Living With Chronic Pain

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To begin with, I am not claiming to be living with “chronic” pain in this blog post. I am fully aware of the definition of the term and am fortunate that my current injury does not force me to endure such levels of discomfort. However, my recent experience has provided me with a new insight into something that most of us only notionally know about and have little or no true understanding. I believe I appreciate my Mother’s daily circumstances a lot better now (as well as several friends and colleagues who also live with chronic pain) and finally understand how debilitating both physically and mentally living in constant and acute pain can be. Hence I decided to write this piece. To share my experience with an injury that continuously hurts and to help inform others about the realities of living with chronic pain. Sometimes you need to experience something first hand to fully get the measure of it.

Approximately 8 weeks ago, I was vacuuming my Mother’s bedroom. I needed to move the bed to reach underneath it, so without thinking I grabbed the frame and lifted one end. This is the sort of thing you usually do without thinking because normally, a bed isn’t necessarily that heavy. However, on this occasion I forgot that this is a hospital bed which weighs over 170 lbs (77 kg). To cut a long story short I damaged my radial collateral ligament (RCL) in my left elbow. It hurts when I extend my arm or rotate my wrist. The pain is considerable and continuous. The only practical way to minimise this is to strap the joint tightly with a bandage or sports support and then use a sling with the left arm raised as high as possible. The doctor has recommended resting the limb for the immediate future. As a carer of two disabled parents that is not a viable possibility.

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Being in constant pain to the degree that I currently experience is unpleasant and frustrating. The pain is sufficient to be ever present regardless of what activity you’re doing. The most innocuous action can sharply remind you of your injury, making the most mundane, everyday tasks problematic and irritating. Using cutlery is difficult at present. Trying to find a comfortable position to sleep is challenging. Washing and getting dressed takes twice as long as normal due to a new degree of self imposed caution. The net result of these factors is a change in mood and demeanour. It is difficult to be positive and upbeat when you are in pain. You also become aware that because of your mood it may be best to avoid other people. Now all of the above has been sufficient for me to stop and think. Imagine what day to day life is like for those who are experiencing a more intense and continuous level of pain?

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My Mother will be 90 years old in October. She has ongoing Rheumatoid arthritis; an affliction that has plagued her since her late sixties. Her ankles, knees and hands are the most affected part of her body, although her shoulders and hips are getting progressively worse. To tackle the levels of pain that she faces each day she is currently prescribed transdermal patches containing 20 micrograms of Buprenorphine, that are changed weekly. These are supplemented with paracetamol. Both drugs combined simply diminish the pain and do not eliminate it. Due to her continual discomfort, lack of mobility and declining faculties, she is often morose and taciturn with a penchant for lachrymosity. It is only in recent weeks that I’ve come remotely close to fully understanding what she endures daily. So if you know anyone with a chronic and painful medical condition, who at times is a little cantankerous and curmudgeonly, think twice before judging them too harshly. Living with pain is a terrible burden from which there is often no respite. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemies.

Ennio Morricone (1928 - 2020)

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Treasure of the Four Crowns (1983) is a somewhat confused and shoddy action movie that attempts to ride on the coattails of both Raiders of the Lost Ark and the 3-D revival of the time. It lurches between set pieces where anything and everything is thrown at the camera, to moments of unpleasantness and then into slapstick comedy. Yet there is one aspect of this unremarkable film that remains with the viewer after they’ve endured its 97 minute running time. The opulent and charismatic orchestral score by Ennio Morricone. Because "Maestro" Morricone always brought his immense talent to bear on a film regardless of its quality or provenance. Hence there are just as many genre movies and exploitation films with exceptional Morricone soundtracks as there are cinematic masterpieces and art house classics. As writer and director Edgar Wright said “he could make an average movie into a must see, a good movie into art, and a great movie into legend”.

Ennio Morricone was a prodigious composer, who eschewed Hollywood despite his success. He preferred to compose at his palazzo in Rome, working at a desk as opposed to a piano. He wrote in pencil on score paper, creating all orchestra parts from what he could hear in his mind. He would frequently compose after reading a just a script, viewing rushes or a rough cut of a film. Due to his musical diversity and at times experimental approach, he was much sought after by similarly creative film makers. His musical range was exceptional featuring an array of techniques; tarantellas, psychedelic vocalisations, sumptuous love themes along with minimalist beats to underscore tension. He was not afraid to be quirky or to use that most dangerous musical device silence. He composed for TV, cinema, wrote concert pieces, and orchestrated music for singers including Joan Baez,  Paul Anka and Anna Maria Quaini, the Italian pop star known as Mina. Whatever he did both he and his music always left an impression.

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Given his extensive body of work across multiple genres, it is difficult to collate a short list of material that adequately summarises Ennio Morricone’s musical capabilities. His mainstream renown stems from his work with director Sergio Leone and “The Dollar” trilogy which has quite rightly become an integral part of cinematic pop culture. However his collaborations with the “Master of the Giallo”, Dario Argento, are equally noteworthy. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970) features pop inflected vocal harmonies, avant improvisation and salacious lounge music. The Mission (1986), features a plot device in which a Jesuit Priest uses his Oboe to fill the cultural divide between the Catholic Church and the idigenous people of Paraguay. This is sublimely realised by Morricone in his iconic piece “Gabriel’s Oboe”. Director John Carpenter 1982 sci-fi horror The Thing benefits greatly from Morricone’s minimalist synth driven score. And the sleazy 1972 thriller What Have You Done to Solange? becomes more than the sum of its parts due to melancholic and melodic Morricone score.

Here is a short and personal selection of music cues and tracks by Ennio Morricone that I enjoy. He leaves behind an exemplary legacy and body of work as well as having influenced several generations of musicians and composers. A friend of mine who is also a “man of the cloth” and a commensurate fan, once told me that he feels that “there are brief glimpses of the divine” in Morricone’s work and that on occasions “it reflects the majesty of creation”. Although I’m not especially religious myself, I feel that there is truth in these words. Ennio Morricone’s music, especially his more sumptuous scores for the likes of Roland Joffé, Giuseppe Tornatore and Brian De Palma, contain an inherent beauty. And that beauty is pure and timeless. Addio Maestro.

The Sunset (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly)

Ennio Morricone

Four Friends (The Untouchables)

Ennio Morricone

Cosa Avete Fatto A Solange? (What Have You Done to Solange?)

Ennio Morricone

Ray Harryhausen

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Today Ray Harryhausen would have been 100. Sadly he died on 7th of May 2013. He is one of a handful of creative artists who due to his skill, passion and good nature, influenced generations of fans and had a significant impact on filmmaking worldwide. In 2010 I had the pleasure of attending Ray’s 90th Birthday celebrations held at the British Film Institute. Hosted by charismatic director John Landis, all manner of celebrities, actors and filmmakers queued to heap praise on this quiet and retiring gentleman. It was a wonderful evening and a fitting way to honour a man who was not only a pioneer in the visual effects industry but a great source of inspiration for so many. His work was so influential that it has shaped many aspects of contemporary fantasy cinema. For six decades Ray Harryhausen made unique movies where he breathed life into monsters and mythical creatures. Through the medium of stop motion animation he endowed all of his creations with a unique character. He quite simply made dreams real. And that unique gift had a colossal impact

As a child growing up in the seventies, audiences had a subtly different relationship with blockbuster movies and special effects than they do today. They were not as ubiquitous or cynical as contemporary films and hence had an immense impact upon young and impressive minds. Jason and the Argonauts, The First men in the Moon and One Million Years B.C. had a profound influence upon me and subsequently shaped my future tastes, not only in terms of film but also in TV and literature. I studied Classical Civilisation at school in part due to my curiosity in ancient Greece that Ray had inspired. His work also sparked for me an interest in the technicalities of filmmaking. Something I still revel in today. I don’t just like to watch a film, I enjoy learning about the entire production and the creative choices made by all involved. Cinema is after all a collaborative process. My love of his work is also one of the reasons I blog about films today and through writing I often encounter others who were equally inspired by his unassuming genius. 

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 One of the things that came across a decade ago when I saw this softly spoken man, was how passionate and genuine he was, even at the age of 90. He was more disposed to talk about others than his own work. Something his good friend Ray Bradbury pointed out in a video message. Ten years on, although Ray’s talent is no longer with us, his work and the art of stop motion animation still lives on through his foundation, I'd like to say thank you Ray for the hours of wonder and joy you gave to us all. Not only for the visual delights you entranced us with but for the honest storytelling with its gentle morality that under pinned it all. By giving us Medusa, Talos, Ymir (and even Bubo) you also gave us Rick Baker, Peter Jackson, Tim Burton, Peter Lord, Phil Tippett and so many others. You were an innovator and a true artist. Those who collaborated with you, such as Bernad Herrmann and Miklós Rózsa, knew this. Your profound influence will continue to inspire future generations and your work will always find news fans because it is timeless. True art always is.

