Thoughts on Blogging Part 13
I mentioned not so long ago the possibility of a website revamp. I was concerned that the general layout of the blog was not optimal and that readers couldn’t easily find old material. In the past I even went as far as to write a guide to navigating through Contains Moderate Peril and using the categories to find old posts. Well I got a few emails and Twitter DMs about this and it would appear that folk like things just as they are. So I have reviewed my position and decided to leave things as they are at present. I did a little digging though my website stats, both from Squarespace and Google Analytics and it would appear the summary blocks at the bottom of each post are used and that the bounce rate for my site is not exactly as it first appears. Seems that readers do peruse other articles and the search facility is being used more often, especially for finding film reviews. So if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
I mentioned not so long ago the possibility of a website revamp. I was concerned that the general layout of the blog was not optimal and that readers couldn’t easily find old material. In the past I even went as far as to write a guide to navigating through Contains Moderate Peril and using the categories to find old posts. Well I got a few emails and Twitter DMs about this and it would appear that folk like things just as they are. So I have reviewed my position and decided to leave things as they are at present. I did a little digging though my website stats, both from Squarespace and Google Analytics and it would appear the summary blocks at the bottom of each post are used and that the bounce rate for my site is not exactly as it first appears. Seems that readers do peruse other articles and the search facility is being used more often, especially for finding film reviews. So if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
However, although I no longer have to immediately worry about overhauling my website, I do currently have an issue with productivity. I used to write a blog post everyday but that hasn’t been a regular fixture for six months or more. It’s not that I have a lack of ideas or material. On the contrary, I’ve pages of notes on films that I’ve watched recently that can easily be used for a review. I also have numerous lists of bullet points and prompts for blog posts on gaming and a wide range of other subjects. The main issue at present seems to be a question of motivation and actual physical stamina. The latter is a matter under current medical investigation which I may write about shortly. The issue of motivation is a perennial problem for bloggers. For me, it comes down to a mixture of discipline and routine. I do my best writing in the morning and free from disturbance. Effectively I need to get up and write straight away and sadly I haven’t been doing this.
As previously mentioned, I’ve been using the statistical analysis of traffic to Contains Moderate Peril and have been trying to find out exactly what data it can yield. Squarespace has a default analytical package that produces some interesting information but Google Analytics proves to be the more detailed of the two. Despite now only posting every other day, traffic to the site is growing at present. Popular UK TV station Talking Pictures TV, which broadcasts a lot of vintage, classic and niche market film content, has inadvertently caused an increase in visits to my blog. Many of the films that they show, I have existing reviews for. Viewers are perusing Google, searching about these titles and finding my work. All of which indicates how review posts can have shelf life beyond their immediate publication. Hence an increase in review posts may well prove beneficial in generating further traffic and growing the overall site audience.
It was my blogging anniversary on the 16th August. I’ve been writing and sharing my post online for 19 years, via various different websites and blogs. This current iteration of Contains Moderate Peril has been around since August 2015. To date it has 2,171 posts including this one. Quantity does not necessarily equate to quality but there are some articles I am proud of and feel that they make their point effectively.
This week’s Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt is an important topic. Namely, staying motivated. I prepared a fairly lengthy post with some advice and ideas to keep people focused and writing. Then I checked it against the post I wrote last year and the year before that, going back to blogging events from 2012. All of these posts broadly said the same thing, so I decided to scrap what I had composed for today and to go with a simpler approach. I shall answer the questions Krikket posed for this writing prompt. Fellow blogger Bhagpuss has also done so and as ever, his thoughts are interesting and well expressed. Here are my answers.
Once again, I have stumbled across an interesting debate that has provided me with an opportunity to write a blog post. Over on the Blaugust Discord Server, I read a comment from AgingGamer regarding RSS feeds and their significance with regard to blogging. This in turn referred me to a post by fyr (don’t you love all these nom de plumes) who wrote at depth about the ongoing community debate about the use of RSS/Atom feeds. The article explored the importance of such feeds with regard to reaching readers and providing accessibility to the disabled. All of which provided me with a great deal of food for thought. Mainly because I use a mainstream website service provider for my online endeavours, so RSS is by default built. I’ve never really considered not having such a facility at my disposal. But the rise in the IndieWeb scene challenges this assumption.
I have written two blog posts today that I have subsequently abandoned. The first was gaming related but when I was about halfway through writing it, I felt like I was covering old ground and just repeating myself. It was also regarding an issue that can’t really be fixed. Namely, how do you ensure that matchmaking in PVP games is done equitably. As there is no solution to this issue at present, or at least not one that all parties can agree on, I decided to ditch it. Similarly a post I was working on about what becomes of my blog if anything happens to me was curtailed. In light of recent events in our community it seemed inappropriate. However, as a result of binning two blog posts, I new idea occurred to me. Do my fellow bloggers self-edit and curtail what they write about? Is your blog totally unfiltered or do you apply a set of rules that determine what content is deemed acceptable?
