Caring for the Elderly Part 16
Last December, my 91 year old Mother suffered a rapid mental decline and was hospitalised. We have subsequently learned that this is potentially due to another stroke. Whatever the exact medical reasons, my Mother has been left bed bound, unable to feed herself and in a state of mental confusion and distress. When she was discharged home in mid January it quickly became clear that the four care visits that were scheduled each day were not sufficient for her needs, despite the staff doing their best and my Sister and I providing additional support. Matters were further compounded by personal ill health and other external factors. My Sister has worked from home for the last two years but has now started a staged return to the office. As we felt would no longer be able to cope we turned to both Social Services and the local Mental health Team for any assistance that they could provide.
Last December, my 91 year old Mother suffered a rapid mental decline and was hospitalised. We have subsequently learned that this is potentially due to another stroke. Whatever the exact medical reasons, my Mother has been left bed bound, unable to feed herself and in a state of mental confusion and distress. When she was discharged home in mid January it quickly became clear that the four care visits that were scheduled each day were not sufficient for her needs, despite the staff doing their best and my Sister and I providing additional support. Matters were further compounded by personal ill health and other external factors. My Sister has worked from home for the last two years but has now started a staged return to the office. As we felt would no longer be able to cope we turned to both Social Services and the local Mental health Team for any assistance that they could provide.
Both sent staff promptly to visit my Mother in February and assess her needs. The consensus was that a Nursing Home placement would be the best solution. This immediately raised the issue of funding. Fees in the London area are on average about £1000 per week, although they’re lower elsewhere in the UK. If you cannot afford these, you can seek financial assistance via the Local Authority/Borough Council but the criteria is very strict and there is a shortage of available places. Simply put, due to budgetary constraints the Local Authority prefers that people are cared for at home. However, my Mother’s Social Worker suggested applying for NHS Continuing Healthcare. If a patient has specific healthcare issues that require a high degree of support or that are rapidly changing, then NHS funding can be provided. It is in many ways one of the “best kept secrets” of the UK healthcare systems, as so few people seem to be aware of it.
To cut a very long and complex story short, I completed a substantial amount of paperwork and supplied a lot of medical evidence for my Mother’s claim. I attended a three hour meeting via Microsoft Teams in early March to be told at the end that the recommendation going forward was that she wasn’t eligible. As a result, I then focused on a back up plan of taking equity out of my Mother’s home to fund her care. I was therefore very surprised to be told two weeks later that the panel making the final decision had reversed the recommendation and had awarded my Mother full NHS Continuing Care funding. This included the care that was being provided at home as well as a future Nursing Home placement. By the end of March we were contacted by the local NHS CHC team regarding vacancies at suitable homes in the area. Three places were discussed and within a week a room became available in a home that specialises in dementia care.
I am fully aware that my family has been extremely fortunate in our dealings with Social Services, the NHS and in navigating the bureaucracy arising from Adult Social Care. In four months we have made a great deal of progress. I’ve read a lot of forums and subreddits where carers share their experiences in looking after family members and one of the most commonest themes is the slow speed at which the administrative wheels turn. At the beginning of April I met with the manager of the care home that was offering my Mother a place. My Sister and I were also given a comprehensive visit of the premises, which was not a stage managed tour but a very clear insight into the daily life there. We were even shown around the laundry and kitchens. Based upon what we had seen and discussed, as well as the online reports from the Care Quality Commission regarding the home, my Sister and I decided to accept the placement and my Mother moved in on April 7th.
My Mother is often at her most lucid after her midday meal. I took the opportunity to try and explain the situation to her a few days prior to her move. She does not have “capacity” to use medical terminology but I felt obliged to try and explain such a major change to her life. I think she broadly understood that care in her own home was no longer the best option. Her attention wandered after 5 minutes or so but I felt compelled to discuss the matter with her. Perhaps it had more to do with me and the need to come to terms with my actions. I know I’ve made the right choice with regard to my Mother’s care but placing a loved one in a home is a major decision. However, I now think I have reconciled myself to the fact that I am no longer directly responsible for my Mother’s daily wellbeing. The baton has been passed to others and I need to trust them and allow them to do their job.
Update: Life is filled with change and is seldom static. I wrote the bulk of this post the day after my Mother went into care. She spent two and a half days there before becoming ill. On Sunday 10th of April she was taken to hospital and admitted with pneumonia and sepsis. She was given 24 hours to live. The hospital Chaplain sat with her that evening. Amazingly she slowly recovered over the next 12 days and was discharged on April 21st. Due to strict COVID-19 regulations I was not able to visit her in hospital and so I was looking forward to seeing her when she returned to the care home. Fate has intervened once again, as I was informed on April 22nd that she has now tested positive for COVID. She’s not going back to hospital but remains in poor health and is currently having difficulty swallowing. I suspect that she may not bounce back a second time. However, she is being very well cared for.
Thoughts on Blogging Part 16
March has been a challenging month for several reasons and as a result I’ve written very little. Furthermore, the recently revived podcast has also ground to a halt after just six episodes due to scheduling issues that are beyond myself and Brian’s control. At the end of February, Google made changes to their search algorithm which have had a major impact upon traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. Visits are down by over 20%. I’ll make no bones about the fact that this has really pissed me off. Several years of growth has been unceremoniously swept away at the drop of a hat. So all this, plus the rapidly changing situation regarding my Mother’s care, has found me ill disposed towards writing. To be clear, I’m not talking about writer’s block. I have plenty of ideas and a folder full of draft posts. I just haven’t wanted to write because I feel that I’m just spitting in the wind.
March has been a challenging month for several reasons and as a result I’ve written very little. Furthermore, the recently revived podcast has also ground to a halt after just six episodes due to scheduling issues that are beyond myself and Brian’s control. At the end of February, Google made changes to their search algorithm which have had a major impact upon traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. Visits are down by over 20%. I’ll make no bones about the fact that this has really pissed me off. Several years of growth has been unceremoniously swept away at the drop of a hat. So all this, plus the rapidly changing situation regarding my Mother’s care, has found me ill disposed towards writing. To be clear, I’m not talking about writer’s block. I have plenty of ideas and a folder full of draft posts. I just haven’t wanted to write because I feel that I’m just spitting in the wind.
I’ve been writing and maintaining a blog of some kind since early 2007. In 2014, after seven years of writing everyday and building an audience, I secured a sponsorship deal from a hosting company. Maintaining such a schedule and producing a weekly podcast was great fun but hard work. However, the main problem with “free hosting” is that you’re dependent on the goodwill of those that supply it. When the company was bought out, the sponsorship was terminated and I had to find a new home for Contains Moderate Peril. Due to compatibility issues, rather than migrate the existing site I ended up having to start from scratch. Needless to say by March 2016 I was burned out and went on a three month hiatus. During that time I came close to throwing in the towel. I’ve started feeling that way again, recently. Is it all worthwhile or am I just screaming into the void?
But as the expression goes “this won’t buy the baby a new hat”. I have two options open to me at present. I can either continue to be annoyed, not write and subsequently watch years of work wither on the vine. Or I can get back on the horse, drink my milk or whatever the hell John Wayne suggested. Just to clarify, I am opting to continue writing. “Normal service will resume shortly”, so to speak. Which means imposing a bit of discipline upon my writing schedule and ensuring that I write early in the morning when I feel engaged and productive. I’ve also decided to do some experiments with certain types of posts to see if they gain more traction with readers. I have quite a few other ideas but I think I’ll keep them quiet for the present. Best not to promise too much and then fail to deliver. For the present I’ll focus just on writing as often as I can. Focus on what’s ahead, not behind. Oh and fuck you Google.