Community and Friendship

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I joined Twitter back in 2010. Perhaps the most surprising thing I quickly discovered about the platform is the immediacy of communication that it offers. You can follow someone, reply to something they say or initiate a conversation with them in real time. Hence interacting with those who share a common interest becomes very accessible and enjoyable. It’s a far cry from going to a convention, wandering around and then plucking up the courage to speak to someone or join in a conversation that others are having. Social media removes those awkward “ice breaking” moments. Of course not every Twitter exchange is a pleasant experience but overall I’ve not encountered many problems using social media over the past decade. Twitter has broadly been a positive experience and introduced me to a wider community. It has provided me with an opportunity to meet new people and become part of something that is both social and positive.

Although I have always written throughout my life, it was my introduction to MMOs that really galvanised my endeavours. When I enjoy something I often feel compelled to write about my experiences and share them with others. So I initially blogged about The Lord of the Rings Online and later expanded my writing to encompass other games. Twitter proved to be a good medium to promote my material and I quickly found others who shared similar interests and wrote their own blogs or produced their own podcast. In an act of hubris I actually emailed one such podcaster and “suggested” he have a “european correspondent”. The next thing I knew I was talking to the two existing hosts of that show on Skype and subsequently found myself part of the team. This act of kindness and good faith was quite remarkable when you think about it. Here were two people who were doing a podcast by the “seat of their pants”, that were prepared to take a risk on some over enthusiastic British guy who basically tried to gate crash their project. But they took a gamble and it worked out well. 

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This was one of many acts of kindness that I’ve encountered over the years. The podcasting and blogging helped me find a very industrious and friendly fan community. Many of which were already established and had an online presence. Yet all were happy to promote new blogs and podcasts, leave positive feedback and generally be supportive. But it seems to be a recurring theme. So many of the content creators I’ve met over the years seem disposed towards helping others by default. And outside of our immediate shared fandom, it’s nice to get to know folk from all over the world. Because you do get to know people over time. Many of us are careful about what we share on social media or write about in our blog posts. Privacy is ever evolving and can be abused, so it is logical that people don’t fully “pull back the curtain” on their lives. Yet often a writer’s personality will bleed through into their work. They’ll occasionally throw in an anecdote about their life, be it a remark about their work, partner or family. It is these personal touches that build a sense of rapport.

There was a boom time for gaming blogs and it has now passed. Many of those who were active within the community have moved on or significantly reduced their output of content. And then there are those who just keep going because it’s “what they do”. Yet the blogging diaspora still endures and many of the people I met a decade ago are still about on social media. It’s always pleasant when someone you haven’t heard from for a while turns up in your timeline. It’s very much like bumping into an old friend as you come back from grocery shopping. And yes I am happy to use the word friend. I think the somewhat dismissive view that online friendships are not the same as those with people you physically meet, is archaic and simply incorrect. 

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I hold my online friends and peers in very high regard. I respect their opinions and am very grateful for the support they’ve shown me over the years and the way they’ve encouraged my content creation. I also find the different perspectives that they often provide invaluable in helping me to understand the modern world and learn about life. I like to hear about their families, their pets and the shenanigans that go on at their work. It proves that people have far more in common than differences. I am also saddened by the trials and tribulations that some face and hope I can be supportive when they need it. Even if all I can do is to raise a wry smile. And yes, if possible, I’d love to meet up with all of them. I think it would be a most enjoyable experience to finally put faces to virtual names.

The world is a complicated and difficult place at times. There certainly seems to be a palpable sense of gloom spreading at the moment and we’re all too often encouraged to get angry with each other. Yet I take immense comfort and hope from the community that I am part of and the people I am proud to call my friends. The mutual respect, support and kindness, along with the capacity to keep a sense of humour is in many ways an antidote to all the negativity that abounds. While writing this post I toyed with the idea of referencing a few of my Twitter buddies and what I enjoy about their virtual company. However, I quickly realised that it was impossible to do so as I didn’t want to leave anyone out and I am fortunate to know so many good people. So I’ll simply finish with a classic quote from Bilbo Baggins. “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve”. Thanks for being you, so to speak.

Why Are So Many Gamers Assholes?

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A representation of an “asshole”

First off before we begin, I am not going to apologise for using the term “asshole”. Yes I could use more eloquent language but finding a non profane definition is complicated and potentially difficult to agree upon. Are we talking about antisocial gamers, the deliberately obtuse or those with specific prejudices and axes to grind? Is this all about tribalism, real world political affiliations or the whims and caprices of professional malcontents? Perhaps all these examples are correct and just different facets of the same problem? See, it’s easy to get bogged down just with the terminology. But most people know what is meant by the phrase “asshole”. Within the confines of gaming culture, we know exactly who and what they are. We also know where to find them and sadly they are not an endangered species.

Moving on to the main question, “why are so many gamers assholes”, there are numerous explanations to consider. Perhaps the all time classic answer is the old “anonymity of the internet” theory. The idea that because someone can hide their identity and thus avoid any repercussions, they will by default indulge in abhorrent behaviour. But this explanation is not as comprehensive as it first appears. I often have opportunities to indulge in consequence free behaviour, yet refrain from doing so. If none of us did then there wouldn’t be a gaming community per se, as it would just be a constant battleground. So like all social issues, the reality is more complicated and nuanced when scrutinised properly. Yes, the freedom that the internet affords is certainly a factor in the problem but not the defining one. So what are the other possible explanations?

Although gaming and sports are not identical in nature, there is certainly a lot of crossover in their social attributes. Both have a culture of fandom that is often based upon tribalism and competitiveness. The former is not something that can be reasoned with, leaning more towards blind loyalty. The latter can at times lapse into a “winning at any cost” mindset, which is hardly conducive for equitable community relationships. Stepping away from sport, public discourse in politics and the news agenda has become more partisan and bellicose in recent years. Traditional notions of data driven debate and facts underpinning an argument has given way to slogan driven rhetoric, gaslighting and appealing to “feelings”. All of which are incredibly flexible for those who don’t want to be restrained by reason or logic. 

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A bona fide “asshole”

Other factors to consider are levels of emotional and social literacy. There is data to suggest that certain quarters of society are not learning the social skills needed to navigate life. Then there has been decades of reinforcement of the old trope of resolving conflict through violence via TV, cinema, music and literature. But perhaps the biggest factor is one that has blighted not just leisure activities but most social communities. Gaming has for years been perceived, defined and marketed as a white male “space” and it is only in recent years there has been any attempt to challenge and change that. It should be noted that such efforts have always seen a reciprocal amount of pushback from those who see it as “their preserve”. As gaming has become more culturally “acceptable” and hence more commercially viable, it has reached wider audiences and demographics. Yet the industry has been slow to embrace representation as many of those who effectively run it are not cut from the cloth of inclusivity.

And at a grass roots level, a great deal of “assholery” goes unchallenged and unchecked due to there being little effective community based moderation or policing. Censorship and free speech are often invoked as a bogus defense but usually it just comes down to cost. The most effective moderation is done by experienced people and employing them comes with a cost. Plus imposing sanctions on “assholes” hits the bottom line, irrespective of their character traits. “Assholes” are paying customers. Sometimes they are whales. Hence we all too often see the pretense of caring and a lot of hollow press releases and mission statements that promise much but deliver little. Environments such as these, along with the wider social factors discussed are ideal for “assholes” and allow them to thrive.

Now there are some who think that the entire toxic gamer trope is blown out of all proportion and that the reality is different to the perception. Arguments often centre on “assholes” being just a disproportionately vocal minority and it all being a case of visibility bias. Then there are sound arguments to be had about nonverbal cues and how social media often masks intent etc. Are all of those who trot out inflammatory epithets really advocating them and the philosophy behind them or simply repeating something they’ve read in an attempt to get a rise? Is there genuine malice behind all incidents? I have also discussed with others whether the brevity and lack of nuance that is inherent in all text based chat systems makes it difficult for anyone not to appear as an “asshole” at some point. However, where I think many cases do fall into these categories, it doesn’t excuse or explain those gamers who exist in a perpetual state of malcontentment. You’ll find examples of these people on every game related forum and subreddit. They seem obligatory, like a copy of Queen’s Greatest Hits in your music collection.