It is time for the next Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt. This one comes with two lines of enquiry. The first is an opportunity to “introduce yourself”. Over the years, I have written several introductory posts for previous Blaugust events. Rather than repeat myself I’ll just link to the last one, which was posted in August 2023. I haven’t radically charged since then apart from my hair going whiter. The next part of the prompt poses a far more intriguing question. “If you could have one magical power or super power, what would you choose and what would you use it for?”, which offers much for consideration. Having given this proposition much thought here is my response.
A decade ago I wrote a post about blogrolls and the practical and social issues surrounding them. At the time, the version of Squarespace I was using didn’t easily support such things or at least wasn’t able to do so in a manner I liked, so I didn’t have one. Ten years later Squarespace as a hosting platform has far greater functionality, hence I recently decided to add a blogroll. That was in March this year. However it just wasn’t really fit for purpose. So I decided to revise it a few days ago and rather than just have a traditional list of blogs in a side column, I ended up producing a more comprehensive blog directory, which list two hundred plus sites alpha-numerically. I’ve been tinkering with it on and off and I am now finally happy with it. The latest update reflects the international nature of the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging and the fact that we have many blogs written in their native language. Translating text is now an integral function of web browsers, so I see no reason why these blogs should be excluded.
Today’s post is part of the Blaugust 2026 Group project, which features a series of writing prompts set for specific dates throughout the month. The idea being that everyone who wishes to participate can write about the same subject, riff off each other’s posts and enjoy a shared experience. In many respect having a common writing prompt levels the playing field and provides a sense of common purpose among those who take part. Today’s group project prompt asks the question “tell us all about your very first blog”. An unambiguous and interesting question that will hopefully prove enjoyable to write about and informative to others.
I have been writing online for nearly two decades. I don’t claim to be good or accomplished but what I can say with certainty is that the more often you write, the easier it becomes. For those who are new to writing a blog and the Blaugust Festival of Blogging, possibly the biggest hurdle that you now have to get over, is writing your first post of the month. You spent the lead up to this event sorting out your blog templates, fine tuning the backend and possibly banking some ideas. Or you may have decided to just wing it and make it all up as you go along. Both are perfectly valid approaches. However, there is one thing left to do that cannot be put off, avoided or danced around. Writing. At some point you’ve got to do it. Or bail on the event. The proverbial “shit or get off the pot”.
If you take a cursory look at a calendar you will see that the month of July is fast coming to an end. That means that Blaugust 2026 Festival of Blogging starts in a few days time! If you’re participating, or thinking of doing so, the next few days present a golden opportunity to do some practical organising and basic preparation. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Feel free to just do things as they come, so to speak, if that’s your approach. However, for most of us, it helps if we have some kind of plan in place and make some arrangements in advance. I personally prefer this approach and like to have some ideas for blog posts in the bank. It is also useful to have “options” if something doesn’t go to plan. For those who are new to Blaugust, here are a few ideas regarding preparation that may be of use to you. As ever, your personal mileage may vary and ultimately you are best off adopting a strategy that suits your writing style and personal schedule.
Prior to last year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging, I upgraded Contains Moderate Peril to the latest version of Squarespace. There are still some aspects of the site that need fine tuning but overall, I am happy with the appearance of my blog and its respective functionality. With this year’s writing event fast approach, I decided to tackle over the last few days, some of those finer points that need tweaking. I have wanted a post counter on the site for a long time but unfortunately there is no native Squarespace widget for this basic function. I also felt the need to upgrade the blogroll, as the current one didn’t support RSS feeds from certain sites (e.g. Google Blogger) and was dependent upon a third party service, Elfsight, which wasn’t ideal. Both of these issues have now been addressed and I am pleased with the results. There is now a post counter on the Blog Archive page, which seems a logical place to have it and the Blogroll is now far more comprehensive.
Next month the annual Blaugust: Festival of Blogging begins. Roundabout this time each year, I try to write a promotional post to raise awareness of the event and encourage potential participants. However, as I’ve done this quite a few times before, each year it is becomes increasingly difficult to present the essential facts about Blaugust: Festival of Blogging in an interesting fashion. There’s nothing worse than writing a post and feeling that you’re just covering old ground. So, this year, I thought I’d try something different and present the most important information about this annual event, as if it were a conversation between myself and an interested passer by. Feel free to attribute novelty voices for each party in your own head, while you read this. If it helps, try imagining that this discussion is happening between two celebrities or such like. Both may be wearing exotic hats but I digress. On with the scenario.
I read a blog post by Void recently, about finding a new internet home. He wrote about how he and many others have had to pick up their “digital roots” and migrate multiple times over the years, from one platform to another. It is a position I can sympathise with as I have done likewise. Hence I like the idea of having a place online where I hangout by default. My own blog is an anchor for me but it is not quite the same thing as a platform or online portal where I can find all my friends and colleagues, share content and shoot the breeze. It’s a curious thing, because as I typed that last sentence it struck how such a sentiment may seem alien to others. There may well be people who like to have a finger in multiple pies and who are happy to frequent and flit between various social media apps, Discord servers and subreddits. I prefer to focus my efforts on a single instance. A place that suits my requirements, allows me to put down roots and become part of the furniture. Like a virtual Diogenes Club.
