme fatigue. Something that will last for another week according to medical sources.

Looking back at these events with a fresh sense of perspective, I was too preoccupied with dealing with my symptoms to be overly scared about my medical condition at the time. However, if my breathing had deteriorated any further I would have had to have sought medical attention. With hindsight I appreciate that this was a nerve racking experience for Mrs P who had to attend to me, while maintaining a safe distance. However, I managed to keep myself occupied during this nine day experience and felt this was a major contribution to maintaining a positive mental outlook and not giving into fear. Media coverage of COVID-19 tends to fall on the extreme end of the spectrum, which doesn’t entirely reflect reality of the disease. 80% of those that contract the virus develop mild symptoms, like those I had and are able to make a full recovery within 7 to 14 days. However, that being said, it was still far from a pleasant experience. The breathing related issues were my biggest concern and it must be terrifying for those who require hospitalisation and assistance with respiration.

Although there is not yet a comprehensive picture of all the effects of COVID-19, there is no overwhelming data to show that you can re-contract the virus. Hence, having survived my bout of illness, I feel a lot more comfortable when out and about. I had to visit the Pharmacist today and was not so concerned when other people broke the social distancing protocols. If you think about the lockdown policy logically, all it is designed to do is to slow the infection rate among the population, so as to not overwhelm the healthcare system. The lockdown does not guarantee that you will not contract COVID-19. You’d have to live in a clean room for that to be a reality. However, although I am relieved that I have come through this experience relatively unscathed, I am still observing social distancing rules at home to ensure that my family’s wider health is not put in jeopardy. The nightly new broadcasts are a sober reminder that although only a small percentage develop serious symptoms, it is a truly horrific experience for those who do.

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Cutting Your Own Hair Part 2

Today my Panasonic ER-GB37 Wet & Dry Hair Trimmer arrived. As I suspected, once unpacked there was nothing excessively complex about this device or its operation. So I duly charged it for a couple of hours and then decided it was time to attempt to cut my own hair, as I haven’t had a haircut in over five weeks. The trimmer can cut to twenty different lengths between 10mm to 0.5mm. I opted for 6mm which equates to one quarter of an inch or Number #2 as some Barbers refer to it. I washed my hair and then went and sat outside at the garden table to make use of the natural sunlight. Rather than removing one of the various large wall mirrors that adorn our house, I opted to use a simple shaving mirror. This proved a sound choice as it comes with a stand. After a few deep breaths I began the process.

Today my Panasonic ER-GB37 Wet & Dry Hair Trimmer arrived. As I suspected, once unpacked there was nothing excessively complex about this device or its operation. So I duly charged it for a couple of hours and then decided it was time to attempt to cut my own hair, as I haven’t had a haircut in over five weeks. The trimmer can cut to twenty different lengths between 10mm to 0.5mm. I opted for 6mm which equates to one quarter of an inch or Number #2 as some Barbers refer to it. I washed my hair and then went and sat outside at the garden table to make use of the natural sunlight. Rather than removing one of the various large wall mirrors that adorn our house, I opted to use a simple shaving mirror. This proved a sound choice as it comes with a stand. After a few deep breaths I began the process.

I am happy to report that this wasn’t as difficult a chore as I suspected. I am right handed and could reach most of my head quite easily. Naturally the back and the nape of the neck proved tricky and I had to request Mrs P’s assistance for these areas. There were a few moments where it felt a little awkward and trimming around my ears took the most attention. Overall it went well and I am pleased with the results. I took off the plastic guard from the trimmer blades to fine tune my sideburns and Mrs P then used a safety razor to tidy up my lower neck. I was glad that the good weather allowed me to do this outside as I wouldn’t have wanted the mess that was made to have occurred indoors. It looked like someone had set about a Badger with a strimmer. This entire process was observed by both my neighbours who seemed sceptical of its success initially.

Under the current “lockdown” conditions, I am glad that this enterprise went well. My hair may not be especially stylish at present but it is short and evenly cut and shouldn’t need another cut for three to four weeks. I will visit my 90 year old Father tomorrow and offer to cut his hair as he is currently sporting a what can only be described as a Worzel Gummidge look. A friend jokingly said that now that I’ve successfully cut my own hair is there any need for me to pay for a haircut ever again? Well as far as I’m concerned the answer is yes. Cutting my own hair is a convenient compromise but I much prefer my monthly visits to my local Barbershop. Getting your haircut is only half the pleasure of going. I enjoy the social interaction with the staff and find the entire process extremely relaxing. That’s not an experience I can duplicate at home.

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