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A man who sang about “assholes”

Finally, I would like to add another reason to explain the abundance of “assholes” in the gaming community. A somewhat depressing one that some folk may reject due to its implications. Maybe people collectively just aren’t as nice as we like to think. It has always been purported within western society that there are more good guys than bad. We tell our children to study and then work hard, play by the rules and that society and the establishment will treat you well. The myth that there is a sort of cultural social contract and quid pro quo. I suspect that the last decade may have proven that this is patently not true. Social conventions and lack of access to communication platforms masked this in the past but now the reality is clearer to see. A lot of people have a beef with life be it legitimate or imagined. Plus being nice takes effort. Being an “asshole” does not.

Yes there are good people who do the right thing, that believe in fairness, equality and treating people as they like to be treated themselves. There always will be. But then there’s an opposite constituent that is self centred and mortally afraid of difference. Anything perceived to threaten the status quo that enshines their world view and socioeconomic advantage is resisted. I think the big revelation of recent years is that the former group is not the majority as previously thought or claimed. In fact the split between the two is probably a lot more even. Hence there are more “assholes” than previously thought. As for the question of whether we can beat or contain the tide of “assholery”, the answer is the same as it always has been. You call out offenders, challenge the ideologies that drive them and lead by example. But it takes an unified effort from all and ultimately, you cannot elect to just sit it out. We tend to get the standard of communities that we allow, rather the ones we notionally aspire to. And that is why so many gamers are “assholes”. We let them.

The Insincerity of Corporate Platitudes

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Activision Blizzard

For decades myself and others around the world have watched aghast at the state of race relations in the US. For a nation that exalts democracy, freedom and equality it seems to continuously fail to live up to such principles. In the last 4 years things have gotten demonstrably worse for obvious reasons and the outrages and injustices against the BAME community have increased further. The killing of George Floyd was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and so for the last week the US has burned, figuratively and literally, in the fires of righteous indignation. A national wound has been laid bare and once again an opportunity presents itself to either address the matter and treat it, or to simply bandage it and ignore it. The major difference on this occasion is the presence of social media which for good or ill provides a platform to share information and express views as events unfold.

The magnitude of what is currently happening and how it is being handled means that this story has penetrated most social groups and like it or not, this subject is now on pretty much on everyone’s radar. Thus many feel the need to make some sort of statement on the matter and show support for the African American community. The majority have done this for genuine reasons such as empathy and a sense of humanity. Others are driven more by a sense of obligation or a pragmatic concern not to be on the “wrong side of history”. And as well as individual citizens, social institutions, religious bodies and even businesses have spoken out lending their voice to ongoing condemnation and cries for justice. But “business” is a broad church. Covering a spectrum that begins with the startup run by one person from home, to billion dollar global corporations. And therein lies the rub.

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Daybreak Games

When relatively small video game developers make statements pertaining to recent events, showing solidarity and support, I’m inclined to take them at face value. Such studios are populated by a lot of everyday people, working for a pay cheque that isn’t as much as you’d think, who are just trying to get by. Ultimately, I see real people. However, what I find particularly unpalatable are similar statements from the likes of Activision Blizzard, Playstation and Daybreak Games. These generic press releases from global companies reek of insincerity and are the worst kind of bandwagon jumping. Big business is hardly a paragon of virtue. They tend to favour the status quo and governments that look after their interests over others. They often have a shocking track record regarding employee rights and are havens for the worst aspects of corporate culture. Capitalism offers nothing other than the bare minimum to the poor and marginalised, seeing them as a disposable resource rather than people.Yet it suits them for the present to be perceived as an ally and friend.

So please don’t insult our intelligence, Activision Blizzard, Playstation and Daybreak Games with your mealy-mouthed “I’m on your side” calumnies. You are not part of the growing voice legitimate dissent but are just another part of the ongoing problem. You are not expressing any genuine concern but are merely trying to buy “good will” and capitalise on something you see as a business opportunity. How you have the gall to feign integrity when your actions in recent years scream the opposite, simply beggars belief. Go back to counting your money and keep your bogus corporate platitudes to yourself, because they are insulting.Your utterances profane the dignity of the situation. When we want the opinion of mendacious parasites, we’ll ask for them. Until then hold your tongue.

Time For a New Project (Again)

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I am currently in a quandary with regard to my creative output. There’s a good chance that the lockdown has contributed to this state of mind and perhaps even the recent Blapril blogging event is partly to blame. I feel the need to do something at the moment but have no specific idea as to what it should be. I want to write but can’t think of anything at present that enthuses me sufficiently. I also want to return to podcasting, which is something I’ve always enjoyed. But I don’t especially relish producing a one man show. I’ve tried live streaming but don’t really think the medium plays to my strengths. Plus, I’m a little burnt out with gaming per se at present. Perhaps the answer lies in trying my hand at something completely new? This could potentially kill two birds with one stone as documenting the resulting learning curve could be a good source of blog posts. However, the first hurdle is deciding what my next project should be?

New projects can be fun and a great way to renew your sense of motivation and enthusiasm. However, they don’t always work out as expected. One of the most common pitfalls I find with any new project (and I know I’m not alone in this) is that the planning stage becomes the focus and the main source of enjoyment. I like plans. They’re an opportunity to buy new stationary or download new software, to stick post-it notes on your monitor and write numerous to-do lists. I always get a real kick out of all this planning and activity. However, once a coherent and finely tuned strategy has been drafted to tackle the new project, I find that I’ve somewhat lost interest in it. The planning was far more enjoyable and engaging. Hence my ambitions to produce YouTube videos, build a Box Girder Bridge and play the Sousaphone have never come to fruition. My potentially award winning musical based upon The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, also remains unwritten.

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Upon mature reflection and sober consideration, there seems to be a simple problem at the heart of this dilemma (or minor “first world” problem). Rather than just undertaking activities that simply fill my time, I am very much focused upon activities that yield a result, achievements or produce something tangible at the end. Obviously the former is a lot easier to do than the latter and I am happy to do as such to a degree. However, I don’t just want to continuously passively consume and would consider it a personal failing if I stopped doing any kind of creative pastime. Which neatly brings this somewhat circular post back to its initial premise (like a word based Möbius Loop) that I need a new project. Perhaps a suitable idea will present itself within the next week or so. If not you can look forward to a series of blog posts called “The Beginners Guide to Playing the Sousaphone”.

Electric Shavers

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I have always found shaving a nuisance and a chore. There was a period in my working life where being suited, booted and clean shaven was part of the gig. So every morning began with a battle with the stubble. I won’t waste your precious time recounting all the various brands of razors I tried. Let it suffice to say that there’s a huge amount of bullshit peddled by the male grooming products industry (yes, I’m looking at you, so-called King of Shaves, you self aggrandising corporate gits). Perhaps the biggest one is that there’s an optimum way to shave. This is an utter falsehood. The way your facial hair grows is as unique as that on your head. So it may well suit Jugdish to shave “against the grain” and for Sidney to do the opposite, while Clayton uses his razor freestyle. There is no “one approach suits all”. However, shaving with a safety razor is a separate post altogether. It is because of them and due to my inherent apathy towards shaving per se, that I’ve recently tried using an electric shaver again.

I bought my Dad a Panasonic ES-SL41 Blue Wet and Dry Electric 3-Blade Shaver a few years ago. Due to his declining health and use of blood thinners, it was dangerous for him to use a safety razor. Sadly, he couldn’t manage to shave himself even with this device so he kindly gave it back to me. I shave once a week and grow a goattee beard mainly out of indolence. However, I even find that a chore so I decided to try the electric shaver that’s been sitting in a cupboard for the last year. For reference, the last electric shaver I used was when I was 18. I am now 52. Well the great thing about this Panasonic model is that it’s light, holds a charge long enough for a lengthy shave, is ergonomically shaped both for hand and face and is very easy to maintain. Being able to use it both wet and dry is a major advantage. However, those facts notwithstanding, it only manages to shave about a third of my facial hair in a satisfactory fashion.

“Bullshit, Mr Kiam Man”

I do not doubt that a manufacturer such as Panasonic spends a lot of time and money on research and development. I suspect when they designed this and any other model of electric shaver, they considered the wide variety of face shapes and different ways that facial hair grows. They obviously test extensively. Yet despite all this, I cannot get a decent shave from this specific shaver. It seems to work well around my cheekbones where there is little skin and bone immediately beneath the surface, allowing you to get some purchase. But it struggles with my cheeks and jawline and has zero effect on my throat. It doesn’t matter what direction I shave in (although I get the best results making circular movements), or whether I shave wet or dry. Therefore, either I have a head similar to the Elephant Man or there is simply a percentage of men whose facial structure is suboptimal for the successful use of these devices.