Everyday, once I’m up, I sit at my desk in my office, fire up my PC and log into Feedly. I have various RSS feeds grouped by category, which I slowly trawl through and read anything that catches my eye. I have one curated feed named “Blaugust” named after the yearly festival of blogging event. It has over 250 blogs listed, many of which are former participants. Most of these regularly post. Hence there’s a lot to get through and so I don’t read all of them. However there are a few that I always checkout. Mainly because they’re the personal musings of some of our writing community’s oldest and most prodigious members. The sorts of guys and gals who are part of the furniture. They’ve always been there and it feels like they always will. Posting their thoughts, sharing their enthusiasm and spreading the love, so to speak. One of these blogs, is Tales of the Aggronaut. written by Belghast.
On Friday 26th June, I had another random spike in internet traffic to Contains Moderate Peril. The statistical package that comes with my Squarespace account recorded over 13k visits in less than 24 hours, which is not typical (although I wish it was). However, all of these visits to my blog arrived via the default homepage and spent between 1 and 2 minutes there. Hence, it was obvious that this was not human traffic, as there was no evidence of any searches being made of content that is available on my site, nor of the “visitors” clicking on any of the links on the top menu and viewing other posts. This was undoubtedly AI traffic arriving at the designated homepage and simply parsing the site. I had a similar spate of this sort of web traffic last November. The only difference on that occasion is that the traffic all came from China. This time round it hailed from the US. I suspect that this is something that will happen more often as companies set their AI loose on the net for what is effectively training.
I recently watched a video on Patreon by someone who I actively support as a “content creator” and whose work I enjoy. I shall provide no more detail regarding their identity because they may not want their work referenced with regard to what I am going to say. During the course of their video they briefly referenced the work put into promoting a podcast they are currently producing and the relatively low audience that it has garnered so far. The comments were an aside and most certainly not said with any sense of self-pity. They were simply a statement of fact. Furthermore, I suspect they are far from unique and similar sentiments have been expressed in one way or another by anyone who has created something the published it online, only for it to be lost among the greater white noise” of the wider internet.
When I first started blogging way back in 2007, I maintained a blogroll of all my colleagues and peers’ websites. At the time this was a common practice and a way to support an expanding community. I considered this such an important aspect of the blogging scene at the time, I created a website to aggregate posts from video game blogs, called The Gaming Blog Nexus. It ran for two years and proved quite useful. However, it was tricky to administer and would frequently break as a lot of the back end widgets and plugins were created and maintained by “gifted amateurs”. I eventually shut it down due to the operating costs. When I moved my own website, Contains Moderate Peril, to Squarespace in 2015 I intended to start maintaining a blogroll once again. However, at that time there was no native support for such a thing on the platform. Hence for the last ten years, I have not had a blogroll on my website, which hasn’t sat well with me.
I was speaking to someone recently about hobbies (fortunately it wasn’t Simon Quinlank) and I mentioned that I have maintained a blog for over a 19 years. When I talked about the ongoing cost they were most surprised, as they had assumed that blogging was something that could be done for free. I guess we’ve become so accustomed to the provision of free online services such as email, that this a reasonable assumption. I pointed out that although it is indeed possible to blog for free using Blogger, it was not the optimal approach, especially if you want to maintain some degree of control over your writing. Naturally, the next question they asked was how much do I spend and I gave them a ballpark figure. All of which reminded me that I wrote a post on this very subject a few years ago. So I’ve decided to revisit the subject and see how much it currently costs to maintain Contains Moderate Peril.
Today I started the slow process of auditing every post that has been published on Contains Moderate Peril since 1st August 2016. The goal is to correct any obvious typos and replace all existing images with larger ones. The Squarespace software upgrade I applied to the website at the end of last year has finally allowed me to establish a standard format that I am happy with. Hence the ongoing audit is the perfect opportunity to apply these style rules to all posts. There are also some technical issues and matters regarding functionality that need to be addressed. I need to determine how to embed YouTube videos in such a way that they automatically scale to fit whatever device is viewing them. Another area which needs improving is the website search facility. This needs refinement so that enquiries can be more specific. Older posts also need to be more accessible, although I am still researching how best to achieve this.
It’s nearly two and half months since the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event ended. During that time I’ve maintained a fairly regular writing schedule and I post every two days or so. Furthermore, I finally dragged my blog template, kicking and screaming, into the modern era. I tweaked a few pages and updated the content of the “about” page. The next task is to start going through all previous posts and replacing older, low resolution images with larger, more appropriate ones. This process also presents an opportunity to ensure that all posts follow a uniform style. IE Are appropriately categorised, have links to related posts at the bottom and are SEO optimised. This will be a lengthy task so I think the best approach will be to tackle two or three posts a day. Hopefully this will raise the profile of older content, which generates the lion’s hare of traffic to this site.
