The Pronunciation Police
This post is courtesy of a Blaugust: Festival of Blogging writing prompt. Specifically, “write about something that’s pretty insignificant overall that you have a very strong feeling about”. Effectively a low stake hot take, to coin a phrase. Twenty years ago I could have provided dozens of examples. People who eat with their mouth open, the decline of public toilets and what is the point of male body hair?
However, old age has calmed my tumultuous soul and I no longer allow an excess of trivia to get under my skin. That being said, there are a few things that continue to set my teeth on edge. The immediate problem I’m presented with as far as this blog post goes, is choosing one to write about that won’t get me sectioned, defenestrated or sent to Coventry.
“It's spelt Raymond Luxury-Yacht, but it's pronounced Throatwobbler Mangrove.”
This post is courtesy of a Blaugust: Festival of Blogging writing prompt. Specifically, “write about something that’s pretty insignificant overall that you have a very strong feeling about”. Effectively a low stake hot take, to coin a phrase. Twenty years ago I could have provided dozens of examples. People who eat with their mouth open, the decline of public toilets and what is the point of male body hair?
However, old age has calmed my tumultuous soul and I no longer allow an excess of trivia to get under my skin. That being said, there are a few things that continue to set my teeth on edge. The immediate problem I’m presented with as far as this blog post goes, is choosing one to write about that won’t get me sectioned, defenestrated or sent to Coventry.
So I have chosen a particular subject from the world of fandom. Because the good thing about fandom is that it’s mature, tolerant and nuanced as well as a broad and welcoming church. My low stake hot take is about the works of Professor J.R.R. Tolkien. A master of literary world building and the inventor of multiple languages specific to that world. The creation of Sindarin, Quenya and Khuzdul are incredible achievements and a gift to fans, who relish such depths of lore.
However, as with any language there are a set of rules that govern their use. As these are not living languages currently in use, it can be argued that they have not evolved and are therefore static. Hence there are clear, unequivocal and definitive ways to pronounce words. Therefore, any variations or deviations from these are wrong.
The Lord of the Rings and especially The Silmarillion are filled with characters and places with complex names. However because most are derived from the three aforementioned languages, there are clear rules as to how to pronounce them. Furthermore, there are guides on this very subject within the appendix of both books. Hence, if a reader is struggling with names, all they have to do is take a few brief moments to consult these guides. There are also numerous websites that also have collated this same information and can similarly render assistance.
Therefore, upon mature consideration and sober reflection, unless you are the Elephant man or a habitual helium breather, there is absolutely no fucking excuse for getting this shit wrong is there? For god’s sake, Tolkien went to all that bother to create a tangible and credible living world and you can’t even be bothered to take the time to pronounce the source text that you profess to love, correctly. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Michel Delving in The Shire
People who play the MMORPG, The Lord of the Rings Online, are by far the worst offenders. How many fucking times do you have to be told it’s not “Michael Delving” or “Mitchell Delving”. The correct pronunciation of Michel Delving is Mickel Delving. And once again, in Sindarin “c” is pronounced like a “k”. Therefore you say Celeborn as Kellerborn. Oh and let’s not forget Sauron, you know, the bad guy from The Lord of the Rings. The “au” in his name makes an “ow” sound. So when pronounced properly Sauron is Sowron.
Then there are some words and phrases that are traditional English, often of Celtic origin, that further bamboozle Tolkien fans. For example there is a village called Combe, northeast of Bree. Despite its spelling, the correct pronunciation is Coomb and not Comb as in the thing you use to part your hair. It is an archaic word for a small, deep valley. Is it really too much to ask that people reading Tolkien’s work have a degree in both history and ancient languages? I am so fed up with listening to people calling it Comb or as one imbecile did, combi. Haven’t you people learned yet that English is seldom spoken as it is spelt? We are consistently inconsistent.
Sadly this ongoing pronunciation problem is unlikely to get any better. Since the release of Peter Jackson’s film trilogy, there has been a huge increase in Tolkien fandom. Many of whom are American. Sadly, through a cruel caprice of fate, all of them are afflicted with a chronic speech impediment. Therefore, any US YouTube channel offering linguistic advice, be it pertaining to Tolkien’s work or not, is inherently wrong.
My advice to anyone struggling with all this, is to listen to the BBC radio adaptation of The Lord of the Rings, where you can hear the clipped and precise tones of numerous Great British character actors and their correct pronunciation of the source text. For those disposed to quibble about this, Christopher Tolkien himself was a language consultant on the production. So there.
N.B. This is a humorous post, not to be taken seriously or personally. Although you can if you want.