Upon reflection I think the latter or these two theories is the correct conclusion. I think due to the sheer number of different face shapes, it is impossible to design a shaver that is 100% effective for all users. Naturally, that is not something that a company that is in the electric shaver business is going to admit to. I would be very interested to see some data on this subject and find out how many men successfully use an electric shaver and how many men just endure them and suffer and indifferent shave as a result. I have found so far that I can get a slightly better shave with the electric shaver if I take my time and concentrate on specific areas and then finish off with a safety razor. However, that totally defeats the purpose of the exercise, which is to get a decent shave as quickly and as easily as possible. So for the meantime it’s back to a Gillette Sensor Excel for me. Damn you Raheem Sterling (or whoever is the face of Gillette in your neck of the woods). As for electric shavers, maybe I’ll try them again in another 30 years.

COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 5

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The UK Government’s honeymoon period with regard to the COVID-19 pandemic is well and truly over. Irrespective of one’s political outlook, it is sensible and dare I say it, reassuring to want to get behind the Prime Minister and his cabinet in their attempts to tackle this dreadful situation. Some may have thought it would be the making of the man and way to bridge the political divisions caused by Brexit. But that was six weeks ago and such optimism has conspicuously withered on the vine. Many of the promises made and have proven empty and a decade of politically motivated austerity has left many key public services struggling. The government was under prepared, lacking in talent and driven by the same hubris inherent in all their political decisions. Namely that notions of British exceptionalism would somehow see us through. They haven’t. Despite the recently recovered Prime Minister (who caught COVID-19 due to not following his own instructions) standing at a podium on 27th April and claiming some sort of success, the reality is the complete opposite.

The UK’s death toll currently stands at over 30,000. Key workers still do not have sufficient PPE. The economy is heading for a major recession and as a result of a lack of progress in the EU negotiations, a “No Deal Brexit”. Furthermore, the UK working population is reluctant to return to work if it means putting themselves in harms way. There is a growing lobby by big business for the lockdown to be eased and due to the lack of clarity in the message so far, there’s a risk of some people doing “their own thing”, resulting in a second peak. If the “furiously hard of thinking” only put themselves at risk, I’d be happy to let them do so but they don’t. They’re a threat to all those trying to their best and follow the rules. So overall, it’s back to business as usual with politics returning to its current default state. Namely a tribal driven culture war, based upon ill conceived slogans, driven by the lowest common denominator and those who make their money through everyone else’s hard work.

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Having caught COVID-19 it does grant you a degree of insight. I was very fortunate and endured only a mild case, although I still have a persistent cough and am monitoring the situation. There’s a chance I may have sustained permanent lung damage. But as far as I'm concerned, irrespective of whatever loosening of the rules are mooted, I shall continue to stay at home, minimise my journeys out and contact with others. But many others are not in such a fortunate position as I. I have many self employed friends who need to return to work and start paying their bills. These are not irresponsible people, just merely caught between a rock and a hard place. I fully expect there to be trouble in the months ahead but I also expect the government to try and more than likely succeed in spinning their way out of it all. The tabloid press have returned to their default setting and are back to towing the establishment line, while the centre left broadsheets have gone back to making every issue a bipartisan bunfight.

Despite the pandemic clearly highlighting the massive inequalities in our society, I am not optimistic that there will be a new social contract between the electorate and the government, similar to that which emerged after World War II. Those who benefit from the existing status quo have no desire or intention of seeing any change. If anything, I suspect we may well see an exacerbation of the current divide between the haves and have nots. The government has undertaken an unprecedented amount of public spending, especially when you consider the ideological perspective of the Conservative Party. The need to address this debt may well prove ideal political capital to see a return to austerity or drive through yet more privatisation of public services. One of the few good things that could come from the COVID-19 pandemic is the opportunity for the UK to finally come to terms with the reality of modern geopolitics and find a new role that isn’t defined by our perceptions of the past. However, judging by the current state of politics, that is highly unlikely to happen.

"Middle-aged"

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Perfect teeth and an absence of haemorrhoids are one of many reasons why stock photos are bullshit

I read a comment on a news website recently in which the author claimed to be “middle-aged”. They were 67 years old. This highlighted something I have considered for a long time; that this term is one of the most elastic and wilfully misused in the English language. And it may come as a surprise to you but this really bugs me. Because one’s age shouldn’t be a matter of anything other than numerical accuracy. However, it would appear that I’m swimming against the tide on this issue and perhaps many others. For many people, most forms of self scrutiny are refracted through the prism of their feelings and cultural assumptions. Hence what they think, see and feel about themselves is often quite different to objective reality. Your age falls into this category. And then there is the cultural bias towards youth which runs through every aspect of society. All things considered, it’s hardly surprising that people are going to stretch the term “middle-aged”.

According to The Office for National Statistics, UK life expectancy for men is 79.2 years and 82.9 years for women. If we consider from 20 years onwards to be the start of a person’s adult life and 80 to be the average age of death, then the middle of this period is between 40 and 60 years. That seems to be a fair assessment to me and a logical way of determining a definition of “middle-aged”. As we are dealing with averages, there is naturally scope for the numbers to change nominally if you apply this school of thought to yourself or your family. I am currently 52 years old, so I am by this criteria clearly “middle-aged”. Furthermore, I have many of the characteristics associated with the term. Although I am relatively fit and healthy, I am not as active as I was 20 years ago. I suffer from low level medical issues associated with my age such as arthritis, myopia and fluctuating weight. However, I do not resent this term, nor the reality of my life. It is illogical to expect to maintain the same level of health and activity throughout your entire life.

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Data from a YouGov survey from 2017 showing perceptions on age in the UK

Sadly, society does not see or quantify age as simply being the number of years you’ve existed. Age is something to be exalted and worshipped (in respect to youth) while simultaneously being a stick to beat you with (try being a woman in her sixties attempting to get served at a bar). Age is also a means of discrimination and a way of arbitrarily pigeon-holing people. But it is also a key factor in many cultural biases, such as views on sexuality, multiculturalism and wider considerations about the UK’s place in the world. There are many subtleties and paradoxes to wade through. Men age and become “distinguished”, where the tabloid press consider any woman who has the gall to grow old as being an utter disgrace. But the elephant in the room is how society as a whole takes a dim view of senior citizens. They are all too often portrayed as just tedious, social baggage. So when you consider the utter polarised and entrenched cultural views on age, I guess my logical categorisation is out of step with the wider world.

Play Your Own Way

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This post comes with caveats. In a perfect world, common sense would prevail and I wouldn’t have to list them. But we live in an age where some people take great pleasure in being professional contrarians and deliberately obtuse. So let me state clearly and unequivocally, I am not advocating that your gaming pleasure should come at the expense of someone else's. If you sign up for a 12 man raid and have a specific role to play, then do so to the best of your ability. Fooling around has consequences in such a scenario. However, that is not what is being discussed here. Nope. What I am suggesting is that you should take your pleasures, where you can find them. And if they have no tangible impact upon other players, then you are totally entitled to play your game of choice in a manner that suits you. It’s a simple axiom, yet it still proves to be very difficult for some gamers to comprehend and more importantly accept. Allow me to explain by means of an example.

I was playing Call of Duty Warzone a few nights ago. I like to play Solo Battle Royale mode, which consists of 150 players parachuting into the warzone in a free-for-all fight. Now not being the world’s best “runner and gunner”, I try various different tactics to keep me engaged and occupied when playing this game. On the occasion in question, I decided to grab one of the helicopters you find dotted around the map and took to the skies above Verdansk. Now this doesn’t come without risk, as you can take fire from players equipped with LMGs and surface to air missiles. If you alight upon a rooftop, you are at further risk as there’s full access to these areas via stairwells. Players can also call in airstrikes and artillery bombardments. So if you decide to fly a helicopter as a means of avoiding the firefights happening at ground level, you have to keep moving and keep an eye on the contracting “safe zone”. Well to cut a long story short, this is what I did. I managed to stay aloft and get into the last three players, however I eventually succumbed to the gas and crashed.