I use a browser extension called Control Panel for YouTube, which allows me to determine who many videos are displayed on my YouTube homepage and to filter the content that is shown. At present it is configured to display rows of six. Something that I have noticed of late, is the amount of videos with hyperbolic titles and thumbnail images created by AI. Both of which are design choices made to increase engagement. Clickbait titles are contrived to meet current SEO optimisation criteria and as such feature more and more in search results. The fact that they frequently have no relation to the subject I am researching, seems to be neither here nor there. The same issues arise with regard to AI generated images, which again frequently have no bearing on the matter. The fact that more and more content creators do this, infers that it works and is now an essential part of the process you must follow to be seen and featured in search results.
In the last post in this series, I specified the need for a plan with regard to upgrading my blog. Well a plan has emerged, been refined and has now been formally adopted. Rather than migrate Contains Moderate Peril to a new platform and effectively have to rebuild all the content, I am going to upgrade my existing presence on Squarespace. This decision was made for two reasons. Time and money. Migrating to a new platform will take a lot of time and incur additional costs. Upgrading the existing website will take less time and has no cost implications. That is not to say that it will be easy. It has become abundantly clear that the upgrade process will break stuff and that all published posts will have to be manually repaired. Hence my choice boils down to the lesser of two evils.
This year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging has reached an end and it would appear that this event has been well received by those who have participated in it. I believe that there were 168 bloggers taking part this year, many of whom have not participated before. Some were new to blogging, where others simply wished to see if they could increase their writing output. As ever there was a wide variety of blog styles and subject matters and it has been most interesting to read new posts every day. I have attempted to leave comments and positive feedback where I can and I hope that some of these new blogs that I’ve discovered continue to write. Well done to everyone who took part. I hope it has been an enjoyable and informative process and that you have learned from it. I know that at least one blogger has determined that writing online is not for them, which is a valuable lesson.
There is currently a group writing prompt available as part of this year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging which has piqued my interest. It asks the question “what is the oldest draft post you have” and suggests that it is revived in some manner. I have dozens of draft posts in a folder in my Google Drive. Many are film reviews or film related. The oldest of which dates back to summer 2010. Rather than write a straight forward review of Blake Edwards 1968 comedy The Party, I rather foolishly thought at the time that I’d tackle the issue of whether the film is sufficiently racist to make it beyond the pale. Let it suffice to say that I quickly found myself bogged down in the complexities of the subject and thus never completed the blog post.
I’ve participated in every previous Blaugust: Festival of Blogging event. Prior to that I was involved in the Newbie Blogger Initiative or NBI as it was affectionately known. I have therefore written quite a lot of blogging advice and suggestions over the years. If anyone feels disposed to do so, you can access them all by clicking on the “blogging” option on the top menu of this blog. However, it is important to remember that a lot of the ideas I have advocated and written about over the years are purely subjective. Not all advice or guidance works for everyone. People have different ideas about blogging, different approaches to it and different aspirations. This year has highlighted some quite distinct differences among bloggers which has been most illuminating.
Today is my blogging anniversary. I have been writing online consistently for 18 years. My earliest blogs no longer exist, although they can be found via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine. My first blog was a Lord of the Rings Online fansite called Misadventures in LOTRO. After a while this morphed into a wider gaming website; Misadventures in Gaming. However, I soon discovered that I wanted to write about more than just video games, so I decided to start from scratch and created Contains Moderate Peril in February 2010. This blog endured and has been my main online presence ever since. It has moved several times for various reasons. For a while I had a sponsor, as well as a reasonably sized audience and had dreams of making money from my writing and podcast. But it wasn’t to be and now I just write primarily for my own peace of mind and amusement.
This year’s Blaugust: Festival of Blogging has already raised a very interesting debate. An old one that habitually comes up when discussing blogs. Namely, whether a blog should or should not have “comments” enabled. However this time round there is a different slant on things. Rather than the usual binary choice of having comments enabled or disabled on your site, this time round there is a third option available. Leaving comments via email or a third party service such as Mastodon. Both of these additional options keep comments conspicuously at arms length from your website. Furthermore, the email option makes the comments private, instead of in the public domain. All of which puts a subtly different spin on conventional notions of blog comments and makes this ongoing discussion all the more interesting.
There is currently an interesting discussion on the Blaugust: Festival of Blogging Discord Server about writing every day. It can be quite a polarising subject but the one thing that everyone agrees on is the fact that it is hard to do. A daily schedule requires multiple factors to come together to be sustainable. It is also fair to say that if you go about it unprepared, it will be a very hard learning curve. Ultimately it may not work out and then there is the risk of a bad experience negatively impacting upon your wider writing plans. Hence it is not something I would recommend to new bloggers or those who aren’t keen on a baptism of fire. Some writers like to test their metal and jumping feet first, into daily blogging may be the sort of challenge they seek. For everyone else I would urge them to plan a strategy and consider the following point if you wish to try it.
