Smile and Wave
Let me begin with an anecdote. I was putting out the recycling for collection on Sunday afternoon, when a passing car slowed down. The driver then honked the horn and gave me a cheery wave. Being culturally conditioned to be polite, I smiled and waved back. The vehicle then continued on its way and I went back inside my home pondering who the hell it was who had just greeted me in such a friendly fashion. Several days later I still have no idea. This is not the first time such a thing has happened. In fact it’s a fairly regular occurrence. I was going to my local doctor's surgery recently when a lady in her late twenties hailed me and engaged me in conversation. I managed to bluff my way through our exchange and she departed in the same good humour that she began with. To this day I have no clear idea as to her identity or how she knew me. My theory is that she may have been one of my late father’s carers. But I cannot be sure.
“Smile and wave, boys, Smile and wave”
Let me begin with an anecdote. I was putting out the recycling for collection on Sunday afternoon, when a passing car slowed down. The driver then honked the horn and gave me a cheery wave. Being culturally conditioned to be polite, I smiled and waved back. The vehicle then continued on its way and I went back inside my home pondering who the hell it was who had just greeted me in such a friendly fashion. Several days later I still have no idea. This is not the first time such a thing has happened. In fact it’s a fairly regular occurrence. I was going to my local doctor's surgery recently when a lady in her late twenties hailed me and engaged me in conversation. I managed to bluff my way through our exchange and she departed in the same good humour that she began with. To this day I have no clear idea as to her identity or how she knew me. My theory is that she may have been one of my late father’s carers. But I cannot be sure.
I pride myself on being quite an observant person. I notice things. For example, if the grandchildren have messed with anything on my desk, I can tell immediately. My office window looks out onto the street so I tend to notice any changes or things that are out of the ordinary. I also have a good memory for faces. Names I tend to forget, but I am pretty good with faces. So I find it somewhat contradictory when I encounter people who appear to know me and I have absolutely no idea who they are. It is not as if I am oblivious to the people who live in my street. I am on good terms with both neighbours and the people close by. Yet this odd situation persists. I was going to the fish and chip shop a few months ago and a guy of a similar age to myself asked me how I was and talked about how he was having a new kitchen fitted. I managed to move him along politely by saying “don’t let your food get cold”, so he cordially wished me the best and withdrew. Again, who was he?
Maybe I look like someone else in the area and I’m continuously being mistaken for another person. It’s not as if there’s a shortage of overweight, white, middle aged blokes round here. However, I think this is unlikely as I’ve spent a large amount of my life living in this borough. I think I’d know if I had some sort of doppelgänger. Mrs P has a less flattering theory which I must admit, does seem to have some legs. Whenever we’re out and about, she will often start conversations with those passing by. She knows a lot more of the people in the area than me and will often reference them. “I spoke to Velma today. She’s not going to Sorrento this year as she doesn’t want to leave Barnaby alone”. I will then look flummoxed which will elicit a rolling of the eyes from Mrs P and a complex explanation about Velma being the one who lives 5 doors away who had a cyst on her ovary. Barnaby apparently is a highly strung Persian Blue. Allegedly this is data that I should know but for some reason I haven’t retained it.
Barnaby (not really, this is a stock photo)
I suspect that this may be a contributory factor to this phenomena that occasionally blights my life. I am not rude by default, having been raised to be polite or at least civil in everyday social situations. However, I am someone who is very much wrapped up in my own thoughts a lot of the time. I’m not a great one for small talk. If I may quote the 1970 film Scrooge, “it's enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people's. Mine occupies me constantly”. I’m a bit like that. During a lull in any conversation I will retreat into my own thoughts. For example, what shall I blog about today, where’s my Amazon order or what should I have in my sandwich? Hence, it’s hardly surprising that I am not paying full attention to the people that Mrs P is talking to. I guess the fact that I’m there makes people assume that I’m actually listening.
I suppose if that is the answer to this recurring issue, then I shall blame it on a degree of personal introversion. As I stated earlier I can be sociable and broadly speaking am so. But this is predominantly out of necessity. Being civil and polite makes navigating life’s social complexities a lot easier. During lockdown, there was a guy who would regularly talk to me whenever I went to the pharmacy. He was hardly a raconteur but it was courteous to engage with him. Who knows, perhaps the brief exchange was an important part of his day. You never really know someone’s personal situation. But I don’t actively seek out such social interaction, preferring my own company by default. Hence I may be the architect of these mysterious encounters and if I’d paid more attention I’d know who they were. But I really don’t see myself changing. Hence, I suspect more of these occurrences will happen in the future. And my solution is to just “smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave”.
Do We “Share” Too Much?
During my lifetime there have been many major cultural changes in the UK. These range from the decriminalisation of homosexuality in 1967, to the decline of the Church of England. Then at the other end of the spectrum you have the waning of social conventions and etiquette. People no longer wear hats and Sunday has ceased to be a more sedate day of the week. Such is the nature of change. Society does not remain static. One aspect of life that has radically altered is the concept of privacy. By this I mean what personal details and information we share with friends, neighbours, work colleagues and the state. Because nowadays, such information seems to be much more freely given. A lot more people seem to wear their hearts on their sleeves. Certainly social media has contributed greatly to this behavioural change.