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Now for me, this was just an amusing experiment and diversion. It’s not something I intend to do continuously but I’ll certainly try it again with another type of vehicle. It’s a means for me to keep engaged with the game. However, it has come to my attention that “this sort of behaviour” is an anathema to some CoD WZ players. And you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out who. Every game has their own version of the “Fun Police” but it seems to be especially more endemic to PVP genres. There’s a certain type of player that considers their own approach to the game to be the only relevant position and doesn’t care for any form of dissent on the issue. They’re self appointed arbiters of what is and isn’t (in their opinion) the correct way to play. It’s an utterly intellectually bankrupt position but we sadly live in an age of such dogmatic tribalism. And it was some of this brigade who were most displeased with my shenanigans as they felt it wasn’t in the spirit of the game.

It will come as no surprise to you that these baseless complaints fell on deaf ears. My activities incommoded no one and as there is no universally accepted game code, such complaints are irrelevant. If you want to ensure that everyone you play with cleaves to the same ideology as you, I would advise not joining public groups but instead creating private games. All of which can be done easily in CoD WZ. But such people would much rather have something to complain about and see every minor social interaction in life as some part of a wider ongoing culture war. The best way to counter such entrenched stupidity is to mock it. Therefore, I strongly advocate and extol the mantra of “play your own way”. You are not beholden to slavishly follow someone else’s interpretation of the rules. Do what brings you pleasure and fun. If you want to collect all the shinies, then you do that. Roleplay a Bolivian, amputee, bee keeper if you see fit. Only play a specific zone in an MMO if that’s your jam. Dress up alts, eschew levelling, ignore the prevailing game meta if you like. You are free to do what you want, how you want within the terms of service. Angry arguments to the contrary are just white noise from the socially dysfunctional. Bollocks to them.

COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 4

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I started displaying symptoms of COVID-19 on Sunday 5th April. I developed a headache, a raised temperature and muscle pains. And then the coughing started along with a sense of tightness in my chest. It was initially just uncomfortable and inconvenient. By Wednesday all symptoms had become much worse and I felt like I was in a constant bear hug. I was continuously trying to find a position where breathing wasn’t so painful and awkward. Due to the toll that fighting the virus was taking on my body, I was feeling very lethargic, despite sleeping at night for over 10 hours and napping during the day. I also noticed that I was continuously thirsty and was eating a great deal, to fuel my body’s immune system. Then on the evening of Friday 10th April I started to feel extremely cold. That evening was the worst I felt throughout the entire experience. Despite wrapping myself in a duvet and multiple blankets, I could not get warm. And then over the course of the weekend all symptoms started to decline. By Monday 13th April all that was left of COVID-19 was a sense of extreme fatigue. Something that will last for another week according to medical sources.

Looking back at these events with a fresh sense of perspective, I was too preoccupied with dealing with my symptoms to be overly scared about my medical condition at the time. However, if my breathing had deteriorated any further I would have had to have sought medical attention. With hindsight I appreciate that this was a nerve racking experience for Mrs P who had to attend to me, while maintaining a safe distance. However, I managed to keep myself occupied during this nine day experience and felt this was a major contribution to maintaining a positive mental outlook and not giving into fear. Media coverage of COVID-19 tends to fall on the extreme end of the spectrum, which doesn’t entirely reflect reality of the disease. 80% of those that contract the virus develop mild symptoms, like those I had and are able to make a full recovery within 7 to 14 days. However, that being said, it was still far from a pleasant experience. The breathing related issues were my biggest concern and it must be terrifying for those who require hospitalisation and assistance with respiration.

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Although there is not yet a comprehensive picture of all the effects of COVID-19, there is no overwhelming data to show that you can re-contract the virus. Hence, having survived my bout of illness, I feel a lot more comfortable when out and about. I had to visit the Pharmacist today and was not so concerned when other people broke the social distancing protocols. If you think about the lockdown policy logically, all it is designed to do is to slow the infection rate among the population, so as to not overwhelm the healthcare system. The lockdown does not guarantee that you will not contract COVID-19. You’d have to live in a clean room for that to be a reality. However, although I am relieved that I have come through this experience relatively unscathed, I am still observing social distancing rules at home to ensure that my family’s wider health is not put in jeopardy. The nightly new broadcasts are a sober reminder that although only a small percentage develop serious symptoms, it is a truly horrific experience for those who do.

Cutting Your Own Hair Part 2

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Today my Panasonic ER-GB37 Wet & Dry Hair Trimmer arrived. As I suspected, once unpacked there was nothing excessively complex about this device or its operation. So I duly charged it for a couple of hours and then decided it was time to attempt to cut my own hair, as I haven’t had a haircut in over five weeks. The trimmer can cut to twenty different lengths between 10mm to 0.5mm. I opted for 6mm which equates to one quarter of an inch or Number #2 as some Barbers refer to it. I washed my hair and then went and sat outside at the garden table to make use of the natural sunlight. Rather than removing one of the various large wall mirrors that adorn our house, I opted to use a simple shaving mirror. This proved a sound choice as it comes with a stand. After a few deep breaths I began the process.

I am happy to report that this wasn’t as difficult a chore as I suspected. I am right handed and could reach most of my head quite easily. Naturally the back and the nape of the neck proved tricky and I had to request Mrs P’s assistance for these areas. There were a few moments where it felt a little awkward and trimming around my ears took the most attention. Overall it went well and I am pleased with the results. I took off the plastic guard from the trimmer blades to fine tune my sideburns and Mrs P then used a safety razor to tidy up my lower neck. I was glad that the good weather allowed me to do this outside as I wouldn’t have wanted the mess that was made to have occurred indoors. It looked like someone had set about a Badger with a strimmer. This entire process was observed by both my neighbours who seemed sceptical of its success initially.

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Under the current “lockdown” conditions, I am glad that this enterprise went well. My hair may not be especially stylish at present but it is short and evenly cut and shouldn’t need another cut for three to four weeks. I will visit my 90 year old Father tomorrow and offer to cut his hair as he is currently sporting a what can only be described as a Worzel Gummidge look. A friend jokingly said that now that I’ve successfully cut my own hair is there any need for me to pay for a haircut ever again? Well as far as I’m concerned the answer is yes. Cutting my own hair is a convenient compromise but I much prefer my monthly visits to my local Barbershop. Getting your haircut is only half the pleasure of going. I enjoy the social interaction with the staff and find the entire process extremely relaxing. That’s not an experience I can duplicate at home.

Cutting Your Own Hair Part 1

Fuck this guy with his good looks and his “this is a piece of piss” attitude

I usually go to my local Barber’s every four weeks or so. It’s about fifteen minutes walk from my home and I’ve been going there since 1970. I like to keep my hair short and I enjoy the therapeutic benefits of relaxing and have someone cut my hair. The staff are great and there is a curious sense of continuity that comes from going to the same establishment for 50 years. The original Barber has retired and his son now runs the premises. In my youth I used to favour certain styles and was especially fond of a well cut flattop (Kurt Russel sported an absolute beauty in the 1994 movie Stargate). Sadly such a style is very labour intensive and time consuming. Hence many stylists don’t care to undertake such a cut and it’s a bitch to manitain. Hence in more recent years, I’ve favoured a straightforward clipper cut. This consists of Number 1 (one-eighth of an inch/3mm) around the back and side and Number 2 (one-quarter of an inch/6mm) on top. However, the Barber shop is currently closed and I’ve not had a hair cut for nearly 5 weeks.

Now although by other people’s standards my hair is still relatively short, it currently looks a mess (well I think so anyway). If I gel it up, it has reached the point of looking like a dilapidated paintbrush. And if I leave it naturally after washing, all the white shows at the sides (it seems to grow at a different pace to other hair) and I end up looking like a Badger. Neither of these are good looks. Hence I have concluded that it is time to grasp the nettle and attempt to cut my own hair. Oh what times we live in. Will I be removing my own appendix next? Now in theory, this shouldn’t be too difficult. Firstly, all I need to undertake this task is a decent cordless hair/beard trimmer. There are plenty to choose from on Amazon. Secondly, rather than try and cut my hair to two separate lengths and “fade” them in, it would be far more practical to cut my hair to one overall length. However, reality often proves to be a radically different experience. I suspect that lighting, space and copious use of mirrors are going to play a major part in this “project”.