Last year, prior to Blaugust 2024, I looked at the viability of upgrading or replacing my current blog template. The mobile version of Contains Moderate Peril holds up quite well but the site looks somewhat tired on a desktop PC. I spoke to several design companies that dealt with Squarespace based websites and they all said the same thing. The existing template is a decade old and cannot support a lot of the current functionality available. Hence it needs to be replaced. However, such a change could potentially break the existing formatting of nearly 2,000 posts. This would create a great deal of work. Hence, I decided at the time to postpone such a decision and I simply tinkered with the branding of my website and left the matter be. A year later and the issue has resurfaced. The same problems exist and the hosting costs for Squarespace have increased. I now pay £16 a month.
Caring for the Elderly Part 13
The funeral service for my late Father was held today. As ever I would like to collate my thoughts and present them here in the hope that I may be able to assist someone else who is currently dealing with a bereavement. Funerals can be challenging at any time but are further complicated at the moment due to the various restrictions imposed due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. However, there is still scope to give a loved one a fitting send off. You just have to be a little more creative about it and try to be understanding of the current regulations regarding social gatherings. Despite my concerns today’s service at our local Borough crematorium went well, if such a term is appropriate. I feel that my Father was honoured appropriately and that his family and friends were able to pay their respects and celebrate his life in a manner that he would approve of.
The funeral service for my late Father was held today. As ever I would like to collate my thoughts and present them here in the hope that I may be able to assist someone else who is currently dealing with a bereavement. Funerals can be challenging at any time but are further complicated at the moment due to the various restrictions imposed due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. However, there is still scope to give a loved one a fitting send off. You just have to be a little more creative about it and try to be understanding of the current regulations regarding social gatherings. Despite my concerns today’s service at our local Borough crematorium went well, if such a term is appropriate. I feel that my Father was honoured appropriately and that his family and friends were able to pay their respects and celebrate his life in a manner that he would approve of.
When my Father died on September 16th one of the first tasks that followed was the registering of his death. During that process there was the option to include the details of which Funeral Directors you are utilising. As I had done some research prior to speaking to the registrar, I had already chosen the Co-op Funeralcare as my vendor of choice. I made this decision based on recommendations from two friends who had used their service and because of the comprehensive FAQ the company has on their website. They have clear guidance of what to do after a bereavement from registering the death, notifying all relevant third parties, administering a will and the etiquette and protocol of arranging a funeral. The information is clear and accessible. Co-op Funeralcare also has a range of products which suit a variety of budgets. They also offer environmentally friendly options and can accommodate humanist and non-religious services.
I subsequently booked an appointment with my local branch of Co-op Funeralcare and was seen five days after my Father’s death on 21st September. The Funeral Arranger was sympathetic, supportive and exceedingly helpful. We discussed a range of potential options for my Father’s funeral in a relaxed atmosphere. The offices are designed to be “homely” and less like standard corporate premises. The first question discussed is whether the deceased was to be buried or cremated. Cremation was the case in this instance. I then picked a coffin from an extensive range. As the family did not wish a viewing, there was no requirement for an open casket, embalming or any other morticians services. We then moved on to the logistics of the service. Usually the coffin is brought to the crematorium via a hearse. There are limousines available to bring family members. However, due to the lockdown there are restrictions on the use of limousines, so it is more efficient to simply make your own way to the crematorium. My Father wasn’t a religious man so there was no requirement for a minister of any kind. Hence, the overall costs for the funeral were quite low.
All of this was arranged on my first visit to the funeral directors. When I left, the date had been set for the service, which was to be held at the local Borough Crematorium. With regard to the costs, there were several payment plans available from the funeral directors, depending on the customer’s financial circumstances. I paid the entire cost by bank transfer the following day. Over the next week there were a few additional tasks to sort out. I had to choose two pieces of music to be played at the service. One for when guests arrive and take their seats in the chapel. The other at the end when they exit into the garden of remembrance. For the former I opted for Tchaikovsky: Souvenir d'un lieu cher, Op.42 - 3. Mélodie performed by Janine Jansen. I chose this because my Father played the violin in his youth and loved such music. For the second piece my Father had specifically requested Ich hatt' einen Kameraden ("The Good Comrade"). This is a popular tune played at German military funerals. My Father had a penchant for military culture, having done his National Service after WWII and then joined the Territorial Army in the Fifties. I must admit I was pleasantly surprised when the funeral director’s managed to find the latter track performed on the Trumpet by Dirk Jess. Apparently a lot of UK funeral directors use the Wesley Media library which is quite comprehensive.
I took some clothes to the funeral directors. Although my Father was in a closed casket, I wanted him dressed in his regimental blazer and tie, rather than just a funeral shroud. Another aspect associated with funerals are floral tributes. My Father left instructions that attendees not buy any as he considered this wasteful. Instead he suggested that a charitable donation was made in his name, in lieu of flowers. In this case his charity of choice was The Royal British Legion, which provides financial, social and emotional support to members and veterans of the British Armed Forces, their families and dependants. However, I did order a floral spray for the coffin, so it was not completely unadorned when placed on the catafalque. The final arrangement I had to make was creating and printing an Order of Service. There are plenty of online printers that offer this service, providing templates in all the most common formats, so this was not a major problem. Adobe also offers a free online service for editing photos. This proved useful in restoring an old photo of my Father, for use in the Order of Service.