During my lifetime there have been many major cultural changes in the UK. These range from the decriminalisation of homosexuality in 1967, to the decline of the Church of England. Then at the other end of the spectrum you have the waning of social conventions and etiquette. People no longer wear hats and Sunday has ceased to be a more sedate day of the week. Such is the nature of change. Society does not remain static. One aspect of life that has radically altered is the concept of privacy. By this I mean what personal details and information we share with friends, neighbours, work colleagues and the state. Because nowadays, such information seems to be much more freely given. A lot more people seem to wear their hearts on their sleeves. Certainly social media has contributed greatly to this behavioural change.
Here are two contrasting examples that hopefully highlight my point. I remember doing a day-long IT contract back in 2014 for a small company in central London. I arrived on site and the receptionist was my point of contact and acted as liaison. By the end of the day, that person had shared most of their life history with me and freely given information that I frankly didn’t think should be in the public domain. Yet to them, it was just “having a chat”. Now let’s compare this anecdote with another. During my childhood, Mr and Mrs Wright lived two doors away from my home. They were a nice retired couple, who were always be busy in their garden. They were friendly and happy to talk to a small child. They would make friendly small talk with my parents. They even did some childminding on a couple of occasions. To my knowledge, neither me nor my parents knew anything beyond the obvious about that pleasant old couple.
This is how things were back in the seventies and eighties. You did not share personal information. You would talk to your neighbours and peers but you wouldn’t volunteer information such as your political allegiances and personal ideologies. In fact how people voted was considered deeply private and folks would say “that’s why it’s called a secret ballot”. Sometimes during the run up to an election a neighbour may place a poster in their window, declaring their personal affiliation and it would often become a talking point. But broadly speaking people avoided discussing politics and religion as relationships remained much more amicable that way. Other taboo subjects were talking about how much you earned and certainly one’s sexuality. This state of affairs persisted not only in one’s local neighbourhood but at work place. Even the national census was far more discrete, compared to today, during these decades.
Yet we seem to have gone full circle and currently live in a world where people will happily state on social media their thoughts and opinions on absolutely any subject matter. Every activity, be it shopping or a holiday, is meticulously photographed and shared. You can look at some people’s social media accounts and know every aspect of their life. From the state of their sex life to how itchy their haemorrhoids are. And it’s catching. I like to post a few pictures on twitter when I’m out and about. However, it is a question of degrees and some folk take it to extremes. And this wealth of personal data is of immense corporate value, providing essentially free market research. It is also of use politically, as we have seen in recent elections and referendums. Targeting those of a specific mindset or affiliation can result in a sufficient percentage change to swing an outcome.
And so we come to the recent departure of John Gibson from his role as CEO of Tripwire Interactive. Mr Gibson tweeted recently “Proud of #USSupremeCourt affirming the Texas law banning abortion for babies with a heartbeat. As an entertainer I don’t get political often. Yet with so many vocal peers on the other side of this issue, I felt it was important to go on the record as a pro-life game developer”. If you’re not familiar with this new piece of legislation, there’s an excellent summation over at The Book of Jen. As a result of this statement which was not well received by Tripwire as a company, Mr Gibson has now moved on to pastures new. This situation raises numerous points of interest. Mr Gibson is entitled to his opinion and thus this matter plays into current debates about cancel culture. However, aside from the various arguments regarding free speech, political activism and such like, could not all of this have all been avoided if people just left certain aspects of their life at home? Again we come back to the culture of “sharing” personal data and opinions.
Life does seem to have gotten a lot more partisan in recent years. Trump and Brexit are just two examples of social fault lines that still divide communities. If you meet someone and within a few hours know every aspect of their life and beliefs then it may well prejudice your opinion against them. Knowing someone’s faith or political outlook may determine whether they become a personal friend or not. Yet I cannot help but think that is an erroneous outlook. There are some people who are totally defined by their beliefs such as The Pope and Peter Tatchell. But for a lot of us, this is not the case and many of the things we may believe or feel are not integral to our identity. Why miss out on a potential friend just because he votes a different way to you once every four years? It’s a shit choice to begin with.
So maybe society would benefit to a degree if we tended to share a little less. I personally would welcome a work environment where staff were civil but we didn’t know the minutiae of each other's lives. As for game developers; if equality and diversity were actively pursued in both the product range and the workforce, there would be no need for polarising statements. Actions speak louder from words. Perhaps we should all take time out to reflect upon our social media presence and reconsider exactly what information we are sharing. It certainly seems to be a growing source of problems. That is not to say I want a return to the days where certain groups feel it better to not be seen. Everyone has a right to “be”. We just need to stop “sharing” quite as much, because knowledge is power and that power can be used equally for or against you. Also, the wise man listens while the fool chatters.