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So I’ve spent some time researching what make and model of clippers would be appropriate for the task in hand, along with watching copious amounts of YouTube videos as to how to cut your own hair. Some of the advice available is practical, whereas other videos seem to vastly oversimplify the practicalities of contemporary hair styling. I’ve managed to get a good deal on a Panasonic wet and dry hair and beard trimmer which can cut to 20 different lengths (allegedly). This model usually retails at £65 but I’ve bought it for £32. I already have a small beard trimmer but I don’t think it’s up to the job of cutting my entire head of hair, so I thought it best to buy the right tool for the job. If I fully recover from my current bout of COVID-19, I am hoping to attempt to cut my hair next Thursday or Friday. I have a suspicion that I may have to involve Mrs P, although she is far from enamoured by the prospect. Look out for a follow up post next week, where I discuss the results, be they good or bad.

COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 3

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May be he was right

I wasn’t expecting to write the next instalment of this “pandemic diary” so soon. However, yesterday morning (Sunday 5th April) I developed a headache and shortly afterwards a temperature and muscle pains. By midday I started coughing persistently and noticed what I will describe as a sense of tightness in my chest (it feels like I’m wearing a shirt that is too small for me). These symptoms persisted and I went to bed at an uncustomary early hour. I slept in the spare bedroom, which is also my office and have isolated myself as well as I can (we live in a bungalow) from Mrs P. As of this morning the symptoms have persisted and it now feels very similar to a bout of flu. I am sluggish and groggy but certainly not at the point where I need medical treatment. Napping is proving useful and I’m hoping I can mainly sleep through this, as I am now stuck in the office for the next 7 days. I am allowed access to the bathroom, although separate towels and rigorous cleaning of all handles and surfaces is now the rule of thumb.

This situation was inevitable. Staying indoors only reduces the risk of infection. But unless we all make like Howard Hughes, then sooner or later someone you know or yourself will catch COVID-19. Because I think it is important for the NHS and the various scientific institutions to have as much data as possible about infection rates, I completed the survey on the NHS website. There was also information for those who may need additional help with self isolation. Because not only am I now forced to stay indoors so is Mrs P. So neither of us can go to the shops for the next week and I can no longer go round to care for my parents. Luckily my sister is working from home but the situation now increases her work load. I also spoke to a local carers charity who have offered to assist with the collection of medication from the pharmacist and the provision of essential supplies such as bread and milk. We are fortunate enough at present to have a well stocked larder.

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A sound message that bears repeating

Although I am not exactly happy about getting ill, at least myself and Mrs P are in a very fortunate position with regard to where we live and our personal situation. Neither of us work in the traditional sense (Mrs P has retired and I am a carer), so our finances are not in jeopardy. We have a garden so we don’t feel that we’re in a prison cell. Our neighbours are kind, decent people and everyone in the street is being more communicative than usual. Plus being quarantined in my office has its advantages. I have access to my PC so I can still write, speak to friends online, play games and watch Netflix and Amazon Prime. At least while I’m well enough to. If I feel too ill to do these things I can draw the curtains and sleep. Beyond this it is now just a waiting game. Hopefully my symptoms will remain mild and pass within a week or so. My main concerns lie with Mrs P as she has health issues. But there’s no point in panicking. This is a time for cool heads and patience.

COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 2

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It’s been one and a half weeks since my last entry regarding the COVID-19 Pandemic 2020. As I’m sure you’re all aware, a lot has happened globally in that time and many nations are currently coming to terms with the ramifications of dealing with this virus in their own “bespoke” way. Personally I think a global approach to the problem would be beneficial but the rise of nationalism and a diminishing of worldwide institutions such as the United Nations has made such a strategy very difficult. I was going to summarise my thoughts on the UK’s response to this crisis but I have decided instead to defer such a post for another week and instead focus upon a more positive theme. Because something has happened recently in the UK. Something I was doubtful about because I’ve been so jaded by contemporary politics. And yet despite my cynicism, I have seen a demonstrable increase in community spirit, solidarity and compassion in the last few days. And it has been a thing of beauty to behold.

Since 2016, the UK has been beset by a malaise of partisan politics and cultural tribalism. We’ve seen an increase in hate crimes, the Brexit debate has caused families to fall out and not talk to each other and the UK has teetered on the brink of an irreversible culture war, just like the one that besets the US. Or to put it another way “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!” to quote Peter Venkman. But the current situation has suddenly pushed all of that to one side and suddenly we find ourselves confronted with a mass display of decency, civic mindedness and dare I say it, a sense of society. Something a infamous deceased Prime Minister claimed didn’t exist. Furthermore, the ongoing display of both common sense and public spiritedness raises questions as to whether there may even be a fundamental shift of perspective in the UK. Will certain jobs that have been branded low skilled and low paid and therefore bereft of any virtue (from certain quarters), suddenly be reappraised by a public who suddenly realise their inherent virtue?

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The prophetic words of Peter Venkman

We live in a world that is incredibly interconnected and based upon just in time supply chains and numerous complex dependencies. Yet modern life often focuses on the superficial and we are enamored by wealth, tabloids perception of success and by nonsensical political dogma. And then along comes a problem of a global nature and gives everyone a very swift reality check. Suddenly the denizens of the gossip columns aren’t so important. Reality show celebrities, sportsmen and women, as well as popular musicians suddenly don’t seem so relevant. And as for Hollywood actors singing an ill conceived cover version of John Lennon’s attack upon consumerism, well it’s all been shown in stark relief. Because suddenly we’ve focused upon those we depend upon. With regard to some professions, some of us have only just learned how necessary they are to the functioning of a well ordered society.

At present, an estimated 22% of all working-age individuals are in key worker occupations according to the IFS (Institute of Fiscal Studies). That is approximately 7.1 million working age adults across the UK, out of a total workforce of 32.90 million people, aged 16 years and over in current employment. So while over three quarters of the nation’s workers remain at home, just under a quarter continue to go to work, keeping vital services running. These range from the immediately obvious such as the healthcare workers, the police and other emergency services, to retail workers, the post office and local government. But when you think about it, the list continues to grow. Transport, freight and farming need to keep ticking over. And where there are people working, you need cleaners, caterers and security. The UK has an ageing population so this means a lot of vulnerable people need help at home. So the list then grows to include carers, charitable institutions and support groups. The bottom line is that without this very broad and diverse percentage of society, we’d all be up shit creek without a paddle, crying for our respective Mothers.

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On average, a newly qualified nurse can expect to earn around £23,000 a year

What makes this reversal in opinion or epiphany if you’re feeling more charitable, so surprising is that it comes hard on the heels of a decade of tabloid hyperbole and negative briefing against many of these people and professions. The government recently released new immigration guidelines in which they set a financial value on peoples respective worth. Apparently earning under £25,000 was crassly designated “low skilled”, despite the fact that the UK average salary is only £36,000 which implies that a substantial amount of folk in this country are therefore “low skilled”, despite this including many people working in professions I’ve already mentioned. Too long we have extolled the virtues of industries that already have pots of cash and then make more pots of cash, as somehow being the summit of human achievement. I don’t believe that these folk will be able to offer any practical help when you need a respirator.

Tonight, I rather sheepishly went outside of my home, stood on the drive and clapped at 20:00 PM to show my support to all those currently working in healthcare. Us Brits don’t go in for making a fuss and I’m sure many people, like myself, would much prefer to write an upbeat letter to The Times. However, as more people emerged from their houses, waved, chatted and exuded sincerity, I suddenly felt quite emotional and part of something inherently good. Finally, there is something honest and dare I say righteous to get behind. Throughout the UK, young and old are putting themselves in harms way by going to work and just keeping the nation’s collective shit together. From what I’ve seen, many are doing this with a sense of pride and a smile on their face. Which is why we must continue to foster this positive civic minded feeling and ensure that those taking a calculated risk (because that is definitely what it is) feel respected and appreciated.

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“No Roger you can’t have any Tramadol”

I went to the Pharmacist today to collect some outstanding medicine for my parents. I was greeted with a smile, and my enquiry speedily dealt with. I was also told that a controlled item would be dropped off later to my folk’s home address. Two hours later it was. I waved like a child greeting a train as the Pharmacist drove away. I can regale you with similar stories about the good natured staff who served me at my local supermarket. Many are in their teens and early twenties but they take all of what’s going on in their stride. And why not? Remember, young people have built nations if you know your history and Will Sampson quotes. So I ensured that I say thank you and offer genuinely supportive remarks to all I encounter. I was profoundly grateful to the hospital transport crew who brought my Mother home today after several weeks in respite care. I bellowed “cheers mate” to the courier who delivers vital supplies from Amazon. This list is ever growing and I urge everyone to be excellent to each other and spread this honest sentiment around.