Once all of the above preparations were made, it was simply a case of inviting family and friends to the service. Under current rules up to 30 people can attend a funeral in the UK. The service is allotted 30 minutes running time. Which brings me to today’s events; the funeral service itself. We all met at the Eltham Crematorium which has an outside waiting area inbetween it’s two chapels. At present the internal waiting rooms are closed. The noticeboard told us which of the two chapels our service had been assigned. The hearse arrived and I was greeted by the funeral director. We had been given a choice in advance as to whether a party of mourners wished to carry the coffin into the chapel. We decline this and my Father’s coffin was carried in by staff with suitable reverence. The first piece of music played and we entered and sat on the pews in a socially distanced manner. There were ten people in total. I welcome all attendees and then read my eulogy to my father. My Aunt, his only surviving Sister (93) then gave some lovely personal reminiscences about their childhood. Finally, one of my Father’s best friends spoke of their 65 year friendship and how they met in the Territorial Army. There was then a minute's silence for prayer and reflection. We then exited in the garden of remembrance and made small talk, as you do at such events. As there was no function or wake in light of the pandemic, we said our goodbyes and departed.
So these are my recent experiences of arranging and attending a funeral for a loved one in 2020. Due to my Father’s specific wishes, I don’t know if the service would have been radically different even if there wasn’t a pandemic. We may have used the limousine service and perhaps have sung a few of his favourite hymns but beyond that I don’t think there would have been too many further embellishments. Overall I did not find this an emotionally overwhelming experience and certainly feel that Co-op Funeralcare did much to make the arrangements and logistics as straightforward as possible. In the space of three weeks, I have administered as many of my Father’s affairs as I can. Some must now be dealt with by solicitors. I think the funeral service struck the right tone. There was deference and dignity but the speeches focused on celebrating my Father’s life. And so, now that everything that can be done, has been done, it’s a question of moving forward. In a week I can collect my father’s ashes. I’m sure the reality of my loss will catch up with me then and I shall grieve in my own way. But life goes on.
My Mother moved into a care home on April 7th this year. Her health was already very poor due to her age (91). She was bed bound, partially sighted, suffering from increasing hearing loss and unable to feed herself. Rapid onset dementia meant that her behaviour had become erratic and she was a danger to herself. Hence her caring needs could no longer be safely managed within a home environment. Fortunately the care home proved a good choice. For the past four months they have provided outstanding care and have treated my Mother with dignity, respect and genuine kindness. Sadly, during that time my Mother had several bouts of illness that saw her hospitalised four times. Eventually a PEACE plan (Proactive Elderly Advanced Care) was set up allowing treatment to be managed by the care home and local GP. Since July my Mother has enjoyed a stable environment and continuity of care.
Last December, my 91 year old Mother suffered a rapid mental decline and was hospitalised. We have subsequently learned that this is potentially due to another stroke. Whatever the exact medical reasons, my Mother has been left bed bound, unable to feed herself and in a state of mental confusion and distress. When she was discharged home in mid January it quickly became clear that the four care visits that were scheduled each day were not sufficient for her needs, despite the staff doing their best and my Sister and I providing additional support. Matters were further compounded by personal ill health and other external factors. My Sister has worked from home for the last two years but has now started a staged return to the office. As we felt would no longer be able to cope we turned to both Social Services and the local Mental health Team for any assistance that they could provide.
In this latest post I wish to discuss hospital admissions and how they can become a regular occurrence when caring for the elderly. Being immobile, losing agency with respect to one’s personal hygiene and being dependent on medical equipment can lead to health related problems, irrespective of good home care. For example, my late Father had limited mobility and spent most of his day sitting. Hence, he used a memory foam cushion to protest against pressure sores. He also slept in a hospital bed equipped with an air mattress for similar reasons. Despite having attentive carers twice a day, he was subject to regular skin complaints due to his diet (he was fed via a PEG tube) and lack of sunlight. Perhaps the biggest source of problems came from being catheterised. Despite scrupulous cleanliness he would still regularly contract urinary tract infections. As a result hospital admissions were frequent.
It has been over a year since I’ve written about this subject. The last post was about my late Father’s funeral. Since then life has gone on and my Mother’s ongoing care has become a fixed and somewhat uneventful regime. There are benefits to be gained from such a routine as it offers stability and certainty for both the carer and person being cared for. However, recently there has been a significant change in the status quo that warrants writing about. As always, my desire is to share some points and present my personal experiences in the hope that they may prove useful and informative to those in a similar situation or who may be just embarking upon their caring journey. The main subject of this post is a difficult one and something that is very hard to come to terms with. It is dementia. A medical condition that affects 1 in 6 people over the age of 80 in the UK.