The Social Etiquette of Quitting a Multiplayer Game
I was watching a YouTube video recently of someone trying the new Fennec SMG in Call of Duty Modern Warfare Multiplayer. It was a 5 versus 5 game and the player who made the video was clearly quite skilled. After quickly racking up multiple kills, 3 of the enemy team left mid game. He laughed and pointed out that they had “rage quit”, although that is just conjecture. They may have left the game for a multitude of reasons (a point I shall return to later). As ever this video began a train of thought which I would now like to explore. Multiplayer games often go hand in hand with a lot of informal social etiquette. Much of which stems from the original MMOs from two decades ago. However, these conventions are not in any way mandatory or enshrined in any games terms of service. Yet quitting in the middle of a multiplayer game is still frowned upon in certain quarters, often being seen as an act of selfishness and childish anger. However, like everything in life, I think it’s not as simple as that.
I was watching a YouTube video recently of someone trying the new Fennec SMG in Call of Duty Modern Warfare Multiplayer. It was a 5 versus 5 game and the player who made the video was clearly quite skilled. After quickly racking up multiple kills, 3 of the enemy team left mid game. He laughed and pointed out that they had “rage quit”, although that is just conjecture. They may have left the game for a multitude of reasons (a point I shall return to later). As ever this video began a train of thought which I would now like to explore. Multiplayer games often go hand in hand with a lot of informal social etiquette. Much of which stems from the original MMOs from two decades ago. However, these conventions are not in any way mandatory or enshrined in any games terms of service. Yet quitting in the middle of a multiplayer game is still frowned upon in certain quarters, often being seen as an act of selfishness and childish anger. However, like everything in life, I think it’s not as simple as that.
Firstly, let’s consider the rectitude of quitting a multiplayer game halfway through. If the game you are playing has a fail state that is dependent on a full team, or requires players of a certain class to be successfully completed, then leaving will definitely inconvenience others. Raids, dungeons and other complex group content often require planning and a degree of organisation. If you have committed to such an undertaking then it is not unreasonable to be expected to honour it. If the group content is not going to plan then the “problem” should be discussed within the group. However, if genuine external factors mean that you must leave the group, then it is best to inform your colleagues and then depart at the most appropriate juncture. Simply quitting because things are not going well or because something potentially more entertaining presents itself, does strike as inconsiderate. The Healer or Tank leaving a group will often make specific tasks impossible.
However, as previously mentioned, group situations are frequently nuanced. If you are taking part in a multiplayer game and subject to abuse of any kind, then leaving is most certainly an option. Events and activities organised via friends or a guild hopefully reduce the risk of such behaviour but many games now include auto grouping tools. “Pick Up Groups” are potentially far more problematic due to their random nature. I personally will not tolerate any sort of prejudicial abuse and will leave if I encounter such. Unless it is essential to talk, I mute voice chat with strangers and communicate via preset ingame commands. More often than not I find that people leave PUGS if the task in hand is not being completed in an optimal fashion. Another issue is joining a full group but finding that several players have deliberately gone AFK. This is usually done so that an achievement or reward can be gained. Some games will detect such activities and sanction the player by kicking them from the group or applying a time penalty preventing further auto grouping.
But not all group situations come with the same stakes. In the FPS genre auto grouping is a common practise used to assemble players quickly and conveniently. Furthermore, players are not always interdependent upon each other. Irrespective of whether your team wins or loses a Deathmatch you’ll still be rewarded XP and weapons will unlock. Due to the popularity of certain genres, there are a wealth of players to draw upon when forming groups. Hence if players leave in the middle of a multiplayer game, they are seamlessly replaced. And players do leave often. Circling back to the original anecdotes about the players leaving the 5 versus 5 game on CoD MW, this is frequently due to the inadequacy of the “Skill Based Matchmaking”. It is beneficial to all concerned if players are grouped with others of a broadly comparable ability. Nothing kills your enjoyment quicker in these sorts of games than one or several players dominating events. Hence players will simply remove themselves from a situation that is not conducive to their enjoyment.
The MMO genre is still predominantly a social one, filled with guilds that run on player interaction and association. People build up relationships overtime and as such social rules and cultural norms often come into play when undertaking group content. Activities that are arranged and managed directly by multiple people logically require a different level of social commitment from those participating. The more impersonal game mechanic of autogrouping for content with less complex fail states (and therefore fewer consequences), requires a lower social dynamic. And let us not forget that paying to play a game can considerably alter one's relationship with it. The moment money is involved players often adopt a more transactional mentality. Anything that impedes enjoyment or progression is seen as a failure of service delivery and not necessarily in terms of the capricious nature of gaming.
Therefore, quitting a multiplayer game halfway through is not a binary issue (I wish I had £1 every time I’ve written that over the years). It is very much a contextual matter. I do not see an auto grouped undertaking in a FPS or similar game as commensurate with a pre-planned raid in an MMO with people I know. Leaving halfway through has different consequences in both scenarios and should be treated accordingly. Raiding and similar events in the MMO genre are a far more logistically and socially complex endeavour than joining a PUG in a Team Deathmatch. If a raid isn’t working there may well be planning issues to address or social problems within the group. But these are human failings and not always attributable to the game content. Competing with players of greater skill is not something that an individual can so easily address, apart from the obvious solution of leaving. But cultural attitudes and societal baggage towards what are your “social obligations” vary among gamers. So there is no definitive answer beyond the one you fathom for yourself.