The current state of affairs is unprecedented and many nations are having a crash course on what is important and what is not. The UK is certainly re-calibrating its opinions and preconceptions and I am delighted after years of scepticism to discover that we still seem to be a fundamentally decent nation. Not everyone is a card carrying member of the National Union of Assholes. People still volunteer, help others and care. Although this is a national crisis there is a great deal of scope to come together and become that tolerant and kindly country that we used to be. I hope we continue to do the right thing and maintain this positive mindset long after the problem that besets us goes away. We have collectively solved as a nation, more problems in the last month than we have in the last five years. The homeless have been found accommodation, the needy are being cared for and people are genuinely concerned for each other’s welfare, instead of bickering, and squabbling. Is it perfect? No. Is it a good start. Most definitely. Finally we’ve reminded ourselves that we can be a force for good and can live up to the values that all our dead heroes have extolled. Let’s not squander this moment.

COVID-19 Pandemic 2020 Part 1

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The COVD-19 Pandemic is an unprecedented global event and the way day to day life has changed so rapidly over the last few weeks is deeply unsettling. Hence I’m writing this recurring post as a coping mechanism; a means to process what is happening and observe how society is reacting to the ongoing crisis. And first off, let me state that I’ve already spoken to two people today, who do not see a Global Pandemic as being a crisis. Yes because we live in a post truth world where some people labour under the delusion that all opinions are of commensurate value, there are still people who “feel” that this is all an overwrought brouhaha. I suspect “crazy people watch” may become a major part of my writing. So where to begin exactly? Well I guess the best thing to do is to explain what my personal situation is.

I live in South East London. Bexley Borough is your archetypal middle-class suburb. It grew over the first three decades of the twentieth century offering family homes, good schools and plenty of parks and recreational land. And it has continued doing this. It is a wealthy Borough with an ageing population. 17% of the 280,000 residents are over 65. Politically this is a Conservative Party safe seat and as you may expect, the electorate were predominantly in favour of Brexit. I have lived here for most of my life and am therefore very familiar with its facilities, resources and denizens. As of the time of writing (early morning on Saturday March 21st) there are 31 confirmed cases of Coronavirus in the Borough. It was 5 this time last week.

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I live with Mrs P in a Bungalow. It is an ideal size for the pair of us and the lack of stairs suits her health needs. Mrs P currently has two fused vertebrae in her neck and has been in continuous pain for the last 3 months. She also has a heart condition and underwent triple bypass surgery in 2017. She had further heart issues this January and is still under the care of the cardiovascular clinic. Hence she is in a high risk group for COVID-19. My parents are similarly in a high risk group. They live one road away along with my Sister. She is currently working from home, so for the present I have reduced the time I spend tending to my 90 year old disabled Father. Despite the ongoing crisis he is still receiving two visits a day from the District Nurse and carers. Without their assistance he would get ill very quickly. I only recently discovered he is on the “critical medication” list with the Central Access Team. My disabled Mother is currently in Respite Care for two weeks at a local Nursing Home. 

For the present, I am restricting my journeys out to checking with my Father and Sister, essential shopping visits and collecting prescriptions from the Pharmacist. Mrs P may move in with my Son next week and provide childcare for our two Granddaughters, now that the schools are closing. This will be for no more than two weeks and then my Son, who is a “key worker” for TFL, should go on leave. However, for the last two weeks, shopping has proven increasingly difficult due to panic buying from certain quarters of the community. What started out as a run of toilet paper a week ago has now spread to a wider range of products. As of today my local Co-op supermarket looks like it has been robbed. However, as I tend to go shopping every day, I’ve managed to ensure that both households have adequate stocks of essentials. I’ve also ensured that all necessary repeat prescriptions have been filled or are pending at the Doctor’s Surgery.

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And this is one of two issues that concerns me at present. I have no problem with the idea of eating less and rationing my food intake. If anything it will do me good as my weight has gone up of late. It is access to medical services and medication that plays on my mind. In the last week the Pharmacist no longer allows customers direct access to the entire shop. A reception area has been created and only 4 customers are allowed in at a time. They either drop off or collect their prescription. If they want anything else the staff have to get if for them as access to the shelves is now prohibited. This is a necessary precaution but it greatly slows down the flow of customers. Due to increased pressure on staff, the turnaround time on repeat prescriptions has gone from 3 to 5 working days. Furthermore, the local Doctor’s Surgery has suspended the booking of all appointments and the walk in clinic. Calls are screened to focus on priority patients and telephone triage is used for intermediate conditions.

Finally, my second concern at present is my Mother. As I mentioned she is currently in a local Nursing Home for two weeks respite care. Since she was discharged from hospital at the start of February it has been intensive work caring for her. Her lack of mobility means she needs continuous care throughout the day. Hence my Sister and I were most grateful to have a reduction in our caring duties with her being away. At present she is scheduled to return home on the 30th of March. This presents some problems. I shall have to break my scaled self isolation to visit her on a daily basis. My Sister is working from home and due to the nature of her job, will be genuinely working 9 to 5. So it will fall to me to do as much as I can. My Mother’s return will also mean the reinstatement of 4 daily carer visits. Effectively the increase in people coming to the home will put all concerned at greater risk. There’s a possibility that if events get worse, the Nursing Home may go into lockdown with all who are currently there, staying put. This would keep my Mother safe in a secure environment indefinitely but I cannot count on this.

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This is an initial summary of how the current crisis is impacting upon my extended family. As ever, it quickly becomes apparent while watching the news that others have it far worse. I intend to continue to write about all aspects of this situation as it unfolds. For the present, I’m monitoring what happens in France, Germany and Italy as they are broadly comparable nations to the UK. Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts on how this situation is affecting your day to day life. In the meantime stay safe and use the internet to check on those who may need help. We may well all be incarcerated to a degree but we can use our social networks to direct potential help to those who need it. And just staying in touch with online friends is good for everyone’s collective moral.

Caring for the Elderly: Part 10

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My Mother, who has had limited mobility for a decade, fell and broke her arm just before Christmas. She subsequently spent nine weeks at a specialist rehabilitation unit at our local hospital. During that time she had surgery on her arm to repair the fracture and extensive physiotherapy to try and increase her mobility. She was discharged at the beginning of February with a support package in place to facilitate her return home. Sadly, despite physiotherapy, she is immobile as the day she  was admitted. Until she sees the Consultant at the Fracture Clinic and is told if her arm can bear weight, she is not allowed to do anything for herself. Hence she is currently having four home visits a day from two carers and is confined to her bedroom. The carers help her get washed, dressed and use the commode in her room. Naturally, the current situation and the inability to do anything for herself, along with the uncertainty of her long term recovery and future, is causing a great deal of anxiety not only for my Mother but the rest of the family as well. At present we have a 3 week wait before she gets to see the consultant. 

My Mother’s return home has inevitably caused some logistical problems. The first is managing the multiple visits by carers to the premises. My disabled Father has his own carers who tend to his needs twice a day, along with two visits from the District Nurse. My Mother now has four visits of her own. These comings and goings have been scheduled as to not conflict with my Sisters routine. She lives with my parents and has a fulltime job. Then there is the actual management of the carers themselves. Anyone who has had experience with such services will know it is somewhat of a lottery. Some are superb, some are adequate and others are barely competent and have to be micromanaged. So far the care company has broadly supplied staff who are very professional. Mainly, those coming to the house are experienced and adaptable. However, a few less experienced carers have come at the weekend and not shut doors or locked the premises properly, which is cause for concern. For the present, myself and my Sister are trying to accommodate this new daily regime during its initial stages. Sadly, I cannot be on site indefinitely and I need to have full confidence that all care duties are undertaken properly along with ensuring the house is secure. 

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The second issue is that although carers can assist my Mother with washing, dressing and toilet breaks, they cannot provide her with any long term companionship. In between visits, she is alone in her room without company of any immediate form of entertainment or interaction. I am concerned that there will be both physical and mental health consequences  as a result of this. The local Community Physiotherapy Team has supplied an Orthopedic chair but my Mother struggles to sit up in it. After a week she is already developing lower back pain due to her posture. This could potentially worsen over the next three weeks if not addressed. Recent changes in my Mother’s medication, made while she was in hospital have also caused some problems. She is currently having difficulty swallowing which is worrying. And then there is the psychological aspect to my Mother’s condition. She spends large amounts of time, alone with only her own thoughts for company. She is bored, agitated and generally sad. Lack of mobility leads to continence issues which are distressing for a lady of her age. Having to be dependent on others to assist in washing, dressing and going to the toilet is not something that everyone is immediately comfortable with. Loss of dignity is a major contribution to her overall unhappiness.