Yesterday, Saturday 17th July, was my late Father’s birthday. He would have been 92. As my granddaughters were staying over the day was upbeat, boisterous and fun due to their exuberance. Today as the bungalow returns to its normal levels of noise and excitement, I have spent some time quietly reflecting upon the nature of bereavement. When my father died last September I was focused upon the practicalities of arranging a funeral during a pandemic, ensuring that his estate was processed and that all possible provisions were made for my disabled 90 year old Mother. These things have now been done and it is only recently that I have had the time to process my own grief. The first Father’s Day (20th June in the UK) without him was naturally a milestone and his birthday has proven similarly so. However, today’s introspection has been beneficial and hence I felt the desire to write about him and share some thoughts on the nature of bereavement.
The funeral service for my late Father was held today. As ever I would like to collate my thoughts and present them here in the hope that I may be able to assist someone else who is currently dealing with a bereavement. Funerals can be challenging at any time but are further complicated at the moment due to the various restrictions imposed due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. However, there is still scope to give a loved one a fitting send off. You just have to be a little more creative about it and try to be understanding of the current regulations regarding social gatherings. Despite my concerns today’s service at our local Borough crematorium went well, if such a term is appropriate. I feel that my Father was honoured appropriately and that his family and friends were able to pay their respects and celebrate his life in a manner that he would approve of.
Long-term care can often end with a bereavement; which is a complex subject in itself. I will not be discussing grief in this post, as that is an immensely personal and subjective experience that we deal with in our own way. Instead, I would like to talk about the administrative and logistical problems that arise after someone has died and use my own recent experiences as an example. My Father died on Wednesday 16th September. He had a series of strokes in 2016 which left him disabled. Over the last four years his level of health has slowly deteriorated and his quality of life has subsequently diminished. This year saw a noticeable change not only in his well being but overall attitude. His stoical outlook finally faded and he lost all interest in life. He fell ill in mid August with Sepsis and then developed a lung infection. When I saw him last on Friday 4th September he told me he was tired and wanted “an end to it all”. Six days later he asked the Senior Doctor on the ward to stop treatment, which wasn’t working anyway. He died a week later on Wednesday 16th September. He was 91.
I last wrote a post about “caring for the elderly” in February. There have been significant changes in my family's fortunes since then and like anyone in a caring situation, the lockdown has had a major impact and sadly not for the good. As ever, I choose to recount my own experiences in the hope that they may be of some use to others who are in a similar situation. So to begin with, my Mother went into Respite Care just as the pandemic was hitting the UK and the lockdown was being implemented. Hence her stay in a nursing home was not the best experience. All the additional social activities usually on offer were suspended so all she effectively did was swap one sick room for another. She came back home just as my sister moved from working in London to working from home. Hence from March onwards both her and I have been caring for both my disabled parents on a daily basis. However, my sister has had to hold down a job at the same time.
My Mother, who has had limited mobility for a decade, fell and broke her arm just before Christmas. She subsequently spent nine weeks at a specialist rehabilitation unit at our local hospital. During that time she had surgery on her arm to repair the fracture and extensive physiotherapy to try and increase her mobility. She was discharged at the beginning of February with a support package in place to facilitate her return home. Sadly, despite physiotherapy, she is immobile as the day she was admitted. Until she sees the Consultant at the Fracture Clinic and is told if her arm can bear weight, she is not allowed to do anything for herself. Hence she is currently having four home visits a day from two carers and is confined to her bedroom. The carers help her get washed, dressed and use the commode in her room. Naturally, the current situation and the inability to do anything for herself, along with the uncertainty of her long term recovery and future, is causing a great deal of anxiety not only for my Mother but the rest of the family as well. At present we have a 3 week wait before she gets to see the consultant.
I always try to write the posts in this series in way that proves useful to others who are facing a similar experience. Caring, old age, illness and our own mortality are all matters that will cross our path sooner or later. This time I shall be addressing a subject that many of us tread carefully around. Some people will not countenance discussing it in any way, shape or form as it makes us uncomfortable or even scared. In Western culture death is often the elephant in the room; a topic that should not be avoided but frequently is, due to etiquette and other curious societal foibles. Hence, we use phrase like “passed” or “gone” instead of dead and we often invoke religious based platitudes, regardless of whether we have any particular faith or not. Simply put, our response to the inevitability of our own demise and that of those who we love is ambiguous to say the least. I hope in the years to come we grow up in this respect and find a comfortable means of making death socially acceptable to discuss and plan for.
I started writing this series of blog posts when I first became a carer back in 2016. The idea has always been to use my personal experiences as a point of reference for others. That is the main reason for this latest update. The things that are currently happening to me and my nearest and dearest may happen to you and yours. Over the last three years a lot has changed in my family’s collective life. Both my parents have gone from living relatively independently and managing their own affairs, to becoming disabled with long term degenerative medical conditions. Both are now housebound and require assistance with basic tasks such as washing and dressing, due to reduce mobility and frailty. My Father has been nil by mouth for three years and requires district nurse visits twice a day to deal with his medicine and catheter. My Sister has altered her working hours so she has more time available in the morning before she goes to work. I have given up work to become a fulltime carer. Between us the days is covered. The latest major change has been applying for power of attorney, which I wrote about in my previous post.