So far we have spent a week as a family trying to find a routine that works. It has been a very fluid situation so far. There was an initial requirement for numerous practical items which we did not have. So we had to buy a hospital table, water jugs, lightweight cutlery and utensils, wet wipes, and sanitary disposal bags. My Mother’s bedroom had to be rearranged to accommodate a hospital bed, commode and Orthopedic chair. A lot of her personal items had to be cleared away to free up space for healthcare products and medication. As so many people are now coming and going from my Mother’s room, there needs to be space and clear access. I also had to remove the carpet and have easy to clean linoleum put down instead. When dealing with commodes, there is always scope for accidents and keeping the carpet simply wasn’t practical or hygienic. I managed to get my local GP to visit recently and she is concerned that being sedentary for 9 hours a day may cause additional health issues for my Mother. She also notes that simply waiting 3 weeks for an appointment while confined to a single room is not beneficial for her mental well being. Hence, I have asked Social Services to look into the possibility of short term respite care in an more suitable environment. If for whatever reason this cannot be provided, then we may bypass the Local Authority and simply self fund it. It will cost about £2,500 for 14 days.

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At present everything hinges upon the Fracture Clinic appointment and whether the Consultant thinks my Mother’s left arm can now bear weight. If they say it can, then physiotherapy will resume and we can determine whether my Mother can increase her mobility. Naturally we want this to happen but we have to be realistic about the bigger picture. Irrespective of my Mother’s fall and subsequent broken arm, she has Chronic Arthritis and her mobility has always been destined to decrease regardless of other factors. There is a good chance that her current state of health is the new baseline. If she cannot rebuild the muscle in her left arm, then she cannot use her walking frame. If she cannot use her walking frame then she cannot come down stairs to the lounge and resume her normal habits. If the status quo prevails, then she faces being confined to one room and I cannot allow that to be the extent of her remaining life. Hence there may well be some tough questions to consider come the end of March. However, for the next two months it is just a waiting game. As ever, I am considering all possibilities and exploring them should they arise. It is a rather bleak undertaking for all concerned. We are hoping for the best while simultaneously planning for the worst.

Restricting Player Representation in Video Games

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Belghast wrote a succinct and personal rebuttal today regarding the iniquities of restricting player representation with video game characters. Escape from Tarkov creator’s Battlestate Games, are currently involved in a rather tired and predictable controversy over the lack of playable female characters in the aforementioned title. If you want chapter and verse about this sorry state of affairs then visit The Verge who have all the salient information. Part of me can’t help feeling that it’s 2020 so shouldn’t we all be done with kind of bullshit? Apparently that’s not the case and some parts of society and indeed the world, still think its the 1950s. Sadly the video game industry seems to be a habitual offender when it comes to these sorts of debacles. Their desire to self flagellate and elect to be continuously on the wrong side of history is perplexing. So once again it is time to counter yet another false narrative and shed some light via the medium of facts, rational thinking and logic on that increasingly lonely place known as reality.

Deciding between content creation or gender representation is often presented as some sort of Hobson’s choice by some developers. The argument being that if you divert resources into creating “female” character models, you’ll bankrupt the game studio, they’ll be no more regular content and all the staff’s children will go without shoes. This is the sort of spurious bullshit argument that second rate politicians trot out when trying to defend cuts to vital services. The most simple and obvious question is why do we have to choose? Why can’t we have both? Plus if you really are pushed for resources and have to choose, which I seldom believe to be a legitimate reason, I’d take representation first and foremost as it will bring more players to your game, thus increasing revenue that can then go towards creating new content. Where is the business sense in alienating 50% of your potential customers? Plus, as a business, if your revenue is so low that such decisions are having to be made to begin with, you may want to reconsider what industry you work in.

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Putting aside the respective moral and ethical rectitude of such ideals as equal representation and diversity in video games, let us consider it from alternative perspectives. Social issues do not always have to be examined through the prism of what society perceives to be right or wrong. Representation as a marketing and business angle is now a very real thing. One could go so far as to say it is becoming a financial imperative. Disney after years of eschewing this concept, have now come full circle and embraced it. Compare the white Anglo-Saxon princess of Sleeping Beauty (1959) to the likes of Moana (2016).  We now live in an era of unparalleled diversity and representation with popular, multi billion dollar franchises such as the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Would Black Panther have been made two decades ago? Of course not. I’m sure this change may not be purely driven by a sense of altruism but more through business acumen. However, what is important is that the change has happened and continues to do so.

Now objection on lore grounds can hold water on occasions but many examples are just spurious. I’d argue that this is the case in this instance and that Battlestate Games are either too lazy or too institutionalised to do or say otherwise. Too often resistance to social change simply come downs to an unreconstructed worldview by parts of the existing customer base and the male dominated video games industry. They simply don’t like social progress and anything that differs from their mindset is seen as an assault upon them personally. This highlights wider societal ills, like the fact we don’t as a society universally teach critical thinking. Or the fact that criticism of an idea that you may personally hold, isn’t a personal attack on your character. Plus people these days don’t want to be held to account for their actions. The growth in societal cognitive dissonance is worrying. But I digress. Essentially, all of this is “just too bad” for the usual suspects. Identity politics doesn’t appear to be going away. And from a business perspective, just take a look at the success of the PG-13 film rating. There is a financial sweetspot when it comes to making a movie accessible to a wider audience. The same is true of video games with regard to representation.

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As for those individuals over at Battlestate Games, all I can really say with regard to their recent Twitter statement and current stance on this issue, is that that they’ll “pay the price for your lack of vision”, if I may quote the Emperor Palpatine. This is not a moral threat but simply a prediction that you’ll suffer financially by being on the wrong side of this particular debate. Players like to see themselves represented in the virtual worlds that they inhabit. Happy players are more disposed towards staying in-game and spending money. Furthermore, the modern gamer often wants the companies that they support, to act in an ethical fashion and reflect contemporary values. As previously pointed out, it ultimately doesn’t matter if developers do this pragmatically, as long as they just do it. Failing to do so just sends a very clear message that certain potential customers are not welcome. Since when has that been a recipe for financial success?

Goodbye 2019

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Last year I tried to write a measured and balanced post about the passing of the year. Sadly this time round my attitude toward the departing 12-month period is somewhat binary. Yes there were a couple of highlights to 2019 but most of it was an uphill struggle and therefore not worth celebrating. It can frankly sod off and won’t be missed. The two high points were my son’s wedding in August and my renewed enthusiasm for blogging that came about due to the Blaugust writing event. But overall 2019 was a repetitive and somewhat depressing grind having to continuously deal with multiple family illnesses, numerous hospital visits and then at the end of the year a bereavement. Yes, these are things that happened to us all eventually and there is no escaping them but I appear to be trapped in this facet of the “circle of life”. Furthermore, until certain situations resolve themselves, I cannot make or implement any long-term plans. 2019 has been in many ways about just treading water.

Sadly, I have no reason to think 2020 will be any different. My personal situation is still complex and filled with trepidation. Both my parents are disabled with deteriorating medical problems. The most one can hope for is to maintain the status quo. Other members of my family are also unwell with conditions that do not have a good prognosis. Beyond my own life I am far from happy with the political situation in the UK at present. I’ve been politically homeless for a while now and it’s very frustrating to be continuously offered a Hobson’s choice at elections and then forced to endure the iniquities of the First Past the Post voting system. As for this nonsense about the country coming together and healing, well that is most certainly not going to happen any time soon. People will have to endure the consequences of Brexit and a majority Conservative government. I do not expect things to go well, nor do I expect any sort of national reconciliation. If anything things will get more partisan and acrimonious.

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I will therefore deal with 2020 as I did the previous year and just take it one week at a time. And just because I’m not especially enthused for the coming decade and my personal situation is not exactly how I’d like it to be, that doesn’t give me a license to be a full contact malcontent. There is no need to add fuel to the fire of assholery that abounds in Western culture at present. If anything quite the opposite is true. It is incumbent upon me to be civil, measured and flexible. Not just for the practical reason of greasing the wheels of society but to ensure that I maintain my own state of mental wellbeing. An existential approach to life may well indeed highlight the falsity and futility of so much of what we do but in recognising this there is a degree of peace and freedom. Plus I take great comfort in writing and conversing with my wonderful online friends who hail from all over the world including Purley. So upon reflection although I may not jubilantly declare “Happy New Year”, I am at least prepared for 2020 and ready to repel boarders, so to speak.