Since spring 2016, I have been running my parent’s domestic affairs. Due increasing ill health, neither can visit a bank, conduct business phone calls or deal with administrative paperwork such as utility bills, insurance policies and hospital appointments. However, there are limits on what I can and cannot do. Cheques and legal documents need signatures. UK data protection legislation often prohibits phone conversations with anyone other than the account holder. Hence despite being able to broadly deal with most things that come up, I sometimes have to involve my parents. This mean conversations on speaker phones which are difficult when both my parents have substantial hearing loss. So after some discussion with both of my parents, I have decided to pursue the power of attorney. At present this is specifically for my Father, as most bills and invoices are in his name.
Once again, I find myself writing about this subject in the hope that it will encourage others to reflect upon the nature of old age, illness and the consequences that arise from them. There is still a prevailing culture of not discussing and sometimes not even thinking about such matters, but both are an absolute certainty in everyone’s life. All too often people find themselves in extremely difficult situations brought about by such events and the difficulty and emotional trauma is increased due to there being no plan in place or provision to address matters. Therefore, I strongly advocate the following. Some may seem like very obvious points, but recent conversations I’ve had with other carers and people in similar situations, has shown that many people have not made even the most basic of provisions in this regard.
At the end of July, my Father went into Respite Care for two weeks. He was placed in a local private nursing home, via borough social services. The placement was intended to provide him a change of scenery and give the rest of the family with a short break from the ongoing caring requirements. Sadly, things did not work out well. After seven days away from home, my Father became ill and after three trips to A&E (over a period of four days), he was finally admitted to hospital with Aspiration Pneumonia. He was deemed to be at extreme risk by the medical staff and we were told at one point to “prepare for the worse”. However, despite being seriously ill, he recovered and much to everyone’s surprise was discharged and returned home after ten days. Sadly, his already impaired state of health has been further diminished. Three weeks on it is becoming clear that it is unlikely that he will return to the level of ability that he had at the start of July. His health and the quality of his life has been further reduced. Subsequently, the various healthcare professionals that deal with my Father have now started using the term palliative care.
There comes a stage in most people’s life when they start reflecting upon their own mortality. Both my parents have survived two strokes each and are now in the late eighties. At this point in their lives healthcare has moved on from correcting or remedying problems, to instead being more about holding the line and maintaining the status quo. A safe home along with an orderly daily routine provides a stable environment, which broadly allows them both to maintain an adequate degree of independent living. However, both are very aware that their faculties and overall health are gradually diminishing. Neither are naïve or foolish enough to deny this and in recent months have been quite candid about what the future will entail. Simply put both my parents are aware that they are currently “running the last lap”, to use one of their phrases.
I have written in the past about caring for the elderly. I have approached the subject from a personal perspective, as a carer with two disabled octogenarian parents, as well as considering the broader needs of a society with an ageing population. As it has been two years since I formally became a carer to both my parents, I thought I’d share my experiences on the many challenges that my family has faced over the last twenty-four months. I find doing so beneficial and maybe my anecdotes may be of value to others in a similar situation. As I’ve said in my original post, caring for a loved one is something we all potentially face at some point in our lives, and with an ageing population it becomes statistically more likely each year.
In a previous post, written last summer, I mentioned my caring commitments and reflected upon the realities of being a carer. Since then my family’s circumstances have changed considerably and subsequently so have my own. In the UK, social care has become a major political issue and was a key area of debate for all parties in the recent election campaign. Although the UK has an aging population, then NHS broadly manages to deal with its needs. It is the social care that so often follows time spent in hospital, that causes a bottleneck. Too often, the local authorities struggle to find carers and have them in place when requested. This means that many patients are unable to be discharged and have to remain in hospital. Caring is a profession that seems to be greatly lauded and esteemed by politicians in principle but the reality is far different. Overall it is often a poorly paid job, with little or no employments rights or benefits.
The UK population grew by half a million last year to 65.1 million, according to figures from the Office for National Statistics. Of that number 10% are over 75 years old. At present there are 6.5 million carers in the UK, many of whom are coping with an aging parent(s). As healthcare in the UK improves overall life expectancy, the population is rapidly aging which means that every year over 2.1 million adults become carers (although almost as many people find that their caring responsibilities come to an end). This turnover means that most families in the UK face this issue at some time and 3 in 5 people will become carers during their lives.
After a very productive month of writing, we come to the final Blaugust 2026 Group Project writing prompt. It is titled lessons learned and is usually a chance to reflect on the festival and whether or not it has been to one’s satisfaction. Have you achieved your goals? What have you gained from the experience? Those sorts of things. It also poses two further questions; “What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?” and “what’s the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?” for your consideration. I’ll address the questions shortly. Firstly let’s mull over this years event and assess how it’s gone.